The L gardens have been very fertile as of late, fellow farmers, so please enjoy what I hope to be a most comedic cornucopia of craziness.
A HSTS (i.e., arguably one of the most pathetic genres of homosexual man) isn't even old enough to drink in America but has already realized that the kinds of fellows that seek out crossdressers are not usually upstanding members of society - a lesson he learned the hard way after a man allegedly
threatened to kill him if anyone learned of their affair. Now he's posting on Reddit of all places to lament his lack of lesbianism, which he believes would lead to a simpler life as lesbians are, according to him, "
less fetishized."
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I dont mean this in a quirky way, I mean it sincerely. Of course the grass is always greener on the other side but
men are less likely to take a trans women seriously, they are more likelly (MUCH MORE) to keep u a secret, they are more likely to harm you if they feel tricked, they often see us as below even the cheap validation that they give to most women.
Already male validation, sexually specifically, is often cheap and indiscriminate but many men dont even give us that public acknowledgment but still expect us to give away our bodies. I dont do down low men anymore but the last time i did the guy threatened to kill me if anyone would find out abt us hooking up.
Ive also noticed that the few men who do want to date us end up dating every single trans girl in the whole city. Im tired of being fetishized (ik lesbians can too but its less). The men who date us also feel this sense of « we are lucky » that they dated us.
Im tired of being a secret. Im tired of feeling this way,
i just want to feel like im a person and not an object.
Edit: i want to add that im 19 so if i have already had issues like this now imagine in the future..
Professor Pipsqueak: a TiF who teaches high school kids goes to very stupid lengths to disguise how mousy she is compared to her young students, stating that her hands are so dainty and fair that even 11-year-olds might need bigger gloves than she does. This inadequacy leads to a deep-seated envy as she watches them, and there's an undercurrent of inappropriate longing in the way she describes seeing boys with their "growing pride, confidence, and ease in their bodies." Creep alert, creep alert!
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I'm 23, been on T 3.5 years.
I pass completely, but I'm not where I want to be.
I'm a teacher.
Teaching is hard because you're constantly reminded of yourself at different ages, but I find it easier to be around younger kids.
I recently started teaching groups of 15 to 16 year old boys.
I spend the whole lesson trying to hide my hands, which is impossible as a teacher. All of their hands are bigger than mine. Even the 11 to 12 year olds, of both genders, often have larger hands than me. I also try to hide my wrists and my forearms. And the first lesson, I didn't get up at the end to hide my height. It's ridiculous, and I'm trying to be less ashamed.
I've gained more confidence reminding myself that I'm not 16 anymore, and the rush of anxiety I feel doesn't change the fact I'm an authority figure. They're kids, and they act like kids. They ask me lots of questions, and mess about, and it reminds me that I'm not a scared child anymore. Just a scared (barely) adult
To be clear, I'm very professional, and do not treat the children as peers. But being around them so much makes it hard for me to ignore how upset I am about going through the 'wrong' puberty. Being a teenager is always messy and awkward.
But these boys have a growing pride, confidence and ease in their bodies -- and with each other -- that just feel beyond me.
It's like looking at what I missed out on, and can never have :/
I wonder if any of you relate or have thoughts on this?
After a suicide attempt lands her in the hospital, a FTM lands in a less-than-sympathetic emergency room whose staff make fun of her for her transgenderism while she's too incapacitated to stamp her tiny little feeties about it. Though I consider it poor form for medical professionals to mock patients directly in front of them (because that's what post-shift coffee klatches are for), the more jarring part of this story is that OP is
still on track to have her breasts removed even though she tried to kill herself so close to her surgical date. Boy, they'll just rubber stamp anyone for this shit these days, won't they?
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couple of weeks ago, i tried to take my life and ended up at the hospital. as people were starting to see my birth name, things started to be said.
at first, two people said “there’s no way!” (i do pass well), and then later on, i guess they thought i was asleep or out of it, called me a “boygirl” and proceeded to talk shit about an ex co worker of theirs that is a trans woman. they also made fun of non binary people by calling them “unisex”. some other things were said but i can’t remember exactly.
i was at my lowest and to have professionals talk shit about you right in front of you made me hit a new low. i was vulnerable so i didn’t stand up for myself. I wish i did. the only people that treated me with respect were the doctors later on.
i just don’t understand people.
they knew why i was there and still couldn’t treat a person with empathy or respect. i did nothing to them besides just being trans.
i just needed to get this off my chest.
i get top surgery in 11 days so hope is there. im sorry to anyone who has gone through the same.
