Alien: Covenant/Alien Series thoughts.

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They also are probably going to tie the show into the Predator universe. Disney supposedly wants Alien and Predator combined from now on. The next Predator movie features a Weyland-Yutani android as its main character. So expect them to show someone using Predator stealth technology or show a captured Predator on a computer monitor as a preview of what's coming next season (or movie).
Well they can fuck themselves, since I'm not going to watch any of that crap.

Also yeah, I'm going with Eyeball escapes via possessing a human (Boy so it can ruin his company and make it so it never existed for the movie made 50 years ago), and for some really stupid and hackhanded comments about how evil Prodigy was by stealing Wendy's life or some shit like that.

I can't wait for Hawley, likely gooning to his residuals by giving his band gigs, to make this a stupid fucking cliffhanger. I also now that I know that RatCo wants this retarded crossover to be eternal and encompass all, expect them to hint at a Yautja ship because of that.
 
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I almost forgot about the orb from the end of Legion season 1 (mid-credits scene because it's Marvel-related). Wild card: the Eye calls for backup/extraction.
orb.webp orb2.webp
 
The finale was shockingly bad. This is the mind of the retard who created this show. And the kind of mindless idiots that like it in the media. This faggot thinks that Alien fans want rock music instead of actual aliens and Giger designs.

This is a bit of an irreverent note to end on, but I’m just curious. Every episode of “Alien: Earth” has ended with a blast of ‘90s metal. I lived for it! But what is going on with that music choice, week after week?​


I’ve got a lot of quippy ways to talk about it — classic movie, classic rock — but at the end of the day, we made an arena show. We didn’t make the Paramount Theater show. We made the Shea Stadium show. And I wanted to end with that level of emotion that comes from Metallica or Jane’s Addiction or Pearl Jam. You want the big feeling! And those songs — I see you, “Alien” fans, and I know what you listen to, because I listen to it too, right? There’s nothing more rock and roll than an “Alien” movie.
 
The finale was shockingly bad. This is the mind of the retard who created this show. And the kind of mindless idiots that like it in the media. This faggot thinks that Alien fans want rock music instead of actual aliens and Giger designs.
What w pretentious faggot.
 
Very frustrating finale, resolved absolutely nothing, Wendy now has unexplained god mode but seems like they want you to sympathise with her and they only killed one minor named character. It was all set up for Kavalier to get outsmarted by the eye creature, but it never paid off. Making a final episode which will annoy the audience by being nothing but a setup for a second season that hasn't even been greenlit doesn't seem like a smart choice.
 
The finale was shockingly bad.
I was willing to tolerate the series, consider you all pessimistic assholes, and just see what happened.

But they fucked themselves into a bland, uninteresting corner. What's supposed to happen now? Now "we rule"? This is turning into a child's superhero scenario.

Nevermind all the obvious questions that come up, such as why the decision was made to give a child deus ex machina powers over all of your computer systems. There's no mystery. If Wendy wants it, she wishes it.

I'm disappointed.
 
Yes. She's absolutely annoying, while also being objectively despicable in-universe, like all of the kids. She is not someone people want to root for. What is the plan here?
Girl power or something. This may join Ironheart as one of the most painfully pre-vibe-shift shows to air (say what you like about AppleTV they had the brains to cancel Omega Karen The Savant.)

Also, is there any explanation for what happened to all this tech? Because its not in the movies that occur after this chronologically.
 
She's absolutely annoying, while also being objectively despicable in-universe, like all of the kids. She is not someone people want to root for. What is the plan here?
Probably for things to get worse before they get better, although Alien has rarely been a series with happy endings. Some of Wendy's last words to Boy Kavalier gave me a sense of deja vu, and her brother kept reminding me of Gus, the character not played by Billy Bob Thornton here:
But then again, that's not where I expected the Eye to end up (despite some behind-the-scenes material that gave it away).

As for the music, god damn it feels good to have musical tastes that heavily overlap with Noah Hawley's. :story:
(Still, though: Godsmack? really? And I've never really liked Pearl Jam all that much, but "Animal" is alright. Probably too early in the story for Prong's "Rude Awakening", which popped into my head at the end of episode 8.)

