- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
I think he wants to be the degenerates Anais Nin or Collette or Radclyffe Hall.
But really, he should do a Virginia Woolf. He already vaguely resembles her.
Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"
- Thread starter CobraPlissken
- Start date
-
⚙️ Performance issue identified and being addressed.
-
Want to keep track of this thread?
Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
Create account
I think he wants to be the degenerates Anais Nin or Collette or Radclyffe Hall.
But really, he should do a Virginia Woolf. He already vaguely resembles her.
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2019
Joe broke his arm.
Caption says:
And later:
Caption says:
The two pics together on his Instagram grid, this dickhead is feeling himself. Imagine asking your spouse (or side piece, or a nurse??) to stand up and take not one but two soulful, brooding, #fashion elbow selfies from this angle:
Anyway, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahah Joe you fucking asshole.
Nice job. Recall that this is a cargo e-bike with a child seat on the back:
Hopefully they all have the sense to keep Rocco off the bike while Joe learns to ride it.
Caption says:
And later:
Caption says:
The two pics together on his Instagram grid, this dickhead is feeling himself. Imagine asking your spouse (or side piece, or a nurse??) to stand up and take not one but two soulful, brooding, #fashion elbow selfies from this angle:
Anyway, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahah Joe you fucking asshole.
Nice job. Recall that this is a cargo e-bike with a child seat on the back:Hopefully they all have the sense to keep Rocco off the bike while Joe learns to ride it.
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2022
So right! I keep forgetting about her. I bet Joe has read everything she's ever written with great admiration and envy.
Snort. Pauvre transexual!
It's no wonder most of the photos we see online of him have his hair framing his face. That forehead and receding hairline tell no gender lies.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
Joe needs a mobility scooter, not an e-bike.
A real bike with no motor would get his fat ass in better shape and be less prone to bad crashes under Joe’s peddle power. Dropping 40 lbs by riding a vintage Pashley or Claud Butler around campus would make him far more interesting than being another fat troon in garish clothes. He buy some good wool and corduroy to become a 1970’s English professor stereotype.
A real bike with no motor would get his fat ass in better shape and be less prone to bad crashes under Joe’s peddle power. Dropping 40 lbs by riding a vintage Pashley or Claud Butler around campus would make him far more interesting than being another fat troon in garish clothes. He buy some good wool and corduroy to become a 1970’s English professor stereotype.
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2019
So you’re saying if he put in effort and worked on himself, he’d be a lot less of a cow, both lol and otherwise.
Not gonna happen.
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
With one big. meaty. claw.
cannonarchy
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2025
I finally found this piece I remembered from old Toast days, which I still feel is very revelatory of Mal's character: The Top Ten Writers Whose Success You’ll Resent This Year, from 2013 - before any of the book deals. Particularly interesting in light of the publication of Womens' Hotel and its relentless humbleness. It seems she's always found ambition undignified and embarrassing.
Her persona was much more 2010s-feminine back then, with its persona of the dysfunctional, jaded modern girl. The narrator's wine-swilling comes across particularly mannered to me - she's trying to be self-aware by writing this self-parodying character whose bitterness is the joke, but it's not real self-deprecation because she ignores reality to portray herself as a cartoonish level of failure. Same way she does now with the helpless himbo act, but that contempt for everyone else is always there underneath it all. Here's the piece:
Her persona was much more 2010s-feminine back then, with its persona of the dysfunctional, jaded modern girl. The narrator's wine-swilling comes across particularly mannered to me - she's trying to be self-aware by writing this self-parodying character whose bitterness is the joke, but it's not real self-deprecation because she ignores reality to portray herself as a cartoonish level of failure. Same way she does now with the helpless himbo act, but that contempt for everyone else is always there underneath it all. Here's the piece:
10. The Maddeningly Gentle Food Blogger With The Completely Unjustified Book Deal Whose Posts You Read Every Day
“This is so stupid,” you tell your best work friend over gchat. “Why does anyone read these posts? It’s just glossy pictures of icing and domesticity porn.” Your friend does not respond. “Do you want to get lunch,” you write. Still no response. Seven minutes later: “Most of her recipes are just stolen from somewhere else. They’re not even original.” Your friend’s status changes to Busy. An hour later, you will see her at the Panera Bread down the hill from your office park with two coworkers you don’t know.
9. The Memoirist Who Is Your Age And Whose Life Eerily Parallels Yours
“Nobody should write a memoir before they’re fifty,” you announce to your friends over drinks. You are not fifty. “Everyone seems to think being 27 and unhappy in love is all you need to write a book about your life. You should have to get licensed before you can write one.” You are on your fourth glass of wine. It is Tuesday. “You should have to–be Gore Vidal, or a cultural attaché, or have invented genocide or something.” You spilled a little bit of your wine during that last remark, but it has landed on your napkin and you don’t think anyone noticed.
