A gayden (i.e., a straight girl with a roid clit and a frog voice) on a voyage to one day find a merman to call her own has her heart broken when she takes a dip in the swamp known as r/askgaybros and sees blood in the water on the subject of FTMs. Rather than be turned off by their rank descriptions of female anatomy, though, OP's bigger concern is that this may make her love quest more of a challenge as she herself is "not that interested in a t4t relationship" - meaning she's not keen on going prison gay with a fellow Sister of the Cavetown Playlist.
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looked up trans men here on reddit to find this sub, and saw a different thing on
r/askgaybros and it was someone asking how gay guys feel about gay trans men and it was a bunch transphobes in the comments,
even saw one guy refer to a vagina as a “gash” and as a trans gay guy thats not that interested in a t4t relationship, that’s not making me feel very optimistic
Speaking of FTM follies of love and lust, this TiF is
also disappointed by her dating prospects, but this time it's because she can't figure out straight male sexual logic when it comes to where she personally falls on the spectrum of tomboys to femboys. While OP is trying to make this sound like a common issue, I'm greatly amused that the specificity of her example implies strongly that her desire for dick has lead her to shacking up with guys who tolerated the poonacy only for as long as it took to nab themselves a normal lass, which based on reports from MWHSWP (Men Who Have Sex With Poons) that I've observed, that's usually the only reason they even bother to give the little Keeblers the time of day.
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they swear they're straight but they like femboys. but they ALSO don't like penis, even though they jerk off to femboy porn. but i
f you're a trans man and dress feminine then you either get a lecture about how to ACTUALLY be more of a man or you get referred to like you're a tomboy girly girl with boy energy but not really a boy, and whichever option you're currently going through:
the guy doesn't want you to leave him even though he clearly doesn't SEE you for who you are other than a tomboy gf and he's too daft to care. and
then they leave you for a woman in another state. (this is hyperspecific but you get my point
)
idk how many times i've foolishly stuck with guys like that for too long.
you show an ounce of femininity and they will ruin it for you, or you DON'T show any femininity but you're pre-everything and it's essentially the same hell. if i were cis, my struggles as a feminine man WOULD be very different and i know that does come with hardships as well.
but
man does it suck to not have a penis to prove i'm "man enuff" to cis guys who want things they don't even respect.
rant over.
also shout out to cis femboys who deal with these men too.
That last post pairs nicely with this one, as a troon faces a similar conundrum in which he's noticed that every time he dates men, the man always becomes mysteriously evasive when OP tries to escalate the relationship to something more serious... even though they seem perfectly capable of emotional intimacy with true and honest ladies. Unlike the pooner before him, this OP clearly wants to view this elusive behavior as a product of a hateful society barring decent men from their bepenised brides when in reality, these are losers who view troons 'n' poons as easily discarded slampigs in which to pass the time until they get serious about settling down with real, ordinary women who have normal crotches. But no, yeah, sure, it's society's fault they aren't top of the sexual pecking order, definitely.
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As a trans woman, something I have observed in heterosexual relationships is that being trans makes many "normal" men exhibit avoidant traits.
(If you are not familiar,
avoidant attachment style is a pattern of suppressing or minimizing emotional closeness, dependency, and vulnerability in relationships.
When emotional closeness develops with an avoidant, the avoidant pulls away. If you try to draw closer to an avoidant pulling away, you trigger their flight response. If the avoidant feels like they are starting to depend on you or open up to you, it triggers their flight response.
Avoidants are usually a product of childhood trauma, stemming from neglect or abuse.)
I have observed people who are capable of emotionally normal relationships with cis women, but when forming a relationship with a trans woman, they suddenly display the characteristics of an avoidant.
He'll chat with you intensely, text you, talk with you, telling you how badly he needs to meet you and see you, but doesn't show up and disappears, likely because he's gooned and has post-goon calm or his interest in trans women follows some internal testosterone cycle, waxing and waning.
If you do meet, a man may tell you that you're the best sex he's ever had in his life, that he loves you, almost crying with the intensity of desire, passion and satiation from being with you. He may love your personality, your quirks, everything about you,
then ghost you or tell you he can't see you anymore.
Then a year or more later, will breadcrumb you with "How have you been?" and ghosting again when you reply "Good, how are you?".
