💪 Tough Guys Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

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Fatrick's True Tattoo said:
Ash buub durbatulûk, ash buub gimbatul, ash buub thrakatulûk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul
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No no don't you see, this is the plan B. He's too fat to fall in a volcano. Sauron is nothing if not as cunning as he is evil. Sauron created the ring to rule, but he had a fallback plan. As he forged the ring in the fires of Mount Doom, he also forged a needle for a tattoo gun, this needle would be given to his most inconspicuous and loyal of servants to mark a hog with the words needed to create a contingency against the destruction of the Ring. However, in his hubris Sauron put not enough into the pig and too much into the ring, and now all that evil and all that malice twists and destroys the poor creature marked with the dire words.
One pig to rule them all, One pig to find them; One pig to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
 
Seeing how much you faggots talk about this lord of the rings shit, I can see why the second, better forum doesn't think highly of us. You lot are a bunch of fucking nerds.
 
internet friend said:
Seeing how much you faggots talk about this lord of the rings shit, I can see why the second, better forum doesn't think highly of us. You lot are a bunch of fucking nerds.
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I bet you saw Return of The king, the rankin bass version, and now think you are an expert on fantasy and forums.

To translate this Elf and Dragon poncery to terms OnA can understand, Fatrick having this ridiculous tattoo and being proud of it is worse than not finding Norm Macdonald funny.
 
Patrick seemingly can't have a normal response no matter it's a troll or just a normie, he constantly stays unhinged:

patrick-s-tomlinson-unhinged-tweet.jpg
 
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Patrick, upon finding himself in posession on the One Ring, would have undertaken an arduous and dangerous trek to Mordor with Hildy, Jackie, and Daddy Cum Cannon to return the ring to Sauron, hoping for a reward or at the least to be enslaved/killed last, after everyone in the Shire that called him butterass and left shit in his half/hobbit hole.
 
Something Awful said:
View attachment 6122084

People have questioned if Rick has read The Lord of the Rings, but at this point it's unclear if he's even seen the movies.
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How is that a win? You're a mortal man. It would corrupt you faster than modern day porn has corrupted the youth of the West. Shit like this just shows people how little he knows about anything. Besides, Lord of the Rings is a low magic setting. Any one of the Artifacts found in AD&D are more powerful. Hell I'd take the Hand and Eye of Vecna despite the chance of dying from it over the One Ring. Chances of someone finding the True Sword of Kas is unlikely too, or anyone "pure" either.. Even that minor artifact spoon that will give you food is worth having than the One Ring.
 
John Andrews Stan said:
We were forced to read Tolkien in sixth grade. I’m pretty sure the only book Pat may have read outside of elementary school was Where the Red Fern Grows.
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Wrong again child
The only book Patrick has read is Pepperoni Greats: Delicious Pepperoni Recipes, The Top 63 Pepperoni Recipes
A cookbook is indeed a book, it's in the name! Cookbook
 
The Taco Santo! said:
Patrick, upon finding himself in posession on the One Ring, would have undertaken an arduous and dangerous trek to Mordor with Hildy, Jackie, and Daddy Cum Cannon to return the ring to Sauron, hoping for a reward or at the least to be enslaved/killed last, after everyone in the Shire that called him butterass and left shit in his half/hobbit hole.
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Before embarking, he have put it on, used the invisibility to sneak into Ade’s house to sniff her dirty knickers from the basket, taken photos of “his” daughter while she slept to send to Ade in the morning.
 
Anonymus Fluhre said:
How is that a win? You're a mortal man. It would corrupt you faster than modern day porn has corrupted the youth of the West. Shit like this just shows people how little he knows about anything. Besides, Lord of the Rings is a low magic setting. Any one of the Artifacts found in AD&D are more powerful. Hell I'd take the Hand and Eye of Vecna despite the chance of dying from it over the One Ring. Chances of someone finding the True Sword of Kas is unlikely too, or anyone "pure" either.. Even that minor artifact spoon that will give you food is worth having than the One Ring.
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Hell, Excalibur would be massively more powerful than the One Ring and it’s unclear what its power really was.

Even if it was just an early example of pattern welding or Toledo steel, it would still be more effective by virtue of being a sharp sword capable of cutting his pudgy arm, tattoo and all, clean off.
 
