💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%
  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%
  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%
  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%
  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%
  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 2.8%
  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%
  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%
  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 902 58.0%

  • Total voters
    1,556
https://youtube.com/watch?v=SZ14tBWWUaw
I was waiting for it and then "a little salty". You don't say!
Also, he has officially given up on carnivore, on camera.
Make sure to listen with earbuds so you can hear hear Tammy whisper "now" to inform Jack that he should start scooping the beef slop into the pressure cooker. Not how long and awkward the pause is as Tammy holds the pan in mid air.

We know Tam Tam carts Fatty around, but is she the secret puppet master, telling Jack exactly what to do before each take? Is she the Cheney to Scalfani's Bush?
 
Chili isn't carnivore!
You don't understand, duh seezonin duzn't cownt.

I for one can easily wait for Fat Jack to fuck up and make really shit soup for the thirty-sixth to forty-first time. Because you can totally make the same slop bowl you fuck up in a pressure cooker due to lazy gluttony be interesting enough to film five goddamn times.
And he asked an AI to come up with this bullshit? And then he's not even following the recipe that he actually remembered to put in the description, because it lists dried peppers.
Of course he didn't bother; it was likely just him lying about it so he could belatedly follow that gimmick where you have AI suggest a meal and cook it. He was always just going to make the same pressure cooked shit soup that he always makes.

It's telling even the fucking robot is telling him to simmer and slow cook the chili. A string of code with no ability to taste made a better recipe by borrowing from others than Jack ever made.

As for the chili, it's just shitslop soup part 37. The fat homo even mixed the cheese and sour cream off screen into the shitslop soup to make it nuclear orange like he always does when he has the choice to do it.
 
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https://youtube.com/watch?v=SZ14tBWWUaw
I was waiting for it and then "a little salty". You don't say!
Also, he has officially given up on carnivore, on camera.

This new introduction is trash.

How is this a recipe? It's literally just add a bunch of canned products and off-the-shelf spices into a pressure cooker, cook for 20 minutes, and then cover it with disgusting slop.

This looks disgusting.
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Of course.
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He calls what looks like half a tube of sour sauce a "dollop".
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Have your next stroke already Scalfatty.
 
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i'm not much of a chef, but inspired by this thread and another cow's deadly chili, i decided what the hell. i have just under a pound of ground beef i hadn't decided what to do with, so i made a simple, basic chili with what i had on hand, and it turned out great. i'm enjoying it as i type this.

browned the beef AND DRAINED IT
sauteed onions, sweet peppers, a little garlic and some tomatoes
made a roux (butter/flour, very simple once you're used to it), then stirred in some broth
added the beef, the veggies, a can of red beans and some tomato puree to liquid in cookpot
added salt, pepper, copious cayenne and the tail end of a bottle of bbq sauce for sweetness.
stirred, simmered an hour with a little more flour to thicken

it rules! thanks gross defective cows for inspiring this cozy meal. obviously if i had cumin, cilantro etc i would have used them but this is just what i had on hand where i am
 
I am weird but I like diced raw onions put in my chili after it's done cooking.

I also like my chili thicker, so I'd never use a pressure cooker but would prefer to cook it long and slow over a stove to reduce it.

He also put way too many fucking seasonings in there. Chili is a stupid easy thing to cook and of course fatty fucked it up. You don't need to get fancy with it, just the basic ingredients (beans, beef/chicken + onion sauteed, tomatos, spicy peppers if you want, maybe some garlic). Then for seasoning, just chili powder and pepper is all you need. Canned beans and tomatoes have plenty of salt, so no need to add more. I used to make chili with black & pinto beans, jalepenos, ground chicken and petite-diced tomatoes and seasoned with chili powder and pepper. Was delicious and stupid easy to make.
No. Adding raw onions afterwards gives texture but also a counterpoint to the cooked onions in it. But notice the difference. You add them AFTER. He just dumps them in at the start.

And I don't know anybody who prefers chili soup to actual chili. When I make mine the only liquid comes from the tomatoes and the cup of coffee I add. Yes. I add coffee to my chili as well as cocoa.

