Jayce undergoes preparations for his surgery while Viktor sputters and cries over not telling him he loves him. After their amorous encounter that featured his uwu tiny waist getting wrapped around by those gigantic yaoi hands, this emotional wreck cannot seem to part with his third-leg down hunk for a day. He spirals, revealing himself to be a deeply anxious man (no shit), obsessively worrying about things like whether his parents will return home from work (they playfully call him silly for these worries until the day they actually do perish), to wondering whether he'll make new friends at school who will admire his boat-making skills, to preparing how to talk to people in front of the mirror before getting his ass beat in the alleys behind said school. It goes from this to wondering if he'd be accepted as a fellow scientist or treated as a broke-ass nigga, with his second-hand clothes and tattered book bag that he couldn't even get off Vintage. The final spiral involves him finally finding love, bringing up his white boy ex, and wondering if he can ever start over. It really sucks to be an autistic pooner living in a man's world, huh?
It appears that none of the positivity and mindful thinking he does can calm his errant, anxious thoughts, let alone the ones worrying whether Jayce will make it out alive or not. He studies on the science behind amputation, and while he knows all about the after - the healing, the nerve damage, the creative process behind prosthetics - he didn't think about the Before, and all the preparation that ensues. He now worries about him bleeding out, or developing an infection, or never waking up after anesthesia, the usual. You would think someone who has been in the hospital himself for spinal surgery would understand the risks and tribulations, but no. He's too worried about losing Jayce and fretting over the fact he never told him he loved him. He thinks that if he dies, he'll lose all his chances at finding love again; that it would end in disaster like it would with Dmitri. Despite knowing that Jayce has a wonderful, accomplished surgeon, he still can't stop thinking of the What Ifs, and spirals on and on like a broken record.
He continues to spiral even in the hospital waiting room, repeating this mantra to himself even as he gazes at white walls and huffs disinfectant, until a mysterious woman touches his hand and he nearly s
creams. Not to worry, this woman is none other than Ximena, who promptly says that Viktor is 'the most beautiful man (Jayce) had ever met', even when this fucker compares himself endlessly to normal women and thinks he's 'stick-thin' while wearing ugly-ass parachute pants, but that's neither here nor there. He sputters at the compliments and Ximena is quick to say he's humble, too, before asking if he's nervous over Jayce's operation. He says yes, and Ximena reassures him that Jayce has 'something to wake up to'. She then asks if he has eaten anything, and he says no, he was too nervous. She informs him that the surgery will take two hours, so they should heat to the cafeteria for food and a chat. They head off, both of them eager to learn about the other.
During their talk - all light-hearted and fun, a collection of nostalgia - Viktor finds out that Jayce did indeed have a rock collection, and was mocked by his schoolmates for having one. Viktor, inwardly, does not believe this, before it's written a sentence later that he has 'difficult emotions': refusing to let people in for fear of losing him due to said emotions. Ximena says he was too 'excited' and 'wired', which is to say: obsessive and autistic. Viktor says he is like an 'untrained puppy' - a common derogative term because Jayviks love calling him a dog for some reason - and Ximena says that the accident 'subdued his fire' for the past six months. Him being with Viktor revived that fire, causing him to be excited for the first time in months. Viktor, surprised at this statement, says, 'He called you?' and Ximena replies yes, he shares everything important with her. He yapped her ear off about Viktor at the airport; this tidbit floors Viktor, who is still surprised that someone could be that enamoured with him. Ximena says she is happy Viktor is in her son's life, as he is a person who showed him he is 'easy to love' after all. Mind you, they had a major fallout because Jayce could not text him for a week and ghosted him over Instagram, LMAO
After they have their chit-chat, Caitlyn arrives, smirking and all-knowing, saying that Viktor really is 'Jayce's type', which is 'all skinny and pretty' (what she neglects to say, but what the author wrote, is that 'skinny' here is 'stick-thin'). Viktor, ignoring this comment, shakes hands with her, and she says that he is 'not fun to torment'. He is later saved by Mel, who is not treated like shit for once, who embraces him and thanks him for being there. Unlike other fics where he is instantly jealous of her, he warms to her better than he does Caitlyn, and is reassured that Jayce will be okay in the end.