He might confess years later how he hasn't stopped thinking about you and he can't get you out of his mind and to give him another chance, but you've already moved on or worse, you give him another chance and he ghosts you again.
Or
he'll hit you with the "I think I'm falling in love with you, I think we can be something more in the future, but right now I can't handle being with a trans woman" and he comes over for sex. Then he ghosts you in-between getting together to have sex once every 1-2 years, giving you hope and telling you to be patient.
In my opinion,
one of the most difficult things about being a trans woman is the pressure society puts on men to NOT be with trans women. Therefore, normal men, become avoidant and unable to commit, unwilling to face their friends, family, strangers.
Society seems to be more comfortable with two men being in gay relationship together than a trans woman and a man being together.
The emotionally violent and sometimes physically violent reaction of society to a heterosexual man being in a relationship with a trans woman, makes serious dating and relationships, one of the most difficult parts of being a trans woman.
When a theymab (i.e., a man too cowardly to fully commit to the bit) attends a friend's house party, his friend worries about if OP is receiving adequate care during his medical transition as the friend herself - a biological woman - has experience herself with receiving HRT and dealing with careless doctors in regards to it. Though it sounds as if OP's friend is actually trying to make sure he's getting the care he deserves, OP is pissed off at her for nearly a week after the exchange and confronts her on the matter. At first, OP's friend owns up to her alleged rudeness, and it seems they're close to making amends, but because OP insists that her apology wasn't up to snuff, she then decides to excise him from her life completely due to his oversensitivity. Now OP is in a bind because this friend hosts all the gatherings in their friend group and nobody else has given him anything more than "base level support," making OP wonder if he really
was the asshole in the scenario.
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Hi all,
I had a situation a few weeks ago that caused a friend to remove me from their life and our larger friend group after I asked them for an apology about a rude comment they made about my transition. For a little backstory I identify as non-binary femme and
I’ve been on HRT for three years and I am open to talking about my transition with friends if they’re respectful which I always preface to that person before we start a conversation.
At a house party a few weeks ago I had mentioned that I just hit my three year anniversary of HRT which prompted one of my friends to say I do have a lot of questions if that’s ok which I replied with I’m open to talking about it if people are respectful.
She asked what type of HRT I was on And I told her I’m on the patches. She immediately interrupted me and said oh you must have a shitty doctor then and when I reiterated that my doctor is with the gender program in my province they kept doubling down and saying they were shitty. As a sidenote
The friend in the story is cisgender and they also are taking estrogen for their own reasons.
She wasn’t taking anything I said, and just kept responding the same way so I asked her what was on her gel then so we could compare. She didn’t have any idea what her dose was and when I told her what mine was, she says that seems really high. Which
I would expect my dose to be higher since my body doesn’t naturally produce as much estrogen as hers does.
The conversation kept going in circles until I just started interacting with another friend.
I tried to move past, but her comments were still still bothering me five days after the party so I decided to send her a message.
I sent a message saying Something that you said at the house party is still really bothering me when you call my doctor when you asked about my transition and even after me, trying to explain why my doctor has been good to me kept calling my doctor shitty over and over. You don’t know my medical history or this option is best for me and I appreciate it if you didn’t say comments like that in the future. She responded saying
she didn’t really remember what she said but she would take full accountability and then immediately do calling me shitty for assuming that she had bad intentions about what she said and she said those things because of her anger with the medical field as a whole and I should’ve known that her words weren’t directed at me.
I responded that I appreciated her apology but calling someone shitty for having a reaction to something you said isn’t accountability it’s the opposite. She did give a short apology after that but then a few hours later,
she sent a multi paragraph message that started with I can’t be friends with soft fruit that bruise easily. it was a very long message with a lots of flowery language but the main tone throughout the message was she’s not gonna change who she is as a person so she’s going to remove me from her life because I’m too sensitive.
This really came out of nowhere for me I thought we had a strong friendship but I guess it wanted to save the friendship more than her. As a baseline I like my friends around me to be accountable for their actions and have the ability to grow as people.
With this friends house being are kind of main hangout spot. I feel like I am shouted out from our larger group of friends. when I did tell my other friends that our other friend decided she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore, and I wouldn’t be going to hang outs that involved her anymore.
