💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%
  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%
  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%
  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%
  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%
  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 2.8%
  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%
  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%
  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 902 58.0%

  • Total voters
    1,556
Is it just me or does Jack in his old videos seem much more energetic and almost likable compared to how he is now? I just watched that disgusting pound cake video and he strikes me as downright tolerable.
Early on he was enjoying doing it and even making a decent amount of money purely just by lucking into the "normie cooking things" genre that had just started. He hadn't yet been beaten down by years of trolling and even looked liked he might have a mainstream career on the horizon.

He was already a dick and a really bad cook, and hypersensitive to criticism, but nothing like now, and would even occasionally admit to messing something up (like the redo of the Yorkshire pudding).

But the most prominent part of his cowdom was just being really bad at cooking. He hadn't exposed himself as a child-strangling psycho and didn't constantly treat everyone around him like shit.

Now he's not making money, puts in the minimum amount of effort, more from habit than anything, and is dull and listless from being a stroked-out retard and beaten down by trolls.
 
Early on he was enjoying doing it and even making a decent amount of money purely just by lucking into the "normie cooking things" genre that had just started. He hadn't yet been beaten down by years of trolling and even looked liked he might have a mainstream career on the horizon.

He was already a dick and a really bad cook, and hypersensitive to criticism, but nothing like now, and would even occasionally admit to messing something up (like the redo of the Yorkshire pudding).

But the most prominent part of his cowdom was just being really bad at cooking. He hadn't exposed himself as a child-strangling psycho and didn't constantly treat everyone around him like shit.

Now he's not making money, puts in the minimum amount of effort, more from habit than anything, and is dull and listless from being a stroked-out retard and beaten down by trolls.
It's that whole "having two hands" thing.

I concur he fell back asswards into a nascent and burgeoning genre. He could have even passed off as a gimmick chef act i.e. fucking shit up on purpose. But he manage to fuck up the art of fucking up. People figuring out that he genuinely believed he was competent kinda ruined the novelty.

Maybe I wasn't around for it (I wasn't) but I don't think he got trolled too hard. Aside from one-timers in his youtube comments that was pretty much it from what I can see. Nobody's out there printing out crayola fuckin' model magic amulets and blackmailing him to shove pieces of it up his ass, as kids like to say.

Although I do believe what we see is a highly curated version of his interactions with the outside world. My kingdom for a video of him in his scootypuff saying "hey guise, jack scalfatty here, we are going to the local ihop in everyone's favorite sunny peninsula, the tip of the boot, miami!"
 
As with most CAHNTENT CREEADUR cows, Jack was steeped in a lifetime of failure prior to pretending that getting lucky with Youtube slop was something he was entitled to after "paying his dues" by being mostly unemployed since the 1990s as a consequence of being a stupid, lazy asshole with delusions of grandeur and hair wherever he inflicted himself upon others.

Sometime in 2025, Jack made a slobbering cope video dispensing the unsolicited, platitudinal advice of "going back to basics" with whatever made his "career"/marriage/peepee work in the first place. He sounded like Grape Ape while doing so.

The problem with Jack's advice is that *he* doesn't understand what "earned" him UTOOBS success in the first place; because it would be an intolerable narc injury to admit that he was merely lucky, has long-since squandered what that luck afforded him in the short term, and that no meritocracy informs any part of his sinful, selfish life beyond whatever he rationalizes to himself as "deserving" from others in the course of prayer communing with his only higher power: his false sense of self which can't manifest where anyone else can see or know to pay lip service to it.

Jack's defining, insurmountable hubris prevents him from "replicating"[reliving] any of the successes he is incapable of experiencing (aside from when he accidentally stumbles into anything which isn't outright failure), and he's arrived at a point near the end of his life where the only way he's willing to react to this existential thorn in his side is by getting hungry and MAD where others can see it. And he won't bow out and recuse himself from this cycle of circling the drain in any manner others might consider graceful; because he's spent his life ensuring there's nothing else waiting for him which he could take comfort in.

He's jealous of his grandson, resentful of anyone he sees with functional legs, envious of anyone else's portion of meat, greedy with his own piles of slop, confused and ashamed that he only gets sexually excited by his son's titties, is covered in a variety of flakes at all times, often smells like the juice from a hot garbage bag, and is generally uncomfortable from being unable to scratch an itch on his left arm. That, he has earned for himself. Along with the megacolon.
 
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The constant thing which gets me is this "Lazy man's" idea, to go so far as to say "Lazy Man's Mac n Cheese"
Mac and Cheese is considered usually one of the most lazy dishes, to need a "Lazier recipe" you have to be bloody comatose, what's wild is I swear to fuck Jack has done this idea multiple times, which one is the superior one?
 
The constant thing which gets me is this "Lazy man's" idea, to go so far as to say "Lazy Man's Mac n Cheese"
Mac and Cheese is considered usually one of the most lazy dishes, to need a "Lazier recipe" you have to be bloody comatose, what's wild is I swear to fuck Jack has done this idea multiple times, which one is the superior one?
There are ways to do the "lazy man does stuff." This guy makes bacon n' eggs out in nature, no heat source, no pans, nothing.


Jack fucked up.
 