FinnSven said:
Hell, Excalibur would be massively more powerful than the One Ring and it’s unclear what its power really was.

Even if it was just an early example of pattern welding or Toledo steel, it would still be more effective by virtue of being a sharp sword capable of cutting his pudgy arm, tattoo and all, clean off.
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We have a real life Mystical Artifact that saved Scotland during the Second World War (The Faery Flag). Sadly saving them only doomed them. I'd take that over the One Ring though.
 
Anonymus Fluhre said:
Besides, Lord of the Rings is a low magic setting. Any one of the Artifacts found in AD&D are more powerful. Hell I'd take the Hand and Eye of Vecna despite the chance of dying from it over the One Ring.
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The One Ring may exist in a low-magic setting, but it was still unfathomably powerful, as it was a relic of an older time when magic was still strong in Middle-Earth. Gandalf and Galadriel, despite being so powerful they could reshape reality with their words alone, were wary of the One Ring. The mere thought of possessing it corrupted Saruman. Due to the fact that Sauron first gave the Elves the secret of crafting the Rings of Power, the One Ring's existence kept them going- when the Ring was destroyed, all works created by the other Rings of Power would slowly fade. Almost all magic in Middle-Earth at the time of the books depended on the One Ring, and with its destruction magic began to leave Middle Earth. This is all ignoring the fact that only Sauron could use the One Ring to its fullest potential.

Admittedly, Sauron played second fiddle to quite a few powers in Middle-Earth. The Numenoreans, for example, absolutely humiliated him during the Second Age. In their arrogance, they took Sauron alive, where he was able to corrupt them into going to war with God, who smote Numenor. One of the great themes of Tolkien's work is that power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

I guess what I'm getting at is if Fat Rick had access to the One Ring, he'd turn into a fatter version of Gollum.
 
Anonymus Fluhre said:
It was fine before the Roman's showed up.
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They built a wall to keep it out of their empire.

They were happy to conquer France, but whatever they saw in Scotland, they would rather it stayed on the other side of a pile of bricks.

Also, Fatrick is fat. He probably has Tiny Tim hobbling up and down Hadrians wall to get to places in London, in his abortion of a historical horror novel.

The only way he can relate to Victorian or Edwardian London is the fact that he dwells in a derelict hovel and drinks heavily due to the surrounding grim landscape.

Niki looks like she has consumption too.
 
FinnSven said:
They built a wall to keep it out of their empire.

They were happy to conquer France, but whatever they saw in Scotland, they would rather it stayed on the other side of a pile of bricks.

Also, Fatrick is fat. He probably has Tiny Tim hobbling up and down Hadrians wall to get to places in London, in his abortion of a historical horror novel.

The only way he can relate to Victorian or Edwardian London is the fact that he dwells in a derelict hovel and drinks heavily due to the surrounding grim landscape.

Niki looks like she has consumption too.
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I've seen their wall, Trump did a better job with his. Though I'd take their wall over Patricks fence.
 
The Romans never saw any point in conquering Scotland because it was full of quarrelsome savages and had no real resources they'd want to exploit. Same with Ireland. Shit, the whole province never really payed out enough for the maintenance costs of the military they stationed there. Nero came close to abandoning the whole place, and it was really just a prestige thing that kept them there, in my opinion.
 
Fatrick would make the same mistake Frodo made with the Ring at Weathertop - he'd put it on, thinking it would afford him some level of protection, and instead just let the Nazgul know exactly where he is and stab him.

Fatrick's only saving grace is that the blade would never be able to penetrate his fat to his heart, and complete the corruption.
 
AngryTreeRat said:
No no don't you see, this is the plan B. He's too fat to fall in a volcano. Sauron is nothing if not as cunning as he is evil. Sauron created the ring to rule, but he had a fallback plan. As he forged the ring in the fires of Mount Doom, he also forged a needle for a tattoo gun, this needle would be given to his most inconspicuous and loyal of servants to mark a hog with the words needed to create a contingency against the destruction of the Ring. However, in his hubris Sauron put not enough into the pig and too much into the ring, and now all that evil and all that malice twists and destroys the poor creature marked with the dire words.
One pig to rule them all, One pig to find them; One pig to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
Click to expand...
But they were all of them deceived yet again, for a second, much fatter ring was made.
 
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