💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%

  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%

  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%

  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 2.8%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 902 58.0%
  • Total voters
    1,556
Aaway said:
just came across this gem from 2012

jack says he weighs 286 lbs here and watching his videos now its safe to say he's well over 300 lbs today. also worth nothing is that he only posted another p90x "update" video after this before he gave up on it lols

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Bj374FPMyDo
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I never knew he was that bald because he always wears a hat in his videos. Wearing the hat is probably the only smart move he's ever made, he instantly looks about 20 years older without it.
 
Aaway said:
raw chicken alert

https://youtube.com/watch?v=oCU1vzJGLZI
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You can always count on Jack to give a review as bland as his food. Jack thinks he "can taste the buttery-ness right away" in the Tennessee Apple Butter seasoning, even thought apple butter contains no butter. This is because Jack just re-reads the label. It's what happens whenever tries to wander outside his trusty "I like it" or "I don't like it" description of food.
 
Aaway said:
raw chicken alert

https://youtube.com/watch?v=oCU1vzJGLZI
Click to expand...

  • Jack knows good rubs because he sells his own seasonings--that I'm sure didn't just private label.
  • Jack can only remember 2 out of 5 of the rubs without looking at the label.
  • Jack barely puts the rub on chicken breasts before immediately jamming them in the oven.
  • Jack hates mango but immediately loves the mango rub.
I'm sure the owners of the Pit Boss brand are aware of and glad to know Jack likes their products.
 
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I wonder how many seconds after the video Jack waited to finish off all 5 of the chicken breasts.
Also, EVERY SINGLE TIME he read the name of this one he just called it Honey & Sea Salt. The beetus must be getting to his eyes bad now if he can't read the first part.

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Aaway said:
raw chicken alert

https://youtube.com/watch?v=oCU1vzJGLZI
Click to expand...
Shit, have to cover this one.

  • Jack primes the audience by desperately shilling for the Pit Boss brand in the pathetic attempt to get their attention for a paid promotion.
  • I will note that Jack probably has like five of their smokers given what the fuck his deck looks like with all them grills.
  • Jack regales us the tl;dc story of how he discovered that Pit Boss has their own Wal-mart level seasonings and how it blew his mind
  • I've seen them btw; they're the only food shit that is sold in the semi-outdoor area, away from the other spice blends and thus make me suspect they're even more meh than normal.
  • Fat Jack rationalizes his unholy hunger for bloody meat by turning it into an unpaid promotion; it makes him look like a joke either way.
  • "I'm really excited" ~ Jack Scatolini
  • Oh wow, Jack's gonna eat five fucking pieces of chicken? Well sheeeit this is going haram fast.
  • Interestingly enough Jack the Hack talks about his shit seasonings only to brag about how he "knows" good seasoning mixes when he lies about why this video is being made.
  • Note he's not wanting to compare the Pit Boss seasonings with his own as a control; this says a lot about how even Fat Jack hates his own product.
  • "Faggot" ~ Jack's Cock Gobbling Avatar on Jack accidentally admitting his seasonings are worse than Wal-mart garden center level seasoning.
  • Jack legitimately goes "yum!" on the sweet and spicy mix; the only way he'd be more embarrassingly effeminate would've been saying "yummers" instead.
  • Carpetbagger Jack tries to shill how good Tennessee is, but remember that this pile of white trash is a fuggin yankee.
  • Jack already seems to have an opinion on all of the seasoning mixes, so let's see if he chooses to "rig" the results.
  • Fucking hell five chicken breasts... and he's going to eat them all off camera.
  • So Jack managed to fuck up seasoning the breasts; for those wondering he just half-assedly got Tammy to cover the top of the chicken, probably didn't do it on the bottoms, and sure as shit didn't do that on the sides.
  • In short, lol it's gonna be a bland as fuck product.
  • Soulless Jack also then preemptively states how good the Salt and Honey mix will be; I seem to remember saying the same thing before gagging on coffee beans as a fucking child.
  • Of course you'd like 'sweet heat', Jack, you seem to love pouring spices and sugar to hide your inability to cook anything correctly.
  • Jack... why didn't you cover/marinade the chicken in a neutral mix if you were going to over night them?
  • Shit, why even do that at fucking all when it only takes a little bit for the seasoning to rub on in?
  • Aaaand I see pink surfaces on the fucking chicken. GG Jack, you fucking ghost-posessed simpleton.
  • Stupid Jack refuses to cut out the seconds he takes to turn around the spices to see which product was which; such care for your product.
  • "Kinda a big piece, should've cut it smaller" ~ Cannibal Jack on horking down 1/6th of a fucking chicken breast
  • Jack fakes liking the product and states that it's good; I legitimately do not understand this fake attempt to look like he's doing a paid promotion other than satiating his bloated ego by pretending that he isn't a washed-up failure.
  • Jack is offended that a seasoning doesn't drown out the fucking chicken (apple wood seasoning); what he doesn't realize is that's what happens when you only fucking season a small part of the whole and do it badly.
  • He's legit mad that it doesn't completely smother the taste of the chicken; how about just pour more on or guzzle it from the bottle dipshit?
  • He's now complaining that the apple butter spice isn't the only thing he tastes... I'm about to hake a sygtrokmdccg;rmd
*One hospital visit later*
  • Sorry about that; had a minor stroke over Jack's idiocy and stupidity.
  • Stroke-Addled Jack proclaims butter to be perfect on the chicken, which is also why he's due for stroke #3 soon.
  • Nice try Jackass; so he pivots on his thoughts on the apple butter and starts saying it's good instead.
  • Oh no; he might be doing a "subversion of expectations" with this episode with his seasoning mixes... FUCK!
  • Who knew Jack would like a seasoning mix that now sounds like it's just salt, honey crystals, and crystallized liquid hickory smoke?
  • But he is dissappointed in the lack of cayenne pepper and soy sauce in the Sweet Heat mix saying it's not as good as it could be.
  • "They're all good" ~ Jack Salmonelli saying a Collider level lie for these seasonings
  • Jack confesses that next time he'll just serve a mound of the apple wood and butter spices with some chicken as a garnish.
  • Jesus... he did pull a subversion of expectations. Fuck you Jack... fuck...
*One crash into slumber later*
  • Jack rationalizes his pick as he continues to shill this product he doesn't get paid for.
  • He warns the audience that he'll then dump this shit on ribs soon too, so expect to see his hoard of grills in the future.

