Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

[Potatis Salad]

Lily makes yeasted waffles (side note: yeasted waffles are the best waffles), Joe shits 'em up:

Caption:

weeknight yeasted waffles (which @lolz4lilz made) and a fakey savory tarte tatin topping: pink ladies and Asian pears, pepper, rhubarb tamari, a little of my bramble-oolong vinegar, and basil. it looks pretty and midweek fun nom

"Fakey savory tarte tatin" nigga you've buried the poor waffle under an ugly mound of raw, unpeeled apples and pears, cut so thickly and unevenly as to make it impossible to hew off a bite-sized piece. Then you sploshed vinegar and soy sauce sorry, tamari, over it. This has literally nothing to do with tarte tatin except that you suck and so do the French.

 

[Dr. Butt]

"Fakey savory tarte tatin" nigga you've buried the poor waffle under an ugly mound of raw, unpeeled apples and pears, cut so thickly and unevenly as to make it impossible to hew off a bite-sized piece.

This is correct

bramble-oolong vinegar

This is complete gibberish

fakey savory tarte tatin topping

And I believe this is what those TV tropists call "not even wrong"

 

[Bookwork]

my bramble-oolong vinegar

Brit woo wankers say one mustn't eat brambles (wild blackberries) after Michaelmas because they are claimed by the devil on that day - September 29. Joe's right on schedule for bagging his fruit.

 

[Constellationzero]

This is complete gibberish

savory
bramble-oolong (weed-yard debris tea?)
tarte tatin (just say apples, you dipshitted british fuck)
pink ladies (GODDAMN, just say apples, you british fuck)
YEASTED waffles

1. Lily the whore always looks like she supplies all the yeast for the house--including Failory
2. Sideshow earning that tenure shunting in as many 5,000$ words into a sentence as possible

 

[A Sentient Cloud]

soy sauce sorry, tamari, over it.

I will be the foodfag and spergily confirm that tamari and soy sauce are indeed different things. I assume he's trying to do some sort of retarded Asian thing with the snow pears and whatever the fuck bramble oolong vinegar is.

 

[Constellationzero]

I will be the foodfag and spergily confirm that tamari and soy sauce are indeed different things. I assume he's trying to do some sort of retarded Asian thing with the snow pears and whatever the fuck bramble oolong vinegar is.

My take is tamari sounds more worldly, more...intellectual and enlightened.

I know it's different from LaChoy soy sauce, but us pigfucking American plebs use soy sauce. Sideshow Algonquin uses tamari.

 

[Anasa Tristis]

and whatever the fuck bramble oolong vinegar is.

My guess is that it's some sort of backyard (invasive) blackberry infused kombucha from Sideshow's fermentation lab.

The rhubarb tamari is probably another creative infusion-fermentation effort. Blackberry kombucha may not be all that bad, kombucha gets an apple cider vinegary flavor. Especially if it gets left too long. But that rhubarb tamari combo sounds pretty ghastly unless he added a ton of sugar.

 

[Bookwork]

On this thread we got the writers of a much better cookbook. Let's find out who Joe's publisher is and pitch it to them.

 

[monstrous bubo]

a little of my bramble-oolong vinegar

We wouldn’t want to be gauche and use too much like the plebs do.

I assume he's trying to do some sort of retarded Asian thing

At least it’s not anime or Dance Dance Revolution.

My guess is that it's some sort of backyard (invasive) blackberry infused kombucha from Sideshow's fermentation lab.

Not even that elaborate. Bramble vinegar is a thing, no fermentation required. The oolong is just Joe adding his tea twist to the mix, because God forbid he does a basic thing well. Professor Joe Lavery, the only person who can fuck up waffles.

 

[Anasa Tristis]

Not even that elaborate. Bramble vinegar is a thing, no fermentation required. The oolong is just Joe adding his tea twist to the mix, because God forbid he does a basic thing well. Professor Joe Lavery, the only person who can fuck up waffles.

LOL. Of course.

 

[Aunt Carol]

I will be the foodfag and spergily confirm that tamari and soy sauce are indeed different things.

