💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Falcon Sebben]

So that’s why Soros bought all of those radio stations…..


Also…1000 homo DJ’s is fine THX MOM https://youtube.com/watch?v=zpydqluWqhg
https://youtube.com/watch?v=zEsLOLdoXOE

Oh man Ministry. That's a band I haven't heard in a long time.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=1G-S2_WUx1U
When I think of Amish cooking I think about crushed up bagged pretzels, pineapple jello and brown sugar substitute.
(bonus: this stupid nigger thinks pizzas have to be round)

Sweet GodBearJesus that looks rank. I mean Amish "fruit pizza" is a thing but it doesn't look like that.

Already it's off to a bad start using the brown sugar substitute but that's not the most egregious problem. It's using frozen fruit. If you use frozen fruit you need to not only defrost but drain them. There's too much liquid in this and instead of mixing them in like he did you're supposed to pour the cream cheese mixture on top of the pretzels then add your fruit on top of that. Not mix them in like Fatty did. Then he doesn't thicken up the glaze, just dumps it on, still boiling. You're supposed to use something to make it gel like corn starch.

And of course Fatty doesn't eat any but you know he scarfed down half the pan once the camera was off.

Or any variation of pizza that isn't round.

Guess he's never heard of Detroit style pizza which is amazing by the way. Pizza doesn't come in one size or shape. It's all down to the toppings and how you make the dough.

And yet he still plays up his totally real Italian heritage when we all know he's mostly sand nigger.

 

[souschef]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=1G-S2_WUx1U
When I think of Amish cooking I think about crushed up bagged pretzels, pineapple jello and brown sugar substitute.
(bonus: this stupid nigger thinks pizzas have to be round)

Ewwwwww

I'll be fair with jack, the original recipe looks gross too.

The only thing i know is that his wifeymommy looks pissed and so done with his shit, lmao

 

[Shartavius]

At this point, Tammy's more responsible for Jack's ability to inflict himself upon the outside world than he is (the fat faggot is totally, pants-shittingly helpless and hopeless on his own). So she deserves to be miserable from swallowing some of his homemade antichrist placenta.

My vision began to black out from laughing at the Youtube comment asking how much Jack had to jerk off for his arm to get stuck that way.

 

[Adamska]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=1G-S2_WUx1U
When I think of Amish cooking I think about crushed up bagged pretzels, pineapple jello and brown sugar substitute.
(bonus: this stupid nigger thinks pizzas have to be round)

Honestly this looks and seems more like something I'd see in a cookbook made in like the 1960s-1970s midwest or during a potluck than made by the Amish I know of. It really does not scream "Mennonite" or "Amish" to me at all. In fact I'm pretty sure that tracks, since stuff like this wasn't really vogue until that post WW2 period.

Now admittedly it does have some existence and pull among the less conservative circles and further out west, though every version I've seen or looked up used something more like a sugar cookie or shortbread crust than this bullshit. In a funny way, a more competent, passionate, and less stroked out chef doing this as a video for a month celebrating Amish cuisine in general (like this lady) would've surprised me with this. It's definitely a dish I'd not have known or expected.

As for how he fucked it up, well...

1. Jack does not grok pizza shape as noted by you guys; despite how there are things like Philly tomato pie, Detroit style, and St Louis squares made from a circle, he has regressed to this level. Actual subtoddler brain and he gets mad over it too, like said toddler tantruming over the square not fitting the circle peg.
2. Jack doesn't fucking bother to beat the crust into paste and have the sugar and butter, probably a binder like egg maybe, to hold it together, which IMO would've helped this shithole of a dish. Sure, the recipe he stole from doesn't either, but I personally believe that would help. I also don't think the amount of salt that pretzls bring here is a great choice tbh.
3. Jack mixes the "sauce" into the fruit rather than just beat it, beat it, no one wants to be defeated like you're actually supposed to do. You blend in the cream cheese and sugar, and then fold the whip into it. That then goes on the "crust" and then you put the fruit on.
4. The glaze is wrong to; ironically if he just like chose to use lemon jello, add sugar, and then like some juice it'd work out better. For fuck's sake the recipe he STOLE reminds you to put flavored jello into this shitheap.
5. Faggot doesn't let the glaze cool down. This turns it into barf even more than it already was due to the offheat causing some fun chemical reactions.

