💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%

  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%

  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%

  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 2.8%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 903 58.0%
  • Total voters
    1,557
Tiresome said:
If it's not care workers, it's service personnel, retail staff, total strangers in front of him at a drive-thru. Jack's entire existence has been to be a burden on every person who comes near him. The thought of dying young after such a pointless, disgusting life should terrify him.
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Yeah, I always felt sorry for them but at least they didn't have to literally wipe his ass as he belittles them. He can now die.
 
Whaler said:
I'm assuming he's talking about that TikTok drink trend. You mix alcohol, water, and electrolytes made in one gallon containers. They're usually 1/5th alcohol leading to people think it's safer to drink that then a bunch of alcohol normally (protip, it isn't).
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Tiresome said:
It's probably all over Jack's Tiktok feed, because he knows he should be boycotting Tiktok BECAUSE CHINERRRRR HACKIN US but he's addicted to it. Probably following the same kind of hot young men that Qali does.
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Leave it to Jack to get assmad about something he can't really consume. And I swear he gives TikTok enough free rent in his head to lease out free server space when it eventually gets banned.
 
Pig Cups said:
I think you guys are being a little too hard on Jack.

Sticking to a new diet unlike the one you are accustomed to is hard work. The fact that he made the conscious decision to not eat the pancakes shows that he is taking his commitment to KETOOOOO seriously. We should be applauding and encouraging him in his efforts!
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He absolutely ate the pancakes.
 
That Damned Tiger said:
Leave it to Jack to get assmad about something he can't really consume. And I swear he gives TikTok enough free rent in his head to lease out free server space when it eventually gets banned.
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Spending all of his time on some Chinese garbage app instead of trying to get better to get back to his 'career'. Like he should be in PT/OT at least one or two hours a day, right? How is this never mentioned by the King of Karens? We all know he would say something if he actually had to do it. The baby can't even stand not having mustard. How much would he ree about being forced to stand? He reminds me of the worst patients on My 600lb Life. They would insist they were incapable of doing anything but lying in bed and stuffing their face despite that not being the case at all. I imagine Jack has DD and when he bitched about breakfast, he ate it, then ordered Cracker Barrel's most calorie ridden slop for Real Breakfast. Ad nauseum for all the other meals.

If he was an actual Christian, he would look at the mere fact that he survived so many strokes with amazement, a real piece of God's mercy upon him, a chance to do better in His name. Instead, all he does is bitch he is still alive.
 
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I'm willing to bet a big 5$ that all the staff treat him sarcastically like a big baby, talking in baby voice and shit, and that he's none the wiser and he thinks they actually care about him
 
Blobby's Murder Knife said:
Like he should be in PT/OT at least one or two hours a day, right? How is this never mentioned by the King of Karens? We all know he would say something if he actually had to do it.
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Since he's of sound mind (on a relative scale) they can't force him to do anything. They can invite and encourage him to come to his PT session, but he can just say "No Thanks" and that is that. I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if he was arguing that the lack of food has him too weak to do the therapy or some such shit with them.
 
Kuritan Deplorable said:
Since he's of sound mind (on a relative scale) they can't force him to do anything. They can invite and encourage him to come to his PT session, but he can just say "No Thanks" and that is that. I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if he was arguing that the lack of food has him too weak to do the therapy or some such shit with them.
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It's basically Schrodinger's retarded fat baby at this point. He refuses to do the PT and they can't really make him, but his bills are being paid so the place he's at won't push him anymore than they have to, but because of this, he's going to stay in that place for as long as possible until he can either no longer afford it or his insurance boots him for being a lazy cunt. He, himself, is making this spot in his life a lot worse than it needs to be and his refusal to admit it will be what kills him. He marks every box for "quick death after first stroke" and he doesn't realize how lucky he is to not be dead/nearly vegetative.
 
Blobby's Murder Knife said:
If he was an actual Christian, he would look at the mere fact that he survived so many strokes with amazement, a real piece of God's mercy upon him, a chance to do better in His name. Instead, all he does is bitch he is still alive.
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he probably thinks the opposite, that god is being unfair to him.
"i eat healthy. i am nice to everyone. i'm a good christian. why is god punishing me like this?"
 
It's hilarious beyond words to see some fat fuck in the hospital for health conditions caused by his gluttony, eating cake and other things he doesn't need, while complaining about it. I can't imagine being this unpleasant if I were in a hospital fucking dying.