They did provide base level support for me but it felt like since they were mostly neutral to the whole situation. So yeah that’s kind of what blew up in my world the last few weeks and
i’m just wanting some third-party voices as I feel like I did something wrong asking for an apology and blowing up my friend group.
During his shift at a hospital, a phlebotomic troon is turned away from performing a blood draw when a patient - already in a fractious state due to a heart attack - refuses to have OP touch him even through the thin film of nitrile gloves specifically
because he's transgender. Without any sympathy for a man under duress, some of the comments on this one are quite chilling: "
If they are willing to die for their hate..." writes one, while another gleefully says "
They die thinking they are a matryr, 1 less bigot in this world, both sides benefits." So much for the Hippocratic Oath, huh?
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Went to do a blood draw on someone being admitted for having a heart attack. Walked into the room in rhe ER, and was waiting for another staff member to finish administering something.
He looks over at me and goes “nuh uh. not happening.”
Staff looks at me and goes “oh, do you not want your labs drawn? Its important they get done.”
He looks at me and goes “I dont want that fucking he-she-it THING touching me.”
Big dog
you had a fucking heart attack and you’re dying and THAT is what you’re worried about
Unsqueakable cruelty: Though she performs the valuable yet unenviable task of keeping society free of vermin, a li'l dood endures people finding her repulsive for both her profession and her poonacy and, due to the ways that small towns operate, she has now been awarded a most disrespectful moniker by locals:
The Mouse Man. I'm not trying to make fetch happen here, but the urge to add "mouse men" to my roster of nicknames for pooners is calling to me like the Green Goblin mask after reading this post.
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Im (25, FtM) a pest control technician in a small rural city in an extremely conservative area. I spend more than half my time travelling from small town to small town or city to city to do my job. It's a necessary job, but it doesn't feel good. Some days I actually help people, most days its opening a couple hundred mouse traps and going home.
Its a job that people need done, but its not a job people seem to respect. Ive been called disgusting, denied access to public restrooms, and I find people are generally rude and want nothing to do with their service. People seem to think just cause im pest control, its a free pass to make demeaning comments about how gross my job is and how much grosser of a person I am for doing it. This hits hard,
because being trans, I generally feel disgusting. I pass well, ive never been clocked without someone digging up old information or telling them myself. But
I feel gross and mostly worthless without this job. The job adds another layer of humiliation. For a number of financial and circumstantial reasons, I'm stuck in my job. I can't make any moves unless something else on the board moves.
I'm known as the mouse man. Even outside of work, people who recognize me call me the mouse man. Even people who've known me for years call me the mouse man. I feel like my entire identity has been swallowed by the mouse man and I hate it. I don't know how to feel more like a person, and I hate that too.
Pre transition I was a soldier. Highly motivated, respected, and part of a group. During transition I was a ticketed and respected tradesman until HR found out my birth name and gender. The next day I was fired as a "management decision" and steadily denied related employment for nearly a year.
Pest control reached out to me, and after 8 months without employment I had to take it. So now post transition, I'm just disgusting.
I don't know how to change how I feel.
I don't know how to feel more like a person and less like the mouse man.
Can't spell Dreamland without an L: Somehow in the realm of his sleeping fantasies, a MTF is so repellant and off-putting that even imaginary women cannot stop themselves from looking at him with disgust.
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I had a dream about it the other night, I don’t even remember what happened but
I just remember I was surrounded by these women that refused to respond to me when I asked them an innocuous question and they just looked at me in this weird way? I’ve seen that look before though, from crushes and from friends. It’s done out of self-protection, but it’s between every cis woman in whatever place they’re in. It’s them signaling to other cis women that this person (me) is creepy and disposable, but also it’s not entirely unfriendly it’s more like we can use him if we find a way. I think I’m really fucking paranoid. Maybe I’m paranoid but
a lot of my experiences with cis women feel like that. Always waiting for rejection (NOT IN A ROMANTIC WAY), never getting it, but being kept around anyways. Always being pinned down as a man and reminded that because I’m a lonely and bad person it’s better that I keep calling myself a man and not a woman so I don’t ruin womanhood for other people. But I don’t want to be a woman though I just want to get through this self hatred. Idk.