You have never been asked to write a memoir, but you would immediately if anyone seemed interested.
8. The Literary Short Story Author Who Pretended He Had Never Met You Before Once At A Party Even Though You Absolutely Did
It didn’t sell that many copies, you heard. You don’t know who you heard it from, or how they would know, but it definitely didn’t sell that many copies. And you two had definitely met before, so you don’t know what his whole thing was about, pretending you hadn’t.
7. The Unfunny Bro With The Unfunny Gimmick Book About Punching Mustaches Or Doing Something Stupid For A Year Whose Author Picture Is Smirking At The Reader As If To Say “Can You Believe It?” Which Is Really A Level Of Self-Awareness You Have Not Earned, Pal
Something about kicking robots, or which president had the most balls, or whatever. You reflexively sneer whenever you see it in a bookstore’s window display, which is often. It’s selling really well.
6. Oh Come Right The Fuck On, Nobody Read That
It was dystopian, or something? But not YA. Nobody read it. You refuse to believe anyone actually read it. It was so weird. It was unbelievably short. “A slim novel,” the reviews said. “A slim novel of surprising”…deftness or something. Slim novels are always deft, and powerful, like Joss Whedon heroines.
5. That One Poet Who’s Kind of Making A Living. Do You Know How Many Fucking Words His Fucking Book Has? Like Thirty. He Wrote Thirty Words About A Pond And Won An Award.
“Oh,” you say vaguely when his name comes up in conversation, which is never quite as often as you hope it will. “Him. I don’t know, guys. I’ve heard some stuff about him that if you knew…I don’t think you’d be able to think of him in the same way.” When pressed, you refuse to give further details. “It’s really not my story to tell. I really can’t talk about it.” Still, you never fail to bring it up.
4. His Fucking Dad Has Written Four Bestsellers, He Was Probably Born With An Agent
No, good for him, though. Good for him. Everyone in that family has a book deal, and everyone you know hates them. “He’s actually unbelievably nice,” your one friend who works in publishing and who has actually met him tries to tell you. You have never read any of his books.
3. The Woman With The World’s Last Tumblr-To-Book-Deal
Fine, you know? No, it’s great. You could have come up with the same joke (because the entire book is one joke retold in 85 different ways, not that anyone cares, apparently, because they’re carrying it at Urban Outfitters, which by the way is not a place for books, you don’t buy shoes at Trader Joe’s and you don’t buy books at clothing stores) in, oh, ten minutes, but that’s really great that she managed to spin that thin a premise into a successful personal brand.
Actually it would be kind of amazing, if Trader Joe’s sold shoes. Like TOMS, kind of, but good. That’s a really good idea. You should tell someone that idea.
2. The Writer of the “Unflinching” Debut
400 pages about an unrelenting total fucking bummer. Oh, the drug addictions. Oh, the horrible, grinding poverty as a four-year-old child soldier of fortune/undersea mine welder/burn victim. Oh, the meaningless and tawdry and horrifying sex. No one makes eye contact. Everyone attends horrifically tense dinner parties and throw their lovers out of ninth-story walkups. You wish it would flinch, even just once.
1. Everyone, everyone
“What books do you like, then,” someone you don’t know well asks you. You laugh in a way that suggests he should consider it an embarrassingly incredibly pedestrian and naïve question. “What books do I like?” you ask, stalling for time. “That’s a good one.” You laugh again.
“This is so stupid,” you tell your best work friend over gchat. “Why does anyone read these posts? It’s just glossy pictures of icing and domesticity porn.” Your friend does not respond. “Do you want to get lunch,” you write. Still no response. Seven minutes later: “Most of her recipes are just stolen from somewhere else. They’re not even original.” Your friend’s status changes to Busy. An hour later, you will see her at the Panera Bread down the hill from your office park with two coworkers you don’t know.
9. The Memoirist Who Is Your Age And Whose Life Eerily Parallels Yours
“Nobody should write a memoir before they’re fifty,” you announce to your friends over drinks. You are not fifty. “Everyone seems to think being 27 and unhappy in love is all you need to write a book about your life. You should have to get licensed before you can write one.” You are on your fourth glass of wine. It is Tuesday. “You should have to–be Gore Vidal, or a cultural attaché, or have invented genocide or something.” You spilled a little bit of your wine during that last remark, but it has landed on your napkin and you don’t think anyone noticed.