It is a testament to his failings as a cook and human the only thing he got right was the crust, and I bet that was a fucking accident.

 

[souschef]

Jack doesn't fucking bother to beat the crust into paste and have the sugar and butter, probably a binder like egg maybe, to hold it together, which IMO would've helped this shithole of a dish. Sure, the recipe he stole from doesn't either, but I personally believe that would help. I also don't think the amount of salt that pretzls bring here is a great choice tbh.

I was gonna suggest this but then i stopped because i saw that the original recipe actually throws the cookie/pretzel just like that. The original recipe is pretty unappealing to be honest. Jacks choice of frozen walmart berries didn't help either.

 

[Entomologist]

I've seen practical effects that look less convincingly like offal than whatever the fuck that is. The ancient scrolls contain a terrible prophecy that if this and Aunt Myrna's Party Cheese Salad are ever brought within two feet of each other, they will combine, summoning Salmonellia the Forbidden One.

 

[Guntanator]

He boiled that frozen fruit with that syrup that he poured over top at liquid hot temps. Tammy gave me the best line of this video "it's not bad it's just .... Weird". Yes, just like your life I suppose.

 

[AltisticRight]

Are Amish deathsquads a thing?
Surely Scalfatty's culinary catastrophes warrants the death penalty twenty times.

 

[souschef]

God took the wrong Jack. Why this Margarine Elemental lives after 5 strokes? This is the Jack we could have, but unfortunately God took him and left Jack Scalfani so he could punish us for our hubris

 

[ILikeYou]

He didn't think that pouring boiling liquid over a bunch of crushed pretzels, frozen fruit, with fake sugar and salt, and a ton of jello, might taste nasty and make a soggy mess? Does he just throw it in the fridge uncovered? I get the sense he doesn't realize leaving it uncovered can make it pick up odors from the fridge, and who knows what's lingering in there, considering the year old brisket he dug out of his freezer for church chili, and his 'garbage stew' with a festering onion from his fridge, that by his own admission was 'about to start oozing.'

Tammy looks quite disgusted while eating it. Do you think she actually brought that in to her work, to share with co-workers, like he mentioned?? I imagine it goes straight in the trash after everyone claims they're 'not really hungry, stuffed right now, just ate' etc.

Jack seems like the type to think that any professional, in any area, really only succeeds and becomes a 'master of their craft' because of bravado and bluster alone. Like, I can imagine him thinking that mathematicians just are good at pretending to know what they're doing, rather than actually coming out w/ the exact right numbers. And that chefs, like the ones he tries to emulate, just acted like their shit didn't stink and so the world became convinced it didn't.

A person making real Amish fruit pizza, which turns out lovely, in the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fa2xmlO9To4

 

[TheMovieGuy]

Jack just definitively confirmed on his livestream that he will be redoing the lime egg video and that he will explain what the screw up was in the video. I hope he finds a way to fuck up even worse.

 

[Gulls on Film]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=1G-S2_WUx1U
When I think of Amish cooking I think about crushed up bagged pretzels, pineapple jello and brown sugar substitute.
(bonus: this stupid nigger thinks pizzas have to be round)

As someone who enjoys traveling to a nearby Amish area in my state to wander around the farmer's markets and countryside, I have never seen anything that remotely looks like this homunculus of a dessert.

 

[p1138]

Jack just definitively confirmed on his livestream that he will be redoing the lime egg video and that he will explain what the screw up was in the video. I hope he finds a way to fuck up even worse.

I can't wait till he fucks up reading and buys some industrial calcium hypochlorite instead of calcium hydroxide.

 

[Slavic Patronym]

Tuned into 10 minutes of Jack's livestream today (gods, these things are awful):

"You guys wanted more fast food"

So I guess the implication is we can't be mad at him for the fact he keeps killing himself by eating terribly? Because "we" asked for it. (And also he has no choice but to do what other people tell him to do.)

"There's a lot of struggling going on over there"

I rewound this part three times because I kept thinking I missed the geographic location he was talking about. Turns out he was just talking about the fast food industry. Which, one, who cares? And two, why is he humanizing an industry?

