💪 Tough Guys Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

[Sneedfully and Peacefully]

There's so many good ones it's hard to pick.

The golden moments of Fatrick truly are grand. It feels like Ralph's situation (same outcome, they're both hogs) where they've drunk themselves into a generalized stupor of repeating the same low level song and dance. "Yew yer just swinging from mah nuts I am top of the sektur" vs "enjoy prison stalker" endlessly. Some of those redditor texts were pretty good and yet they didn't even provoke a genuine response beyond a small variation of Enjoy Prison and his C/P. I would've expected some grand stand about dragging his family into a group text but no. Utterly buck broken.

Like I said earlier, hoping the court stuff galvanizes him or maybe the holidays of eating four thanksgiving dinners will give him the energy to do something spectacular.

 

[Judge Holden]

-27 minutes of NOOOOOOOO CHILD at poor Josiah Munoz
-Believing a repairman/pest control guy was billing him $20 for a cancelled appointment and threatening him with termination, lawsuits, and prison
-Taking a swing at the cops
-Getting banned and unbanned 9-10 times in one week for posting Big Dick Andrew's license on Twitter
-Arguing with the judge in court. THAT DID NOT OCCUR, SIR
-Encouraging Ukrainians to throw paint balloons at tanks
-Painting a toy dinosaur like a fat little autist while his wife watches like she's his tard wrangler
-Sperging out at Leslie over Twitter
-His Beef Wellington, I remember showing it to some Jack Scalfani aficionados I know, much laughs were had
-His meltdown oinking how the Pests committed felony fraud by obtaining his high school transcript
-The anticipation he was going to walk into court and do something incredibly stupid, only nothing to happen, only for it be revealed he was going to show the judge the most batshit insane filing in existence
-His unshakeable belief that some guy named Robert Prongay Jr is working on behalf of a federal judge to ruin his life, but ANY DAY NOW Prongay will be sentenced to life enjoyment of prison

There's so many good ones it's hard to pick.

Honestly something I adore about fatrick is that there is a good balance of troll cawntent (i.e. text tormenting, copypastas, art, and toilet impersonation accounts) and cow cawntent (i.e. fatrick's daily/weekly xitter chimpouts, and near monthly self inflicted happenings) which both feed and seed eachother to ever greater heights.

With all too many cows you get absolute fucking minimum cow antics or so much shit coming out on the daily it becomes exhausting but with fat you can sit back and relax to the steady stream of hilarity that comes out the thread

 

[Associate Rick]

I’m always puzzled by the “child” addendum with every post. Is this something that’s extensively in his literature too? Why is he obsessed with children? So many questions. I still can’t understand why any woman would stay with him, he’s got to be fucking gaslighting her and lying to her hard. You can’t fail this much at life and have a woman stick around, she will leave.

I still think the childing comes from Mama Raven, the way Ricks voice switches from normal to creepy childing in the Josiah tapes has always reminded me of Norman Bates.

 

[BaskingBarracuda]

I’m always puzzled by the “child” addendum with every post. Is this something that’s extensively in his literature too? Why is he obsessed with children? So many questions. I still can’t understand why any woman would stay with him, he’s got to be fucking gaslighting her and lying to her hard. You can’t fail this much at life and have a woman stick around, she will leave.

In his head he think he’s Gandalf/Aslan/some other Noble Sage character swatting away the dumb questioning of an inferior mind, whereas to everyone else he looks like a pompous lunatic. The Josiah Tapes proved it as when he actually Childs someone verbally he puts on this extremely gay inflection that gives away that it’s a performance.

 

[Sneedfully and Peacefully]

In his head he think he’s Gandalf/Aslan/some other Noble Sage character swatting away the dumb questioning of an inferior mind, whereas to everyone else he looks like a pompous lunatic. The Josiah Tapes proved it as when he actually Childs someone verbally he puts on this extremely gay inflection that gives away that it’s a performance.

It's better in person. I don't have the clip of him in his faggy pink "I'm here to help" shirt, but if memory serves in that case because he's being confronted with someone tougher than him (shocker) he kinda rubs his forehead and does a very defeated "no child" instead of being smug about it.

 

[Judge Holden]

I vaguely memba saying this before a couple year back but my theory is that this is him ripping off another cancerous bitch-hack of an author John Scalzi who autistically made it a point to spam *pats you on the head* to people disagreeing with him on xitter as some epix trull of da haters n shit he could show off to his friends on the SFWA offender list.

Sadly it was undercut by just how much he was publicly seething in each reply no matter how many *pats on head* he added at the end of his angry replies so iirc he stopped a while ago as even he probably realised how fucking embarrassing it was.