Neurotic little nematode
Round_Candle6462 returns to make another woeful post that makes one question the safety of bunnies near her boiler, but this time it's about social media memes. I'm going to tell you all right now that if I mention li'l miss Crazy Candle, you
really need to read the posts I share, because in this episode she describes herself as "an asexual that wants to be [snufkin]" and that she cannot even scroll Pinterest without the demon of dysphoria being invoked as "[snufkin] and doomer boy wojak" are her ideal forms of masculinity. In fact, she's such a sensitive little hothouse flower that
even memes about horror games upset her, as she is too poor to play them! Call this chick a MAiDen the way euthanasia would be the kindest fate for her.
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just some stuff i found on my pinterest:-illustration of a boy and a girl. the boys daydreaming about kissing a girl,
but the girl in question isn't daydreaming about kissing that boy shes daydreaming about kissing snufkin. as an asexual that wants to be snufkin, this is makine me feel invalid.-
a chud's opinion of science is way way way stupider and vageur compared to what a femboy believes on science. i want to be a twink so bad, so not thinking like one gives me dysphoria and shame.-trans masc gender envy goals are almost always not human.
i feel invalid because snufkin and doomer boy wojak give me the most gender envy. if i feel so ashamed to be human, then why do i even say this? it's like there's two separate parts of me the part that says things openly no matter how embarrassing it is and the other part that feels intense dysphoria and shame over certain stuff, and ffs they need to join together. and taking into consideration this week someone made fun of me by saying that trains gave them gender envy, this hurt so much.
-instagram meme "Pick an outfit" but i'm assuming it's for alt GIRLS (finding female recomendations gives me dysphoria) one of the tops said "I love my twink boyfriend" again it makes me so angry, as an asexual aromantic with severe dysphoria, when ppl confuse attraction with identification.-
the "i can fix him" "am i okay" memes that involve horror games. i want to play horror games but i can't afford it.
a really really really important note: Using social media, especially excessively, gives me gender dysphoria. (but i use reddit most, followed by pinterest and tumblr, not a lot of instagram at all. and absolutely zero tik tok) Especially for external validation. M
y transition goals is a gamer/skater that acts authentic and non-dependent on external opinions.
Linguistic lunacy: a MTF has the issue of routinely chumming the waters of r/4tran4 and always comes away from the experience feeling moist and miserable, yet he can't bring himself to crawl safely to shore as it's the only place he feels that people aren't simply lying to his face about the reality of troonery. While I unfortunately understand every term that he used to describe himself, there's not enough space to describe each one for Kiwi understanding in the space of my shpiels, so here's the TL;DR: he's an unpassable, unfuckable troon with mental problems and will die alone as he deserves to for being a pervert. But you don't need special terminology to know that already, so 4tranners are basically just reinventing the wheel.
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I just feel like every "normal" trans sub is full of delusional people who either don't recognize how clocky they are or who simply don't care. And
yeah maybe they are happier or maybe they are all just better in lying about being miserable. Idk.
I just feel like people keep hugboxing but on the other hand 4tran makes me feel miserable and fills me with even more self-hate & despair.
I just feel so fucking horrible and dysphroic and late maybe it's too late for me at 20y old already and that because puberty already happened, I will never pass and therefore will always be unhappy and suffer and never be a woman and always will just be treated as lesser because of being trans. That it might not even be worth it.
If we want to put it in 4tran terms...
I'm simply a dumb lateshit, shoulderhon, voicehon, orgehon, brickhon, jawhone, heighthon, rapehon, agp, bpd, represser, future perma-manmoder, neverpasser.
So yeah...
I feel like dying inside and out.
And
I haven't even started transition because honestly I feel like maybe I'm either gonna pass and succeed or I will lose everything (fertility, function, family, social standing etc) and turn out to be just fucking perverted sick deluded man.
Perturbed that people perceive this pill-popping pooner as less of a prince and more of a pixie, a li'l pal pens a poem about the pain of being patronized.
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(I'm not a poet please go easy on me Q.Q)
------
Little buddy
What do you think of when you hear that term?
Is it a 30+ year old man?
It's he at a respectable 5’7”?
A bear?
Does a little buddy get down on one knee and propose to the man he wants to spend the rest of his life with?
Is a “little buddy” someone who has over a decade of work experience under his belt?
Is a “little buddy” someone with a beard?
No.
Then
why do I hear it, echoed between the words, when I interact with people who know?
Is it when I ask you to repeat yourself, because my hearing is bad?
Is it because I take, at minimum, 5 pills a day? 3 in the morning, 2 at night.
Is it the size of my penis?
Is it the way I walk, talk, dress, eat, sleep, breathe?
