💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Random Internet Person]

ack's like a homunculus experiment to see how Homer Simpson would fare in the real world.

Except there’s some indication Homer actually cares about his family.

1:36 expert one-handed whisking.

1:43 FUCK YOU BUDDUR (bonus: home depot buckets Tam uses to uh.... paint over the ... something. tyrone sex joke please)

sticker still on. nice.

FUCK YOU BUDDUR

he...did stuff twice. Like...why. In immediate succession. What is the benefit?

2:58 Jacko after inseminating Tammay

4:30 is that his right hand?! ... 4:55

5:30
View attachment 8349452

I can say, with neither artifice nor evasion, that I would eviscerate you if you ever served anything resembling this to me, my kin true, on this or any occasion including the Rapture.

7:51 fresh victim.

Some humility at the end. Ehh you know, that takes balls. Video: 9/10 cuz it made me laugh, gasp and scream (quietly). Food in it? 0/10.

At this point, you’re better off eating unbaked dough.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=D7FId31KQwc
I love and hate that Jack is now such a boring cow that we don't bother to post his videos when they come out. This one is for CHOCLATE cookies.

1:41 He duplicated this segment of the video so you get to watch him put in the ingredients twice in a row. We also get to see him struggle to walk around the corner of the kitchen island.

There's no angle showing the inside of the bowl as it's mixing, so we have no idea what these CHUNK COOKIES are supposed to look like.

4:53 He lays out some goopy "cookie dough" on the tray. Pretty sure women put this on their face to cleanse their pores.

5:45 These cookies are a complete disaster. He redoes this recipe and says the next batch is much better, personally they still look raw to me.

I give this video a D. Minimal lolcow content and shitty recipe that's not very entertaining.

He legit looks fatter now than he used to. No wonder he stopped giving us his numbers on how much weight he was losing. He probably started gaining again.

Then the "cookies" are just a glop of semi-solid material dumped onto the cookie sheet.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

I notice that fatty had someone else eat the cookie. He must be pretending to be carnivore today

 

[Super Hans v2]

He legit looks fatter now than he used to. No wonder he stopped giving us his numbers on how much weight he was losing. He probably started gaining again.

You think somebody who eats at least three square meals a day consisting of GUD MEET, cheez, and coffee-flavored shurgar whose most strenuous activity is transferring his ass from the scooty puff to the shower for his daily hose-down is gaining weight? Doubtful.

 

[AnOminous]

His videos are becoming less instructional cooking videos and more in the vein of "loog, i made coogies".

I made better cookies than this when I was 10. That was when I discovered the Betty Crocker cookbook and realized "wait I can just actually make cookies with stuff that is already in the house?" My favorite were Toll House cookies, the same as brownies, the "Loaf of Gold" pound cake from the Betty Crocker cookbook, I think the 1969 edition. I still make that from time to time.

https://www.justapinch.com/recipes/dessert/cake/loaf-o-gold-cake.html (if you want something in between a pound cake and a shortcake).

I think actually following the recipe had something to do with it. How does he even call that undifferentiated glop "cookies?" How does he never learn anything at all?

He even aged it, unsealed, in the back of his freezer for 14 months. Ingrates.

That just always astounded me and was one of the "this isn't le funny bad cooking guy this is an utter dick" moments. UNSEALED. Really, 14 months is too long even for vacuum sealed. It will still be edible that long, but no person of normal intelligence would try to submit it in a contest and expect to win. It's more like "I'd really better use that right now or just toss it" and even then you'd spice it heavily because it would be at least mildly funky.

 

[Adamska]

4:53 He lays out some goopy "cookie dough" on the tray. Pretty sure women put this on their face to cleanse their pores.

Definitely due to a mixture in the dough and too much of it because retarded fat glutton. All that buddur was melting out of it before it could set, and because he had way too much of it it formed into a shitty cake. There's a reason you should chill the dough a bit to minimize that and thicken it up, or ironically cook them a bit hotter than you should. Also wouldn't be shocked if it needed a wee bit more flour due to the humidity of the upper south.

His videos are becoming less instructional cooking videos and more in the vein of "loog, i made coogies". Cobes's food hacks were of more instructional than some of these later videos.

It's because he's completely given up at this point and is so crippled that he struggles to do anything anymore. He's always been lazy, but he's gotten so much worse the last couple of years.

But yeah, I had no interest in fatboy cheating the fake diet he made just so the brother he lets speak for him doesn't make fun of him.

 

[Shartavius]

Jack's a dependent infant whose only form of escapism is something he still manages to be bullied for. If only Tammy would leave him home alone for a single night, it might do his mental health a world of good to use the opportunity to spend all day shitting and crying himself to sleep on the toilet with only God and Hope as witnesses (as he uses the dog as a bidet and bath towel).

 

[Slavic Patronym]

Has this already been called out? In his new soft-batch "choclate" chunk cookies disaster, Jack shows worse attention to detail and worse editing skills than a literal elementary schooler:

• At 1:45, he puts in a stick of butter.
  
  
• At 1:53, he puts in brown sugar. It's in a small blue bowl which can be seen in the reflection of the mixer. When he sets the bowl back down, it's now empty (as it should be) in the reflection.
  
  
• At 2:10, the small blue bowl refills with brown sugar in the mixer's reflection. Then the same clip we just saw plays again, with Jack putting in the same stick of butter.

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

Has this already been called out? In his new soft-batch "choclate" chunk cookies disaster, Jack shows worse attention to detail and worse editing skills than a literal elementary schooler:

• At 1:45, he puts in a stick of butter.
  
