💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%

  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%

  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%

  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 2.8%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 902 58.0%
  • Total voters
    1,556
I am Jack's dead arm said:
He's whined before that it takes him several minutes to get to the door to let the dogs in/out.
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Imagine bitching that the mcmansion you had build has a shitty layout.
YOU ORDERED IT THIS WAY YOU STUPID FUCKING BASTARD!
Yes I am MATI. It's the equivalent of going to a restaurant, asking for your food to be burnt and bitching because the chef burned your food. NO SHIT, THAT'S HOW YOU ORDERED IT YOU FAT SLIMEBALL
 
I am Jack's dead arm said:
Can his scooter even fit through the front door? He's whined before that it takes him several minutes to get to the door to let the dogs in/out.
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Normal people would look at that and say, "I need to fix this problem" and take active steps to reduce their dependence on such a thing.

Fatty's solution? "We need a bigger door or maybe a way I can open it remotely without having to stop watching Blue's Clues".

biggacracka said:
Imagine bitching that the mcmansion you had build has a shitty layout.
YOU ORDERED IT THIS WAY YOU STUPID FUCKING BASTARD!
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But how was HE supposed to know that the delivery guy wouldn't come to the door, drop it off inside and help Fatty to the bathroom to clean up the boom boom he made in his pants?
 
Stan said:
That steak on the left looks so wrong. And it looks like it's topped with a sprig off a fir tree.
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Well steven jobs tried to cure his cancer with apples, I'm not all the surprises his AI doesn't know what steak is.
 
EatBeforeYouEat said:
Jack just randomly picks and chooses when he wants to show off his carniwhore cred. He will eat pizza this week but like 2-3 weeks ago he decided to remove the bun and eat just the raw elk patties to show how much of a devout carniwhore he is.

Also Jack's life is so sad he pretty much stalks the Fedex/UPS guys.

View attachment 6749107
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At least the FedEx guy can walk, has a job, and can cook better than Jack.

With all the chinesium appliances he has, I'm surprised he hasn't burned down his house.
 
The house was built by an idiot and said idiot couldn't make it straightforward.
 
Jack's throat tried to kill him for all the shit he continues to shove down it. CARNIVORE!

I could totally see Tammy still dragging Jack to all the riverwalk restaurants as he silently seethes. That's the video I want.
Maybe Junior could eat Jack's plate of food for once.

All of the websites Jack visits likely have floating video ads.
 
densedance said:
Nothing to miss really. Alltough he said he nearly went to Urgent Care at his Disneyland Visit due to the worsening condition. Alltough, who fucking knows? I think he's bluffing to come off as a stronk man.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=zUc6QP6ucKA
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If he literally couldn't talk then that's a neurological issue and it's only going to get worse. It could have been an ischemic problem where the speech center of his brain wasn't getting the blood it needed but not enough to actually damage it. Or maybe it was the part that controlled his larynx.

Long story short he's circling the drain at this point. Guy literally doesn't have much longer to live.

I'm surprised he made it this far but I'd be more surprised if he wound up making it to next year.
 
The wendigo will inhabit the rotting carcass as long as there are fleshmeats to consume.
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Falcon Sebben said:
I'd be more surprised if he wound up making it to next year.
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You know how there's 100 year olds who say their secret is a daily cigarette? Jack figured it out. Undercooked meat, rotten food, and cross-contaminated utensils ended up turning his immune system into an autoclave. He has to somehow make it
 
biggacracka said:
Imagine bitching that the mcmansion you had build has a shitty layout.
YOU ORDERED IT THIS WAY YOU STUPID FUCKING BASTARD!
Click to expand...

Jack is no less qualified in architecture and home design than he is in anything else he publicly pretends to know. That neoplastic pole barn/grill mausoleum is the Groverhaus as executed by a buttery retard in a wheelchair too proud to either make the place wheelchair-accessible or admit that he cut what must have been a hundred thousand dollars' worth of corners as the construction went along. Should it then be any surprise that Jack can't open his own front door, that there's a twelve inch pizza oven on a big tree stump in the extra, personalized kitchen full of custom cabinetry with measurements wildly differing from the installed appliances and somehow all out of Jack's reach, or that there's an extra shower head for anyone standing behind Jack in the shower while they're forced to operate the faucet in front of him? Are we to infer that Jack somehow didn't think this "reach-around shower" concept through?

The only personal touch in designing a new residence which could have plausibly made sense for Jack would have been to make it a grave (specifically, the Chernobyl sarcophagus). In lieu of that, the end result couldn't help but be a Winchester Mystery House for fat retards.

Woggie's child bride said:
I'm not sure if it's me or Jack who's more retarded but propane burns pretty clean so can be used indoors right? Either way 750 is on the low end for pizza ovens,
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Jack doesn't know either of those things, and felt the need to purchase and review an "indoor pizza oven" (actually a countertop toaster oven with a convection fan) for the sake of a video in which he wasted time reiterating that his fake diet doesn't allow him to eat pizza (before burning his mouth with a sloppy bite because he's a liar), then summing up his review of the appliance and the edibility of its product with "You know how you go to the restaurants...they got the ovens? This is it." Then he linked to the abandoned crowdfunding page for the product, instead of its actual product page on Amazon. I bet that company can't wait for Jack to endorse another of their products.
 
mawrieposter said:
You know how there's 100 year olds who say their secret is a daily cigarette? Jack figured it out. Undercooked meat, rotten food, and cross-contaminated utensils ended up turning his immune system into an autoclave. He has to somehow make it
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Jack has an active Tyrant gene. It's the only explanation that makes sense. The T-Virus awakened it in him.
 
densedance said:
Nothing to miss really. Alltough he said he nearly went to Urgent Care at his Disneyland Visit due to the worsening condition. Alltough, who fucking knows? I think he's bluffing to come off as a stronk man.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=zUc6QP6ucKA
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"after the stroke i feel like i'm drunk every day. i'm talking to you right now-- my vision's a little blurred, my head's not all clear, it feels like i've had a drink or two at all times."

TICK TOCK, JACKIE BOY
 
lindsayfan said:
"after the stroke i feel like i'm drunk every day. i'm talking to you right now-- my vision's a little blurred, my head's not all clear, it feels like i've had a drink or two at all times."

TICK TOCK, JACKIE BOY
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Yeah that's because his brain is turning to mush. When you feel like that every day it means your brain is fucked up.
 
Falcon Sebben said:
Yeah that's because his brain is turning to mush. When you feel like that every day it means your brain is fucked up.
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His brain shows up in his food. Canned chicken is the closest in consistency to his brain.
 
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