While using this site is detrimental to my mental health, I truly don't know anywhere else where I can say this. What you are about to read is the result of me losing my mind over the last few weeks trying to make sense of this
I abhor trans men. I abhor how they give into societal misogyny to cosplay as men instead of embracing their own identity. I hate the amount of butchery involved in affirming their identity, much more so than trans women (usually go through with). I can't ignore this, maybe my mind's rotten and I've given too much attention to internet brain rot but it's lingered with me for so long and I can't really put this into words anywhere else.
TiFs are much, much worse than TiMs. They piss me off much more, at least. For the sole reason that the latter will admit that it's an AGP or fetishistic or even just looks-based thing, while the latter will earnestly, to the grave believe that they can be, have always been, share the histories and live stories of, and partake in the lives of cis men. It's insidious to not recognize that this just isn't the case, and that every person is different and that even if you could erase the past it's impossible to disconnect past happenings to who you are in the present.
Trans men also seem to be much more prominent IRL than trans women. When I say prominent, I mean socially transitioning -- using male pronouns, dressing "masc", and other things. Trans women will be more conscious of not passing and usually stick to "they" slop, which I don't actually mind since again they recognize their own situation (call a trans woman "they" and they won't mind, call a trans man "they" and you've made an enemy for life), but trans men who pretend they are and always have been "doods" can't cease to get on my nerves. Of course this makes me evil for recognizing what my eyes see.
I need to be taken out back of a Five Guys or Wendy's and shot for this honestly, the contradictions of society are fucking with me to the point where I basically get headaches trying to make sense of it all. I'm not a mean person, fuck I don't even think I'm a TERF or radfem or whatever Twitter neologism there is, but my god being in a liberal town and having to put up with this shit and not go mad is going to be the end of me. This feels like Winston in 1984 writing in his diary to escape Thoughtcrime but I know I'm just larping and I'm sorry if you've read this far into my retarded psyche.
"'This shit' just means being respectful of their identities, as you would with anyone else"
I understand that, but I can't lie to myself and admit that I really believe that. I do a good job of respecting their identities or whatever socially, but again in my head alarm bells are going off. I still don't want to give in because I don't want to commit social suicide in my liberal college town just yet. I hate the culture war, I hate having to pick sides in this fucking football game of life, I want it all to end and for people to be logical again. I don't think I'm a more logical or smarter being for thinking the way I do, I just have these thoughts and go along with them and that's that.
You do, you objectively, objectively fucking do. Whether or not your identity as a trans man is valid or whatever is another debate, but at the most base level yes you have had a different experience than quite literally EVERY POSSIBLE CIS MALE ALIVE ON PLANET EARTH that is an important factor in determining your own identity. Your "experiences of being raised the wrong gender", which you yourself state as being "traumatic" HELP SHAPE WHO YOU ARE. YOU CANNOT ERASE THEM. You can't erase trauma, trust me I fucking wish you could, but you need to come to terms with the fact that this shapes who you are and how you look at the world, your own identity and sexual identities in general. You need a fucking therapist, oh my god.
Erasing the category of "trans male upbringing" and washing it out as another different male experience feels insidious, because it just isn't.
TLDR retarded ventslop