Not gonna lie; this was one of his most pointless videos ever.
 
I noticed in this most recent episode that the fingers on his dead arm were looking a bit off. Is this diabetes related or something else?
1.png

edit: After a quick read, it's common to have swelling in a "limp" limb after a stroke. It is curious that it is only showing up now. Some ways to treat it are things like eat more fiber and less saturated fats, and get regular exercise. Somehow I don't think that is going to happen.
 
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SmileyTimeDayCare said:
  • Jack knows good rubs because he sells his own seasonings--that I'm sure didn't just private label.
  • Jack can only remember 2 out of 5 of the rubs without looking at the label.
  • Jack barely puts the rub on chicken breasts before immediately jamming them in the oven.
  • Jack hates mango but immediately loves the mango rub.
I'm sure the owners of the Pit Boss brand are aware of and glad to know Jack likes their products.
Click to expand...

So this fucking idiot doesn't know how to use a rub, no surprise. You're supposed to RUB IT IN. Hence the name RUB. With some actual vigor. And after rinsing and oiling the meat, so it actually sticks. You could probably barely taste it this way, not that the wendigo inside Jack wants anything other than the taste of raw, bloody, diseased meat.
 
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There's no fuckin chance those dinosaur breasts are cooked through. This dude has 9 grills/smokers and throws them into the oven. Maybe Tammy wasn't home to take the cover off the grill?
I like how he just cut a single piece off of it while it's on the tray, and nothing else. He can't cut them all the way through so he has to tug at the meat to get it to release off of the tray.

Adamska said:
Fucking hell five chicken breasts... and he's going to eat them all off camera.
Click to expand...

I don't think so. Chicken breast is way too lean and healthy for him to eat a lot of. He'll either cook it some more until it's dry and stringy then cover it with sweet baby ray's bbq sauce for some pulled chicken or throw it away (lie and say he give it to a homeless person).
 
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Jack,

I know you are reading this. Just drop the goddamned get famous on YouTube plan and take care of yourself. You have a relationship to mend with your oldest son, and your younger is getting ready to marry. In the end, no one gives a fuck about YouTube or any of this shit - your brain will literally explode from another blood clot and those around you will have to pick up the pieces.
 
So Jack visits this place, has some minor complaints on camera and then gives them a ONE STAR REVIEW!

Like the food seemed fresh, the pricing wasn't bad and the interior was nice... couldn't that at least have warranted a 2? Especially with some of the shitty places he visits.

I am kinda shocked. He also seemed to justify it saying that he saw the pitas looked empty without ordering it himself.

I also laughed when he dropped that he doesn't eat carbs... BULLSHIT Jack. Especially with Tammy pawing through his salad for him to cut it up and messing everywhere due to being all stroked out.


796802
 
Gladatha said:
I also laughed when he dropped that he doesn't eat carbs... BULLSHIT Jack. Especially with Tammy pawing through his salad for him to cut it up and messing everywhere due to being all stroked out.
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Looking at menu, completely unironic: "Soups and salads, that's where I like to hang out." Yeah sure. It helps when you order a "salad" that has a pound of grilled lamb on it.

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Jack (in previous video): "There's been some underaged stuff being posted, some rude crude comments."
Also Jack:
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"I don't eat carbs or bread or anything." "You know what I'd like? Some garlic pita bread, that's what I'm craving on the side of my salad."

"One thing I realized is you have to cut up your own meat, and when you do, food falls all over the table." ♿♿♿♿♿♿
 
Gladatha said:
So Jack visits this place, has some minor complaints on camera and then gives them a ONE STAR REVIEW!

Like the food seemed fresh, the pricing wasn't bad and the interior was nice... couldn't that at least have warranted a 2? Especially with some of the shitty places he visits.

I am kinda shocked. He also seemed to justify it saying that he saw the pitas looked empty without ordering it himself.

I also laughed when he dropped that he doesn't eat carbs... BULLSHIT Jack. Especially with Tammy pawing through his salad for him to cut it up and messing everywhere due to being all stroked out.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=VSKSn38GtOM
View attachment 796802
Click to expand...

Better than he deserves, which is just a lawsuit and his "Local Guide" status revoked.
 
of course he gave the place 1 star. they didn't serve him the deep fried crap that he lives for. if this place sold fried chicken and hush puppies he would have given them a rave review

i've noticed that whenever jack does international cuisine he almost always gives the place a bad review (a few of his sushi reviews on fish hook are the only recent exceptions.) his comment about someone else's pita "looking empty" basically shows he's trying hard to give the place a bad review. his other comment about how the salad was getting on the table because tammy had to cut his meat was a hilarious reach. having two working arms helps prevent that. not sure why he even bothers doing reviews on places that don't serve him deep fried food, burgers, and bbq.

and why the fuck does he insist on filming the floor in a lot of his videos lately? his brain is pudding
 
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