You have never been asked to write a memoir, but you would immediately if anyone seemed interested.
8. The Literary Short Story Author Who Pretended He Had Never Met You Before Once At A Party Even Though You Absolutely Did
It didn’t sell that many copies, you heard. You don’t know who you heard it from, or how they would know, but it definitely didn’t sell that many copies. And you two had definitely met before, so you don’t know what his whole thing was about, pretending you hadn’t.
7. The Unfunny Bro With The Unfunny Gimmick Book About Punching Mustaches Or Doing Something Stupid For A Year Whose Author Picture Is Smirking At The Reader As If To Say “Can You Believe It?” Which Is Really A Level Of Self-Awareness You Have Not Earned, Pal
Something about kicking robots, or which president had the most balls, or whatever. You reflexively sneer whenever you see it in a bookstore’s window display, which is often. It’s selling really well.
6. Oh Come Right The Fuck On, Nobody Read That
It was dystopian, or something? But not YA. Nobody read it. You refuse to believe anyone actually read it. It was so weird. It was unbelievably short. “A slim novel,” the reviews said. “A slim novel of surprising”…deftness or something. Slim novels are always deft, and powerful, like Joss Whedon heroines.
5. That One Poet Who’s Kind of Making A Living. Do You Know How Many Fucking Words His Fucking Book Has? Like Thirty. He Wrote Thirty Words About A Pond And Won An Award.
“Oh,” you say vaguely when his name comes up in conversation, which is never quite as often as you hope it will. “Him. I don’t know, guys. I’ve heard some stuff about him that if you knew…I don’t think you’d be able to think of him in the same way.” When pressed, you refuse to give further details. “It’s really not my story to tell. I really can’t talk about it.” Still, you never fail to bring it up.
4. His Fucking Dad Has Written Four Bestsellers, He Was Probably Born With An Agent
No, good for him, though. Good for him. Everyone in that family has a book deal, and everyone you know hates them. “He’s actually unbelievably nice,” your one friend who works in publishing and who has actually met him tries to tell you. You have never read any of his books.
3. The Woman With The World’s Last Tumblr-To-Book-Deal
Fine, you know? No, it’s great. You could have come up with the same joke (because the entire book is one joke retold in 85 different ways, not that anyone cares, apparently, because they’re carrying it at Urban Outfitters, which by the way is not a place for books, you don’t buy shoes at Trader Joe’s and you don’t buy books at clothing stores) in, oh, ten minutes, but that’s really great that she managed to spin that thin a premise into a successful personal brand.
Actually it would be kind of amazing, if Trader Joe’s sold shoes. Like TOMS, kind of, but good. That’s a really good idea. You should tell someone that idea.
2. The Writer of the “Unflinching” Debut
400 pages about an unrelenting total fucking bummer. Oh, the drug addictions. Oh, the horrible, grinding poverty as a four-year-old child soldier of fortune/undersea mine welder/burn victim. Oh, the meaningless and tawdry and horrifying sex. No one makes eye contact. Everyone attends horrifically tense dinner parties and throw their lovers out of ninth-story walkups. You wish it would flinch, even just once.
1. Everyone, everyone
“What books do you like, then,” someone you don’t know well asks you. You laugh in a way that suggests he should consider it an embarrassingly incredibly pedestrian and naïve question. “What books do I like?” you ask, stalling for time. “That’s a good one.” You laugh again.
- Joined
- Oct 23, 2023
Man, that was fucking rich, in hindsight. Foreshadowing both #metoo-tactics and her own vendetta against her brother and father. Gave me the creeps reading that.
She's not as naïve and anodyne as she likes to portray herself. She's just a mean-spirited little wench.
Yes. You may top hat me now.
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2021
lol. That was funny. Oh, Mal.
Autistic Nonetheless
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 26, 2024
Ahh yes, after careful study of the yellowed scroll, the type of quill used, as well as an exhaustive chemical analysis of binding's glue i have determined this text was probably written somewhere around the mid 2010's.
there is just something about it...
Last edited:
Autistic Nonetheless
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 26, 2024
Latest shenanigans.
Joe is threatening us with an array of new and no doubt masterfully executed recipes, while Mal ... well Mal is hanging out with her best friend.
At least the picture is cute.
Joe is threatening us with an array of new and no doubt masterfully executed recipes, while Mal ... well Mal is hanging out with her best friend.
At least the picture is cute.
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2021
When was the last time Joe referred to Mal in spousal terms?
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2021
I’m pretty sure a bus that can hold maximum 10 people including the driver is really just a van.
