💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%
  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%
  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%
  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%
  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%
  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 2.8%
  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%
  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%
  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 902 58.0%

  • Total voters
    1,556
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His movie reviews are as informative as his food reviews. "It's amazing! But a let down at the end so I can only give it a C-". That's your summary. That's after you said what was good, what was bad and all that stuff.


Nicest guy on youtube.
Every single Jack movie review boils down to:

'Movie wuz gud' or 'Movie wuz stupid'
'Movie wuz WOKE' or 'Movie wuzn't WOKE'
'Movie had a five second-long kissing scene, NOT FAMILY FRIENDLY'

Deeply thoughtful critical film analysis from cinephile Jack Scalfani. Only the guddest of goyslop gets a 'Gud/10' from his notoriously tough grading scale
 
Yes Fatty, why bother? Just die already(no, don't die we need to be able to laugh at your stupid ass)
View attachment 5699048
Jack is living proof that this isn't always true. Fucker has had more warning signs than anyone deserves, and he could've corrected course if he'd buckled down and got serious about his health before it was too late for him. Yes, it is too late now, he's had what, FIVE strokes? Meanwhile other people who aren't so lucky as Jack have their first stroke and drop dead.
 

!ATTENTION ALL HADURS AND GODLESS DETRACTORS OF THIS THREAD!

!YOU HAVE BEEN OWNED!
1707270554587.png
As you can see from image above: Jack is now, in fact, back. He's totally normal and has 100% recovered from all strokes and will now be returning for many more years of Cooking with Jack.

So, Jack, now that you've totally recovered what are you going to make next on the show?
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Fuck 👀

 

!ATTENTION ALL HADURS AND GODLESS DETRACTORS OF THIS THREAD!

!YOU HAVE BEEN OWNED!
View attachment 5699822
As you can see from image above: Jack is now, in fact, back. He's totally normal and has 100% recovered from all strokes and will now be returning for many more years of Cooking with Jack.

So, Jack, now that you've totally recovered what are you going to make next on the show?
View attachment 5699856
Fuck 👀


"I'm back", says the man who hasn't taken a picture of himself upright(and not propped up against his kitchen counter) in over a year. Also, it seems he's already reusing his keto diet secret technique, baking sheddy cheese into an unholy clump as a bread substitute.
 
Yet fatty won't do anything to prevent the next stroke or fix his gimp arm
But he left it up to God to fix. Obviously God felt it was better that he live with a gimp arm.

But who are we kidding? Even if God is real he's only going to meet you halfway. He needs you to at least put in the effort. Go to physio. Teach your brain to relearn how to work your arm. You might never get all the movement back in it but maybe you'd be able to use it in some way. I mean isn't "God helps those that helps themselves" not Christian dogma? I sure hear it all the time if it isn't.

So, Jack, now that you've totally recovered what are you going to make next on the show?
1707271331839.png

Fuck 👀
Well that's it. I'm going vegetarian for a while. Fatty has put me off meat.
 

!ATTENTION ALL HADURS AND GODLESS DETRACTORS OF THIS THREAD!

!YOU HAVE BEEN OWNED!
View attachment 5699822
As you can see from image above: Jack is now, in fact, back. He's totally normal and has 100% recovered from all strokes and will now be returning for many more years of Cooking with Jack.
It looks like he's in a dorm room with those curtains. His facial expression also looks very gay and very sassy and not in a good way.
 

!ATTENTION ALL HADURS AND GODLESS DETRACTORS OF THIS THREAD!

!YOU HAVE BEEN OWNED!
View attachment 5699822
As you can see from image above: Jack is now, in fact, back. He's totally normal and has 100% recovered from all strokes and will now be returning for many more years of Cooking with Jack.

So, Jack, now that you've totally recovered what are you going to make next on the show?
View attachment 5699856
Fuck 👀


Other than the dead arm and mostly-dead legs, having to crook your head to make it look like half of it isn't drooping, that you have the figure of a morbidly obese 60 year old female, and that you're still ashamed of your baldness, yeah, Jack, you're so fucking back.

And how the hell are you supposed to eat that tower of grease? I was bitching a while ago about how the in thing was to stack a burger taller than wide, but this takes the cake.
 
But he left it up to God to fix. Obviously God felt it was better that he live with a gimp arm.

But who are we kidding? Even if God is real he's only going to meet you halfway. He needs you to at least put in the effort. Go to physio. Teach your brain to relearn how to work your arm. You might never get all the movement back in it but maybe you'd be able to use it in some way. I mean isn't "God helps those that helps themselves" not Christian dogma? I sure hear it all the time if it isn't.
Actually, it isn't, though it's a very common misconception that it is (polls have shown 70-80% of Americans think it's a verbatim quote from the Bible). If you'll permit some minor religion sperging, the Bible actually teaches that God is a helper to the helpless, aiding all who call on him. The gift of God's grace is given freely to all believers, and it would probably be sacrilegious to say that one could "help themself" to salvation. God will help you if you ask, simple as that.

That said, while you can't obtain salvation through your own deeds, that doesn't mean you should just throw a quick prayer to God and then kick back on the sofa and do nothing else. Instead, you should still be aiming to lead a good and upright life and following Christian teachings. Furthermore, that means that if you're asking for God's help on something, you need to be putting in the effort. The big man doesn't really do a lot of ridiculously miraculous things these days.

In the case of Scalfatty, prayer alone wasn't going to heal the gimp arm or cure his multitude of ailments because that's not how prayer works. What he should have been praying for was the strength to work through physical therapy, the willpower to change his diet and exercise, and the love and support of his family every step of the way, then got busy improving himself. Instead, he gorges on obscene quantities of meat and cheese after five fucking strokes and angrily yells at all da hadurz that tell him he's eating himself to death, all while pretending to be a "gud christian." Suffice it to say, Jack gets it so very, very wrong.

Here's a couple links that I paraphrased (short one, long one). Your post made me remember how my pastor has brought up this line before and how it's misconstrued.
 

!ATTENTION ALL HADURS AND GODLESS DETRACTORS OF THIS THREAD!

!YOU HAVE BEEN OWNED!
View attachment 5699822
As you can see from image above: Jack is now, in fact, back. He's totally normal and has 100% recovered from all strokes and will now be returning for many more years of Cooking with Jack.

So, Jack, now that you've totally recovered what are you going to make next on the show?
View attachment 5699856
Fuck 👀

Even If I was the healthiest person in the world with perfectly clear arteries and a strong heart. I would never eat this abomination. This looks like constipation on a plate. It looks like the embodiment of colon cancer.
 
And yet somehow, Fatty has still once again failed to melt a slice of cheese on top of a hamburger patty three times in one go. You'd think he might have accidentally got the cheese to melt once... nope.
 
1707270554587.png

As you can see from image above: Jack is now, in fact, back. He's totally normal and has 100% recovered from all strokes and will now be returning for many more years of Cooking with Jack.
This deviates from the usual "slightly askew filming angle" and goes all the way to "looks like one of those AI generated images where nothing is quite straight" (including the faggot in the not-quite-middle of the picture). Only serves to enhance Jack's stroked-out droopy appearance.
 
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