🍗 Deathfat Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Dr. Butt]

Sometimes two people just legitimately wouldn't want to fuck each other, even when neither of them are fat. It's not that weird. You're not wrong that sometimes "the lady doth protest too much" (especially in the case of loud, fat, mouthy chicks with a piss poor dating/relationship track record, not unlike Tess) but come on, not everyone is a starfucker and we're not chimpanzees.

I forget, much like Tess does, that there is a reality outside of the entertainment industry. In my defense, that reality is all complicated and stuff and you have to use your brain for a lot of things, so you can understand why a lot of people don't like to go there.

we're not chimpanzees.

I don't know about this part. I'll have to see some peer-reviewed work on the subject to believe it.

 

[PatrickButtmanJr.]

Isn't the book not out for a few more weeks? Is Tess so desperate for positive coverage that she gave out Advanced Review Copies to some people with only a handful of reviews? Or were these people just randos that got bribes in exchange for positive reviews? Calling Kiwi book publishing expert @Boston Brand !

 

[Eventide]

At least pirate that shit off libgen or something. Unless it's your thing to have a physical collection of ironically enjoyed trashy lolcow books I guess, but if Tess gets a penny of residuals I'd personally rather wait until someone rips the .mobi and light a $20 bill on fire.

It's not on libgen. It's not even on Amazon! It's a B&N exclusive

In case anyone here is unaware, B&N exclusives are often YA romance trash that was originally dirty fanfiction (like, the only one I own is a YA romance novel that was originally a female Naruto x Hinata fanfic).

I forget, much like Tess does, that there is a reality outside of the entertainment industry. In my defense, that reality is all complicated and stuff and you have to use your brain for a lot of things, so you can understand why a lot of people don't like to go there.

You shouldn't have to use your brain to realize that MGK looks like meth'ed up linecook trash (can the "skinny weird looking drug addict white guy" trend plz stay in 2019, where it belongs?). But I'm also a lesbian, so maybe I'm just naturally averse to men who look like they'd steal my catalytic converter.

 

[Trombonista]

My deepest apologies for insulting your wigger waifu.

In this case, the proper term is wigger husbando.

 

[The Hardest R]

Isn't the book not out for a few more weeks? Is Tess so desperate for positive coverage that she gave out Advanced Review Copies to some people with only a handful of reviews? Or were these people just randos that got bribes in exchange for positive reviews? Calling Kiwi book publishing expert @Boston Brand !

I’ve seen advance copies sent out that far ahead of time. It is interesting that some of the reviewers talked about maybe stocking this glorified pamphlet in their school library and Tubbers doesn’t deserve that. It deserves to get heavily discounted and dumped off at the local Dollar Tree or Half Price Books.

These advanced reviews are often nicer than they should be so they can continue to get these books in advance. The real fun reviews will come in after the book has been released.

 

[Blerg]

It's not on libgen. It's not even on Amazon! It's a B&N exclusive

Not sure where this comes from because it is absolutely on Amazon, with a description as riddled with typos as the day it was announced. Book is out 26 August so ARC reviews at this point would be right on time.



Please don’t buy this fucking book.

 

[NoReturn]

So funny, so hilarious.

So scary, so scary.

 

[PatrickButtmanJr.]

This part stuck out for me: MAKING GOOD EATING CHOICES

This from the woman who weighs as much as three adults and claimed to have anorexia.....giving tips on how to eat healthy.

I wonder if she'll drop healthy eating tidbits like these:

DRINK NOTHING BUT CRAP FROM STARBUCKS WITH 150% OF THE RECOMMENDED DAILY AMOUNT OF SUGAR, Y'ALL! THEN YOU CAN SAY THAT YOU FORGOT TO EAT ALL DAY AND THEN YOU'RE TECHNICALLY NOT LYING!

REMEMBER TO ONLY SIT ON AND FART ON $100 CHAMPAIGN CAKES, Y'ALL! NONE OF THOSE CHEAP-ASS $5 BETTY CROCKER MIX CAKES!

IF YOU'RE GOING TO EAT CARBS, THEN ONLY DO IT IF IT'S SPAGHETTI AND A RAPPER IS PAYING YOUR RENT IN A POSH HOLLYWOOD CONDO TO DO IT, OK?

 

[Clotso Coof]

Note that 2 of these 4 quoted reviewers are school librarians (Yingling and Nicole), and both say they wouldn't buy it for their school libraries.

Ms. Yingling mentions outdated etiquette books before saying this one would be good for a "cool aunt", then gently saying this book is on the edge of outdated already. She mentions the tattoo-hyping and standards-ignoring advice in a way that strongly implies she thinks the book is very 2010s.

