Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious
- Thread starter Justa Grata Honoria
- Start date
-
🏰 The Fediverse is up. If you know, you know.
-
Want to keep track of this thread?
Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
Create account
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2020
To anyone who is sane, that should be a green flag, not a red one. It is pretty uncommon, though.
Try and get her involved in non-socmed activities. Most chronic scrolling is dopamine addiction. Plan some things to do together, try a new hobby, do one of those "pull the plug" vacations. If she breaks the habit she'll be less likely to return to it.
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2023
The app sucks, but it's worth making an account (preferably not connected to your real name) just for the mutuals feature. I've made so many weird connections on campus from getting someone's Instagram and being like "oh, wow, you also know X".
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2014
Out of curiosity, I want to have opinion on my situation at work. I work in bigger IT corporation, and what we do is deliver continuous service to our clients. Generally speaking one of those kinda dust colored "boring" jobs where anything unexpected or interesting is negative, which I like. Now, whether I wanted or not I've been part of corporate politics for about half an year at this point, since our company brought external consultant in our project some years back, way before I started working for this client, and now they want to get rid of him to increase profits.
The situation is, that I'm supposed to be his "replacement" in a sense, since he has mostly handled server-side and infrastructure level stuff, which I am also proficient at. The rest of the team is more on the development side of things. The powers that be have made me basically finding out what exactly he does, which skills are needed and how my skillset compares against his since he's done his part of making himself as difficult to replace as possible. Now, since he doesn't directly work for us, and instead bills us through his own company, it's risk in his freelancing business. No issue there in legal or business sense I'd guess, but somehow it feels like I'm part of conspiracy to stab him back. And I do not like it at all, makes me feel bad - not to mention, if this happens, my workload would increase with no actual benefit for me. I in fact also have another client who wants to work me like the rented mule I am. So far I've managed to kick that can down the street, but yet again I was asked for report on that.
The way I see I have few options, I kinda want to see if anyone here have insight on this?
1) The CWC - proverbially crap myself and literally do nothing about this.
2) Give it less than my best - basically going "sure thing boss" and tell them I can't possibly do what he does (which might be shooting myself into a foot there)
3) Try to get out of this project asap - which would be a bother for all involved, and likely not possible within short timeframe
4) Start sending out my CV - which would be a bother to me personally
5) move to Nepal, and begin a new life as a goat - starting to look like the best option at this point
The situation is, that I'm supposed to be his "replacement" in a sense, since he has mostly handled server-side and infrastructure level stuff, which I am also proficient at. The rest of the team is more on the development side of things. The powers that be have made me basically finding out what exactly he does, which skills are needed and how my skillset compares against his since he's done his part of making himself as difficult to replace as possible. Now, since he doesn't directly work for us, and instead bills us through his own company, it's risk in his freelancing business. No issue there in legal or business sense I'd guess, but somehow it feels like I'm part of conspiracy to stab him back. And I do not like it at all, makes me feel bad - not to mention, if this happens, my workload would increase with no actual benefit for me. I in fact also have another client who wants to work me like the rented mule I am. So far I've managed to kick that can down the street, but yet again I was asked for report on that.
The way I see I have few options, I kinda want to see if anyone here have insight on this?
1) The CWC - proverbially crap myself and literally do nothing about this.
2) Give it less than my best - basically going "sure thing boss" and tell them I can't possibly do what he does (which might be shooting myself into a foot there)
3) Try to get out of this project asap - which would be a bother for all involved, and likely not possible within short timeframe
4) Start sending out my CV - which would be a bother to me personally
5) move to Nepal, and begin a new life as a goat - starting to look like the best option at this point
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2021
Why the hell is asking for a raise not even a thought in this autistic situation?
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2014
Why do you assume I haven't? Got the corporate version of "lol no" in response.
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2022
Start sending out your CV, and try to get yourself moved to a different project. You can do both at the same time.
You should be sending out your CV even if you do like your current job. The better you understand the job market, the better you will be able to value your labour. The reality is that loyalty to an employer is foolish. You'll raise your salary much quicker by job hopping regularly than you will by showing your boss what a hard worker you are.
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2019
Fit enough for living. Able to climb a hill and dig a garden bed and be healthy. Not fat. Otherwise not bothered about big muscles. Most attractive physical sort of look is someone got through lifestyle rather than bulked at the gym . Obviously opinions vary on this one.
It’d be a red flag for me if a man was really active on social media. An instagram account for a business, or a hobby is fine.
rosecig
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2025
We like it so we can scroll through your photos and see who you're following. If a guy didn't have one I wouldn't mind though and would find it unusual but I'd prefer that than overly active, posting himself constantly.
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2014
That is honestly decent bit of career advice to everyone at professional setting - see how much employers are willing to pay for you regularily. Also I'd guess you shouldn't go only after money - at least to me it's all about what I feel about my job while commuting on monday. Which, for the most part has kept me at my current employer. That and the fact that I'm making decent salary, just that increasing workload with same pay wouldn't be worth it anymore.
But yeah, updated my CV and sent few emails to companies I know or have worked with previously. Hope there are some interesting projects starting out after summer holidays.
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2021
You went into great detail about everything else, it would have been pertinent information to include.
Leave the job, that's the end of discussion. There is no salvaging this situation. You won't get paid more for doing more work and back stabbing someone. You only lose and look like a snake.
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2014
That's what I tried to communicate with the "increase my workload with no benefit for me" part - sorry, I could've been clearer on that!
- Joined
- Apr 2, 2024
By her family, do you mean her children, you, or both.
Some info is required fren. How much time is she spending each day or per week where she is the only adult with the children.
What does your respective work patterns look like, what is the normal structure of a day for you, her, the kids. Where is everyone, what are they doing.
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2021
No; that's dumb. I'm not your age, but my kids are 20s, and it's not 100% with insta. Some people like it; some don't care. It's a very dumb thing for someone to expect or to judge you for not having. Which is not to say some won't - but if that's a deal-breaker for someone, it doesn't say that much for them. And tbh, if I cared about having social profiles, I don't think that a token account would be better than not having one at all. Ymmv.
Are you an employee or a contractor? Sounded like employee but then you mentioned being a rented mule, so unclear.
Do you want to continue to work there? Do you want to move up? If so, take it on and show you're worth keeping/ promoting. Sometimes you have to take on more for a bit to make a case to be promoted/ get an increase. That's the reality, especially in big organizations. Asking before you've done that is a bad move, strategically. I'm not saying raising the question is a hard no, bc it's important to make it known what your goals are, but insisting on it is a bad look.
If you take on the contractor's responsibilities, if it starts to stagnate or looks dead-end, then look around. But other people or their situations are not your problem.
That said, @Susanna is correct that keeping a bead on the market and staying nimble and aware is a very good idea. Can't say that job-hopping is always good - depends on field and your goals - but there's no reason to have a big question mark in terms of understanding your marketability.
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2014
I am an employee, in this kind of delivery model we provide software + people to wrangle the bits it as consultants to clients. And with several clients, the there's old adage along the lines of "when you bow to one direction, you're mooning towards the other".
Honestly, this is pretty good place to work at (this is just a situation I'd wish go away if I bury my head in sand). I like the people I work with, and the stuff I work on is pretty interesting to me. Then there's the fact that I'm also taking a part in developing a prototype for new product, and dropping out just like that at this point would probably seem bit unprofessional, especially since we're doing this with such small group. Also, economy sucks and finding a new job is still bit uncertain to everyone.
If you're talking about corporate org chart, then big no. I've worked towards more of an architect role for past few years, and been taking extra trainings (internal and external) and whatnot. I've given presentations and tech demos on company seminars, my bosses know I'm good at what I do, nobody really has anything bad to say about me yada yada. So in that sense, me and my employer both know that I'm more of an technical expert. Won't even get any fancier title to put on linkedin unless something truly miraculous happens. Career development isn't necessarily direct line or climbing up a ladder, at least in our field. I also know for a fact that this year nobody is getting bigger raise than what our field's collective agreement stipulates as minimum for this year. Heard this from my direct boss during our last biannual one to one discussion. I guess in the end this current situation kinda just dropped on my lap, I've worked in this project only for the past two or so years, and this is (relatively) recent development.
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2022
Opinions will widely vary, but I want my man to be as fit or fitter than me. That means less than 20% bodyfat and hitting the gym 4+ days a week. Generally not a fan of the super-ripped gymrat look as it's indicative of drug use and/or an eating disorder but it's not a dealbreaker.
Not a read flag, but it's so uncommon to not have an Insta that at first blush I'd wonder if you were lying. And lying about your socials is a huge red flag. Might behoove you to make an Insta and post on there once every three months.
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2022
I hate normies.
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2019
I don’t think many straight regular men have instagram accounts ‘for fun’ unless it’s sports teams, hobbies or business. I do use instagram (it’s getting much worse recently) because I like looking at other people’s allotments and stuff and thinking about it almost all the female run accounts are similar (post a few things of their dog/allotment/handcrafts etc) but all the men’s in my follow list are businesses, obsessive hobbies, or work. I don’t think I follow any men’s accounts where the account is like mine
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2021
How so? The point is that when people twist themselves into "what if?" "Maybe he/ she..." "But he/she said...."!"Well, [rationalization x 1 million]," it's time to wake up and stop filling in blanks with wishful thinking.
If a person wants to be with you/ treat you well/ put in effort/ etc., then they would be doing it, and you wouldn't be miserable or confused. If they're not, then they don't, so wake up and see it for what it is. And issa no.