No.
I feel it in the hand on my shoulder, the gaze that lingers half a second longer, searching. I feel it in the energy between us.
Is this how you see short men?
Is this what you say to men younger than you? Older?
Do you make assumptions about other men?
About their history?
Do you look for femininity?
Assume what his genitals look like?
No.
You accept me, support me, call me the words I want you to. But I am your “little buddy”.
Don't worry. It's ok!
You'll take me under your wing. Teach me how to be a man.
As if I didn't already know.
A TiF who describes herself as a "gay femboy Satanist" struggles with standing up for herself when a religious janitor at her college fails to use her inside voice when broadcasting that she knows OP is FTM; due to OP's slug-like anatomy preventing her from having a single courageous bone in her body, she can't even bring herself to tell the old lady to piss off. Now she's terrified that she's got a target on her back when walking the dangerous streets of Kamloops but still hesitates to mitigate any danger by looking less retarded as obviously staying true to yourself matters more than not getting fucking stabbed.
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I understand older people who are accepting tend to be vocal about their acceptance, but a few days ago
me and my friend were discussing Christianity (she is Christian, I'm a satanist) and I was making points against Christianity and she was making points, we were having a civil conversation where we took both points, agreed and disagreed.
The conversation between me and said friend was good, perfect if anything, no arguing just debating about the topic and we laughed about it all the way through. Suddenly,
a older lady (she was working during this time) approached up trying to get me to understand and accept Christianity, this itself wasn't the issue, I'm used to it.
The issue was her, as loud as she fucking could, says "and I know you're transgender", she forced me to hug her too (I have an issue saying no, and am very non-confrontational so yes,
it's my fault for not saying no or that I was uncomfy as she can't know but still). The reason I'm writing it now is cus
she approached me AGAIN today, trying to get me to go to a church that "accepts people like me", I had stated how Christianity doesn't follow my morals in life and how I'm not interested and she kinda doubled down. I'm just now uncomfortable,
this happened at my uni and I don't feel comfy now to study in the building I know she cleans in, and the biggest issue is the building that is now my go to is the place I feel MOST comfortable in. Idk what to do, and
with my confrontation issues I think Imma just avoid it now... I feel like shit cus I know her heart is in the right place, but
I have been trying this whole time to be stealth because it's not safe being out as trans (in my experience, many threats and actions has happened, explained below.).
She yelled it, yelled out my transness for everyone around to hear and stare... I never wanted to be out, I'm so fucking scared, and I have valid reasons. I had a professor VERY against trans people (even saying they don't deserve rights, in the same school btw) and I had to report him because he was kinda promoting violence to trans people (and others) and seeing how many people were AGREEING with him is WHY I don't wanna be out. I live in a VERY dangerous city (rated really high in Canada), and
there is a stabbing here every other day, I straight up am so stressed because of this, and the worst of it, it's midterms. I have no idea how to make myself feel safe now,
she even admitted about talking ABOUT me specifically to priests, pastors, and others. I really don't appreciate it at all. I wanna cry so bad and I feel like I'm overreacting but what's happened to me in the past is just replaying in my head.
TW rape and murder talk
For context,
I have had rape and death threats sent to "change me back" or "to see what's actually in my pants", I've heard people in passing about how they would love to kill a trans person, I've had my own trans friends JUMPED and beat the fuck up for being trans. I don't wanna have to start looking like a guy (
I am a transman but I'm gay and a 'femboy' (in quotations as idk how else to explain myself and know that term is usually used in a fetish way)) but
I feel like I'm being forced in a corner having to comply with gender norms and everything... I'm just at a complete loss.
Sometimes the jokes write themselves so well that I just can't think of anything to top it: a closeted tranny is so naturally repellent to others that even
complete strangers move to escape the radius of his grotesque aura, which OP seems to believe would not be the case if he were a woman despite having purposefully chosen the online moniker of "
AspieAsshole" which indicates a degree of self-awareness about his caustic countenance. But yeah, sure, I'm positive that if you got the chance to have a romp around more teen girls during their slumber parties, you'd have definitely come out better socialized.
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I hate having to boymode for now.
I have always hated being seen as a male by the world, so much.
On a side note,
I get sad sometimes about growing up being treated as a boy, and the fact that there's nothing I can do about it. All of my friends were girls,
which consequently meant no sleepovers. I always envied those.
Cute without the E: in a precarious job market where even the most skilled and seasoned struggle to secure salaries, a tranny cuts loose from a perfectly good job to dedicate his life to the Church of the Skirtgospinny only to find that the gods of said faith appear apathetic to their acolytes. Now he's unemployed and unemployable with no clue on where to go next, writing tearfully that all he wanted was to "be cute and feel myself without feeling worse." Such is life in a country ruled by "Temu Hitler," is it not?