Later, when the surgeon informs them that Jayce's surgery went well, Viktor goes to the bathroom, cries (as all pooners do), and has an anxiety attack in relief. He initially vowed to himself that he wouldn't cry until he got home, but the pressure was too much so he ran to the bathroom and cried like he just finished Schindler's List vs crying openly like a man breaking gender boundaries. Mel, who enters the men's bathroom (must be a slow day), comforts him, telling him that Jayce, while high on anesthesia, is awake and ready to see his 'sunshine'. She pats him on the shoulder, says she is glad Jayce has him, and leaves him be, a little warmth simmering in that anxious heart of his. When he looks in the mirror, it's obvious he has been crying; he calls himself a 'tired ghost' who has fallen into a pit of despair that leaves him wondering what Jayce sees in him. Much like the selfie where he compared himself to healthy, normal women, he thinks he's inadequate and wrong, like an alien inhabiting the wrong body. Instead of feeling happy his beau has made it through his surgery, he gets triggered
by his own reflection. No wonder trans people hate mirrors - well, trans men at least.
When he makes his way to Jayce's room, Jayce is high as a kite, calling out his name sing-song style and asking if his mom has seen him, 'the most beautiful man (he's) ever met'. Ximena agrees, tells Viktor he has half an hour left of visiting hours, and kisses Jayce's forehead in a motherly fashion, and then hugs Viktor before she leaves. Jayce says it's unfair because he wants a hug, leading Ximena to say, if not a bit cheekily, that Viktor will give him one. When she finally leaves, Viktor notes his state: his amputated leg is suspended in the air and wrapped in gauze, but everything else appears fine, high-as-a-kite-lover boy notwithstanding. Jayce immediately notes that Viktor has been crying, to which he replies that he was worried for him. He starts crying again when he tells Jayce he loves him, and we find out that this entire affair has taken s
ix weeks. The drama over the Instagram shit only took ONE week, mind you. Anyways, Jayce says he was waiting for him to do it, and tells him that he loves him as well, leading to a back-and-forth about how lucky they are to have one another in their lives. Everything is going to be fine.
Jayce later wakes, notably less high and more focused this time, and rather than spiral over his missing leg, he is glad that the enduring pain is gone. He does cry a bit, though not from pain; it's from loneliness, both physically and mentally, on how he no longer has to dwell on the path that gave him so much trouble. He feels some phantom leg syndrome; despite being warned by every therapist and doctor that this procedure cannot be reversed, he feels like a part of his soul had gone with his leg; that the pieces he had left don't fit together anymore. He then also begins to spiral, and decides to call Viktor. It's only 8 p.m., not too late in the evening, and Viktor picks up after three rings. He asks how Jayce is feeling; he responds 'Strange. A bit sad'. Viktor replies that that is understandable, later asking if he is in pain. Jayce says yes, but it isn't as bad as before, and Viktor follows up with the 'everything you feel is valid' pep talk; that it's okay to miss the leg that gave him trouble and whatnot. Jayce replies that it isn't unhappy per se, but that it is a lot to go through. While Viktor congratulates him on being brave for undergoing this fear, our dog-man feels weak, insignificant and ungrateful for the gift he was given. Still, he accepts Viktor's words at face value. He wipes away tears, saying he wishes Viktor were here. Viktor agrees, telling him that he will be there tomorrow during visiting hours, and the day after, and the day after that. Jayce tells him that he doesn't want him to miss work before Viktor cuts him off, telling him not to make him angry and that he'll be there because he wants to be.