  
• At 1:53, he puts in brown sugar. It's in a small blue bowl which can be seen in the reflection of the mixer. When he sets the bowl back down, it's now empty (as it should be) in the reflection.
  
  
• At 2:10, the small blue bowl refills with brown sugar in the mixer's reflection. Then the same clip we just saw plays again, with Jack putting in the same stick of butter.

This is also his second edit of the video. His first upload omitted the dry ingredients. It took a Twitter troll to call him out on it, so he reuploaded it with that segment, but he still missed the duplicate segment.

 

[the khat quaffer]

At this point, you’re better off eating unbaked dough.

Just like Tammy.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

At this point, you’re better off eating unbaked dough.

There's probably less chance of cookie dough killing you than Jack's cooking, and it tastes much better.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

You think somebody who eats at least three square meals a day consisting of GUD MEET, cheez, and coffee-flavored shurgar whose most strenuous activity is transferring his ass from the scooty puff to the shower for his daily hose-down is gaining weight? Doubtful.

It was like all the other diets and programs he was on. He half-assed them, did what he wanted to do and claimed it was working at the start only to wind up looking exactly the same at the end.

Fatty ought to just admit that he's weak when it comes to food, admit his gluttony and pray to Jesus for forgiveness. But he won't because he probably believes he's fine the way he is.

It will still be edible that long, but no person of normal intelligence would try to submit it in a contest and expect to win. It's more like "I'd really better use that right now or just toss it" and even then you'd spice it heavily because it would be at least mildly funky.

Fatty would never throw out GUD MEET. But the fact is that chili was vile to begin with even before he was going to use smoked brisket in it. Nothing could have saved it as it was just a "throw it all together and hope it works" kind of thing.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

I discovered the Betty Crocker cookbook

We had the 1985 edition but the older ones were way more interesting. It definitely helped me start learning about what flavors go together and how to add texture variation etc. even if it was just theoretical. Tempted to buy a copy just for the nostalgia factor.

Jack seems like he’s declining more markedly now.

 

[Shartavius]

OnlyFans arc incoming (!).

 

[ZipDisk]

I like when Jack goes shopping with Tammy because I truly believe they deserve to spend ALL OF their lives together.

Regional question, where the FUCK does merrio come from? The pronunciation.

Things no one gives a shit about: I found out I don't like japanese bbq sauce or gochujang. Fucking ocean water the both of them.

Not really, once you think about it for a bit everything falls into place. Never mix three liquors.

Bourbon, brandy, rum. Egg nog should fortify a man to stay in yet insulate him from the nagging. Sit and ponder your beverage. Cognac was Marty being pretentious again.
Also her shitting on premixed egg nog is so god damn precious.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

Hammy does all the work anyway so what is he bitching about? Having to ride in a scooty puff while Mommy-wife does the actual shopping?

And on a side note, how retarded do you have to be to go shopping two days before Christmas? The stores are crowded as fuck, large line ups and you deal with potentially the item you want being sold out.

Imo the only reason Jack goes to the grocery store is to validate claims that Tammy made about not buying things that Jack had previously demanded. Jack is in a fact finding mission to prove Tammy wrong for not buying him all of the items he demanded last week .

https://youtube.com/watch?v=D7FId31KQwc
I love and hate that Jack is now such a boring cow that we don't bother to post his videos when they come out. This one is for CHOCLATE cookies.

1:41 He duplicated this segment of the video so you get to watch him put in the ingredients twice in a row. We also get to see him struggle to walk around the corner of the kitchen island.

There's no angle showing the inside of the bowl as it's mixing, so we have no idea what these CHUNK COOKIES are supposed to look like.

4:53 He lays out some goopy "cookie dough" on the tray. Pretty sure women put this on their face to cleanse their pores.

5:45 These cookies are a complete disaster. He redoes this recipe and says the next batch is much better, personally they still look raw to me.

I give this video a D. Minimal lolcow content and shitty recipe that's not very entertaining.

Has this already been called out? In his new soft-batch "choclate" chunk cookies disaster, Jack shows worse attention to detail and worse editing skills than a literal elementary schooler:

• At 1:45, he puts in a stick of butter.
  
  
• At 1:53, he puts in brown sugar. It's in a small blue bowl which can be seen in the reflection of the mixer. When he sets the bowl back down, it's now empty (as it should be) in the reflection.
  
  
• At 2:10, the small blue bowl refills with brown sugar in the mixer's reflection. Then the same clip we just saw plays again, with Jack putting in the same stick of butter.

Watching Jack shake the cold butter stick off of the wax paper and into the mixer is fucking hilarious,

 

[Slavic Patronym]

Watching Jack shake the cold butter stick off of the wax paper and into the mixer is fucking hilarious

Just a couple minutes of prep and he'd rob us of a lot of stuff to complain about. Just shake off the butter beforehand, set it on the paper, and have it ready to drop into the mixer. But no, everything he does he has to do with as little pre-thought and prep work as possible, so it can look as crippled and demented as humanly feasible.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

jack the AI defender



Racism



"NETFLIX WILL MAKE HARRY POTTER GAY"

 

[Shartavius]

No surprise: Jack Scalfatty (a man who looks, sounds, and acts like a demon-possessed fetus that wears a hat) goes from complaining that the people who consume the AI and Current Year Homo slop they complain about are the ones responsible for its popularity to confessing that he knows that only because he's describing himself. He of course regards himself as faultless in these roles he has summarized and published about himself; because he just wants to be MAD and FED.

 

[myhairisonfire]

"Just let the author tell their story! No, not like that!!!!!!!"

Average midwit take