I can’t decide. I think I dislike Joe the most and think he’s repulsive, but I find Lily to be the most ruthless, and
There will never be a Joe Rogan of the left because of all the relentless purity testing and mind games these three people embody, like a woke triforce.
Academia is definitely the only place you can call yourself “Steve Justice” without normies snickering at your “Max Power” level weird name.
That is a bunch of shit I would not want anywhere near my waffle. Save the salty tamari sauce and infused black vinegar for the jiaozi goddamn…
lol ok see this is one of those “whoa Mallory what the hell happened to you?!” Moments
That final photo looks like they’re cosplaying as Monty Python characters, especially Joe.
the lack of wedding rings probably has to do with a toddler in the house. Toddlers are like magpies and want to steal anything shiny especially if you tell them it’s yours and they can’t have it. Better to end run this and keep the jewelry in the jewelry box until they grow out of trying to eat it or toss it in the toilet.
This photo looks like how I imagine the vinegar-tamari-raw apple waffle tasted.
Oh god she went ahead with the Grandpa suit
They need the readers of Christmas at the Women’s Hotel to know Mallory is tangentially related to this child (which isn’t hers)
He is 100% high on morphine
He’s also shockingly ugly how does this guy have two women on the hook?
“Three sisters with fertilizer”? Is that like… corn beans and squash with manure for flavor?
“Walnut meal with duck face and almond broth” he’s making these up. He has to be pulling the readers leg with this. What is duck face in this context even supposed to be?
“Ham in hay with blackberry and Thai basil” no way these are real recipes
“Roast Turkey aka Frankenstein” so like. A bunch of turkey parts stitched together? Idk
Joes cooking terrifies me.
- Joined
- Feb 25, 2021
It probably is, legally; she said she doesn't need a CDL. My guess would be that the company that made the "bus" keeps an eye on that, because an excursion van that anyone can drive is going to sell better to eldercare facilities.
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2021
You know exactly what! As soon as she became Daniel, her otherwise socially inept, batting-200 average dipped into the micro-fractions as EVERYTHING became about pronouns (hers and in general, and I don't just mean making everyone "they," which makes a medium-complex social navigation scene utterly incomprehensible). Even before that she had some bad & wtf wrong takes, but at a certain point it barely made sense, just a mishmash of fake scenarios or shoehorning in something about gay or gender-challenged to every letter - a mix of retarded politics and clearly working out personal daddy issues of various kinds rather than offering either proper advice or fresh takes on it*. Her takes were basically a blank sheet for the commentariat to have a real discussion/ debate.
* she was supposed to be "fresh" and "modern," but as with grammar, if you don't know the rules you're in no good stead to challenge them effectively.
Then she fell off altogether and basically stopped showing up. I think I assumed she was going through something bad...but that might just have been when she met Joe** (potato, potato). And when did she did turn something in, it was embarrassing, not even just on substance, but poorly written, poorly edited, professional missing-the-point. Very clear she was mentally elsewhere and what had once at least been cringe enough to spark discussion just became nonsense and practically actively dumb. Between that and Nicole's dumb child advice trying to sound snappy and practical, it was terrible all around.
**I had no idea about him until I found this thread, all these years later, so not sure on that timing.
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2018
Joe Rogan WAS the Joe Rogan of the left.
They alienated him until he finally jumped ship, like so many others.
Even after they lost big in 2024, the left still has this nasty habit of immediately attacking anyone who tries to speak truth, dabbles in populism or drops the transgender pretense.
Nobody can ascend to the status necessary to be 'the next Joe Rogan' because leftists won't allow it.
Lots of former lefists have had enough and have also jumped ship or just become apolitical in disgust.
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
I really wonder if the staff at the elder care facility forces the seniors to participate in Failory's paraphilias. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when some elderly veteran or some religious elder ma'ams her because they won't kow tow to pronoun horseshit.
It's every bit as sexual harassment to force others into a troon's fetish as it is to mIsGeNdEr one. Hoping the families of the residents do the same to this no talent degenerate on a daily basis.
It's every bit as sexual harassment to force others into a troon's fetish as it is to mIsGeNdEr one. Hoping the families of the residents do the same to this no talent degenerate on a daily basis.
Autistic Nonetheless
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 26, 2024
Lily had a birthday where Mal (who im surprised was even invited, lol) for maybe the first time in her troon career actually looks like a bonafide, 100% authentic, gay man.
Take a bow girl, you've earned it.
Joe's cake (or so i presume) is an admirable attempt to rescue a sponge that clearly failed to rise.
Nothing to be embarrassing there. Happens to all men sooner or later.