Jayce harkens back to their afternoon meeting with ensuing 'I-love-yous' and remarks that it wasn't a dream, after all. He jokingly says, 'I can't believe you beat me to it', before Viktor says 'I did not. I took it back'. Overwhelmed with relief and love, he tells Viktor not to ever 'take it back' making him promise on it. Jayce asks Viktor if he can talk him to sleep, and he does. Later, when Jayce is out and about walking with his crutches, Viktor proposes an idea: it would not be good for Jayce to return to his apartment, due to the long ride and inaccessibility of his complex, so why doesn't he move in temporarily with him? Of course, he doesn't ask this outright. He stutters, almost has another anxiety attack and has to be told to calm down by Jayce before he asks this question outright. Jayce asks if it will be permanent, and Viktor replies 'however permanent you want', before sputtering AGAIN when Jayce asks if it's about convenience, too. When he's done blushing and gathers his thoughts, he says that neither of them are young and he wants to live with him. He doesn't want to be far from him, see, so the 'convenience' thing was only an excuse. Jayce is ecstatic, but also scared he's half-dreaming at the proposal; Viktor later confirms that he wants to build a life with him and that spending time together would be easier than living apart. Cutting through his jokey mood, Jayce happily agrees, kissing his forehead while thinking the invitation is the 'hottest thing he's ever heard'. He says he's 'always wanted a hot roommate' - which is really pushing it, if you ask me - and says he's going feral at the whole concept of living with Viktor. Viktor tells him to behave, as they will have all the time to act feral at home.
Later, Jayce is reading through the Hollywood script of his book, 'Winter Night', and is rather surprised that a newbie director is trying to stay loyal to the source material, leaving only a few comments and suggestions rather than rip the entire thing up. While his leg is healing nicely, his back is giving him issues - he can now experience what it's like to get your back blown out - but none of that matters when he's living the dream with Viktor. Whenever he spirals or has phantom limb syndrome or gory dreams, his anorexic waifu is there, giving him emotional support, batting his eyelashes and using his ASMR voice to sing him back to sleep. Instead of morning texts, he just kisses him awake; instead of Instagram comments, he can just make them to him in the kitchen. While lounging in bed together, Viktor releases a 'long-suffering' sigh, before announcing that he has to have another Talk with Jayce, as recommended by his therapist. Jayce asks if he's done something wrong, and Viktor says that he has not, and it takes them for-fucking-ever to get to the point. So what is the subject?
Sex. Because of course it is. Now that he's found a partner he trusts, he wonders if he can take more control during sex when before it was all about him pleasing his male partners - funny how that is the default position for FTMs - and he wants to explore himself and his wants sexually. His voice even gets 'high-pitched and worried' as if this is going to offend our male feminist. Jayce, ever the non-judgemental guy, is happy to indulge in whatever Viktor wants to explore. What are some of the things Viktor wants to try out? Anal, of course. He also wants to try BDSM, with edging and spanking included. Our peg-leg pirate over here, naturally, won't have anything done to him - it's all for the pooner who wants to get their schooner hit with the biggest cannon ball imaginable. Jayce, initially, goes blank at the word 'anal', trying to string together the brand new list of fetishes his uwu tiny waist waifu just proposed to him. Viktor assures him that he doesn't have to do any of that - they're just suggestions, after all - before Jayce comforts him, saying that he totally gets where he's coming from, his mind is just going into overdrive from the things Viktor wants. Viktor, jumping on this, goes, 'So you w
ant to try it with me?', all doe-eyed (no, really), happy that Jayce is willing to ruin him. Jayce is happy to oblige, saying it's 'never too late to explore things'. Viktor, referencing his therapist, is overjoyed, but there is one thing he won't tolerate - degradation. You can pound that backdoor with that peg leg, but don't you dare call him names. "Auschwitz Anne Frank" might be a bridge too far, fam.
They go back-and-forth on this, with Jayce jumping on the implications that Viktor does not like name-calling thanks to Dmitri, before Viktor cuts him off, saying he doesn't want to talk about that. He then asks Jayce if he has any red lines, and he says no (of course, anal play is off-limits for him, the 100% gay man he is). They'll find their red lines together. How romantic. Their discussion ended, they pivot into a new one: Jayce says he's glad that went easier than expected, and Viktor says he hoped he didn't come off as a prude; every time he tried to bring up his kinks, the reception wasn't warm and people looked at him weirdly. One must ask why trans men have such difficulties bringing up their sexual prowess and kinks in the bedroom when this issue does not exist with trans women. Jayce thanks him for telling him his feelings, and they have this little conversation:

