💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[souschef]

The only person I regularly discuss Jack with IRL rightfully hates my guts for it. I myself regularly feel an overwhelming impulse to punch Jack’s colostomy bag when I hear his lies going sour before they can even leave the working half of his mouth.

I enjoy casually throwing Jacks videos on my colleagues group and everyone just laugh their ass off watching it. We even try to guess what dumb shit he'll do next while watching, and usually Jack's stupidity exceeds our expectations. We even have a recurring joke in the kitchen consisting of someone randomly saying "what would jack do?" and everyone has a laugh.

Be proud Jack, you're bringing joy to people from other continents

 

[Autism Doesn't Rock]

Unexpected F as in Frank stream tonight, so I'm having to watch the VOD.

• Jack gets upset that X-Men has made Storm a black character, instead of her usual white character. Jimmy corrects him but Jack smugly asks AI and is humbled.
• Jack says as a matter of fact that Kendrick Lamar is a mumble rapper.
• Garrett gets along with Hispanics and Jack Jr gets along with blacks. Jack thinks that it is okay that Jr says the "n word" only to his black friends and he only says it out of respect to them.

I gave up halfway through.

edit: I turned it back on, Jack is getting into his conspiretard self. Jack asks "If the mooning landing is real, how come you can't see the American flag with a telescope? nowhere".

Is Kenrick Lamar not a mumble rapper?

 

[Delayed Breathing]

How did he fuck up canning? I must have missed that one, got a link?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3KpKv1Rm0E this one

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

Fatty is such an idiot. He immediately believes anything that matches his bias and you're stupid if you don't immediately follow along.


He'd just say it's fake news.


This is all Fatty's research, "Hey Siri... (*asks question*)" or he asks his pastor or his brother,


How retarded do you have to be to equate the fruit with limestone? Water glassing eggs is an old way of keeping eggs for a long time. And it's usually 12-18 months with two years considered the max. Not 15 years. The acid from the limes will probably dissolve the calcium in the shells leaving him with oddly rubbery eggs.

Every time I don't think he can get stupider he proves me wrong.

How about making home made pickles while unironically omitting vinegar……
(And blanching the cukes)

 

[mawrieposter]

I wish Jack had been discovered before a-logging was invented, it would be so unbelievably easy to trick him into trooning out or becoming a Muslim

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

I wish Jack had been discovered before a-logging was invented, it would be so unbelievably easy to trick him into trooning out or becoming a Muslim

Well his kids are on the cusp of those accomplishments, so give him some credit here

 

[Tiresome]

Of course this faggot thinks you'd be able to see a flag from an Earth based telescope. I seriously wonder if he thinks science is the same as magic?

You know what you CAN do from Earth? Bounce a laser off the retroreflectors they left on the surface to measure the lunar-earth distance. Of course Fathead probably thinks lasers are part of some NWO conspiracy and don't really exist.

 

[abobe]

Jack tried a new feature for the livestream. Only for it to backfire, when Jack highlights a chat left by a Food Jack who asks if his brother Charles is a wife beater.

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

Jack tried a new feature for the livestream. Only for it to backfire, when Jack highlights a chat left by a Food Jack who asks if his brother Charles is a wife beater.

View attachment 6969000

And in classic Jack fashion, he discovers this feature only to never use it again, instead just struggling to read the chat out loud.

 

[Slavic Patronym]

Jack gets upset that X-Men has made Storm a black character, instead of her usual white character.

For some reason this pretty meaningless detail enrages me the most. And it's right next to the detail about how Jack is proud of his son for honoring his friends by calling them slurs, so that's saying something.

Storm the comic book character turns 50 years old this May, has been black since the first issue, in-universe is (I'm pretty sure) descended from African royalty, and has ONLY ever been portrayed by black actresses. Does everyone know who Storm from X-Men is? No. But the Venn diagram of people who DO know who she is and who DON'T know she's a hot black weather witch has basically got to be two separate circles.

This is up there with how Jack thought JFK was a Republican and Nixon was a Democrat. (Why do his livestreams with Jimmy always bring out the worst in him?) In Jack's childlike mind, all good things are Republican, all bad things are Democrat, and all black characters only exist thanks to the woke deep state agenda.

Odds are there are some pretty racist people out there who like, I dunno, Atlanta or Abbott Elementary or whatever. Almost certainly, there are actual klansmen who like The Boondocks. Somehow Jack is less capable than all of those people of just watching a fucking show and having an OK time for 30 minutes. Fascinating.

 

[AnOminous]

But that I can understand. You're there with your buddies, there's good food, beer and you're hanging out more than anything else while sportsball plays and you have the added bonus of seeing the latest Super Bowl commercials which often times can be very interesting and almost entertaining.

