The societal expectations of womanhood are fucking batshit nonsense and the fact that women put up with that shit is kind of what convinced me that binary people weren't, like, just really big fans of a weird sport I "didn't get", because no one would endure that gauntlet for any reason other than a deep and wrenching anguish to be separated from womanhood no matter WHAT the absurd standards of the current archetype are, or how harmful and toxic sexism is.
that being said: you can honestly just not worry about it exactly right now, and take up your space in both communities (yes, this is fine, you officially have permission, but didn't really need it), and take a deep breath so you can have some time to figure it out.
If you were making a fantasy world and creating the gender rules for it, and got to say, okay, this is what women are expected to wear, this is what women are expected to talk like, how their society wants women to behave, etc. ... if you can pick all of that and then look at THAT set of rules and think, "Oh, well, yeah, that would be GREAT! Ladyship, ahoy!" then that's your sign. But if there's no set of hoops you could arrange that represented your personal, most comfortable, truest expression of self as womanhood... that's fine too.
And so is just not having a goddamn clue for now, for a while, or even ever.