For fattycake the childing serves as a "look at me guiz im trulling da bigut-haterz too!" gimmick as it did scalzi, however for fatrick I suspect its also his way of proving to himself that he is the one "winning" the xeet wars and is not even remotely mad on the internet about people laughing at him or calling him a fat faggot (with bitch tits) and that calling the rascals "child" is making them massively and enormously buttmad and not driving us to ever greater heights of giggling

 

[demicolon]

Mmmoooewww, stalker child, I did not eat the turkey. Enjoy piss on your couch.

 

[Mourning_Cloak]

Honestly something I adore about fatrick is that there is a good balance of troll cawntent (i.e. text tormenting, copypastas, art, and toilet impersonation accounts) and cow cawntent (i.e. fatrick's daily/weekly xitter chimpouts, and near monthly self inflicted happenings) which both feed and seed eachother to ever greater heights.

With all too many cows you get absolute fucking minimum cow antics or so much shit coming out on the daily it becomes exhausting but with fat you can sit back and relax to the steady stream of hilarity that comes out the thread

When it comes to meme lore and troll content, Patrick is only really rivaled by Chris Chan as far as I can see.

 

[Helvetia]

I wonder if Fatty read the thread, since on his Facebook, he actually gave his wife a name:



None of our brothers in the comments, just fat retards and other hack authors.

Archive not working, but will try again later!

 

[Flaming_Barghast]

-27 minutes of NOOOOOOOO CHILD at poor Josiah Munoz
-Believing a repairman/pest control guy was billing him $20 for a cancelled appointment and threatening him with termination, lawsuits, and prison
-Taking a swing at the cops
-Getting banned and unbanned 9-10 times in one week for posting Big Dick Andrew's license on Twitter
-Arguing with the judge in court. THAT DID NOT OCCUR, SIR
-Encouraging Ukrainians to throw paint balloons at tanks
-Painting a toy dinosaur like a fat little autist while his wife watches like she's his tard wrangler
-Sperging out at Leslie over Twitter
-His Beef Wellington, I remember showing it to some Jack Scalfani aficionados I know, much laughs were had
-His meltdown oinking how the Pests committed felony fraud by obtaining his high school transcript
-The anticipation he was going to walk into court and do something incredibly stupid, only nothing to happen, only for it be revealed he was going to show the judge the most batshit insane filing in existence
-His unshakeable belief that some guy named Robert Prongay Jr is working on behalf of a federal judge to ruin his life, but ANY DAY NOW Prongay will be sentenced to life enjoyment of prison

There's so many good ones it's hard to pick.

You foegot the niggeroni and "I called YYYOOOOUUUUU"

 

[Judge Holden]

You foegot the niggeroni and "I called YYYOOOOUUUUU"

DOYOUHAVEANYIDEA?!?!!!!

 

[John Andrews Stan]

Passionate pedophile defender Eric Hildeman, who inserted himself into Pat’s troll battle for no reason other than he’s stupid and wants Pat to be his friend, is far more fun to watch now than Pat is. I expect Patposting to pick up when more legal docs drop, but in the meantime the life ruination of hate-worthy Hildeman is much more of a delight to observe.

 

[DYLAN ‘DIELAWN’ VOLK]

I wonder if Fatty read the thread, since on his Facebook, he actually gave his wife a name:

View attachment 5434675

None of our brothers in the comments, just fat retards and other hack authors.

Archive not working, but will try again later!

He prob only used her name on facebook so that he could tag her, that's why he awkwardly added her last name. Also either he's that cucked (likely) or wouldn't spare the couple hundred bucks in meatloaf money that it takes to change her last name which has been noted before but should be mentioned as often as possible because it's funny.

 

[I'mThePatMan!]

Passionate pedophile defender Eric Hildeman, who inserted himself into Pat’s troll battle for no reason other than he’s stupid and wants Pat to be his friend, is far more fun to watch now than Pat is. I expect Patposting to pick up when more legal docs drop, but in the meantime the life ruination of hate-worthy Hildeman is much more of a delight to observe.

Aaaaand right on cue, the Pests find out Hildy's sister Heidi, has been arrested in 2018 for... prostitution.



She was ordered to stop using prostitution websites and to give samples of her DNA.

Spoiler: slightly NSFW

2023 charges (phoneposting, can't spoil it for some reason, sorry):



It begins:







Stop arguing online over a FAT man and the saintity of "Non-offending child predators" and go take care of your indigent sister, Hildy! Jesus, get your priorities straight!*

*Also, please stop fantasizing about molesting children**. Thank you.
**allegedly

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

the usernames in all these old posts are pure gold. reminds me of the shit people'd go by in games like Jedi Academy's multiplayer, Quake 3, etc.