Im actually making a cake later today, so i probably just jinxed it by being mean.
Take a bow girl, you've earned it.
Joe's cake (or so i presume) is an admirable attempt to rescue a sponge that clearly failed to rise.
Nothing to be embarrassing there. Happens to all men sooner or later.
Im actually making a cake later today, so i probably just jinxed it by being mean.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
She got the DP gig thanks to trooning out but it was after she hooked up with Joe. It was used as the flimsy reason to move where Joe wanted - NYC - after trying to destroy her family and making life in the Bay Area uncomfortable.
I think the distraction and even more terrible work you noticed was thanks to Joe having orgies and eventually moving in his new girlfriend...and getting her pregnant. Must have been very very distracting indeed.
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2023
I've wanted a timeline for our three stooges for a while, but never started one. A meager beginning follows. Some of you have a trove of throuplabilia and sharper memories than mine, so expand/correct. This is Mal centered so far because Joe's book titles depleted my life force.
2013
July - Toast started (W)
Aug - Mallory quit drinking (K1)
2014
Nov - Mallory's Texts from Jane Eyre released (W)
2016
July - Toast ends (W)
Nov - Dear Prudence started, bylined as Mallory with femme pic (W, S)
No month - May have started testosterone but later seems to say she started in 2018 (K2)
2017
No month - Launches Shatner Chatner paid e-mail newsletter (W)
2018
Feb - Gives interview about transitioning, plans to drop Mallory name and photo on Dear Prudence (NY)
Apr - Byline on Dear Prudence changes to Daniel (W3)
June - Mallory's comic, Rick and Morty Presents: Krombopulos Michael, released (W)
Nov - Engagement to Joe announced (W)
no month - Mallory's The Merry Spinster released, 2018 (W)
no month - Joe begins transitioning (W2)
2019
Dec - Mallory and Joe marry in NYC (W)
2020
Feb - Mallory's Something That May Shock and Discredit You released (W)
no month - Throuple announced (W)
2021
May - Mallory stopped writing Dear Prudence (W, S)
May - Mallory gets Substack Pro deal, turning Shatner Chatner into The Chatner (W)
2024
Rocco born (W2)
Dec - Mallory's Women's Hotel released (W)
2013
July - Toast started (W)
Aug - Mallory quit drinking (K1)
2014
Nov - Mallory's Texts from Jane Eyre released (W)
2016
July - Toast ends (W)
Nov - Dear Prudence started, bylined as Mallory with femme pic (W, S)
No month - May have started testosterone but later seems to say she started in 2018 (K2)
2017
No month - Launches Shatner Chatner paid e-mail newsletter (W)
2018
Feb - Gives interview about transitioning, plans to drop Mallory name and photo on Dear Prudence (NY)
Apr - Byline on Dear Prudence changes to Daniel (W3)
June - Mallory's comic, Rick and Morty Presents: Krombopulos Michael, released (W)
Nov - Engagement to Joe announced (W)
no month - Mallory's The Merry Spinster released, 2018 (W)
no month - Joe begins transitioning (W2)
2019
Dec - Mallory and Joe marry in NYC (W)
2020
Feb - Mallory's Something That May Shock and Discredit You released (W)
no month - Throuple announced (W)
2021
May - Mallory stopped writing Dear Prudence (W, S)
May - Mallory gets Substack Pro deal, turning Shatner Chatner into The Chatner (W)
2024
Rocco born (W2)
Dec - Mallory's Women's Hotel released (W)
K1
https://kiwifarms.st/threads/grace-lavery-joseph-lavery-daniel-m-lavery-mallory-ortberg.77242/page-471#post-21273697
K2
https://kiwifarms.st/threads/grace-lavery-joseph-lavery-daniel-m-lavery-mallory-ortberg.77242/page-471#post-21272148
NY
S
https://slate.com/news-and-politics...ext-dear-prudence-succeeding-emily-yoffe.html (Slate edited the piece years after publication to change "Mallory" to "Danny")
W
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_M._Lavery
W2
W3
https://kiwifarms.st/threads/grace-lavery-joseph-lavery-daniel-m-lavery-mallory-ortberg.77242/page-471#post-21273697
K2
https://kiwifarms.st/threads/grace-lavery-joseph-lavery-daniel-m-lavery-mallory-ortberg.77242/page-471#post-21272148
NY
S
https://slate.com/news-and-politics...ext-dear-prudence-succeeding-emily-yoffe.html (Slate edited the piece years after publication to change "Mallory" to "Danny")
W
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_M._Lavery
W2
W3
Last edited: