What is your weirdest homeless encounter?

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I haven't had any weird homeless encounters. The closest one came to being weird was some guy at a corner store asked if I had any smokes or weed. I don't even think he was homeless.
Poppavalyim Andropoff said:
I found this one homeless hoe once who'd do anything in the book for a 20 and just as I was gonna nut she asked if I knew her son who posts on kiwifarms
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Why would you dox your mother like that?
 
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I get the run of the mill homeless weirdos in Walmart all of the time, but there's a couple that stand out. In Boston I saw some guy in the middle of a park, laying sideways with his dick out and pissing all over himself. Then I also had some guy fat gremlin looking guy in a grocery store eating cherries out of multiple different bags and spitting them back into each bag. Then when he got yelled at he grunted and skittered away.
 
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Once me and my friend once we walking downtown in an "urban" area. There was a cracked out homeless guy with a five gallon bucket, a car antenna, and a tree branch. He was shouting that he's a famous drummer and if you give him a dollar he'll play a song. So we gave him a dollar and he proceeded to bang on the bucket with the stick and antenna and shout gibberish. It was well worth the dollar.
 
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I lived in a bad neighborhood for a while after graduating highschool and moving out of my parents house and I have a few stories about interacting with the homeless as they passed through.

I was once walking to a gas station at like 3 in the morning and I had a homeless black guy approached me saying he was actually king of the United States and Obama was a false king and if I gave him some change he'd bless me. I told him I don't carry any cash and he went on his way without any fuss. On my way back home from the gas station a bat flew down and landed on the front of my pants staring up at me for a bit before flying off. This probably wouldn't have happened if I'd paid the tithe to the king and received his blessing.


While on another late night walk from the gas station I was walking home and all the street lights went out and it was completely pitch black right when two homeless black guys on bikes with backpacks were passing me. One of them yelped like a dog when it happened and the other said something like "damn, nigga I can't see yo ass" to the other.


Another was while I was sitting on my porch around midnight with my dog and had some skeletal prostitute approached my fence which caused my dog to freakout and bark for a bit. She then went on to say her name was Puerto Rico and asked if she could have a cigarette. After explaining I don't smoke she went into pitching her oral sex services and I said I had no interest and called my dog to go inside and she wandered off.

This one also takes place at my house, but during the day. I woke up to the sound of my older black neighbor yelling something. So I stepped outside to investigate and saw him yelling at some crackhead that was running off. The crackhead had apparently chosen his yard to take a shit in and my neighbor had found him midshit.
 
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Years ago I was on a job site adjacent to an inner city niggerhive. My truck was parked on the street but I could see it from where I was at about 70-80 yards away. Out of the corner of my eye, I see this sheboon starting to squat on the curb near one of the rear wheel wells. It took me a second to figure out what she was doing but I immediately hit the panic button on the key fob and she fucked right off. No idea if homeless or normal nigger behavior, probably the latter.
 
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probably the one who was screaming on the bus about everything is on fire when I was in university and that we were all going to experience hell.
 
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Being outside a bar cause I had to play a show but I was under aged and a guy started telling me his whole life story in the form of a song he made up.

King Tidy the Almighty, made of muscle, make a pool girl hustle. He made one of my friends buy him the cheapest vodka at the liquor store and he told us he was native American (he was black) and started to do Indian calls as loud as he possibly could, hand over mouth, in the middle of the street.
 
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Grub said:
A buddy of mine was throwing a BBQ one time. Her backyard opened onto an alleyway and there was a lot of people there and not everybody knew eachother. One of the people there had this little dog that seemed to generally like everybody except for this one guy. Nobody really thought much of it and nobody really questioned who this guy was. I stopped by my friend's place the next day and it turns out the guy was some homeless dude who'd wandered in out of the alleyway.

When she'd gotten up in the morning she found the guy in the backyard cleaning profusely. Apparently it was spotless. My friend asked him what he was doing doing and he told her he was cleaning up and showed her all the 'treasure' he'd found after cleaning up all night after everyone left. He pulled a bunch of stuff out of his pocket he'd found on her lawn. Some joints, cutlery, coins and shit like that. It turns out the guy was also a meth head who had apparently been clean for a day. My friend's a pretty nice person so she ended up telling the guy he couldn't keep the stuff, he gave it back, and her and her boyfriend took the guy out for breakfast and pretty much politely told him never to come back.

My version of the story kind of sucks but the way she described finding the guy cleaning the shit up in her yard was pretty fucking funny and surreal. Apparently he did a really good job cleaning up and didn't actually end up stealing anything in the end.
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Did she explain why she didn't hire him as a yard/house cleaner to help give him a leg-up from the gutter?
 
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Many years ago, I was walking with my brother at an outlet mall and this homeless lady, whose appearance is best described as "meth ghoul", came right up to us, got incredibly and uncomfortably close and hissed "Their eyes were following Jesus!", her eyes bulging about 75% out of their sockets rapidly alternating between mine and my brother's. I think we just said "that's nice" and sidestepped her.

This happened while my family and I were visiting Florida, go figure.
 
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Once while I was dumpster-diving a posh, bidness lookin' nigga and his hu-white date emerged from the adjacent subway station; ole Uncle Tom saw me, walked up, and offered me two dollars ('bout tree fiddy) for my hard times. I told him thank you, but that I was trying to live without money for a month, and it would ruin the experiment if I took his money. He was very confused. I think he was just trying to impress his date. Cockblocked you nig-guh.

I have other stories if you want, but I must get to work now, I'm no longer a po' ass huwhite boy.
 
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A guy that raped me is a heroin junkie
I Saw him ,i punched him once , he almost did an 180 falling with his head on the floor and told him he raped me when i was little
Denied it, another person was close by walking towards us and i just left him there crying his guts out
 
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One time, I was walking down the beautiful, culturally enriched city of Detroit and ran into this old, hairy homeless guy who offered me a blowjob in exchange for 5 dollars. Let me just preface this by saying that I'm completely straight, and I only took his offer out of the kindness of my heart to help out a man living in poverty. 15 years later, I ran into the same man, only this time he was clean-shaven and wearing a clean pair of clothes. He told me that my generosity helped him get out of poverty and proceeded to reimburse me for the money I gave him before dropping to his knees and giving me another blowjob on the house for my troubles. I didn't resist because I didn't want to insult the man by refusing his gesture. As I've said before, I'm completely straight, but I do admit that his technique had improved considerably compared to our first encounter.
 
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This gibberish speaking crackhead came up to me and started making heart signs with his fingers and even dapped me up. I pitied him and leant him a 5 dollar bill. He seemed to want more but I told him its all I got because there is no way I'm giving this crackhead a twenty just for acting like a retard. I suspect that it was all some kind of act though.
 
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I live in Portland. I could tell fucked up homeless stories for days.

I guess the one that stands out the most was years back when me, my boyfriend, my sister and her boyfriend went to see Deadpool 2. Watched the movie, left the theater and as we were heading to our cars, this methed out homeless woman who was probably in her early 30s but looked like her mid 50s approached us asking for money. None of us gave her anything. Instead of just fucking off, Methhead Mary’s next tactic was to say we could give her money and she’d “let us tickle her feet” Completely weirded out, we tell her to fuck off. Methbilly’s final tactic is to offer to “tickle our feet” if we paid her. Finally fucked off as we started yelling at her and making a scene.

Story still comes up from time to time in friend circles as what’s emblematic of Portland now, methhead soliciting feet/tickle fetish acts on both genders in order to get their fix
 
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