I'm not a food fag, but I can confirm that the Tamarians are the guys from the seminal ST:TNG episode Darmok.


I think of this every time I splurge on tamari almonds.

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

I think of this every time I splurge on tamari almonds.

Blue Diamond, its branches heavy. The dark sea dries.

 

[Potatis Salad]

There is no meaningful difference between sploshing tamari onto a waffle vs sploshing soy sauce on it. They are both equally, interchangeably disgusting and stupid.

Meanwhile, Lumberjack Dan somehow stuffed his huge manly cock into some menswear!:


lol. lmao, even. Look at the sleeves. Her hands must completely disappear into them when she puts her arms down.

Joe in the comments: "But what about me, Joe?" He can't help himself.


Lily gave us a glimpse of the house and of Joe's new ebike in an otherwise boring carousel:


That LP they have framed on the wall is My Beauty by Kevin Rowland, a Dexy's Midnight Runners solo project (??????????????????????). Joe wrote a blog about how much he loved it but I don't remember it because Joe's opinions on music are somehow even more useless than his other opinions. I assume he likes it because of the dude wearing panties on the cover.

 

[Bookwork]

Cytube has a free-entry Breaking Bad channel running Walt White's misadventures around the clock.

The Season 4 Episode 13 in which Tio Salamanca blows up Gus Fring with a wheelchair bomb Walt made features a bingo game being called in the lobby of Tio's nursing home.

I've been laughing about it for the better part of two days now, having hallucinated our lumberjack running from the game to the blown out door of Tio's room to see if anyone wants fruit juice.

Now that gawdawful suit has been sucked into my visions. I'm living a Ralph Steadman life without benefit of drugs or alcohol.

 

[Aunt Carol]

lol. lmao, even. Look at the sleeves. Her hands must completely disappear into them when she puts her arms down.

She needs to get that altered to fit her, especially if it's one of those fancy-people outfits that costs thousands of dollars. Even if it's a thrift store $50 suit, getting it taken in would be a good investment if she's going to wear it.

That haircut is too young for her. Objectively bad, too, but it's going to confuse the elderly people who were probably reading her as some kind of genetically unfortunate nonthreatening homosexual homunculus.

 

[Anasa Tristis]

Meanwhile, Lumberjack Dan

Ya gotta love overbearing and thirsty Joe butting in to point out the high fashion sweater. I spy!! But never mind the pooner in the David Byrne suit, or Joe's fashionista thunder stealing, what is up with that seizure inducing wallpaper? Whoa.

Lily gave us a glimpse of the house

So in the name of DEI everyone contributed one piece to hang over the couch in an arresting display of aesthetic incongruence? They must have picked up that hideous Steve Keene painting of Robert Plant in Brooklyn at some pop up art fair for $10 right before they bailed on NYC. (Looks like Sideshow a bit too.) That Dorothy Hamill litho must have been Tard Baby's, and the other weird and unidentifiable print is probably LaLa's. Or that's maybe the other way around? It's hard to say since Dorothy Hamill predates both of them, and the weird print has the CA flag on it.

Hmmm- maybe all of those special art pieces are ackshully Joe's? That seems more likely.

My Beauty by Kevin Rowland

WTF?! I was a big fan of DMR's first LP. Too-Rye-Ay had its moments. But I missed the release of that solo effort. I'm really grateful I did.

 

[The Hoh Rainforest]

Meanwhile, Lumberjack Dan somehow stuffed his huge manly cock into some menswear!

Congrats Mal, you pass as the weaseliest little bookie at the track, one the cops won't bother arresting because they feel sorry for him.

That haircut is too young for her.

I would allow it on a butch lesbian of her age with a substantive personality. Mal is a feminine, heterosexual woman who is shallow as a puddle, she looks intentionally ridiculous, like she's desperate to appear as nonthreatening as possible. I assume the Bay Area elderly have seen troonish and prog horrors beyond human comprehension over the last half century and will dismiss her as a strange try-hard follower of Current Thing.
Her hair looks thicker than pictures from a few years ago, has she said anything about stopping testosterone and starting anti-balding medication?

