Zero empathy, sympathy, zero care about their feelings, nada. She is 28, not a kid or even a 12 years old. She doesn't give a shit what her poor mother feels, only demands she (the mother) consider her (the daughter's) feelings and hers alone, all the fucking time. Giving her an ultimatum. Fuck you, you selfish awful excuse of a human being. Your mother is devastated, can't you feel a little empathy? Just a little. "I can't just keep having her deny my existence" - fuck you. She is avoiding you because she doesn't know how to cope, she feels she lost her daughter, and all you care about is if she is affirming your so called gender identity or not. Nowhere in this post I've seen her asking for an advice on how to help her mother cope with this better, the slightest of empathy toward her or even feelings of grief for losing her mother, just disappointment she couldn't control her mother the way she wanted to and pride in her ability to go no contact. "I processed alot of grief and anger, saddness and betrayal with my therapist" - yeah right. Sadness about your inability to control your mother perhaps. Your therapist is shit by the way, but that's probably why you chose them, someone that will node and affirm your every feeling and whim. "but ultimately realised my life is infinitely better without her." Why of course, you don't need her to take care of you anymore so you can just cut her off from your life. She had served her purpose and is no more useful to you.
We do not owe our parents the idea of us they have in their heads. We do not need approval from our parents to exercise our freedom and bodily autonomy. And honestly, we shouldn't seek approval from people who justify such hateful ways of treating their children.
Fuck you fuck you fuck you. "Such hateful ways of treating their children". FUCK YOU.
Her father, from what I read I assume he was not much in her life before (or at least wasn't for some time) so I think he tries to make up for it by supporting his daughter, as sick as this sounds to us. But even he slips up sometimes, it's impossible not to slip up sometimes, and the daughter just wouldn't have any of it. I love how she keeps repeating "I said I love you", you can easily see how she uses these words to try and manipulate him. Now she is cutting him off from her life too because he responded angrily this one time to her passive-aggresive attempt to police his words and thoughts. He, too, had served his purpose of constant validation and affirmation, and is needed no longer.