There are ways to do the "lazy man does stuff." This guy makes bacon n' eggs out in nature, no heat source, no pans, nothing.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=GBwm5_P-K0A
Jack fucked up.
This content is very comfy to watch, but i wouldn't call it lazy

You can't be a lazy outdoorsman. Jack would never be able to find the adequate stones before having a heart attack, and is too retarded to start a fire like that
 
This content is very comfy to watch, but i wouldn't call it lazy

You can't be a lazy outdoorsman. Jack would never be able to find the adequate stones before having a heart attack, and is too retarded to start a fire like that
ehh true dat. You need a scintilla of food knowledge to cook out in the great out there.

Jack couldn't cook anything more advanced than a baconator.
also, bacon boobs. lmfao.
 
That video was horrifying.

The burger is raw. The cheese is cold and he had to add his terrible teriyaki sauce to it.

Everything about it was retarded.
Even cheese straight out of the fridge will melt properly if you place them on the patties while in the pan, i do it often so that it doesn't get too soft as i manipulate it. Take out of the fridge, place on top of the patties, drop one or two drops of water on the skillet and cover it for a few seconds, then immediately assemble it

Thing is, those patties were cold, room temp. Either the retard took forever to assemble that monstrosity or there were almost no heat during cooking, which is probable because he overcrowded the pan and there's no color to those burgers

I say confidently that those are the worst burgers i've ever seen
 
Couldn't find the original video, but have a react from a proper chef to ... whatever the fuck that was
If you want to find the original version, its paired up with bison tacos, as a double episode showing off bison meat. The thumbnail is just of him cooking the ground meat for the tacos, so its easy to miss. This bison burger is one of my go-to's for introducing jack to a new audience, alongside the classics like aunt myrnas party cheese salad etc
 
He was already a dick and a really bad cook, and hypersensitive to criticism
Don't forget failure of a father before he ever started tubing. Or how proud Tammy was when he repeated the story, the malignant cunt.
Mac and Cheese is considered usually one of the most lazy dishes, to need a "Lazier recipe"
I thought Cliff Booth in Once upon a time in Hollywood boiled it down to it's most depressing. He loads a bowl of shit for his dog and then he cooks a bowl of shit for himself.

I honestly wonder when that react pro chef will kill himself.

Like I'm not hoping for it, but that guy clearly despises existence.

It continues to blow my mind that Jack once managed to have his shitty sauce listed nationwide through Kroger. He probably resents it, but that was the high point of his life. And he didn't appreciate it for a fucking second.
 
alongside the classics like aunt myrnas party cheese salad etc

Thanks for giving me fucking PTSD-style flashbacks of when I got intro'd to Jack via I think AugustTheDuck who kept showing the party cheese salad. I had wiped that memory clean from my memory banks to have it flashbanged to me.
Like I'm an AWFUL cook, I don't adventure outside of cooking pasta bakes, rice dishes or something with pork/chicken (Since frying stuff is easy), but watching Jack cook makes me feel like I'm on par with the 5* chefs. I do genuinely wonder if him and Kay have a small audience of people who actually follow their recipes, I fucking hope not but one wonders.....
 
That video was horrifying.

The burger is raw. The cheese is cold and he had to add his terrible teriyaki sauce to it.

Everything about it was retarded.
I've not cooked a bison burger in years but holy hell that is nasty. Dangerously undercooked, awful ingredients (who the fuck puts teriyaki on a bison burger AND adds tomato and cheese with the teriyaki?) AND the fat fuck didn't even melt the cheese
 
Like I'm an AWFUL cook, I don't adventure outside of cooking pasta bakes, rice dishes or something with pork/chicken (Since frying stuff is easy), but watching Jack cook makes me feel like I'm on par with the 5* chefs.
This is why it's hard not to A-Log Jagoff. If you can so much as boil water without it ending up burned, bloody and raw at the same time, you're Auguste Escoffier compared to him.
 
This is why it's hard not to A-Log Jagoff. If you can so much as boil water without it ending up burned, bloody and raw at the same time, you're Auguste Escoffier compared to him.
And even if some how by god you're a worse chef, unless you actually throw kittens into a industrial metal shredder you're probably a better person.

And much less gay.
 
Even if Jack wasn't a hateful, seething, low-functioning narc who expresses nostalgia for when he was able to be more violent toward his children, he's still pathologically lazy to the point of being a liability to other humans; because he'll make commitments he has no intention of living up to, jump straight into DARVO tactics the moment he lets anyone down, then refuse to learn anything from burning that bridge. He even feels entitled to act this way with the medical staff the preservation of his life depends on; because telling him to be less of a fat fuck is tantamount to treason in his eye. The novelty of his videos is that he manages to bring that approach to cooking and fast food reviews; where the only product or service he provides is being an easily hateable person.

The combination of the aforementioned traits results in Jack expecting the world to kiss his ass just for reminding us that he exists; with the pretense for doing so paid no mind ("Here's a video where I dump a bunch of shit into cookware, it looks like toxic waste, and I make my wife tell me it's gud while she looks like she wants to die. I love you guys.").

The product of Jack's pathology ends up being so one-dimensional that his negative traits are that of a cartoon character in a diaper whose gag is that he ruins everything by eating all the food and demanding to be changed on the dinner table he just cleared. And Jack now being severely handicapped just serves to make it even funnier; because he took eating himself into a motorized cart to mean that he's now entitled to even more from all of us. And he's gay.
 
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