Current score: roughly the same as Fargo season 5. Personal rankings of...
Fargo seasons: 2 > 1 > 3 > 5 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 4
Alien movies: 1 > 2 > 3 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 4
Legion seasons: 1 = 2 = 3, there is no season 4. Curse defeated. scoot.gif
 
I mean I joked that Wendy would have been the key to everything, but damn they went way harder into that route than I could've possibly imagined. They actually gave her god-mod powers!:story:

I mean shit, and I thought Noah being tarded enough to forget FTL already existed and making her somehow crack space-time warping as a tween was stupid.

And of course they ended this on a cliffhanger. God forbid you resolve most of your plotpoints and use your fucking time cleverly. I bet he's just assuming RatCo is garglingly retarded enough to give him more money to funnel into his shitty b-list band that churns out mid covers of better songs.
 
At the high end of error you'll get people who say "continuous" when they mean "continual" and at the low end you'll get someone who writes "pie" for the mathematical constant or confuses loose and lose.
I had someone try to explain to me his church was “nondominational” because they weren’t Baptist or catholic. Someone else tried to correct him and say “you mean nondenominational?” but he was resolute that he was in a nondominational church. Lmfao
The first time the eye taps the glass
I’m just catching up on the show now. This episode was pure ass, I was fairly interested in what they may have been going for before but this episode showed me how stupid the writers are (and it is getting worse with the next episode).
  • Why are the containers made of the world’s most brittle glass?
  • Why do the containers open up directly to where the specimens are? They can just get right out, especially with the supreme dope that doesn’t pay attention (and drinks water really aggressively) running the lab.
  • Why does the episode open with a sex joke followed up, in the most calm manner, with “oh and the captain’s dead.” At first I thought this was a character trait, like the junior security guy was a psychopath, but that never is shown again.
  • The alien looks like shit and it’s already been said that the Indian chick from the last season of Fargo was able to just run away from it.
  • Wtf is up with the Chinese robot? Is he a synth? He smokes cigarettes and is horny for that one lady. (I am not bothering with remembering names with this show) also, no emotions until right before he gets nibbled on by the alien.
  • Why would they operate on the guy with unknown space ticks (that aren’t killed by the containment protocol) without any PPE? I get that they were rushed but bro… come on… also there were like 8 crawling around his insides and under the organs some had clung to, there was no way they were going to save him.
  • Head security officer dropping lit stogies down acid holes, certainly nothing bad may have come of that.
  • Lame music choices, Ehrm… calm before the storm much??? I bet you didn’t see that one coming, previous viewer.
  • Mentally handicapped engineer’s assistant. There is no way out of the billions of people on earth he was the only guy that applied.
  • The boy “genius” just has a sci fi zoom call with some random henchman (that the head of security has apparently never met) on unencrypted channels saying “yeah ram your ship into earth certainly it will land in one of my cities and not kill all the specimens we want”. This whole gay little plot point was so aggravating.
  • They had way too many things going on and most of them didn’t even really need to happen.
  • I hate the eyeball. It’s stupid and ugly and its mechanics are lame.
  • Why are the specimens alive after 65 years not being in cryosleep (I could be wrong here but nothing is indicating that they are)
  • Why is the RETARD that runs the lab just then figuring out, on the last leg of their journey, very obvious properties of the ticks (then saying them out loud to nobody, I don’t even think she takes notes about this).
  • It seems like they didn’t even need a sabotage, the crew would have just accidentally Darwin’d themselves anyways.
  • Why does everyone know what a xenomorph is all of the sudden, but not know any properties of them (acid blood, “how big do these things get”, etc). It’s like they just forget everything until the script asks them to remember.
  • Head engineer says his wife looks like his grandmother now, but he looks like he’s 50 or 60 anyways and wasn’t he in cryosleep for most of the trip anyways? May be a nitpick.
  • Another nitpick but the monitors with the chair that moves from one monitor to the next feels very stupid, although cool looking I guess.
There’s plenty of other things but I don’t want to shit the thread up too much. The worst part is, in the middle of the episode I went to IMDB to see other people hating on it and… it’s like 8-10’s all around, except for some. People are soying because it looks like alien. I don’t know why they even made this episode beyond trailerbait, the introduction was plenty sufficient and interesting.
 
Also, is there any explanation for what happened to all this tech? Because its not in the movies that occur after this chronologically.
There was no reason for this to be a prequel, they could have had the reason the maginot went out to get aliens was because of WY learning about them via the events of Alien/aliens and set this series 50 years or more after Aliens. Making it a prequel just creates a lot of inconsistencies, I don't know why this franchise is constantly doing prequels when none of them make any sense and they all contradict the original film.