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Putting in my effort at their interior criticism they have a god awful polyester faux- print Hudson Bay Point Blanket, as seen on the faux sofa under the shitty art.

Hudson Bay Point Blankets were some of the absolute best wool blankets made in North America for 200 years. They are fantastic, families pass them down over generations, unless you don’t store them properly, they last forever.

Of course trendy designers took note and started having shitty MIC polyester blankets with the iconic stripes to imitate the look. I really loathe those cheap knock off blankets. A good point blanket in winter is a treasure, but were like gold in drafty old houses.

(I still drop my thermo into the 50’s at night in winter, and crack the windows open, just so I have reason to enjoy that kind of cozy, layered, bed.)

 

[Potatis Salad]

Over on the Chatner, Mallory ropes two other midwit poons into a "rountable discussion" about the Harper's gooning article: Link | Archive

Shoutout to the person who'd already archived this, let's be friends.

In an utterly bizarre turn, Mallory capes for the gooners. Jerking off to hyperstimulating hentai PMV's is sexy, actually. Spending your life in your room gooning is OK, actually, because gooners are simply not interested in other things! Gooners are just guys who like to feel good!

Danny: Right, that anxiety about non-productive time is so intense. It would be soooo bad if all these guys felt soooo good!

Max: There’s a kind of subject-object reversal going on here, I think. When these guys watch porn, they’re not fantasizing about doing something to these porn stars, or being an active agent in the accepted normal straight guy way. Their fixation is on what the porn is doing to them. You know, they’re kind of “bottoming” in this arrangement. They’re the sexually receptive person, I mean.

Danny: Which, at the risk of overplaying my hand, is very hot! Certainly one of the things I felt while reading the article was a sort of hazy bafflement: You’re telling me all these guys get together and text each other about their helpless attachment to the idea of a nonstop haze of arousal, where they feel out of control, hypnotized, and desperate for comrades in squalor, and I’m not supposed to find that overwhelmingly hot? Put me in, Coach!

Danny: I just don’t find the idea of eroticizing short-form video content frightening or dehumanizing or like it would necessarily prevent you from also having sex with other people in real life. It makes perfect sense to me, that people would do that, and I hope some of these gooners give me a call.

What the fuck?

Danny: I think that’s the heart of it, for me. “Sexual release should be harder to achieve and function as a civilizing process, people should have to work for it, otherwise we’ll all be contaminated and degraded by the easy reach of pleasure.” I just don’t agree with that at all.

Eli: Also trans men must be recognised for their labor as innovators in the goonsphere, hashtag men in the humanities.

OK pooner.

Mallory closes it down with a sincere invitation for male gooners to contact her for...sex? To goon together? Something else?

P.S. I wasn’t kidding. If you’re the kind of guy who’s into this kind of thing and you want someone to be a little mean to you about it, get in touch with me. I’m free most Fridays.

She is fucking retarded. Shallow as a puddle indeed.

 

[monstrous bubo]

I assume he likes it because of the dude wearing panties on the cover.

Kevin Rowland’s later work appeals to a certain type of male feminist who uses that as a justification to be an awful boyfriend or husband. The album itself is a very anodyne set of covers, recorded as he was recovering from a monster cocaine addiction. Source: friend’s „sensitive” ex shudder. So of course Joe likes him.

That haircut is too young for her.

So’s the bumfluff on the top lip.

WTF?! I was a big fan of DMR's first LP. Too-Rye-Ay had its moments. But I missed the release of that solo effort. I'm really grateful I did.

I think it sold under a thousand copies at the time, so you and the rest of humanity.

In an utterly bizarre turn, Mallory capes for the gooners.

If you were stuck in the attic while your spouse fucks the sidepiece, you’d be interested in masturbation too.

Danny: I think that’s the heart of it, for me. “Sexual release should be harder to achieve and function as a civilizing process, people should have to work for it, otherwise we’ll all be contaminated and degraded by the easy reach of pleasure.” I just don’t agree with that at all.

The only reason Tard Baby can claim to be a gooner while still being semi-productive as a nanny and scribbler is that her masturbation sessions are so depressing. Her sex life is truly Hobbesian without Leviathan Lavery: solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.