> When I can't even suck you off properly
In the business we call this foreshadowing.
> Which meant that sex was entirely off the table for them
The doctors said nothing about chugging back that peg leg!

> Thank you for making me feel safe
Always about safety with these pooners.

> Heated, milky skin
We know he's white, thanks.
> I want you in my mouth. In my throat. Please
He wants to please his man. A shame he can't deepthroat his third-leg-down boyfriend.

> His fingers wrapped deftly around the base
You once wrote his cock was so thick his fingers
couldn't wrap around the base. Now they can. What happened? Did you forget his dick measurements?
> Your cock is perfect
Well at least s
omething wasn't cut off at the knees.
> Viktor licked the tip over and over again, like a giant lollipop
Never getting over how even the head of that colossal man meat is still bigger than his roid clit, lmao

> He breathed hard through his nose as he took inch after inch of Jayce's length until his nose hit his pubic hair
> He learned this from deepthroating his ex
Huh, guess Dmitri, despite his faults, did have a BWC. You wouldn't choke on a 5 incher.
> Wished their positions were different so that he could see himself filling Viktor's throat
He's so thin that he would be able to see his penis moving in his throat. That's the most meat he's had in his body since puberty.
> So he could wrap his arms around Viktor's neck and squeeze himself through it
Your arms, or your hands? Because wrapping your arms around his neck means you've got him in a chokehold. You're not 'touching' your dick, you're knocking his ass out.
> Hating that Viktor learned this from his ex
What, did you want him to be a virgin? He was loyal to his ex boyfriend and that BWC. Be thankful he can do that to yours without choking.

> I want you to fuck my throat
> How was he real?
Wow, you found a submissive, tiny, skinny, uwu wannabe tradwife whose throat is open and ready like the tunnel connecting England to Calais, who's always ready to pleasure and service their penis-owning partner? Amazing, it's almost like you don't have to do anything!
> Wasting no time, Jayce did it again, angling Viktor's head so he could bottom out inside his tight throat
Yeah, can you imagine that penis bending at a 45 degree angle? Fun! It'll be cracking like that peg leg.
> Pushing himself as deep into Viktor's throat as he could
So can he see himself moving inside that milky, pale swan neck or is that impossible because our lil waifu is on his belly?

> The fit was so tight Jayce could barely believe it
The front hole might be loose, but the top hole sure isn't

> Was Viktor simply designed to make him lose his mind and reduce to him a horny three pump chump?
This is a real line. I guess Dmitri was good for one thing: teach a trans man how to give a real man good head.
> You were made for this, V
One of the most overused lines in this fandom, on top of 'his waist was so small his thumbs met in the middle'. It's almost as if you have complementary genitalia.
> I know, baby. I know it's big. You're doing so well
Me when a new game is struggling to download on my console:
> He painted the insides of his throat with streak after streak of sticky cum
Not bad for a 40-year-old man. Maybe he should've send a few pics of that instead of ghosting him over Instagram and this entire drama could've been solved in five minutes.
> Viktor's face was streaked with tears, drool, and snot, a messy spectacle that made him even prettier to Jayce
If snot is pouring out of your nose from deepthroating, it means your male partner didn't let you up for air. He looks like the news lady from 'Scary Movie' with the snot bubble coming out of her nose.
> Sputtered and coughed
I hope that 40-year-old jizz was worth it, homie. It's as bubbly as that snot.

> You weigh nothing
Correct. You have to tie him down outside or else he'll blow away like a kite. Forget Bubble Boy: here's Hot Air Balloon Man, going where no human has gone before. Get that on the book stands, stat.

> He couldn't run or lift or do many of the things he loved. At least not yet
No, but you can dump entire loads into your tiny, moon-skinned waifu who doesn't do anything but sell books all day.

> Wished he could flip them over and fuck Viktor into the mattress
AKA the single most popular fantasy in these hetslo-under-another-label works. In any case, at least our bougie bookstore can say he was fucked by an amputee, lmao.
> Pert butt cheeks in his palms
He doesn't have 'pert butt cheeks'. He was pounding bone last chapter, remember?
> Nngh, yes
Stop talking like Joe Biden.
> Five more weeks until I fuck you so good you won't be leaving the bed for a week
Hope you're willing to pay his business's lost profit, peg leg.
> Gonna knock every single item off your little list, baby
"Gonna fuck that ass so loose I can shove my prosthetic inside it. Goatse's got nothing on me."
And would you look at that, he's already aiming for anal play.