Of course even if this series wasn't a prequel series it still would have sucked, I don't see any reason to continue this story. The eye alien had potential and maybe should have been the subject of its own movie separate from all this but once it was doing Pie that was stupid.
 
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I wasn't hating on this series, despite Wendy being a Mary Sue and all the dumb shit like 90's alt rock ending every episode. I like some elements of it, but that weak-ass finale was the last straw. Episode 7 would've served as a better season finale. The only characters I care about are Smee/Chris and Hermit. They teased that D. Plumbicare alien all season and when it finally escapes, instead of being gruesome practical effects nightmare fuel like this:

The-Blob-Paul-1.gif


It ends up being a bad CGI kill reminiscent of Audrey II eating Mr. Mushnick in Little Shop Of Horrors. "Imma mean green mutha from outer space.."

Even slop-enjoyer Angry Jose hated the finale

 
Bros, I just finished it. That was really bad. I don’t know if I’m being overdramatic, but this has been one of the most mind bogglingly bad shows I have ever watched, and it thinks it’s smart.

Why did Wendy say that the aliens don’t lie? Didn’t the alien in the first episode “trap” her with her brother (for whatever reason), which is a lie and a trick? Don’t they go out of their way to be sneaky and tricky all the time? Bros… the talking to aliens thing was so so so gay and I hated it every time it came on screen… I hated this bros… IMG_8955.webp
 
the only way to redeem for season 2


first fucking minute decapitate the God mode synth. it's so fucking boring. she can hack literally every computer system and also is best friends with the alien creatures.

the eyeball possess a relatively high level human.

the simping for his sister guy becomes Main but entirely doesn't care about his sisters death.

series becomes about human survival on new alien planet. introduce predator.
 
So I believe that the final episode of the season (and if we're luck the final episode of the show) airs today. I wont see it today but I'm going to lay out a prediction anyway. If I'm wrong, so be it.

I predict Eye Thing will get Boy Kavalier and show will end with it in control.

I didn't spoiler that because I have no evidence, no foreknowledge. It's just my speculation. Seems like the trashy sort of thing Noah Hawley would think is cool.

I will return to this thread in a day or two when I've seen it. Probably wrong. Feels like the sort of "twist" we'll get, though.
So I was wrong, that's fine. I know why I was wrong. My fundamental mistakes were both underestimating how stupid Noah Hawley could be. Firstly, the eye-thing possesses a corpse. It's been dead... 8 hours by this point? It's hard to tell with the mess of editing. But Noah Hawley doesn't understand the distinction between realistic horror and "I'm going to have a dead guy get up again" horror. The dead guy has a giant hole in his chest - a crab was eating from it! Even if we grant that the heart might be intact (good fucking luck), how does the body respirate? How does it fuel muscles with the massive blood loss from the gaping chest wound? I could not have anticipated this because I could not have imagined someone doing something so stupid in an Alien show. The tone, the misunderstanding of the type of horror - it's all catastrophically flawed. And the second piece of stupidity is that I failed to realise that anybody could actually be attached to the Boy Kavalier character and want to keep him around. But Noah Hawley does. I now realise he actually thinks the Boy Kavalier character is cool and interesting. He wants to keep him around.

I did realise that the assistant guy was a synth the moment Kavalier told Wendy how he built his own synth as a figurehead for the company because he was too young. But then, so did a lot of people. So anyway, the moral of this story is never overestimate Noah Hawley.

This episode, like all the others, was bad. Filled with an idiots idea of the profound and characters who are moronic. The only smart thing that anybody did in the entire episode was when Hermit dove into the containment box to escape the eye thing. Though that was immediately undone by learning that the containment box has an easily traversable feeding slot and also when he leaves he does not immediately lock the box's door and tip it on its rear to prevent the feeding slot being opened again from inside.

I also laughed to learn that "Hermit" is his actual family name and not a call-sign, from seeing the grave marked "Marcie Hermit". The writer's contrived thing for meaningful names like this and "Boy Kavalier" is ridiculous. Does Noah Hawlely know a whore? Because the nominative determinism in this show is at that level.


