After failing to monetize (for the fifth or sixth time this year) or grow an audience (for the fifth or sixth time this year), the brief moment of attention she got from saying something dumb (for the fifth or sixth time this year), Alyssa has decided to rebrand her Patreon:
"
After breaking that big White House news this week [...]"
I've been on this thread for a long time, and I was vaguely aware of Alyssa's antics before that, when she was working at Kotaku. Alyssa can be baffling at first, but after pointing and laughing at her self-inflicted misadventures for a time, a pattern emerges. There's a method to the madness, and, in fact, Alyssa becomes so predictable after witnessing a couple of her crash-out cycles that this is one of the few threads where sometimes, you can read about what a Lolcow is doing before they even do it.
This skeet is the first time in months Alyssa's trademark dumbness has actually surprised me.
"Big breaking news"? Good grief. I've read her "article" three times, tried (for a few minutes at least) to listen to her video explaining the issue, and for the life of me, I can't see what's "big", "breaking", or, for that matter, "news" about somebody at DHS confirming they are doing what they are openly doing. I understand why and how somebody could be upset at what the DHS is doing here, but the email exchange itself is completely useless, doesn't prove anything that isn't already obvious, and Alyssa doesn't bother to explain the importance of the document. I know the real reason this is a big deal for Alyssa is because she's the one receiving the emails, but this is pathetic even for her.
I can't wait for further
big breaking news coming straight from her inbox: "
I'm not ugly: It turns out there are loads of hot singles in my area looking for me" or "
Alyssa Mercante set to buy Kotaku with help of Nigerian prince investor".