> I'm going to stretch this little ass until you can take me without batting an eye. I can't fucking wait
What did I just say? I made a Goatse reference and here this man goes talking about stretching that ass. I'm so clairvoyant.

Convenient Mel and Elora are together when people don't even ship them at all, lmao. It is what it is; it's better than having her be the object of hatred and jealousy from an angry white pooner.
> Five months into knowing Jayce
A good chunk of that was spent crying over being ghosted on Instagram. I'm not letting that go, btw.

> He'd been inside of Viktor less than an hour ago, and yet Viktor still craved more. It was like he had a bottomless pit inside of him
Technically he does: it's that asshole you have yet to fill. If there isn't an anal sex scene in this, wait for a one-shot spinoff to include it.

> Asks if he would be open to getting married again
> Brought up marriage on the first date, which involved Viktor talking more about his ex than marrying him
> Made a vow of never marrying again after getting fucked over by a heckin' transphobe
> Reneged on that vow because of good sex and a man who has a third leg and a peg leg
Every time. Want to make an FTM break a promise? Fuck 'em good. They'll come (hehe) to your side immediately.

> How would Viktor ever say no to wearing his ring on his finger?
If you post about it on Instagram first, he might just call the whole thing off. Their dramatic 'breakup' all happened because he didn't send him a DM, remember.

If you didn't catch this at the end, you'd totally forget that Viktor was ever a scientist. Only a few mentions have been made - thanks to the Dmitri trauma dumping - that he was ever a scientist and not a basic, once-broke bookstore owner. You also have to admire that the use of AI-based dermal implants are fine, acceptable and beneficial for disabled people provided Elon Musk isn't the one implanting it.

> He was ravenous now, thinking of what he could make for lunch
I was going to say, 'Oh there's something ELSE he can eat for lunch' until we find our dear waifu crying
again over Instagram posts. Of course, the pics involving his white, stick-thin knees and oversized t-shirts aren't the problem. For someone who's been living 'as a man' for decades - only to be invalidated by a basic cissy man who didn't love him - he sure hasn't acted like one once. Who the fuck cries over Instagram posts?

> Jayce's shirt swallowed his slight frame deliciously
Not when you have a frame that makes the pro-ana gals on tumblr look healthy. He literally looks like a stick hidden in a trash bag.
> So everyone could see how pretty his partner looked out of bed
And all they see is someone with no ass, no thighs, a bad dye job, creepily large eyes, and a big ole Tarzan bush. He's a labubu in human form.

Yes, this is what he's crying about: all those years lost with a cissy man who never validated him or made him feel safe, even when they were research partners. This Instagram photo, much like the one that caused him to spiral (the one with the ordinary women in dresses while he was in shitty makeup and parachute pants), reminds him that he's 'broken', so now Jayce has to play it out like it's a Sonata Arctica song and tell him that no, he isn't broken, and he isn't offering any broken parts at all! Just look at that oral and anal action! He loves the fact his boyfriend's stick-thin, disabled body needs a wheelchair and how he gets so insecure over IG photos that he exploded over a WEEK of not replying! It's an inseparable part of who he is. There's beauty in imperfections, even if it makes you look like a BPD bitch.
> Do you think the same of me? Would you have preferred to know me when I was whole?
Probably not, but the dick action would convert him. He'll accept asshole boyfriends provided they're good at sex. That's the way she blows, boys.
> It fucking sucks, but it's also not the end of the world
Indeed. We need to see if that ass can get so loose he can slip his dick AND his prosthetic into it.

> I can't have you saying things like that and making yourself sick crying about them
Again, this manly man 100% Just Like the Guys is crying over
Instagram photos. You'd think he saw his cat getting butchered, or something.
> The only reason I regret not meeting you sooner is that we could've had so much more time together
Know how that could've happened? Shooting him a DM. Sometimes shooting your shot could've let your shoots hitting those holes earlier.
> If I could relive my life, I would choose to go through it all again if it meant I'd get to meet you
You're having this speech when you blew up at him when he didn't respond to you over Instagram FOR OVER A WEEK. Holy fuck are these people pathetic.
> I'm sorry about the photo. I should have checked with you before posting it
He's lucky he's not on that side of Instagram where people are posting memes in the comments where he looks like a stick bug or making Auschwitz jokes. You KNOW that would do this whiny bitch in.