Shopping mauled: A tranny and his pal go on a girly journey to the mall to try on cute clothes when the mood is destroyed by a mother who finds OP's presence in the changing room to be so upsetting that she has a riotous confrontation with the staff about removing him; when they do nothing, she declares she will no longer patronize the store - all within earshot of our hapless hero. To comfort him, his friend implies that the lady merely had an axe to grind and wanted a fight, but the encounter has still left OP with a degree of trepidation about the possibility of future altercations with similarly steel-spined strangers.
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I started HRT last year and I finally got some courage to go out as me for the first time in years. Had an amazing day with my new friend....
until the end.
We went to the mall, tried on clothes that were too expensive for us, talked gossip with someone else who understands.
Anyway,
we get to the final store and I find two dresses that were stunning and went to try them on.
Before I can even finish getting started to take off my jacket:
*Knock* *Knock*
"Occupied" - me
"Is that a man in there?"
The lady then goes on to make a scene to the staff that there are men in the changing rooms and that she doesn't want her kids (no kids clothes in store btw) on there. "We' re here all the time and can't accept that. I won't shop here anymore"
This was all loud enough for me to hear in my changing room. I just sat there for what felt like forever not wanting to leave until my friend texted me that it was clear. I didn't even try on the two dresses.
I feel horrible and like a freak now. I just wanna crawl in a hole and cry.
Edit: Addition:
So after talking to my friend about the situation, she said that it looked like someone peeked in her room (why can't some stores get actual doors?) before starting the scene. So
now I feel targeted and violated on top of everything else.
As we all understand, troons 'n' poons love to take reasonable advice and shove it where the sun don't shine, so that's exactly what this FTM is doing when she rails against anyone's attempts to encourage her to care less about what others see her as. To her, such advice rings hollow, as all she truly needs in life is "a few surgeries, more changes from (hrt), a bunch of legal paperwork changes" - a rather substantial list already - and then, finally, "a he him from a stranger on a regular basis." Surely placing
all the eggs of your happiness in such a fragile basket isn't a terrible idea, is it?
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This is a rant and not a vent but just let me rattle off okay
I hate when I’m dysphoric or when I’m sad at being misgendered and instead of some reassurance or some comfort I get given ANOTHER dumb piece of advice about dealing with it.
“Stop wanting validation from strangers the people closest to you know who you are and you know who you are so why does anyone else matter” IT MATTERS BECAUSE I WANT TO BE RESPECTED AS A MAN. When im treated as a woman or as an other i feel SAD, and when im treated as a man i feel HAPPY, so i want to be treated like a man everywhere I go. Thats just how my brain works! Sue me!!!
“just affirm yourself and be secure in your identity if you know you’re a man no matter what then misgendering/dysphoria will hurt less” OBVIOUSLY I KNOW IM A FUCKING MAN? I’ve been out for 5 years bro!!!
I literally only recognize myself as a man, even when I’m sat in front of a mirror and butt ass naked, but that’s the root of the fucking problem ain’t it ???? My body still looks wrong. I’m still called she/her. IT MAKES ME SAD.
“Stop attaching certain features/body parts to certain genders and affirm yourself” wow, thanks. Just one problem though! My dysphoria is about my SEX. I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE BORN WITH THIS BODY. No matter how many times I try to love it or even feel neutral about it
I still end up either dissociating or in the fetal position on my bathroom floor crying because the fact that this was the body I was born with still upsets me to no end!!!!
Oh wowie my quality of life is significantly worsened by just existing, my body and the way I’m treated upset me to the point of tears, but thankfully I was told today the same piece of advice I’ve already heard over and over since I came out! Alhamdillulah my dysphoria is healed and my mind has been BLOWN! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK Y (Sarcasm)
I don’t care I’m insecure in my identity or whatever the fuck, and I don’t care about some magical mental framework that “changed it all” for you. Oh my god bro I’ve been trying that bullshit over and over for the past 5 years STOP GIVING IT TO ME. ALL YOURE DOING IS PISSING ME OFF
I bind, I pack, I’ve been on HRT for a year, and I pass semi frequently. These things have done more for my mental health than anything else I’ve tried. I like how I look now more than any point in the past and it is that simple.