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I have been unemployed for 6-7 (heh) months... and part of the unspoken part of my separation from my last job was because I was visibly queer and visibly trans. I had begun the process of coming out socially, to individual coworkers because I figured it'd be easier than it ended up being. (Dumb baby trans girl was dumb)
I knew it was stupid, but after a year of transition it was feeling impossible to deal with the constant boymoding drama and I'd been looking for a different job since 2020, when I got laid off and then rehired. Now,
I realize too late that I should have just held out or maybe even detrans'd... My environment is highly conservative, despite being a more progressive city. It's still a red state. It's still subject to Temu Hitler. I should have known...but now I'm stuck taking care of my parents and unable to find any kind of job.
Though it's probably me being overdramatic or paranoid, but I think part of what has kept me from getting many if any interviews on top of a shit market is just that I smelled of trans...or somwthing gave it away...or God forbid, my homophobic boss is putting in a bad word...
I just don't know what to do anymore. My next stop is either finding a smoke shop or something to try and squeeze into some income or...God knows what else. I have side hobbies but they don't make an income and probably never will because this oppressive feeling of just...feeling like I shouldn't exist, kind of similar to pre-E dysphoria and self hate keeps me from showing up consistently to those hobbies to even allow them to make money. It...it's really lonely to feel like I shouldn't exist.
I...just want to be cute and feel myself without feeling worse for not being able to zone out and disassociate. Since I started HRT I've become more present...but the consequence is that now I can't mentally check out.
It's like having a shit male roommate in my apt of a life who I only just realize trashed the place and I have to pick up after him... :/
Things get terse between a troon and a poon when this thorny little Theo tries to stand up for herself and refuses to let her Lilithian overlord control the conversation, though their cisgender audience continues to cow to the tranny due to the ranking of his caste against hers. Funny how even in the oppression olympics, men can't stop themselves from stealing gold medals from women!
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was just talking in call with some of my cis friends about trans issues because the topic came up, my trans fem friend is also here, and i
talked about how trans men are basically invisible to allies and they were like "erm well actually trans women are also invisible to allies! because all allies are faking it!" and i was like "well notice how its always "trans women are women" and never "trans women are women, and trans men are men"" and
she just went kinda silent, i could feel that she was pissed. one of my cis friends was like "well its like that because trans men arent as targeted" and that just like... pissed me off man.
that same friend has fully invalidated me before when i spoke about trans masc issues. i was talkign about how trans men dont get much rep in media and they were like "erm well actually trans women have less rep" (which is absolutely not true). i gave them a list off the top of my head of good trans fem characters in media and they got mad at me.
they said that trans women have it harder and that trans men arent as oppressed. theyre better with that stuff now but i still feel weird talking about trans masc issues with them because i know theyll try to like. combat my points.
thank god for the cis people who actually listen to trans men speak about their issues. i only feel comfortable talking about trans masc issues to cis peolple when trans fems arent around because i just know theyll try to argue with me. shout out to my therapist for being the best listener when it comes to me talking about trans masc issues lol
Copycatfight: never were there such a pair of sisters like these two where poonacy is a cunt-tagion easily spread even though it makes OP, a transmedicalist, downright furious. This one is a long one, so to summarize it succinctly it's really just a tardfight between two different flavors of tard as OP is a NLOG who thinks of herself as far superior and smarter than her dumb crazy sister, and her sister is some sort of BPDemon with no identity of her own that mimics anything OP does even to her own detriment. A very "everyone sucks here" kind of post; some family trees really ought to be razed to the ground completely.
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She's not even trans, and that's not me just saying it because she doesn't have enough dysphoria. She's told me she doesn't think she's trans (and she's 100% right! She isn't), but she wants testosterone, a full hysterectomy, top surgery, lipo... this is just going to be a long rant bc I don't know what to do about it.
I'm so fucking frustrated with this. It's been building up for months and I don't even know what to do with her.
She says she wants T "to look more androgynous", despite my multiple attempts to explain that that isn't how this works. It's a masculinizing hormone. She's going to look and sound like a man and be very upset. She's also the type that diagnoses herself from those "5 minute mental health quizzes" all over the internet. She's told me she thinks she has multiple mental disorders, and I absolutely encourage her to go to therapy because she needs it (as I've been telling her for literal years), but
she refuses because she doesn't want them to put her on medication. Why? Well,
she just told me earlier today: a common side effect of most medications is weight gain, and she's terrified of gaining weight. I think she's only wanting to bind/get these surgeries because she thinks it'll make her look skinnier. She even mentioned once reading that some people lose weight on T, despite (again!) me trying to explain that, in fact, T is more likely to cause weight gain because of increased appetite and hormonal fluctuations.
