🐮 Lolcow Timothy "TJ" Church / Cowlick - Failed Literotica Writer &/or Null's Best Friend

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Are we still doing Photoshops?
 
@Cowlick, two things, first: I know several people on this forum, both IRL and over the Internet, and I can confirm that they (and I) are smarter than you will ever be, reaching Olympian heights of knowledge and understanding that you cannot even fathom.

Second, I personally will pay any amount of money necessary to see that this thread remains.

You see, this is no game, because we aren't competing. We have already won.
 
i hate/dislike how fucking unreadable/unintelligible tj's writings/writing is/are. the stilted repetitious syntax structure is hackneyed (adding colons constantly to give some false pretense of literacy) and the constant grammar mistake/mistakes immediately identify him as a person with a mental illness/illnesses &/or social issues, like some sort of retarded stylistic fingerprint.

as someone who's worked in commercial writing this wouldn't be accepted as high enough quality for mass produced-SEO content let alone a novel.
 
The writing style kind of reminds me of the way the Cybrids, a race of sentient machines from Starsiege, communicate with text:
<MACHINATOR SECT>: Transmission\\download of media packet\\cookie complete. Assessment of results pending. Agitation\\antagonism\\annoyance of human\\animals anticipated.
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They also call their leader, Prometheus, "<First-Thought\\Giver-of-will>."
 
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Wow. Never thought I'd say this, but even the Golden Knight is a better writer...

TJ constantly reiterates everything in the most stilted unnatural and unpersonal way possible - all in the middle of what are supposed to be erotic scenes. Most of the time that just makes the scene unreadable, but every now and then the style becomes so terribly inappropriate for the setting, it all just slides over into hilarity. Like in the rape scene that was quoted earlier.

If I hadn't known the rest of his writing I would have just taken this as some kind of parody. Knowing he meant it serious makes me crack up even more:

Lisa's mind kept replaying what had just happened as the busty brunette couldn't believe that she had just sucked off her stepson. She was just glad that this was over...

At least she thought it was. But looking at Billy's face, & the look she saw on it as he looked back at her, told her he had more in mind.

"Ohhh, no," she said. "Billy, that had to be what you wanted! You got me to suck your cock! I sucked it until you came! Quite a bit! All of which I obviously swallowed! That had to have been all you've got!"

"Oh, yes; That was very nice," he replied.

That was very nice indeed, rapist stepson.
 
I think I'm going to go light some candles, burn some incense, pick up a Bible and pray for TJ's soul after reading that.
 
buster_kitten said:
@KingofManga420 @CuriousBystander, maybe folks here could get an interactive story going, give feedback on each other's writing and help TJ feel a little more at home? I'm not sure how things worked over at Literotica in the sadly defunct Chyoo Forums, but perhaps @RequiredName or @Taily Puff could help us get up to speed. Could be fun for everyone!
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Chyoo allowed people to collaborate on Choose Your Own Adventure-styled erotic fiction. One person starts a story, and others can write branching threads which continue the narrative. The owner of the story, or his or her appointed editors, would approve any submitted threads, or else reject them with suggestions for improvement if they're not up to their standards. Participants could also vote on a scale of 1 to 5 (five being best) what they thought of a particular chapter. Then what you could do is create numerous sock puppet accounts to vote down anybody who rejects or votes down your threads or leaves disparaging comments in regards to your feeble grammatical errors, such as the ones I've made here. You can even find every single one of the story creator's own threads and vote each and every single one of them at 1 with your various socks, and it would really hurt your ego to see low average scores everywhere until you lose sleep at night and start drinking again.

Perhaps if Mr. Church would deign to demonstrate some creativity for us, there would be merit for an entire subforum whose congregation could dedicate themselves to the wacky, whimsical ways of collaborative storytelling as witnessed elsewhere on these forums. The only issue is the subject has not been known to start any stories himself; only add to others.

My primary concern is derailing this thread, however. Many people have raised alarming new thought-provoking questions for Mr. Church that I feel certain any fans would consider for the likes of Stephen King, Daniel Handler, J. K. Rowling, and the like.
 
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My main concern is letting Mr. Church know that this thread is not going anywhere, and that he only has himself to thank for its reemergence as one of our most popular threads.

However I think TJ has realized this by now.
 
ChurchOfGodBear said:
I don't think the "Batshit Insane" label fits this guy. He isn't "insane" so much as "Fucking Stupid".
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I think Tryhard may be applicable. he made well over 150 socks on Literotica to circumvent bans, which happened almost immediately due to his "unique" writing style, you know what happened when he first posted here? Where there was suspicion by the first post and certainty by the second? imagine that, 150+ times. I'm not as familiar with his Literotica shenanigans as OP, but I do know that he would post a rant, have the post deleted, and copy-paste it and repost after it was deleted over and over again.
 
HawkerHurricane said:
I think Tryhard may be applicable. he made well over 150 socks on Literotica to circumvent bans, which happened almost immediately due to his "unique" writing style, you know what happened when he first posted here? Where there was suspicion by the first post and certainty by the second? imagine that, 150+ times. I'm not as familiar with his Literotica shenanigans as OP, but I do know that he would post a rant, have the post deleted, and copy-paste it and repost after it was deleted over and over again.
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Too bad there's not a "fucking delusional" label.
 
Ronald Raygun said:
Are there any examples of TJ's Literotica works available?
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I think last night OP linked to some directories of threads he's written.

EDIT here it is:
RequiredName said:
Well he's such an authority on himself that when he says he himself didn't do something, we have to all take his word at face value (see also: counting).
I don't know what the issue is. He's clearly such an erudite auteur and cunning linguist to boot that his style is most distinctive. Good thing another forum's moderators did all the work for us already.
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