All I want now is a few surgeries, more changes from hrt, a bunch of legal paperwork changes, and a he/him from a stranger on a regular basis. That’s all I need from this life
It may be that the Norwood Reaper has a particular affinity for the flesh of man, but even wannabe men cannot escape its clutches as this dood learns the hard way at only
23 years old that abusing testosterone and having a full head of hair are opposing objectives as far as her body's concerned. Given that her hair makes up for "90% of (my) looks," I can only imagine what sort of patchy goblin OP is shaping up to be and suggest what I suggest for anyone looking down the barrel of baldness: just fucking shave it off, dude; you will never rock the receding hairline as well as Tony Soprano did, so just give up now.
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I was on T for 4 months when I was 20 and stopped for multiple reasons, one of them was hair loss. I'm back on T now, at 23, and
not even a month in I'm losing A LOT of hair. Like, I think I'll be a NW 3 before my 3 months.
I'm gonna try with topical finasteride but I'm pretty sure it won't work, because last time even with oral dut (the most powerful) I was still losing hair. That means that a lot of masculinization effects will get slower or not happen at all, like facial hair, bottom growth, fat redistribution, etc.
I feel a lot of regrets. I think that if I had transitioned earlier, I could have got a few years of masculinization before having to start dut, and it wouldn't have been that bad. Or maybe if I just never stopped T at least I had those 4 months, because all the masculinization effects obviously went away after 3 years, even my voice.
Why the fuck didn't I transition earlier. Why didn't I come out at 11, when I first knew I was trans. I waited for so many years and fucked up my entire body, goddammit.
I feel defeated. I am already short, have wide hips and do not pass. I don't even know if T is gonna make me pass, maybe it will just make me ugly. It feels like I have to choose between living as a man or keeping my hair. I'm gonna choose the first one because I cannot live like this anymore, but damn it's hard. My hair has always been a big part of me, everyone loves it and comments on it, and I think it's like 90% of my looks.
Seems like no matter what I choose I'll be unhappy.
With only his practical, no-nonsense mother to rely upon for his Guide to Girlhood, a TiM longs to have a sister or any sort of female companion to take him by the hand and steer this shemale ship to lands most prosperously pretty; alas, he is a weird and creepy autist and thus struggles to make friends of any kind and is forced to do it all himself. The real comedy here lies in the deleted comment that other posters found very offensive: "
For someone with so little experience with real life women, how can you possibly know that you want to be one? What can you possibly know about womanhood? Besides what you’ve seen on the Internet or in media?" asks the commenter, who was subsequently turned into a fine red mist for the crime of questioning doctrine. "
Be careful that you are not imagining womanhood as just a visual fantasy, a hair style, a slumber party. Your posts and your questions convey a distressing dearth of understanding about the emotional, intellectual, and physical demands of womanhood."
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I've been on E for about a year now and still have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. No idea how to do makeup, voice train, make friends, etc etc.
I just exist, and it's so fucking infuriating.
And alongside some form of undiagnosed neurodivergence and social anxiety,
one of the reasons for this is the severe lack of any real feminine presence in both my childhood and current life. The only female in my immediate family is my mom, who's very much a tomboy. We live far away from the rest of my family so they're not really present much. I have no irl friends of any gender right now, and while I had some growing up, I never felt that attached to them and that was all before I realized I was a girl anyway and was still acting like a boy.
So, I have no idea how to be a girl. And I don't want people just saying "there's no right way to be a girl" and "just be you". I want to be super feminine. I want to look pretty and sound pretty. I want to be able to doctor up my appearance to appear as girly as physically possible. BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO FUCKING ANYTHING.
I've been trying to think of ways to remedy this by making some actual queer friends who get it and can teach me. Currently the plan is to go to a fun gay bar during happy hour. But
the part of my brain that tries to be realistic knows that all I'm going to do is sit there and not make any effort to actually meet anyone and leave after at most a couple hours, having accomplished absolutely nothing.
I'm so tired of just hoping that I'll miraculously meet someone who can solve all my problems. I know I need to take charge and just do it myself. But I get overwhelmed so easily that I'll only take one or two steps and then just shut down.
I don't have a reason for saying all this other than I needed to vent. It won't solve anything but it's nice to just scream into the void sometimes. Thank you for listening.
Lastly, it seems that HRT is not, in fact, magic for everyone as this MTF has been on it for years and still has to be subjected to the worst word one can ever be called: sir.
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That’s it. That’s the post.
Like, I know I’ll be visibly trans for my whole life, it just hurts the longer I’m on hrt. And I was wearing something frumpy, but still. It sucks and I hate it