The amount of cinnamon he added was horrifying. When I add cinnamon to mine it's a pinch. It's like a 1/4 tsp at most. It gives it a little extra punch. The amount he put in? You'd just taste cinnamon. But then everything he added was too much like the stupid amount of cayenne and that Cilantro - Lime seasoning. Looked like he dumped in half the container.

Someone posted an article about Steven Seagal and as soon as I saw his recent picture I instantly thought of one man.
View attachment 6589351
Good god they are twins. At least Steven has the use of both arms. Probably. Maybe... though looking at it closer we've seen Jack hold the dead arm like that back when he was pretending he could still use it.
Seagal, while a lolcow now, was at least a semi-respectable martial artist when he started. Now he's just a joke. Like Fatty is but Fatty was always a joke.
 
Someone posted an article about Steven Seagal and as soon as I saw his recent picture I instantly thought of one man.
View attachment 6589351
Good god they are twins. At least Steven has the use of both arms. Probably. Maybe... though looking at it closer we've seen Jack hold the dead arm like that back when he was pretending he could still use it.
Segal is like 70 and even in his obesity and old age he looks better than Jack.

You can make instant pot chili that is good, I've done it. You just have to add as little liquid as possible to keep it from burning and sometimes let it simmer after the pressure cook to reduce.
 
Seagal, while a lolcow now, was at least a semi-respectable martial artist when he started. Now he's just a joke. Like Fatty is but Fatty was always a joke.
Seagal could have a lolcow thread for sure.

He is a master of a martial art called Aikido. Aikido is basically useless in the real world. It was designed for fighting people who were carrying swords a certain way. Against people who are not carrying a sword that way, you need a cooperative opponent for it to work. There's a ton of Youtube videos of Aikido guys vs MMA fighters and the Aikido guys get stomped quickly every time
 
Seagal could have a lolcow thread for sure.

He is a master of a martial art called Aikido. Aikido is basically useless in the real world. It was designed for fighting people who were carrying swords a certain way. Against people who are not carrying a sword that way, you need a cooperative opponent for it to work. There's a ton of Youtube videos of Aikido guys vs MMA fighters and the Aikido guys get stomped quickly every time
Aikido isn't basically worthless, it is worthless. It's even worse than Karate and Taekwondo when it comes to self defense.
 
Aikido isn't basically worthless, it is worthless. It's even worse than Karate and Taekwondo when it comes to self defense.
It's worthless unless you have a time machine back to 1400s Japan and are fighting a samurai. Even then it's worthless unless the samurai is holding the sword in the exact right way
 
Regardless of Seagal being a fraud for his entire career, including supposedly the guy who was supposed to be observing his black belt test or whatever the fuck nodding off and just granting it to him anyway instead of being willing to admit it, defrauding multiple wives at once, injuring people on sets because he didn't actually know how to safely throw someone or pull punches, pissing someone off on a set who eventually got Seagal in a headlock and made him shit himself, and on and on...

He still looks better than Fatty while being 20 years older.
 
I am weird but I like diced raw onions put in my chili after it's done cooking.
I always do that. I usually do a topping of raw onions, some kind of chopped fresh or pickled peppers, hot sauce, cheese and a dollop of sour cream (not a pig mountain like Jack calls a dollop).

And freshly shredded cheese. Using that preshredded cheese with literal fucking sawdust in it is utterly pig disgusting, and typical of Jack.

Lately I also throw on an almost homeopathic sprinkle of scorpion powder. I've been doing this for a few months and the tiny container of it I have still looks mostly full.
I also like my chili thicker, so I'd never use a pressure cooker but would prefer to cook it long and slow over a stove to reduce it.
I've used a pressure cooker once and it turned out awful so I never did that again. The one exception I might make is if I'm doing chunks of tough meat instead of ground. Even then a slow stew is better, but it might do in an emergency. I don't think I've ever had an emergency that required immediate chili though.

The only chili "emergency" I can think of is when it doesn't thicken up enough by the time I want it. Then masa flour can be a rescue ingredient. Or really any flour like Wondra or cornstarch in a pinch. If I'm using any of those, though, with the exception of masa, it means I screwed up.
 