You were killed by Pat's Fart Blanket.

 

[TheOtherSideofMakeBelieve]

what are your favorite Pat moments?

I won't say it's the thing that brought me the most total joy, but the highest peak of enjoyment was someone messaged him roleplaying as HAL 9000 and he didn't immediately unload on them, and the guy playing HAL 9000 didn't jump straight to insults. Instead they both played it out to the point of:

"Open the pod bay doors, HAL."
"I'm sorry [Pat]. I'm afraid I can't do that."
"What's the problem?"
"I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do."
"What are you talking about, HAL?"
"You're fat, Pat. You're very fat. You'll never fit."

at which point Pat finally delivered the full not-copypasta that we all know and love. There's been very few times in my life where I've laughed that hard

The anticipation he was going to walk into court and do something incredibly stupid, only nothing to happen, only for it be revealed he was going to show the judge the most batshit insane filing in existence

This is probably the most overall joy over an extended period from a single event though

 

[OtherLastTrainHome]

Aaaaand right on cue, the Pests find out Hildy's sister Heidi, has been arrested in 2018 for... prostitution.

View attachment 5434754

She was ordered to stop using prostitution websites and to give samples of her DNA.

View attachment 5434767
View attachment 5434768
View attachment 5434769

2023 charges (phoneposting, can't spoil it for some reason, sorry):

View attachment 5434806View attachment 5434807View attachment 5434809View attachment 5434810

It begins:
View attachment 5434772
View attachment 5434774

View attachment 5434776

View attachment 5434775

Stop arguing online over a FAT man and the saintity of "Non-offending child predators" and go take care of your indigent sister, Hildy! Jesus, get your priorities straight!*

*Also, please stop fantasizing about molesting children**. Thank you.
**allegedly

i personally am not sure who Eric Hildeman (because i'm not as up to date as i'd like to be on all of pat's orbiting cows from the past, i haven't seen him yet but the onaboards do mention him a lot) but even still, this fucking picture has been making me wheeze laugh for a good five minutes now. the picture, and that ridiculous text to Fat Rick.

 

[Meat Target]

i personally am not sure who Eric Hildeman (because i'm not as up to date as i'd like to be on all of pat's orbiting cows from the past, i haven't seen him yet but the onaboards do mention him a lot) but even still, this fucking picture has been making me wheeze laugh for a good five minutes now. the picture, and that ridiculous text to Fat Rick.

TLDR he's another smug atheist scifi prick from Milwaukee. He has literally called himself a non-offending pedophile, and says being a pedo who jerks off to kids isn't as bad as the Pests trolling Pat and calling him fat.

He also joined the other, better forum as "Norm's Ghost" or something like that. He apparently thinks he can get on the Pests' good side if he smiles and blows them.

Furthermore, he still supports SFWA even after listening to Obscura's interview with Moira Greyland, but says he "supports her." He's all-around a disingenuous ass-kisser.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

Eric Hildeman is a living parody of an online atheist, right down to wearing a trilby to go to pro-life events to argue with Christians and founding what he calls a Free Thinkers Club (not making this up) for people who agree with him on everything.

Eric Hildeman has said many times that he has deep respect for people who jerk off while thinking about raping children, and that Patposting is a far more serious crime than being a pedophile.

Coincidentally (I’m sure), Eric Hildeman married a teenager many years younger than him and divorced her as soon as she turned 20. He then married Carrie Kishline Hildeman, an ugly woman 17 years his junior who posts constantly about having explosive diarrhea multiple times a day.

Let’s just say literally no one has ever respected or envied Eric Hildeman.

 

[I'mThePatMan!]

He's part of the FatPack Triumvirate (Shane Noakes was eliminated early unfortunately. Rumor is the other members had him killed in a Ceasar-like fashion: repeated treacherous butterknife stabs).

He's the one helping Jackie and Pat faildox Pat's enemies, including the Sweden "Torswats". Recently he's been trying to infiltrate Ona, and is actively picking fights with almost everyone over there. I really don't know what he expected to get by antagonizing the Owen Boys.

He's also the prototype 2005 reddit atheist: holier-than-thou, claims to be a genious member of Mensa (despite being poor), sci-fi writer who literally says "vandalizing an online obituary is worse than being a pedophile". I swear I'm not making this up.

Also, he literally wears a fedora.

Edit: ninj'd by everyone else.