She doesn't even know what T does. Any of the basic effects, really. She didn't know about bottom growth, she didn't know about body hair, she didn't know about the potential for PAINFUL vaginal atrophy. I have to emphasize that it's painful and the only treatment is estrogen otherwise she says she doesn't care. I feel like my nails are being ripped out with pliers every time this topic comes up.
Yes, I started on T using DIY methods. Unlike her, I did months of research and am most of the way through my biology degree so I have a pretty solid understanding of what the fuck I'm doing (plus severe dysphoria that has been persistent since I was a child, which she notably does not have). She isn't doing any research at all and just wants to treat it like a weight loss drug. She's also dropped out of college twice and is almost done with a plant science degree.
She has never taken any anatomy or psychology class, and hasn't had a general biology in several years. Her college is also stupidly easy so even though she's about to graduate, her exam questions (she told me herself) are literally on the level of "what is photosynthesis?" I'm 20. She's 26. I started it DIY at 19 because I figured I was still young enough that starting sooner would have a noticeable impact on my outcome. She's past that point, so starting now wouldn't yield a very different result than starting five years from now —
which I specifically told her to try and discourage her. This is all so stupid.
She always does this. When I was in high school and legitimately suffering with multiple chronic illnesses that made me lose a bunch of weight, she started copying my symptoms and trying to make weight a competition between us. Any time I get legitimately diagnosed with something, she says she has the same symptoms. But does she see a doctor about it? No. Of course not. And
she eventually forgets about the symptoms she's supposed to have. I feel like I'm parenting a sibling 6 years younger than me rather than 6 years older.
The shittiest part is that, of my 3 siblings, she's the only one I'm really still in contact with. The other two are transphobic religious nutjobs stuck in the family cult. This sister and I also share some common interests, and I really don't have a social life outside of her so just ghosting her isn't an ideal option. Every couple months it seems like
she's almost getting better then she regresses hard like she's waiting for someone to come pick up her life and rescue her like in some angsty fanfiction. Or maybe she just wants to play oppression Olympics. Entirely possible given how much she's complained to me recently about burnout, how she's definitely AuDHD (no diagnosis for any of this), clinically depressed, major social anxiety, etc etc but refuses any of my suggestions (campus resources, local clinics, literally just messaging her PCP online...). idk what she wants me to do about it other than listen and say "that sucks, sorry."
In any case, there's not much I can do since we're both adults. Can't tell our parents because then I'll be outed by proxy and that's a legitimate safety concern given their cult status. She's going to fuck up her body in blind ignorance and vanity chasing and then she'll run back to our parents who will console and reassure her that it isn't her fault she was seduced by the evil trans rhetoric. She'll be held up as a poor little disabled girl who didn't know any better, irreparably damaged by hormone therapy, and any chance of my family taking me seriously as a man will be shot dead. And
it'll also probably be me fault too for being a social contagion and bad influence because I know how impressiomable she is. fml. and despite it all i still have to babysit this grown ass woman who constantly wants to be praised for being special and having all the problems because I still care and no one else does.
Finally, a short and sweet treat to end your buffet of buffoonery: animated black comedy
Hazbin Hotel has put a certain kind of name on the map which leaves OP, a FTM, passing less and less often as people assume she chose the name in honor of him. The name in question?
Alistair. Commenters try to cook up some copium in a silver spoon for her by citing the commonality of the name in other parts of the world, let's be honest, if you met a bearded little Pillsbury doughboy that barely stood as tall as a table that croaked out that its name was Alistair, you're not thinking of
Member of Parliament Alistair Carmichael when you hear it.
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title is moreso a hyperbole, but it doesn’t help.
Basically,
my birth name is a traditionally male name. when I found out I was trans I went by a few names, then went through a phase of repression, and then decided to socially transition while keeping my birth name. I like my name, my family likes my name, and it means a lot to me. And then Hazbin Hotel got big, and
Alastor is a character everyone seems to recognize now.
My name is Alistair.
Every new person I meet automatically assumes that Alistair is my chosen name now since Hazbin Hotel came out, and so I must have based my name off of him.
Is it over for me?
" and I said "it's not a priority" but tbh I hate that question because I was violated by two guys who brought up my mom, and the second one even met her. Should I tell him that or keep it to myself?