> I think it would have made me happy in normal circumstances
If you are crying over IG photos, it is not the platform for you. Do NOT go onto the reels section, else you'll have a legion of Zoomers giving you an actual reason to cry.

> But can I keep posting you? I want to show you off. And make him suffer, a bit
I am sure Dmitri was hoping for an Adriana Lima, and all he got was a skinnier Ariana Grande. What a downgrade.
> Something sweet, with zero protein, preferably
Legit thought this was sexual innuendo but no, he actually wants something sweet to eat.

> Some days, he had the urge to weep as soon as he got dressed and saw the chair in the hallway
You know, throughout this entire fic, there really isn't much of an exploration into Viktor's deteriorating health. It's all been focused on Jayce. The only titular event from his POV was the Instagram breakdown. We do know that his health was declining, but the jump from cane, brace and then wheelchair is a last-minute decision. You would think - as the author later admits - that something plucked right from personal experience would feature prominently in a character arc, but no. He instead gets jealous and insecure over able-bodied women, having emotional breakdowns that renders him an energy vampire to others. It's not endearing; he's a miserable person to be around. He took down a makeup selfie because he KNEW the IG girlies would be calling his ass ugly. It seems that Viktor has offered all the emotional support
as a woman would, but doesn't get to shine and dominate the narrative like a man would. That is reserved for the actual man.

> Adorning them with flowers and butterflies
Very masc. Notice how there are no surgeries or treatments available for him, or any attempt to apply said technology or science towards himself - it was all spared for the man. The transman has to wither away in a crumbling skeleton while the man can still live his life as normal. Not the theme the author was aiming for, but we're gonna apply a little reading-between-the-lines here.

> Eight months later
And a huge bulk of that was spent spiraling over not sending your beau a message telling them you were in pain. That's literally all you needed to do. Instead, they bitched and cried over IG posts, had a makeup smut chapter with 50+ comments, and now we're here.
> We should add that to our list. Public indecency
Then you'll end up on a police cam and that is NOT the media attention you want. "AMPUTEE HAS SEX WITH TRANS PARTNER IN WHEELCHAIR IN PUBLIC PARK" is something for a gossip podcast, not a bookselling event.

He bought him a new sex toy, got it? One that's gonna go in both holes and make sure all the red lines are never breached. of course, the toy isn't going near HIS ass, we don't do that gay shit around here.
> I've poured a lot of myself and my own experiences, insecurities, and disabilities into the story, and it is endlessly dear to me
So tell me, dear author, are any of these true:
- you mentally spiral when you stand next to normal women, knowing you can never 'be' like them, thinking you're ugly and broken and you need a hot guy to tell you you're beautiful?
- You have mental breakdowns over Instagram posts?
- You wasted your life on a man who doesn't respect your identity, but desperately want a hot guy who respects said boundaries to fuck you into the mattress?
- your disabilities matter, but not as much as the man you're the emotional support for?
- you form unhealthy attachments with men because you are that desperate to be loved?
- You focused more on the disabled man than the trans man, because they somehow have more compelling stories to tell?
If not, it's rather revealing how all of those stood out to me, an outsider, who has no skin in the game. I also noticed that she's friends with stupidsarah69, known for her feminization and age gap fics, which explains the 'his waist was so small his thumbs met in the middle'. It's not lost on me the chapter with the most comments was the smut one. I will forever remember this as the 'Instagram fallout fic', simply because bitching about IG is something
women do. If you want to be a man so much - a
ct like one. You can be an emotionally stunted disabled woman, but a disabled man is what you'll never be. All I grasped from this is that you're insecure and projected that onto your blorbo, if the 'HE'LL NEVER LOVE ME WAAAAAAAH I'M TOO BROKEN FOR HIM!' Taylor Swift mantra didn't give it away.