🐷 Ethan Oliver Ralph / TheRalphRetort / Rad Roberts / Jcaesar187 / Rage Pig / "Killstream" / "Tequila Sunrise" - 5'1'' fat alcoholic, owner of a gunt, convicted felon, alleged rapist and revenge pornographer. Exiled in Mexico carlesss on a diet of slop. Has triple titties. Wanted to fuck Keffals' moobs.

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gran_autismo said:
It's true, he's got those tiny underdeveloped legs. I bet all he has to do is flop on his back and pull the gunt out of the way until she's on it and he can stop doing any work whatsoever. Then again he might tackle someone from behind and plop the gunt on their back but I doubt those little spindly arms can lift much more than a fork or a bottle at this point.
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Do you think he has to use climbing ropes to pull that shit off?
 
LaurenLauren said:
Do you think he has to use climbing ropes to pull that shit off?
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No as big as he looks gravity will take care of it. Think of it like how large breasts will flatten and fall to the side when someone's on their back... well pretty much just like Ralph's tits now that I think about it. Good god his gynecomastia has gotten out of control, they bounce and jiggle like a wild Nvidia physics demonstration no one ever asked to see.
 
SupremeGuntleman said:
I've been giving this some thought as well. I think it really speaks to how immature and stunted he is. It makes me think of being in elementary school when fat kids could throw their weight around. Since we were all dumb little kits with not much muscle mass or fighting skills, typically the fatter kids were indeed stronger, simply from carrying all that weight around and were generally quite good at fighting if it came down to it. Ralph still thinks this is the case for adults and that simply being fat gives you an advantage over "skinny" people. The funny part is, in reality he has much less muscle mass than even the twerpiest of skellingtons due to his poor diet, alcoholism, and extremely extremely sedentary lifestyle. Having never worked a job(afaik) probably doesn't help either.

He literally has the mentality of an elementary school aged kid when it comes to fighting.
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I'm inclined to agree with your fat kid assessment, although I would add Ralph also hangs around people who look like Gator. I have no doubt Ralph would win a fight with Gator, simply owing to the fact Ralph has been in prison and Gator is a fat lump.

That said, where does Ralph get off acting like a tough guy. He's a stumpy, fat, alcoholic doughball. I'm hardly Mike Tyson, but fuck me how hard could it be to fight him?

He's not going to be strong, he's not going to be fast and he's not going to endure. Against someone who is moderately active, I really can't see beyond a freak occurance how Ralph could expect to win. Yet he'll sit there and tell people he'll beat their ass.

So annoyed he didn't fight PPP, it would have been like that Southpadk scene where Cartman fights the midget.
 
A wild Gunt appears
Gunt uses drink
Gunt hurts himself in confusion
PPP uses surf!
It's very effective
Gunt is still confused!
PPP shows his shockingy clean asshole!
It's a critical hit!
PPP has caught a lvl 15 Gunt!
 
Mr E. Grifter said:
I'm inclined to agree with your fat kid assessment, although I would add Ralph also hangs around people who look like Gator. I have no doubt Ralph would win a fight with Gator, simply owing to the fact Ralph has been in prison and Gator is a fat lump.

That said, where does Ralph get off acting like a tough guy. He's a stumpy, fat, alcoholic doughball. I'm hardly Mike Tyson, but fuck me how hard could it be to fight him?

He's not going to be strong, he's not going to be fast and he's not going to endure. Against someone who is moderately active, I really can't see beyond a freak occurance how Ralph could expect to win. Yet he'll sit there and tell people he'll beat their ass.

So annoyed he didn't fight PPP, it would have been like that Southpadk scene where Cartman fights the midget.
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I'm not so sure about him being able to beat gader, simply because he hasn't abused substances all his life, and is younger. In the fat blob-o-sphere anyone younger has a clear advantage because less time has passed since they were forced to exercise, either in school or doing a labor job they moved up from.

That said, I'm just assuming gader is younger, I actually don't know how old he is. Aside from that though I completely agree with you.
 
Squire of Gothos said:
Funny you say that...
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But she is a switch so maybe Ralph is calling her mommy:
View attachment 1500694View attachment 1500695

But then again it's probably more like this:
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Squire of Gothos said:
Funny you say that...
View attachment 1500692

But she is a switch so maybe Ralph is calling her mommy:
View attachment 1500694View attachment 1500695

But then again it's probably more like this:
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Their relationship makes so much sense if you think the only way Faith‘s degradation fetish can be satiated is by being fucked by Ethan Ralph.
 
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Buffalo Chicken Sandwich said:
A wild Gunt appears
Gunt uses drink
Gunt hurts himself in confusion
PPP uses surf!
It's very effective
Gunt is still confused!
PPP shows his shockingy clean asshole!
It's a critical hit!
PPP has caught a lvl 15 Gunt!
caught.mp4
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Remember the part where you have to wake gunt up with the pokeflute because he's blacked out in the road?
 
Ningen said:
Is this an attempt at a joke
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Dude stop being such a faggot


gran_autismo said:
Bahahaha. I haven't been able to sperg out as much today as I would've liked and I came back to this shit:

View attachment 1500792View attachment 1500794View attachment 1500797

Jacob Wohl, a 22 year old man, looks like a politician meeting with an ex-felon and/or hiphop music enthusiast to discuss their concerns in an election year. Ralph, a 35 year old man, possesses the body (and yet sadly none of the grace) of a snowman. LOOK AT HOW THIN HIS LEGS AND ARMS ARE IN PROPORTION TO HIS TRUNK! His shoes are smoother than the armwrests of his struggling gamer chair. He maintains the same position for over 40 minutes with minimal movement and says nothing of note, offers no challenge, and lets Wohl run the show. Absolute nectar.
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The best part is, gunt thinks he’s a real journalist.
 
itsoktobewhite said:
Dude stop being such a faggot



The best part is, gunt thinks he’s a real journalist.
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Part of me really hopes he extended an invitation to his "studio" the next time Wohl is in the area. Can you imagine his security guy rolling up to the traphouse to see if it's safe? Would he even stop the car? Would there be chip and mayonnaise sandwiches waiting on an amazon box-cum-coffee table in the middle of the crowded parlor?
 
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