Spoiler: God, he sucks.

Moments like this are sneaky clues that Jack only larps as a person who feels anything.

Too tired to look it up right now, but I bet "inappropriate empathy" is a sign of narcissism. Since Jack cares about nothing but himself, and maybe extensions of himself like his (good) son, he is always play-acting empathy, which is why it always comes out dumb and cringe -- he's not an actor.

It feels like a tic that evolved as a defense against the accusation, and the self-realization, that he lacks empathy: he shoehorns "being really nice" into moments that don't call for it. Moments that actual nice people wouldn't react that way to at all. You see this also with his performative flattery of waitresses for being "oh my gosh guys so sweet" when probably all they did was the bare minimum for their job and a decent tip.

Jack yells at Siri / his phone about something

Siri: [Doesn't immediately return a perfect answer]
Jack: Stupid!!!
Siri: [Fails again or something]
Jack: You're an idiot!
Siri: That's not nice.
Jack: [Snarling] I don't care!

Someone recommends Jack do South African Food Month "in honor" of Elmo

Jack says he would never do anything "in honor" of Elmo but does reveal: "I love when people say he shouldn't look at our money information... he wasn't elected, blah blah blah. What's he gonna do? Steal your money? He's a billionaire!"

Spoiler: Some logical conclusions

Confirmed: Laws don't apply to billionaires, and people don't commit crimes if it appears they would have no reason to. This is why rapists are never rich, famous and attractive, you see, and is also why the already-very-wealthy are known for how little penny-pinching they do and how little tax fraud they commit.

Someone recommends he do African Food Month

Jack dismisses this idea flatly and instantly as "boring." Not sure how you come to that conclusion for the second-largest continent on the planet, which has Mediterranean influence to the north, French and English along the coasts and even Asian to the east thanks to the Indian Ocean. But OK.

Jack has never heard of biltong or fufu.

And uses this chance to remind us: "See, guys! I'm not perfect!" What a strange (see: narcissistic) reaction to have every single time someone teaches you a word you don't know.

"Here's the best news of all... In-N-Out is leaving California because they're relocating their national corporate office to Tennessee! Even though I don't eat that, I'm excited for the people of Tennessee to try In-N-Out!"

He's excited for people to eat "poison."

 

[abobe]

This faggot is still going on about the Super Bowl halftime show.

Rob messes with Jack after Jack gets mad at the AI on his phone for not being able to locate the Taco Bell in Nashville that serves alcohol.

 

[p1138]

This faggot is still going on about the Super Bowl halftime show.

Untitled video (1).mp4

Rob messes with Jack after Jack gets mad at the AI on his phone for not being able to locate the Taco Bell in Nashville that serves alcohol.

View attachment 6985689

Is there even a modern NFL team that isn't at least 60% black?
This link has it at 25% white https://www.statista.com/statistics/1167935/racial-diversity-nfl-players/
This one has it at 24% white https://www.zippia.com/advice/nfl-demographics-financials/

So why the fuck not have a bunch of black people for the halftime show? If Fatty wants a team sport full of mostly white people... watch hockey.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

The Convoy of Hope fundraiser has still not increased from the $428 from months ago.

 

[Whaler]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=1G-S2_WUx1U
When I think of Amish cooking I think about crushed up bagged pretzels, pineapple jello and brown sugar substitute.
(bonus: this stupid nigger thinks pizzas have to be round)

Watching Tammy struggle to get a piece of that...whatever, was fucking awful, especially since she ended up using her other hand to not make a mess while taking a bite. Is anybody in that house even close to being somewhat intelligent?

 

[Mechanical Pencil]

If Fatty wants a team sport full of mostly white people... watch hockey.

Hockey players don't wear tight pants that tingle Jack's dingle. Rugby players wear short cut shorts right? That'd probably be a better recommendation.

 

[p1138]

Hockey players don't wear tight pants that tingle Jack's dingle. Rugby players wear short cut shorts right? That'd probably be a better recommendation.

Assuming Fatty could even figure out how to watch rugby matches, do you really think he'd do anything but complain about how they're playing football wrong?