Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

[Potatis Salad]

I can imagine that if my parents had been even only partly dependent on my income, it would have been far more difficult to end our relationship. And of course anything can change; they were wealthy the last time we spoke, but life is long and the market is volatile.

It is so bizarre that she is even thinking about this, what is this??? Is she fantasizing about her family being financially dependent on her and therefore hurting them even more with the estrangement? Is she fantasizing about being able to contribute anything to any family since the current throuple situation excludes her in every way that's important? Is she wistful about turning her back on the support she could have received from the Ortbergs in this moment that the throuple is admittedly in dire straits financially?

Side note: Lily is still the owner as of today, but we ought to be checking for her Lansing house to go on the market. I've been looking at the MSU course offerings for next semester to see if she's teaching: the courses are already online but when I search for professor's names ("Woodruff" but also other professors in the department) I don't get any results. Either the profs haven't yet been assigned or MSU has fixed their search function so that prof name is no longer searchable like it used to be.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

It is so bizarre that she is even thinking about this, what is this??? Is she fantasizing about her family being financially dependent on her and therefore hurting them even more with the estrangement?

I think there's a few layers to this - when Mall first started her accusations against her family, it was probably the first time in her life she had been financially independent. In fact, both she and Joe were flying high financially. Right now they're not again and I suspect that Mall looks at them with resentment - they've always been there to help her out in financial jams and now they're not for obvious reasons. Mall probably wishes she could reach out for financial aid; maybe she's also been spying on her siblings social media accounts noting that they get certain things still paid for.

And yes, of course there's the other part of her that dearly wants to punish them. Punish them for not providing for her financially, so she'd love to be able to hold the same sword over their head - except her parents doesn't do that since the estrangement is all on Mall.

 

[Anasa Tristis]

Mal's latest installment on Bon Appetit : A few years ago the three of us—Lily, Grace, and self—decided to have a baby together. Lily introduced the idea to the floor, Grace and I unanimously seconded the motion, and baby Rocco appeared more or less shortly thereafter.

Sorry to drag this one back, but I found it interesting that LaLa's producing Rocco is presented as a deliberate group decision by Mal. In Bon Appetit, of all places. Cringe-o-rama.

Was it?

Golly gee, why doesn't she have any friends?

Why indeed? Kek. Aside from her ridiculous trans man fantasy, accusing your family of heinous crimes before an online audience makes an impression on prospective new acquaintances. Having to move around a fair bit in a short time due to financial circumstances and not having a job that forces you to meet new people will play a role too. And, of course, having your masochistic BPT head so far up your ass that you're wearing your colon like a scarf would too.

Venmo really doesn’t want you to end relationships with anybody, and I had to jump through three or four more hoops than usual in order to make sure none of my relatives could contact me there.

Who locks down their Venmo so family members cannot contact them at any time in the future? That's a bit of obsessive (and presumptive) overkill.

 

[AfghanBlue]

Hahaha, I forgot about that! Joe "forgot to refrigerate" Mal's stew so he threw it away and replaced it with a new stew made by himself. You're 100% right this is all the same incident.

I'm exhausted just thinking about this dynamic, cooking for a family is enough work without a narc freak literally sabotaging the food.

This WILL come up in their inevitable throuples therapy (begged for by Mal only).
I am still holding onto resentment about stew.... 14 years later. So much rage I can't even really think about the event, or describe it here (also because I have seethed about it up and down the country, and the details would be enormously identifiable)

It takes time and effort, a fuckload of ingredients, and often you don't have an opportunity to even fucking eat any right away. So sabotage or theft of it cuts deep.
I daresay it would be the first thing talked about in session.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

I think there's a few layers to this - when Mall first started her accusations against her family, it was probably the first time in her life she had been financially independent. In fact, both she and Joe were flying high financially. Right now they're not again and I suspect that Mall looks at them with resentment - they've always been there to help her out in financial jams and now they're not for obvious reasons. Mall probably wishes she could reach out for financial aid; maybe she's also been spying on her siblings social media accounts noting that they get certain things still paid for.

And yes, of course there's the other part of her that dearly wants to punish them. Punish them for not providing for her financially, so she'd love to be able to hold the same sword over their head - except her parents doesn't do that since the estrangement is all on Mall.

One thing is for sure, she never gave money to her parents. The money giving was a one way street straight to her.

I’m sure living in a crappy 800 sq foot cabin with 3 adults and a baby, and implying they are looking to stay in the Bay Area, has made Joe consider how short sighted it was to alienate her wealthy, connected, Bay Area residing parents.

If Mallory, with a normal partner and new baby, had rolled into SF her parents would have quickly provided comfortable lodgings. Maybe year long paid house sitting gig for a “good friend” of theirs that has an empty three bedroom. (I was amazed at the housing sitting opportunities that abound among the wealthy because nice empty houses are expensive and rife for robbery, squatters and it voids normal property insurance policies. The non-occupied insurance cost is insane.)

I’m sure Mallory had considered just how incredibly useful her family could be to her given current circumstances and living situation.

Joe has definitely had thoughts about how long she would have to wait to hit them up after ending the estrangement. I have no doubt her family would forgive her, but I doubt they’d line up to assist her husband and his girlfriend’s baby to live a more comfy Bay Area existence. Her family estrangement could only end once Joe is out of the picture.

I bet Joe has warmed to the idea of thawing the ice with the Ortbergs. He managed to convince Mallory to let him move in a girlfriend and then have a baby with her. Getting Mallory to hit up her folks to help upgrade his debt ridden lifestyle is no stretch. I mean Mallory needs to do her part to subsidize their family, she’s the man of the house after all.

 

[Bookwork]

Getting Mallory to hit up her folks to help upgrade his debt ridden lifestyle is no stretch. I mean Mallory needs to do her part to subsidize their family, she’s the man of the house after all.

LOL, y'know, I did find it striking that she makes Inheritance a polling question. Gee, would I have to pay for them in their own age, ummmmmm, hey, what about muh Inheritance!?! Huh? Should I not get the same share my sister and brother get? Huh? Maybe more to make up for the Wound of Estrangement? Let's see.... how old are they now, hmmmm....

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

LOL, y'know, I did find it striking that she makes Inheritance a polling question. Gee, would I have to pay for them in their own age, ummmmmm, hey, what about muh Inheritance!?! Huh? Should I not get the same share my sister and brother get? Huh? Maybe more to make up for the Wound of Estrangement? Let's see.... how old are they now, hmmmm....

This also makes me assume they couldn’t hit up that good friend (ie Nicole) for a bridge loan like they did when they fled to Brooklyn and needed a nice flat asap but were still waiting the Substack troon blackmail money.

Bank of mom and dad closed, bank of Nicole closed. Joe is wondering why he’s keeping Mallory around. I’m sure he’s got her pounding the pavement for new gigs or jobs. I guess her cooking mag gig has him hoping he can turn that connection to a cook book, but Joe needs money and a fancier place to live now! He’s feeling like a failed gold digger.

 

[Trianon]

LOL, y'know, I did find it striking that she makes Inheritance a polling question. Gee, would I have to pay for them in their own age, ummmmmm, hey, what about muh Inheritance!?! Huh? Should I not get the same share my sister and brother get? Huh? Maybe more to make up for the Wound of Estrangement? Let's see.... how old are they now, hmmmm....

She's speed-running the Prodigal Son parable, trying to be self-aware about it by rewriting the story and overly identifying with the Prodigal. She's just trying to run from the inevitable ending.

 

[monstrous bubo]

I wonder what irritants at home prompt Tard Baby to lash out at the great bogeymen, her parents, from time to time. Does Joe needle her about them? Or does she get annoyed by the lack of adoration at home and seek some from her public by replaying her greatest moment?

I assume, for example, that I’ve been written out of any wills I might once have been included in, but I don’t know that for certain.

That is an interesting assumption. She is the one who walked away and trashed them. They have remained silent, and as Christians would feel some obligation to keep the door open for their prodigal daughter. Leaving her in the will would be consistent with their core beliefs.

But let’s say her parents have cut her out of their will. The great state of California does allow disinherited children to challenge the will, but not simply because they were cut out and need money. Mal would have to show her parents

• were not legally capable of making a will (eg. dementia),
• were unduly influenced (eg. bullied or manipulated),
• did not legally execute the will, or
• had made a subsequent will.

Two other grounds are fraud or forgery.

If her parents make it clear why she was disinherited and leave enough evidence of sound mind, she and Joe will have to find another source for the pension fund. Perhaps writing a nasty tell-all memoir to piss on her parents’ grave, defame their son again, and further upset their other daughter would be enough to keep Mal in track pants and Joe in couture in their dotage for about ten minutes.

 

[Law]

What manly dude subject matter will transmasculine total tomboy Tard Baby write about next?

Barbara Foerster is sixty-two years old and hasn’t had a best friend in over fifteen years, not since Therese Dumont took Barbara’s name off the casserole list during chemo treatments without explanation.

Welp, I don't know about you, but that really wuthered my heights.
I would love to see Mal write a western or something but she doesn't have the fun, campy, over-compensating kind of gender dysphoria, she just has the sad, annoying kind.

bank of Nicole closed

"I love you, baby boy! Now keep your paws offa my husband's millions, I gotta fund Gretchen's Oreo addiction! These acres of creamy flesh don't come cheap!"

 

[mold]

In his dreams.

Spoiler

I’m no big fan of MDB, but this is him fairly recently (he’s 77 now, so this is him at around 75 - >30 years older than Joe). And he never had a doughy look even when he had a plumper face.

View attachment 7107170
Plumpy:
View attachment 7107186

Des Barres in his 40s:
View attachment 7107204

I’m not seeing it at all, even melted.

Agree with @MirnaMinkoff that the estrogen has not done Joe any favors.

OT but his son with Pamela Des Barres went to prison recently for really really gross sex pestery

oh actually maybe he hasn't been sentenced yet? also I know I saw the indictment for free recently but this has a paywall, apologies. The coverage I've seen downplays the severity of the sex pestery. He is accused of sending crush videos, among other things, to a 13yo.

https://www.pacermonitor.com/public/case/54610557/USA_v_Des_Barres

 

[Dromedary]

I hope this makes Joe's blood boil. He harbors such incredible hatred towards Dr. Kathleen Stock at his old UK college, it seems quite personal, Joe was an utter cunt online when she was going through abusive hell at the university.

Kathleen Stock’s former university fined record £585k for failing to uphold free speech​

University of Sussex to challenge ruling that found trans policy left staff feeling ‘self-censored’​

https://archive.vn/FXxu8

 

[monstrous bubo]

Bobby Joe is turning into Tard Baby’s doppelgänger


link | archive

 

[Anasa Tristis]

Bobby Joe is turning into Tard Baby’s doppelgänger

View attachment 7146995
link | archive

With three part time-ish employed adults as his "parents" and they're sending him to some kind of day care?

 

[Bookwork]

With three part time-ish employed adults as his "parents" and they're sending him to some kind of day care?

To develop social skills, you know - like learning to hit, kick, and bite other kids while getting hit, kicked, and bitten. Vital preparation for adulthood.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Bobby Joe is turning into Tard Baby’s doppelgänger

View attachment 7146995
link | archive

Where is Bobby Joe at, some medical looking, daycare playroom thing? It looks like an assessment room. I want hear about Bobby Joe navigating mama, papa, Lala and correct pronouns. The fact they aren’t raising Bobby as non-binary until he can tell them his gender makes me question their commitment to the gender revolution

Probably hard to learn to walk in a miniature cabin with furniture and 3 adults with their crap. Not much open indoor space for Bobby Joe.

It’s spring so take him to a park to try out his get away sticks. Nothing better than grass and earth terrain for kids to learn to walk. Human feet aren’t designed for flat, hard surfaces. I’m going to assume all the homeless people, weirdos, drug use and public defecation make parks a bit more spicy for parents and toddlers to use.

To develop social skills, you know - like learning to hit, kick, and bite other kids while getting hit, kicked, and bitten. Vital preparation for adulthood.

If it’s not daycare, I could see them paying to take him to some place where carefully supervised activity room with others appropriate toddlers.

It’s amazing though if they are sending him to day care with three underemployed adults in the house.

 

[Potatis Salad]

It's not daycare, it's Gymboree, which is a national chain of indoor playgrounds for toddlers. Sorry for the shit picture, it was the only one on Google Reviews showing the interior:

Tard Baby just took Rocco there as an activity. She would have been with him the whole time.

Here's her latest Instagram post, caption says: "Look at him!!!!!!!"

This chick clearly relishes her role of caretaker to a child. She dotes on Rocco. It is absolutely peak tard that she nuked her chances of being a mother herself in order to chop off her tits, latch on to immature "kill yr dad" horseshit, and raise her troon husband's girlfriend's baby while said husband and girlfriend fuck in the next room of the AirBnB.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

I'm sorry but that baby is ugly. Looking like infant of a substance abuser, or two cousins.

 

[ApeBass]

I'm sorry but that baby is ugly. Looking like infant of a substance abuser, or two cousins.

It's unfortunate Rocco has such a strong resemblance to his father.

 

[Anasa Tristis]

It's not daycare, it's Gymboree, which is a national chain of indoor playgrounds for toddlers. Sorry for the shit picture, it was the only one on Google Reviews showing the interior:
View attachment 7147728
Tard Baby just took Rocco there as an activity. She would have been with him the whole time.

Here's her latest Instagram post, caption says: "Look at him!!!!!!!"
View attachment 7147739
This chick clearly relishes her role of caretaker to a child. She dotes on Rocco. It is absolutely peak tard that she nuked her chances of being a mother herself in order to chop off her tits, latch on to immature "kill yr dad" horseshit, and raise her troon husband's girlfriend's baby while said husband and girlfriend fuck in the next room of the AirBnB.

The rug checks out, thanks.

Revolutionary Joe allowing his spawn to go to a pay to play preschool franchise is interesting. But then again, maybe he knew nothing about it and it was all Mal’s doing.