💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

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FatNero said:
I'm trying to figure out the frame story, so the old substitute art professor is reading an ancient history book about another universe, which has two kids from his own universe in it, so it's also the past? Are Joey and Maya from the same reality and time as professor shitty wig?

If so who wrote the book, then took it to earth and put it in a book shop for professor "9/11 is a complicated thing" to find?

And that would make it a history book about the future?
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The movie makes no sense because they cut a lot from the book (not that the book isn't retarded) and added in the 9/11 stuff with Professor Epstein doing the Princess Bride framing thing.

Maya fights Alana because she broke Maya's phone. In the book, Alana tripped her in front of the class but I guess that was too much trouble to film.

I believe touching the mermaid statue was supposed to be what transported them to Maradonia in the book.

The dwarf is a talking grasshopper in the book but they changed it.

The horsemen chasing them are supposed to be Apollyon's men. So were the ninja guys in the cave.

The lady who doesn't like the snake is supposed to be a talking dove but I suppose they couldn't afford that effect so it's an actress instead, but you can still see shots of the doves flying.

In the book a talking eagle covered in eyes leads then on a series of trials to see if they're the chosen ones who can defeat Apollyon, but he was replaced with the wizard and the trials are cut.

The army is supposed to be thousands of teenagers instead of the 10 we see. I don't think the fight scene happens in the book. The whole teen army is supposed to bathe in that water to become invincible so Apollyon's army retreats.

Then Maya Sue and Joey walk around Maradonia as everyone cheers for them and calls them The Encouragers.

The banquet scene is at the beginning and has more magic dwarves.

Since 9/11 wasn't in the book there's no explanation. Maya and Joey are from the present day and the story was written in the 2000s. Emily says her dad died on 9/11 before she was born so this is presumably in the 2010s. I suppose that's enough time for Maya and Joey to wrap up their adventures by 09 or so and get a book published. Or, you know, a wizard wrote it and sent it back in time.

Gerry showed this movie twice. Once to his church and once at a sparsely attended movie premier.
 
Woah. Tommy Wiseau, look out, some bitch is treading on your turf.

Edit: Oh god, the dwarf is my favorite character. "BEYAAAAAND... THEVEILATIME!"
 
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My God. They actually did it. The madmen.

I really hope this does make it to Kiwi movie night. If nothing else, it should provide Gloria and company a boost in next year's Lolcow of the Year voting. Revolution 60 cost more, but this has to be the single biggest lolcow project in terms of sheer number of people involved.
 
For those of you confused about the """"plot"""" of this film, fear not. I have read all the books (Sober) and will now explain the whole deal about Professor Epstein and 9/11. The fact that I had to write that sentence upsets me.

So, when Epstein wakes up in his gaudy house in the book he utters 'Not this headache again.' This point is never addressed in any of the books or in the film. From what I can gather, this scene would have been set in the year the books came out, 2007/8.

When he arrives at the school and enters, it turns out that an artist has been displaying watercolours, one of which happens to be the smoke cloud hovering over New York after the Twin Towers fell. In the film, we see it visualised as demons emerging from the smoke while a girl does the least convincing acting job ever trying to feign emotion.

The whole point of this is to say that all the evil in the world came from Apollyon, Dr Evil rip off and general bad guy. There is also a prophecy that states that 'When the silver birds attack the twin brothers, two children will arrive in the land of Maradonia and they will show you your limitations.' So yes, for those of you still confused, Tesch did in fact use 9/11 in her shitty destiny story as a plot point.

However, the scene itself makes no sense because presumably the story Epstein reads the kids is the story we see, IE: The movie about Maya and Joey, which makes no sense because both of these things would have to happen at the same time.

Are you confused yet? Well, don't bother, because none of this is addressed in all 3400 long, boring, retarded, stupid pages.
 
A while since I've checked in, so I'm thrilled that everyone finally got to see the whole movie without me risking leaking it. AFM 2015 is watermarked on my DVD too, but now that you all saved it for posterity, I can trash the DVD and make room in my fireproof container. I had seen the movie before seeing the trailer, and thus felt like the movie would be disappointing: the stupidity and bad acting of the trailer, but just more of it. However, for many of you, this sounds like it was a religious experience, so I'm happy it turned out to be bad in a way that's good. On the other hand, I fear that the best of Gloria may now be behind us. Sure, we'll get some angry tweets about how Hillary stole the election, but from there, I think she's heading on a long downhill glide into suburban domesticity. The good part is that 40 years from now, we can show Maradonia to our grand or great-grandchildren and say, "Things were so much better when I was your age!"
 
Tom B Jobe said:
A while since I've checked in, so I'm thrilled that everyone finally got to see the whole movie without me risking leaking it. AFM 2015 is watermarked on my DVD too, but now that you all saved it for posterity, I can trash the DVD and make room in my fireproof container. I had seen the movie before seeing the trailer, and thus felt like the movie would be disappointing: the stupidity and bad acting of the trailer, but just more of it. However, for many of you, this sounds like it was a religious experience, so I'm happy it turned out to be bad in a way that's good. On the other hand, I fear that the best of Gloria may now be behind us. Sure, we'll get some angry tweets about how Hillary stole the election, but from there, I think she's heading on a long downhill glide into suburban domesticity. The good part is that 40 years from now, we can show Maradonia to our grand or great-grandchildren and say, "Things were so much better when I was your age!"
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Dude, don't trash the dvd, if you don't want it I'm sure someone would gladly take it off your hands.
 
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Tom B Jobe said:
A while since I've checked in, so I'm thrilled that everyone finally got to see the whole movie without me risking leaking it. AFM 2015 is watermarked on my DVD too, but now that you all saved it for posterity, I can trash the DVD and make room in my fireproof container. I had seen the movie before seeing the trailer, and thus felt like the movie would be disappointing: the stupidity and bad acting of the trailer, but just more of it. However, for many of you, this sounds like it was a religious experience, so I'm happy it turned out to be bad in a way that's good. On the other hand, I fear that the best of Gloria may now be behind us. Sure, we'll get some angry tweets about how Hillary stole the election, but from there, I think she's heading on a long downhill glide into suburban domesticity. The good part is that 40 years from now, we can show Maradonia to our grand or great-grandchildren and say, "Things were so much better when I was your age!"
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It seems Gerry handed them out to multiple people at the AFM and someone didn't care about leaking it. Strangely, the Youtube account is America's Top Stripper who posted this video.

 
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Maradontia said:
The intro looks like footage from this trailer for the movie released a few years ago. It's like they didn't want to waste it so they just stuck it on the beginning.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=7dC7KqZ3Zm4
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When she's doing her little spiel at the end asking for money she mentions that it became a 90-minute feature film. The actual running time is 108 minutes. Seems like there was either stuff added afterwards or they fucked up when trying to film and edit this piece of Maradonia.

Tom B Jobe said:
A while since I've checked in, so I'm thrilled that everyone finally got to see the whole movie without me risking leaking it. AFM 2015 is watermarked on my DVD too, but now that you all saved it for posterity, I can trash the DVD and make room in my fireproof container. I had seen the movie before seeing the trailer, and thus felt like the movie would be disappointing: the stupidity and bad acting of the trailer, but just more of it. However, for many of you, this sounds like it was a religious experience, so I'm happy it turned out to be bad in a way that's good. On the other hand, I fear that the best of Gloria may now be behind us. Sure, we'll get some angry tweets about how Hillary stole the election, but from there, I think she's heading on a long downhill glide into suburban domesticity. The good part is that 40 years from now, we can show Maradonia to our grand or great-grandchildren and say, "Things were so much better when I was your age!"
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Just a quick question before you trash it. Does it come with a DVD case including cover art or is it just a plain old DVD-R with no bells and whistles?

I'd be interested in the cover art or if you had the means to scan it, upload it so it can be printed out.
 
The cover art is exactly the same as the poster that was on their site. The maradonia site is down because someone cannot pay the $60 a year godaddy fee. The tesches don't have a backup of that site either, so it will never return. The tesches have conned many people are are now being conned.


I found this interview on YouTube that was just loaded.
 
rhelmy4u said:
The cover art is exactly the same as the poster that was on their site. The maradonia site is down because someone cannot pay the $60 a year godaddy fee. The tesches don't have a backup of that site either, so it will never return. The tesches have conned many people are are now being conned.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=gT0qW1Mz7nA
I found this interview on YouTube that was just loaded.
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There was nothing on that site except an eternal "coming soon" message for the movie, and links to the books some of which were likewise never even released.

Member the premiere, when they played the movie on Windows Media Player?

https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/t31.0-8/11053547_968574279842250_2804145548483280678_o.jpg
 
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Vicious.ink3 said:
http://www.gloriatesch.com/

looks like her website got a remake, too.

Yeah, I'm thinking the release of the full movie marks the death of Maradonia as an existing "franchise".
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FFS $130 for a cluster of cheap shells. I wondering if she's sold any and if they are real shells?

I suppose if someone like Chris can sell signed pictures of his greasy, acne-ridden, fat, pear shaped face then anything is possible.

Hey Gloria where's the jewerly (LOL it's actually spelt like that so you know it's a professional set up. Novelist indeed) it's well into Fall already?

Edit: Is Gloria not about 23/24 now? How convincing was she as a mid-teens age teenager?
 
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trip2themoon said:
FFS $130 for a cluster of cheap shells. I wondering if she's sold any and if they are real shells?

I suppose if someone like Chris can sell signed pictures of his greasy, acne-ridden, fat, pear shaped face then anything is possible.

Hey Gloria where's the jewerly (LOL it's actually spelt like that so you know it's a professional set up. Novelist indeed) it's well into Fall already?

Edit: Is Gloria not about 23/24 now? How convincing was she as a mid-teens age teenager?
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Only $129 for a mermaid crown. So, you can buy that or one of Ali Rapp's nude pics.
 
There's still info about the movie and the book in the About Me section. She doesn't give up easily, I guess.

Not only are those mermaid hats ugly as fuck, she's giving her best 35 year old divorcee with a shit taste in make-up face in those photos.

All Payments are donated at 10% to our Charity Foundation.
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Yeah, I doubt it...
 
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