Regardless of Seagal being a fraud for his entire career, including supposedly the guy who was supposed to be observing his black belt test or whatever the fuck nodding off and just granting it to him anyway instead of being willing to admit it, defrauding multiple wives at once, injuring people on sets because he didn't actually know how to safely throw someone or pull punches, pissing someone off on a set who eventually got Seagal in a headlock and made him shit himself, and on and on...

He still looks better than Fatty while being 20 years older.
Don't forget the time that Seagal told Gene LeBell that he couldn't be choked out due to his Aikido knowledge, so Gene asked him to test it out. Seagal agreed, so Gene set up the choke, Steve said go, Gene choked him out, and Seagal shit and pissed his pants.
 
Don't forget the time that Seagal told Gene LeBell that he couldn't be choked out due to his Aikido knowledge, so Gene asked him to test it out. Seagal agreed, so Gene set up the choke, Steve said go, Gene choked him out, and Seagal shit and pissed his pants.
I included that.

I've used a pressure cooker once and it turned out awful so I never did that again. The one exception I might make is if I'm doing chunks of tough meat instead of ground. Even then a slow stew is better, but it might do in an emergency. I don't think I've ever had an emergency that required immediate chili though.
A pressure cooker can have its uses, but most of the time it's just so damned unnecessary. Tough chunks of meat? Use the crock pot instead, it'll come out better. Might take hours, but who cares make sandwich if you're that hungry. I've used one of those instant pressure ninja pots once in the past decade, used the rice button... came out as fucking mush so I just said fuck it and cooked a replacement batch on the stove like a normal person. Tried to save a few minutes because it was an option, turned out to be a waste of fucking time(and food).
 
Don't forget the time that Seagal told Gene LeBell that he couldn't be choked out due to his Aikido knowledge, so Gene asked him to test it out. Seagal agreed, so Gene set up the choke, Steve said go, Gene choked him out, and Seagal shit and pissed his pants.
You don't need to know aikido to move your head so you are looking downward.
 
Seagal could have a lolcow thread for sure.

He is a master of a martial art called Aikido. Aikido is basically useless in the real world. It was designed for fighting people who were carrying swords a certain way. Against people who are not carrying a sword that way, you need a cooperative opponent for it to work. There's a ton of Youtube videos of Aikido guys vs MMA fighters and the Aikido guys get stomped quickly every time
He totally drank the bullshido that's for sure.

Aikido is good if you're going up against somebody who doesn't know how to fight. It's all joint locks and pressure so you can control the person in question. But in a real fight against a trained opponent? It's pretty bad.

Regardless of Seagal being a fraud for his entire career, including supposedly the guy who was supposed to be observing his black belt test or whatever the fuck nodding off and just granting it to him anyway instead of being willing to admit it, defrauding multiple wives at once, injuring people on sets because he didn't actually know how to safely throw someone or pull punches, pissing someone off on a set who eventually got Seagal in a headlock and made him shit himself, and on and on...

He still looks better than Fatty while being 20 years older.
The man is a bona fide asshole. Everybody who's worked with him has said so.

I've used a pressure cooker once and it turned out awful so I never did that again. The one exception I might make is if I'm doing chunks of tough meat instead of ground. Even then a slow stew is better, but it might do in an emergency.
The biggest problem I find with pressure cooker chili is the flavors just aren't there. A slow simmer over several hours helps to build those flavors you want in your chili. Fatty doesn't seem to understand that while the 4 hour version he got had all that liquid because it would evaporate you don't use the same amount in a pressure cooker because all that water stays in it.
 
The biggest problem I find with pressure cooker chili is the flavors just aren't there. A slow simmer over several hours helps to build those flavors you want in your chili. Fatty doesn't seem to understand that while the 4 hour version he got had all that liquid because it would evaporate you don't use the same amount in a pressure cooker because all that water stays in it.
Fatty doesn't even understand that however you do it, you always brown the meat first. He doesn't even get the most basic aspect of chili.
 
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