These advanced reviews are often nicer than they should be so they can continue to get these books in advance.

That's why I'm surprised only 3 of 7 reviews are 5 star.

 

[PatrickButtmanJr.]

So funny, so hilarious.

Yes, it's so funny that Tess says "here we are, having no problem getting dates"

Says the woman who hasn't been seen with a man in AGES, had her last date RUN OUT ON HER MID-DATE, and only "gets dates" with men who pay her to fart on cakes and gorge on pasta.

News flash if you're reading this, Tess: I don't hate on you because you're fat. I despise you because you think the universe revolves around you (I mean, it does gravity wise, but I digress), you're a shit mother who pretends she's June Cleaver, you have such a nasty personality, and pretend you give a shit about other people so you can fool others and yourself that you're a "good person". I don't go to your social media, and until I go to this thread, don't even think about you AT ALL.

The cope here is so off the charts, acting like any pushback Tess gets is due to jealousy, which is the to-go for all narcs. Who wants to be a 500 lb never-was that has to get food lodged in their genitals for pervs just to make rent?

 

[Dr. Butt]

Ms. Yingling sounds like the kind of good influence young women need in their lives.

had her last date RUN OUT ON HER MID-DATE

Decent chance that was the famous guy bolting when he thought they'd been spotted together by his friends.

 

[RainbowStarlight]

Ew wtf

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

Ew wtf
View attachment 7780842

Isn't her Dolly tattoo on the right arm?

 

[vlcsr]

Isn't her Dolly tattoo on the right arm?

That’s someone else’s leg, but I see how you’d get the two confused.

Why anyone would get a Tess Holliday tattoo is beyond me. They should be sectioned.

Edit: Oh, shit, I get what @Daddy's Little Kitten was saying. Either they screwed that up or the picture was mirrored. Please ignore my retardation above.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

That’s someone else’s leg, but I see how you’d get the two confused.

Are you implying the picture was mirrored? I'm a bit confused as to what you're trying to say. @Daddy's Little Kitten was referring to the placement of the Dolly tattoo on the Tess tattoo (i.e. tattoo Tess has it on her left arm).

 

[Frankly my dear]

Yeah I bet she is honored, she has not been as skinny as Tattoo-Tess in a loooong time.

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

Are you implying the picture was mirrored? I'm a bit confused as to what you're trying to say. @Daddy's Little Kitten was referring to the placement of the Dolly tattoo on the Tess tattoo (i.e. tattoo Tess has it on her left arm).

Yeah, I was referring to Dolly's tattoo on Tess' arm.

This is an old picture, but yes, the Dolly tattoo is on the wrong arm on that lady's tattoo

 

[Barbarella]

That book blurb is so poorly written it makes me angry. I can imagine Tess coming up with that ungrammatical mess, but I thought she partnered with an actual writer?

Don’t buy it, I’m begging y’all. That kind of writing should be shunned. It’ll be available to pirate soon enough, and we’ll all get our laughs.

In one of the reviews, the person mentioned a NetGalley, a company that gives out review books. I have gotten books from them myself. Mostly terrible ones.

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

That book blurb is so poorly written it makes me angry. I can imagine Tess coming up with that ungrammatical mess, but I thought she partnered with an actual writer?

Don’t buy it, I’m begging y’all. That kind of writing should be shunned. It’ll be available to pirate soon enough, and we’ll all get our laughs.

In one of the reviews, the person mentioned a NetGalley, a company that gives out review books. I have gotten books from them myself. Mostly terrible ones.

Is it free? Sounds interesting.

 

[The Hardest R]

That book blurb is so poorly written it makes me angry. I can imagine Tess coming up with that ungrammatical mess, but I thought she partnered with an actual writer?

Don’t buy it, I’m begging y’all. That kind of writing should be shunned. It’ll be available to pirate soon enough, and we’ll all get our laughs.

In one of the reviews, the person mentioned a NetGalley, a company that gives out review books. I have gotten books from them myself. Mostly terrible ones.

I think it gives some insight into how much of a budget actually went into this. You’d figure with the ubiquity of AI that they could run the draft through it to clean it up but they couldn’t even be bothered to do that. Or Tubbers was such a cunt through the process that they didn’t do it out of spite. Either theory is likely.

This cover looks like some shit made with AI or someone on Fiverr. The co-author’s resume is pretty unimpressive as well. I think this was just some trash pinched out on a very low budget. Why it needs to be made at all is a mystery but this is being sent out to die.