SPECTREagent700 11 points 12 hours ago
Hot take but I find it hard to believe they’re not trans. A lot of them are denying it for attention or money and the rest are just in denial.
[–]DirtFem 7 points 10 hours ago
Isn’t that projecting our own dysphoria onto others? There are plenty of cis men who find comfort and joy in femininity
[–]partially_buttered 1 point 7 hours ago*
Sure, sure. I agree.
Bit of a long post, sorry about that :/
I'm not against cute guys with a BBL, or guys who have such crazy makeup skills that I'd love to have even like 10-25% of the skill they do... go get that ffs my man... do you!
I'm not sure it's about projecting my own dysphoria either... though that is a good thing to consider in this conversation, so thanks for pointing the possibility out.
It isn't projecting my dysphoria to recognize that coming out as trans can be really, really hard and that people find all kinds of ways to survive without facing facts.
My god, if y'all could see me at the end of my egg phase... my gf was a lesbian and didn't know it and I was trans and didn't know it and let me tell you I got pretty into feminine presentations because, well, trans woman... and also it made my secretly lesbian gf clearly happy af and totally, totally into me.. way more than she was into my dude self...
So it was just so rewarding to occupy this liminal space between my established identity as a guy and this... new, magical space where I got to feel feminine while also being rewarded intensely for it... it was clearly really hot to my gf... and there was much more than it being hot, too. This mutual experience of increased congruence was like a healing and sacred space for both of us in retrospect. It took a lot more than that for both of us to come to realize who we were.
Those were beautiful nights, though. Special in a way that only subconscious healing experiences can be.
If I hadn't been madly in love with a secret lesbian and maybe if I was at all into big time attention... then maybe femboy could have been a liminal space for me... one where I could feel both feminine and really hot, and maybe make some money in the process.
If I hadn't been driven to the brink of who I thought I was and then beyond I don't know if I would have ever realized I was trans.
I'm just saying... motivation does matter, and people are really skilled when it comes to hiding motivations from themselves and by extension hiding them from others...
If a cis woman were to start shooting T I'd be just as likely to consider the possibility of them being trans, though.
Also, ultimately, there comes a point at which being trans is the simplest explanation for how a person engages with an identity that could be embodied in a way that is very trans adjacent. Occam's razor and all that...
Like, if someone tells me they're a man and that they're almost done saving up for vaginoplasty... and then they insist like 99 more times that THEY are a MAN who just likes CROSS-DRESSING and are totally 100% DEFINITELY A MAN.
(I am thinking of a specific profile I saw once. It stuck with me because it was so... transparently full of denial and weird mental contortions.)
Being on HRT and saving up for a long time to pay out of pocket for a vagina... fuck, that's more than I've done and I am decidedly trans!
So no, I don't think that's just a man exploring his femininity... I see a woman that is not being real with herself.
... and I have no idea why being a 'male cross-dresser' on HRT who is actively working for a long time to get a vagina is... like... even a good place to be identity wise? Like, if people don't abandon you for that shit then being trans is probably not going to be much more of a stretch...
...allllsooooo... idk how that narrative is in any way preferable to just being trans fr. Like, it's so friggin sad?? ...the internalized transphobia must be truly immense... the social poisons got her good.
Extreme example, for sure.
Edit: oh and JK Rowling is so obviously a dude that it would border on hilarious if he wasn't so absolutely evil. Talk about misplaced attempts to actualize by suppressing and externalizing and generally being a stupid basic-ass fuckface because SHE HAS TO BE A WOMAN SO SHE WILL DO WOMAN AT ALL OF US SO HARD WE ALL DIE. Like... oooookaay.... sure... whatever you say JK....
[–]SPECTREagent700 8 points 10 hours ago
A fair point but I’m really talking about the ones who are on full dose HRT and maybe even had FFS.
[–]DirtFem 2 points 10 hours ago
Femininity isn’t womanhood and masculinity isn’t manhood. If we know woman can be very masculine then we should also be able to understand cis men can be feminine, and to the point of undergoing surgery to be feminine. Nowadays there’s dudes that have BBLs and it’s becoming more common
[–]hybridrep 2 points 5 hours ago
[–]partially_buttered 9 points 10 hours ago
Ain't that just the way.
I've never met a femboy tho so idk
Sure looks like the whole scene could be egg city from what little I've seen haha
Its much easier to push down an awareness of the full reality of your situation when you have such an... effective short-term outlet for the feelings you don't want to know you have. Plus I'm sure the money doesn't hurt on a lifestyle level, even if it does hurt your chances of being who you actually are by potentially re-enforcing your cope-job.
I do agree that if they call themselves male then that's that, I'm not going to contest someone when they say who they are.
I will, however, play a game I enjoy: quietly making trans bets with my friends. The rules are you have to pick a person, a direction of transition, and an amount of time.
If the person transitions in the direction you bet on and within your given timeline then you win. If two people get it right then the closest estimate wins.
Aaaaannnyyway... I think a lot of people just avoid the trans label at all costs...
Cowards, the lot of them!
Well... maybe that's harsh haha... people have their reasons, they hatch when they've created a safe nest in their lives to support them in cracking.
It's still a mood tho... c'mon, just be trans if you trans... we're a lot of fun!
[–]Contiguous_spazz 3 points 11 hours ago*
It’s not my business to read the minds of others, if someone calls themselves a man or a boy I tend to believe them.
edit - downvoted for *checks notes** believing people and taking them at their word. Really?*
[–]SPECTREagent700 4 points 11 hours ago
I didn’t downvote you! I’ve just yet to actually met a self declared “femboy” that wasn’t just using the label performatively and didn’t identify as a woman in their actual life (excepting for FtM femboys which is a whole other thing).