Someone assumed I was a transwoman, pitched me gender affirmation surgery and now I'm extremely self-conscious about my face and body (self.TwoXChromosomes)
submitted 22 hours ago * by theothermongoose
This past weekend, I (a cis woman) was at Pride Fest (an outdoor Pride street festival) in my town and saw a table giving away the new Pride flags. I went over and took one for my desk. Right away, one of 20-something women working the table greeted me and told me this was the table for Dr. So-and-So who is one of the few/only doctors in the area who does gender-affirmation surgery, handing me some brochures. I replied, "that's great we have a local doctor providing this kind of important health care service for people" and was about to thank her for the flag and walk away when she barreled on with "Dr. So-and-So does facial, chest and body surgery. He has experience with [lists different procedures]. It's too bad he just left. He could have told you more about the types of procedures he could offer you. The number for the office is here and you can give him a call to set up an appointment. He has a very personalized approach and can go over the types of face and body procedures that would be right for you specifically. The great thing about Dr. So-and-So is that [launches into a rundown of his college and medical school education and training]."
The whole time, I was standing there kinda paralyzed, not knowing how to respond. I'm fairly petite and was wearing an oversized band tee with leggings so you couldn't see my (admittedly A-cup) breasts or wide hips well. I had on a baseball cap and large sunglasses that were covering part of my face, although due to some unexpected weight loss, my face *is* more angular than usual. In short, I know I wasn't at my "most feminine." When she first referred to me getting the procedures, I just chuckled inside. However, as she kept going, I found myself getting more and more upset as the fact she thought I was a trans woman who is not passing well kept getting pounded into my head. When she finally finished, I could only manage to say "Ok, I'll pass this information on if I come across someone who could use it." I put the flag back on the table and walked away because I didn't want a reminder of this moment.
I feel silly getting so self-conscious and self-critical over this and still being upset two days later. I've been a women in this society for decades. I have seen and heard a ton of comments and criticism about women's bodies and how they *should* look and 99% of the time, I let it fly past me. For example, I've always been happy with my small breasts that make being a runner a lot easier. But damn it, being directly told the type of things I could fix about my face and body specifically hit me harder than I would have expected. Especially from someone who regularly sees people who come in for procedures to look more feminine or masculine. I'm finding that every time I look in the mirror now, the first thing I notice are the parts of my body and especially my face that aren't feminine enough or are giving off a masculine vibe. I actually felt self-conscious enough to do a full-face of make up these past two days. I wish I could let this go and not have these thoughts of not looking enough like a woman cycling through my head all the time.
P.S. I do want to say that I understand the woman didn't mean to offend me. I assume she was an over-enthusiastic employee who wanted to promote the doctor and get word out about his work and who didn't remotely comprehend the implications and impact of assuming someone's gender identity OR suggesting to anyone (cis or trans) that they could do more to align better with their gender identity.
Edit: Fixed space between trans and woman. Apologies for the mistake in the title! Wish I could fix it!
| he/him, no "they"