Fatty Scalfatty is just using it as an excuse to eat mass quantities of meat and lust after the football players and wishing he could be at the bottom of that big man pile when a tackle happens.

I just meant that males who are not homosexual actually do sometimes show off cooking skills to each other.

When they do, though, the products they show each other are not disgusting. And most of them have wives there, too.

 

[Shartavius]

I can't imagine anyone inviting Jack to their Super Bowl party. He would show up with Tammy and a bunch of horribly prepared meats that are raw in the middle and covered in burnt sugar and charcoal sneezning, which Jack would insist everyone eat a portion of on camera and review with an A+ grade. He would compete with the football game to be the center of attention by loudly growling that the game is fixed (predicting the wrong winner each time), and whining over the halftime show about how WOKE Democrats are causing planes to crash to destabilize the country via egg prices. Then Jack would insist that everyone eat a portion of his horribly prepared food on camera and review it with an A+ grade, even though they did earlier; and he already forgot.

Then Jack would get all red and demand to know where the bathroom is, growling "COME ON, TAMMY" as she looks to the ceiling, shuts her eyes, and begins rolling plastic livestock insemination gloves up to her elbows. While being wheeled toward the toilet, Jack would grab a ziplock bag containing bleeding cubes of chuck roast and cheddar cheese; so he would have something to hold him over while Tammy works his gunt over with a rolling pin to stimulate a BM of hard cheese and blood with the color and consistency of Nesquik strawberry syrup. Note: Jack would rotate his hat 180* and say "Toilet Mode."

 

[souschef]

I can't imagine anyone inviting Jack to their Super Bowl party. He would show up with Tammy and a bunch of horribly prepared meats that are raw in the middle and covered in burnt sugar and charcoal sneezning, which Jack would insist everyone eat a portion of on camera and review with an A+ grade. He would compete with the football game to be the center of attention by loudly growling that the game is fixed (predicting the wrong winner each time), and whining over the halftime show about how WOKE Democrats are causing planes to crash to destabilize the country via egg prices. Then Jack would insist that everyone eat a portion of his horribly prepared food on camera and review it with an A+ grade, even though they did earlier; and he already forgot.

Then Jack would get all red and demand to know where the bathroom is, growling "COME ON, TAMMY" as she looks to the ceiling, shuts her eyes, and begins rolling plastic livestock insemination gloves up to her elbows. While being wheeled toward the toilet, Jack would grab a ziplock bag containing bleeding cubes of chuck roast and cheddar cheese; so he would have something to hold him over while Tammy works his gunt over with a rolling pin to stimulate a BM of hard cheese and blood with the color and consistency of Nesquik strawberry syrup. Note: Jack would rotate his hat 180* and say "Toilet Mode."

It's 5:00 am and my day is already ruined

Thanks

 

[soulless guarantee]

You know what you CAN do from Earth? Bounce a laser off the retroreflectors they left on the surface to measure the lunar-earth distance. Of course Fathead probably thinks lasers are part of some NWO conspiracy and don't really exist.

I'm pretty sure he would say this is proof that the government used lasers to start recent big forest fires

 

[Doctor of Autism]

He would compete with the football game to be the center of attention by loudly growling that the game is fixed (predicting the wrong winner each time),

Ironically Jack's last two predictions on major events were half-right (The election and Superbowl), it's just the gap of the results he had wrong

He thought the Eagles would win by a hair rather than the massive gap they actually had over the Chief, and he thought Trump would win more states than he actually did.

Guess he can stroke himself to being right once in awhile.

 

[AltisticRight]

Does he mean isopropyl alcohol to rinse his batch of eggs he immersed in citrus juice?
I hope he drinks the entire bottle.

 

[Mechanical Pencil]

A fat, stroked out clock is right twice a day.

 

[She Brings The Rain]

We're on 3400 pages; how long has Jack been Super Stroked out? The fact that he's still ambulatory* and can sort of speak is testament to the miracle of science.

Or the wendigo. It's more likely the wendigo.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

We're on 3400 pages; how long has Jack been Super Stroked out? The fact that he's still ambulatory* and can sort of speak is testament to the miracle of science.

Or the wendigo. It's more likely the wendigo.

The desire for dick is the only thing keeping fatty going

 

[souschef]

We're on 3400 pages; how long has Jack been Super Stroked out? The fact that he's still ambulatory* and can sort of speak is testament to the miracle of science.

Or the wendigo. It's more likely the wendigo.

Jack will be the patient zero for Diabetes 2