The finale was shockingly bad. This is the mind of the retard who created this show. And the kind of mindless idiots that like it in the media. This faggot thinks that Alien fans want rock music instead of actual aliens and Giger designs.
I fucking HATE the closing rock music at the end of the episode. It, perhaps as much as any single thing about this show, highlights how Noah Hawley does not get it. And that in your quote he starts talking about how he knows what Alien fans like and it's Metallica, Pearl Jam and whatever the fucking third one was, by the gods this man is insufferable and I rarely use this word. He thinks it's scary being locked in a room with the xenomorph? My nightmare is being locked in a room with Noah Hawley. I don't even want to search him online because I'm certain he will look and sound like the most punchable person I could imagine and it will irritate me to no end.

Pearl fucking Jam. No you wretched ejectile from Satan's arse, that is not what I think of when I think of Alien.

I was willing to tolerate the series, consider you all pessimistic assholes, and just see what happened.

But they fucked themselves into a bland, uninteresting corner. What's supposed to happen now? Now "we rule"? This is turning into a child's superhero scenario.

Nevermind all the obvious questions that come up, such as why the decision was made to give a child deus ex machina powers over all of your computer systems. There's no mystery. If Wendy wants it, she wishes it.

I'm disappointed.
All these people know how to write is cliff-hangers. They are emotionally fixated on them. When they start to write they're not thinking about something interesting happening, they're thinking about how they can leave you thinking something interesting is about to happen

Girl power or something
I think it's sexual. I think the archetype of the brilliant unstoppable girl is a thing they find sexy. Like so many anime protagonists and other shows, they want their super-strong or super-fast or super-smart or super-all-of-this female character to fantasise over. It's a variation on the Mary Sue, not an idealised self-insert but an idealised fantasy woman. Wendy is his. If, gods help us, a second season of this, we'll get the actual self-insert which will be the "boy" who is Wendy's first kiss and her "growing up" arc. The signs are there.

Also, is there any explanation for what happened to all this tech? Because its not in the movies that occur after this chronologically.
The Alien universe is large and has, we presume, wide gradations in wealth and availability of tech. I can be okay with the fact that the crew of the Nostromo don't have a cyborg on board or (knowingly) a synthetic. They're not shocked that a human-realistic robot exists, they're shocked that one is on their ship. Likewise in Prometheus I'm okay with the ship looking fancier than some cargo hauler like the Nostromo because it's their top of the line product.

This was air travel in the 1960's. Simply because it was less of a mass consumption product back then:

1758782129072.webp 1758782149006.webp

So a cyborg dude with an artificial hand and a data port in his head is something I can be alright with if done well. But the fact that the cyborg dude had this 65 years ago which would be... 2055AD in this shows timeline is a mess. Another one is how guns which do look similar and are apparently still named pulse rifles, now just bounce shots off the juvenile xenomorph's head whilst in Aliens they outright kill full grown soldier stage xenomorphs (the larger ones seen in Aliens with the ridged heads are soldier stage ones which is something a drone will shed into as a third stage, and exists to protect the hive).

And on the subject of its combat effectiveness...

People have rightly remarked on the stupidity of having the xenomorph shown clearly sitting in the sunshine, but equally as bad is the failure to sell its movements in combat. The number of times it's just leaping slowly down on someone from above how has their gun pointed right at it, and yet it's unharmed, I lost count of. Often enough it should be a trope. And these are trained soldiers. Lambert freezing in terror I can believe (and Veronica Cartwright is a phenomenal actress who can sell that). But every other episode, someone is standing there gun in hand, barrel right at the thing as it stands there or lazily sails through the air like a fucking flying squirrel. Plagiarus praepotens? More like Pteromyini praepotens!

I’m just catching up on the show now.
I hope we're not spoiling anything for you with the open discussion of all this. I'm usually very spoiler averse as I think are most others here - we try to spoiler things appropriately. But I think early on with this there was just a collective awareness that the show was trash and that 90% of discussion was just going to be people ripping apart the latest episode anyway.

Head security officer dropping lit stogies down acid holes, certainly nothing bad may have come of that.
Gah - I never caught that one amidst all the other stupidity. But yes - chucking around burning ciggies on a fucking spaceship. Add it to the list!

Why are the specimens alive after 65 years not being in cryosleep (I could be wrong here but nothing is indicating that they are)
You're not wrong and in fact the writing is so clumsy that it later confirms they're not frozen because someone says that they don't even know if freezing will work on the facehugger.

