Sarah kicks off the fun by telling a story from back in her college days with Deanna (which is how they met), explaining why she calls a cruise a "ca-rouse." Apparently it's because some retard asked if she could use her scholarship money for a "ca-rouse," so it's been a running joke ever since. It's kind of entertaining and the most coherent Sarah has ever been, I think.
Deanna shows us her first shopping "haul," which of course includes a gaudy Disney tumbler and a little caddy which is, lolfat, where she says she "keeps her snacks." Steph got some ugly pink watch and some Mickey earrings, while Sarah got an ugly tumbler for sitting by the pool with an ice cold beverage, even though I'm pretty sure they'll be buying overpriced drinks the whole time in glasses. I suspect this entire three days will consist of snacking, eating and laying around, so not too different from what they normally do, just on a Disney themed ship, I guess.
Steph is so emotional that she starts crying as they board.
The gorls get a little shout-out as the "PSPH family" from the cruise staff, which is cute.
After boarding, it's onto the first order of business: FOOD! Since, you know, breakfast clearly wasn't filling enough. The ship is still docked but hey, the gorls aren't getting any less hungry! No time to waste! They each get a massive portion, again, and rave about how good the food is, with Deanna saying the mashed potatoes are "better than the ones on the Disney property." It's always amusing to me that these gorls' points of references remain Disney-coded.
Then it's time for dessert!!! (Jesus fucking Christ). Sarah, having finished her meal well before the other gorls, shows us off an Oreo cheesecake and cupcake (both of which she will be eating, of course), and is also thrilled to report they also have ice cream. I'm guessing it's lunchtime, so that means we've got at least 2000 more calories to plow through before bed.
Hilariously, Katie gets a "second dessert," but clarifies this is her "first ice cream of the trip," adding that it's the "first of many." lol, oh we know, gorl. Steph also treats herself to three scoops of ice cream with chocolate syrup, and I admit my stomach hurt a little just watching this. Ashley got three different desserts, I guess figuring they're all "small," but kindly got a cookie for Steph, too. "Best day ever," Steph gushes. This is mildly depressing.
I was correct: THAT WAS ONLY THEIR LUNCH. It's not even 3:30 yet, but there's still much to do! After showing off their cabin rooms (which are not that exciting, though Deanna and Katie's room got personalized with stickers and decorations to welcome them aboard), the gorls head to the deck. Sarah can't wait to lie down, and quite honestly, if I'd eaten that much junk in one day, I'd be doing that in between running to the bathroom to shit my brains out. It amazes me how none of this gorging and binging seems to upset their stomachs.
Maybe I'm just not a cruise person, but so far the ship looks wholly uninteresting to me (and honestly a bit overstimulating). Maybe this would excite children, I don't know. And maybe it could be relaxing, but so far it's quite loud and bright.
Next it's time for sugary alcohol, of course! Steph and Katie start us off with a drink of the day, a mai thai that Steph brags was "only $7." Our resident alcoholic Katie gets a giant aperol spritz. Anyone else silently calorie counting/estimating so far? Where would you say we're at?
The gorls quite literally SQUEEZE into the elevator to take a quick video, and it's both funny and alarming to see how much room they each take up in there. Surprised they all fit.
Deanna, drink in hand, does a little waddling dance on the deck. She appears to be one of the only people not wearing sunglasses, bizarrely, even though it looks VERY BRIGHT.
Sarah, meanwhile, is delighted to show off the edible straw in her giant sugary drink which she says tastes like mango. Ashley asks what she'll do if she eats her straw too fast (lolfat) before finishing her drink, and it looks like this may very well become a problem (hint: get another one from the bar, it's not like anyone's counting calories!) as she can't help but take a bite right away. Meanwhile, Steph and Katie are on their second drinks, so day drinking in the sun on a boat has fully commenced! A funny aside: when Steph asked the bartender what the straw is made of, he said "gluten" by accident instead of "gelatin," and Katie (who takes nearly every opportunity to remind us that she is gluten-free) almost had a Karen moment by the look on her face.
The gorls spend yet another minute discussing the drinks and edible straws (keep in mind the ship is still docked with minutes to go until they set sail). If you don't enjoy endless mukbangs, Kiwis, this episode is not for you! Steph reports that they were advised to get merch "right away" because it "sells out" (lol), which they plan to do (of course they do).
But that won't stop Katie and Steph from getting some steps in with dancing! Deanna elects to dance sitting down. Don't hurt 'em, Deanna!
It looks like they're joined by a group of other deathfats who have not been introduced or identified. I'm not sure why. They're also vlogging all of this concurrently for a long-form video, so maybe we'll learn who the fuck they are then?
Steph's got her bathing suit on and is happily shaking it as Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" blasts from the speakers, the host giving a half-hearted "let's go crazy!" in the background. This cruise is looking more and more like my worst nightmare.
After Ashley downs a sugary coffee confection, Steph is delighted to show us her new purchase, and from the looks of the dipping sauces on the table, they've gotten more food.
Queen Consoomerist that she is, Steph reveals that, unlike her usual pragmatic self, Ashley is INTERESTED IN BUYING SHIT on this cruise, because hey, they're on a Disney cruise, they have to!!
Then, of course, it's time for dinner!!! The gorls SQUEEZE into a booth for some kind of Marvel-themed meal. They notice they can feel the boat rocking, but that doesn't seem to quiet their appetites.
Steph announces the tightly scheduled line-up of tonight's activities, which consist of trivia, karaoke, and some kind of 90's dance party, followed by massages in the morning. Well, that's about all I can stomach for now, pun intended. More soon!
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