Falcon Sebben said:
Bri will get pregnant and that will be the end. She'll be raising two Scalfatties and being forced to help out Jagoff and Hammy with stuff.
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I'm imagining two miniature Jacks waddling around with slurred baby talk, swallowing raw chicken parts whole before they can be stopped. What a disconcerting mental image there.
 
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Chris-Chan has Sonichu, Andrew Dobson has Blue Bear and Jack has this fucking Bitmoji thing. I want to rape it with MG 42.
 
Job lost literally everything, like his family, and his house. He only lost his health and the ability to move all limbs and walk. Fatty proclaiming that he's like Job would be peak fake christian delusion.
 
For Jack's Biblical type, I nominate Eglon the Moabite.
But when the sons of Israel cried out to the Lord, the Lord raised up a deliverer for them, Ehud the son of Gera, the Benjaminite, a left-handed man. And the sons of Israel sent tribute by him to Eglon the king of Moab. Now Ehud made himself a sword which had two edges, a cubit in length, and he strapped it on his right thigh under his cloak. Then he presented the tribute to Eglon king of Moab. Now Eglon was a very fat man. And it came about, when he had finished presenting the tribute, that Ehud sent away the people who had carried the tribute. But he himself turned back from the idols which were at Gilgal, and said, “I have a secret message for you, O king.” And the king said, “Silence!” And all who were attending him left him. Then Ehud came to him while he was sitting in his cool roof chamber alone. And Ehud said, “I have a message from God for you.” And he got up from his seat. Then Ehud reached out with his left hand and took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. The hilt of the sword also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade because he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the refuse came out. Then Ehud went out into the vestibule, and shut the doors of the roof chamber behind him, and locked them.

When he had left, the king’s servants came and looked, and behold, the doors of the roof chamber were locked; and they said, “Undoubtedly he is relieving himself in the cool room.” So they waited until it would have been shameful to wait longer; but behold, he did not open the doors of the roof chamber. So they took the key and opened them, and behold, their master had fallen to the floor dead.
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Old English Roast Beef said:
For Jack's Biblical type, I nominate Eglon the Moabite.
But when the sons of Israel cried out to the Lord, the Lord raised up a deliverer for them, Ehud the son of Gera, the Benjaminite, a left-handed man. And the sons of Israel sent tribute by him to Eglon the king of Moab. Now Ehud made himself a sword which had two edges, a cubit in length, and he strapped it on his right thigh under his cloak. Then he presented the tribute to Eglon king of Moab. Now Eglon was a very fat man. And it came about, when he had finished presenting the tribute, that Ehud sent away the people who had carried the tribute. But he himself turned back from the idols which were at Gilgal, and said, “I have a secret message for you, O king.” And the king said, “Silence!” And all who were attending him left him. Then Ehud came to him while he was sitting in his cool roof chamber alone. And Ehud said, “I have a message from God for you.” And he got up from his seat. Then Ehud reached out with his left hand and took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. The hilt of the sword also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade because he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the refuse came out. Then Ehud went out into the vestibule, and shut the doors of the roof chamber behind him, and locked them.

When he had left, the king’s servants came and looked, and behold, the doors of the roof chamber were locked; and they said, “Undoubtedly he is relieving himself in the cool room.” So they waited until it would have been shameful to wait longer; but behold, he did not open the doors of the roof chamber. So they took the key and opened them, and behold, their master had fallen to the floor dead.
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It's funny because Jack is both Ehud and Eglon, as he is dying from his own left hand
 
biggacracka said:
I'm willing to bet a big 5$ that all the staff treat him sarcastically like a big baby, talking in baby voice and shit, and that he's none the wiser and he thinks they actually care about him
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I'm thinking of that Panera Bread guy who literally gave him a cookie like he was a crying baby to shut him up.
 
Interesting how Borgs don't affect Jack in any way, but that's what he's raising his blood pressure over.


My grandma had some infuriating quirks like that, I shared about it in one of the food threads. You had to "fix your food up right" or she'd throw a bitchfit. I just now remembered that she made me butter up scrambled eggs, something I never did at home, and still regard is a repulsive and wasteful way to add calories.

I am amused that a lot of fast food places are breaking out the stops putting out horrendously gluttonous offerings, and Jack can't film them!
Stew fatty, Stew!

Eglon the Moabite - holy shit that's some good (weird) bible.
 
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