The worst part is, in the middle of the episode I went to IMDB to see other people hating on it and… it’s like 8-10’s all around, except for some.
Okay, first time anything about this show has scared me.

Is IMDB very subject to botting? Ratings are a messy thing anyway. To me, logically, a 5 out of 10 should be the midpoint, conveying something average. But to most people a 5 is something really poor. I don't know if it's the game industry that is most responsible and I feel it might be, but it's all fucking screwed up. FWIW, I'm look at IMDB episode ratings now and they're ranging from 7.6 for ep. 1 up to 8.6 for ep. 5 (the one that was almost entirely the Maginot flashback) and the latest one is at 6.4 currently. Though it also has a lower number of ratings as well.

Rotten Tomatoes seems to have 95% of critic reviews positive, which just backs up for me that critics are the last people to listen to on anything's quality.

There was no reason for this to be a prequel, they could have had the reason the maginot went out to get aliens was because of WY learning about them via the events of Alien/aliens and set this series 50 years or more after Aliens. Making it a prequel just creates a lot of inconsistencies, I don't know why this franchise is constantly doing prequels when none of them make any sense and they all contradict the original film.
Again, I think all these people can write are cliffhangers. And they don't do those well. I guess a prequel fits in better with that mindset. Their selling point for this show is that it's an Alien show and they hope to hook in Alien fans. In some ways you can hook people in more through their completionism and need to fill out what they already know, than to build on it further.

But those are marketing reasons. In terms of quality product - no, it just makes it worse because they trample all over the lore and make a nonsense of the timelines and setting. This is stated to be happening in 2120 which is two years before the Nostromo visits LV-426. Dallas, Kane and the others are already out there, probably hitching the ore refinery to the back of the Nostromo as events in this show are playing out. I expect @Adamska can probably give us the fine detail if we ask! ;)

Why did Wendy say that the aliens don’t lie? Didn’t the alien in the first episode “trap” her with her brother (for whatever reason), which is a lie and a trick?
That... is another good catch.

This show is a fuck-up of epic proportions. With a weird-looking cast.

EDIT: On second thoughts, I'm going to leave this with the words of the immortal Shakespeare: "It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
 
So, I watched it all. Even several joints and an open mind couldn't help it.

This is the new kind of bad. Not brand-new, but recently new. We've moved on from spiteful character/franchise assassination to epic incompetence.

-The actors aren't cast for their acting ability. We were lucky to get Timothy Olyphant, and all things considered, he didn't do much. The nepo-baby has no business playing the protagonist, although the writing did her no favors. Speaking of which...

-The writers aren't writing stories. They're putting words down based on "what would sound cool" or "here's what I would say!" It's self-indulgent masturbation lacking in self-awareness, and with Disney, there's usually some sort of checklist involving diversity and emasculation. This was a quarter-billion dollar waste of time, worse than Prometheus.

-The special effects and cinematography people are amateurs. Bad editing, bad camera angles, bad lighting all permeate this show. The xenomorph on the beach is what scared the AvP:R directors into filming their movie in the dark. On the subject...

-The Alien has been domesticated. Was this intentional, like the character assassination of Luke Skywalker and the MCU Phase 1 Avengers? I don't think so. I think they think this is legitimately "cool." We now have a >0% chance Wendy will say "good girl" to her pet after she sicks it on some W-Y commandos.

-The new aliens are basic, and seem like they were all designed by one artist, with the xenomorph designed by another. Obviously that's the case, but did these assholes really not think to use different designers for each creature (from a different world)? My assumption is AI, although the xenomorph was designed by a human (Hawley bragged about getting rid of the rib cage).

-They don't know how to advertise or canonize this. It's a reboot, like Star Trek: Discovery, but they're pretending its a prequel (or midquel). The longer the show goes on, the less likely it can line up with Alien(s). Just a huge mess.

-Is this incompetent transhumanist propaganda? Like G20 was meant to be feminist/Kamala Harris propaganda?

-I look forward to Season 2, in about 3 years. I also hope it incorporates not only Yautja, but the autism harvesting plotline from The Predator as well. Just burn it all to the fucking ground.

-This show put me in a mood so foul, not even light drug use could dispel it. They literally have no idea what they're doing. Hollywood as we know it will be dead by 2030 at this rate.

-Hoard your physical media. They can't touch what's actually yours.
 
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