Engardebro- Black trans male boydyke | genderpunk | trans joy

[score hidden] 22 hours ago
Maybe text her and say smth like, hey I just wanted you to know that the comment you made last night about me not having a dick made me super dysphoric. It crossed a boundary for me and I would really appreciate if you didn’t make jokes like that about me in the future.
I’m sorry that happened to you
[–]mushroomgoddexx [score hidden] 22 hours ago*
This is the kindest response- and if she says anything other than "I'm sorry and won't do it again" it's probably time to reconsider that friendship
[–]Due-Ad-4293 [score hidden] 22 hours ago
This is the fear I have. She can be headstrong and stubborn, and doesn't apologize well. For a lot of similar reasons, we've both been super stressed (graduate school + trans in Texas + mental health), and I'm afraid her response isn't going to be super kind because of the situation we're in. She might not even remember it, tbh.
[–]guidedbyangelz- 25 // ⚣ [score hidden] 21 hours ago
If she doesn’t apologize or is outright mean about it, I would put some distance between you and her at very least. Being drunk is not a free pass to say things like that even if she doesn’t remember, nor is stress or poor mental health. She hit on your boyfriend and made implied your genitals were inferior to your face. If she can’t suck it up and apologize like a decent friend would, then it sucks to suck for her.
that_treekid [score hidden] 14 hours ago
Something my therapist has told me over and over again is that you are not responsible for other people's reactions. Regardless of if she remembers it or not, that was fucked up. She was flirting with your boyfriend and implied that your genitals were inferior. She, as a trans person herself, should know better.
You need to tell her that what she said was messed up and it made you super dysphoric. If she apologizes, great! You guys can set that boundary and move on. If she does anything other than apologize, you need to put some distance between you and her. Just because you're both trans does not mean you both will automatically get along and that's okay.
[–]Okchamali_Vibin [score hidden] 18 hours ago
I would probably start with something like "I know you were making the joke at your own expense, but it made me really uncomfortable because it felt like you were making light of my own dysphoria. I would appreciate if you didn't involve me in this type of jokes in the future." With people who are not very emotionally mature it can really help to acknowledge intent then explain your feelings then give a concrete way to improve their behavior moving forward. It puts more emotional labor on you but it's the best way to reduce tension.
[–]coraeon [score hidden] 17 hours ago
This is especially good in situations like this where actually getting a verbal apology is unlikely. She now has a concrete way to show remorse without having to admit out loud that she was in the wrong.
And maybe give her a chance to calm down and reflect and realize that hey, she should apologize.
Even while attempting to date within their community the disrespect never ends
elianna7- trans man | he/him |

09/25 [score hidden] 22 hours ago
That’s so fucked up. Honestly, I have encountered way too many transfems who put down transmascs to make themselves feel better and it really needs to stop.
A transfem I briefly dated a few years ago who I ran into at a party last year before starting to present masc asked if she could make out with me and was all “uwu” sweet vibes, and I said no. The next time I saw her, I was presenting masc and quickly mentioned I had figured a lot of things out about my gender and she said “yeah, I can see that,” and gave me a once over with the dirtiest look and walked away.
I was at a primarily lesbian drag event with my friend like a month ago (I’m gay). A few girls were looking at my nails and one made a comment saying “ouch” (I needed to file them a tad but my nail appointment was in like 2 days so I figured I’d just wait), I clarified “it’s fine, I’m not a lesbian,” and the one transfem in the group started berating me for my sexuality and saying how much it sucks for me that I’m into men and not a lesbian.
A trans woman messaged me on grindr this week saying that I can’t be a twink and FTM so I should just detransition. I also regularly have transfems/women messaging me who have LESBIAN written on their profile… Mine says I’m a trans MAN. Why are you reaching out to trans men as a lesbian???
I’ve met some very nice trans women but I have come across an alarming amount of transfems who outright treat trans men like shit and I’ve honestly had more bad than good experiences with those I’ve interacted with. It’s incredibly saddening. Why can’t we all just treat each other with respect? Why do we have to be punching bags?
[–]itsbasiltime [score hidden] 22 hours ago
Feels like projection. They hate the gender role they were assigned so much that they can't imagine anyone else wanting to transition into it. In a lot of ways it's similar to the TERF attitude of "why would you destroy your precious female body" but in a different font.
I say this as someone with a trans gf who is completely normal and respectful to transmascs btw, it's just something I've noticed even in other trans girls she tries to befriend.
[–]elianna7- trans man | he/him |

09/25 [score hidden] 21 hours ago
Yeah for sure. The “I hate men” rhetoric prevalent in sapphic-leaning queer spaces and queer spaces in general also really doesn’t help.
[–]EmbarrassedCattle525 [score hidden] 45 minutes ago
Ugh agreed 100%. Some of the Grindr messages I've gotten from trans women have been fucking awful. I once dated a trans woman who when I asked stated she was bisexual, but then I later found out through mutual friends that in the same time period we were dating she had told them she was a lesbian

. Was the cherry on top of her packing all my belongings up whilst I was overseas on holiday, dumping me over facebook message and kicking me out the day I got back.