🗑️ Trashfire PPP: Pig's Passage to Portugal - Update 1/26 - Ralph got his ass kicked and murse stolen. Turns out, the citizens of Portugal are NOT big fans of the Killstream

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What actually led to Ralph's beating?

  • Official narrative, chased robber to defend his property (Manpurse, €150) and 1 VS 4 epic fight.

    Votes: 80 3.4%

  • Beaten by the pimp of an underaged prostitute.

    Votes: 755 32.0%

  • Tumbled down the steep streets like a loose boulder.

    Votes: 153 6.5%

  • Beaten by a gang of drug dealers.

    Votes: 476 20.2%

  • Uttered something stupid in front of locals.

    Votes: 850 36.0%

  • Tried to put his trotters on Warski's sister.

    Votes: 47 2.0%
  • Total voters
    2,361
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bongaloid said:
Lisbon to Seville is currently a bus from Faro. Probably the best is to get a bus to Madrid (or 3 local trains that take all day), then he can go Madrid - Cologne in one day with a horrible early start and late finish, changing in Barcelona and Paris. Ovennight in Cologne and then Cologne-Hamburg. Plenty of chances for another ass-whooping around Madrid, Paris and Cologne.
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Ahh, it used to be you could take a train to the border, cross on foot, and then take another train, to get between Faro and Seville.
 
A_right_horrorshow said:
Yeah but it's Ralph, his psyche is so broken at this point lying to others as well as himself, trying to turn catastrophically embarrassing events into triumphs is all he has left.
No shows worth watching, twice convicted felon, guilty of a sex crime no matter what he says he still posted revenge porn.
A child he'll never see, another on the way, brought into another doomed to fail relationship with a half horse half tranny eFame hungry mess. Dax's windup mascot, dumb enough to believe he's his one remaining friend and not keeping him around in his menagerie of freaks as a carnival sideshow character.
All his former whipping boys even Trout and MundaneFatt taking potshots, at the mercy of an equally out of shape canadian who showed the whole world his shithatch.
The Grift master of Lawsplaining forever banishing him from the one show raking in superchats daily.
Jim. His mentor, his Obi-wan, His internet Daddy as riddled with cancer as his real dad was before the end openly guffawing at his sorry state of affairs all brought about by his own hubris and ego.

"Ah took on four on one for an inhuman amount of time and went to Portugal before that coked up, bitchmade faggit Wharski (who like everyone else on my enemies list I was cool with right up until they made a tame remark about my crumbling existence now they must die) YOU CAYN'T ALOG THE GUNTSNORT BITCHES. . . .Gaytor, Fetch me a new orbital bone and crack open a Makers mark, Poppa needs somethin to wash down these Portuguese oxy's, which like my offspring, Ah ain't never gonna pay for!"

*Dolphin laugh
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Right, that's the primary manifestation of Ralph's personality disorder.
His ego is severely affected by all this stuff, which is exactly why he needs to slam on the gas twice as hard every single time some humiliating event occurs to cover up for it, and lord knows recent events have been humiliating, so I'm been interested to see how extreme his attempts to compensate will be.

That's also why I honestly wouldn't be surprised if we had an Ethan Ralph suicide sometime within the next 5 years. He's approaching middle age, he's backing himself into a corner and burning bridges with more and more people, he's having kids he can't take care of, his gambling and substance abuse keeps getting worse, I wouldn't be surprised if behind the scenes he's in a whole, whole lot of debt...with what he's done to his life I don't think facing reality is an option anymore. Self delusion is all he has.

I have to confess that as wonderful as I find the tragic comedy that Ethan Ralph's life has become, some small part of me wishes fate would show him mercy and he'd have a heart attack or something so he could go out with what tiny bit of dignity he still has, cause it gets hard to watch.
 
Uberpenguin said:
Right, that's the primary manifestation of Ralph's personality disorder.
His ego is severely affected by all this stuff, which is exactly why he needs to slam on the gas twice as hard every single time some humiliating event occurs to cover up for it, and lord knows recent events have been humiliating, so I'm been interested to see how extreme his attempts to compensate will be.

That's also why I honestly wouldn't be surprised if we had an Ethan Ralph suicide sometime within the next 5 years. He's approaching middle age, he's backing himself into a corner and burning bridges with more and more people, he's having kids he can't take care of, his gambling and substance abuse keeps getting worse, I wouldn't be surprised if behind the scenes he's in a whole, whole lot of debt...with what he's done to his life I don't think facing reality is an option anymore. Self delusion is all he has.

I have to confess that as wonderful as I find the tragic comedy that Ethan Ralph's life has become, some small part of me wishes fate would show him mercy and he'd have a heart attack or something so he could go out with what tiny bit of dignity he still has, cause it gets hard to watch.
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It's sad, or would be if it wasn't entirely of his own doing. He has alienated so many people and built up this false bravado to be the sole personality trait that defines his entire existence that he literally can not back down from it in any way.

He rightfully feels he is constantly under attack and constantly has to be on guard and can never show weakness. I mean he just went through something pretty traumatic. He was attacked and savagely beaten, his shit stolen, his trip ruined, and now has a whole heap of other issues. Who can he turn to?

Nobody. Even his fiancee is too retarded to offer a sympathetic ear. He has no actual friends and he cannot show any weakness to his fans because they are also retarded degenerates.

His only option is to continually double down and double down and double down on why everything that happens to him in his miserable life is actually an absolute win when deep down he's hurting. He's lost a lot and cannot unburden himself to anyone or receive any solace because he can never abandon this fake persona he's crafted.
 
Capt. Jean Luc Ritard said:
It's sad, or would be if it wasn't entirely of his own doing. He has alienated so many people and built up this false bravado to be the sole personality trait that defines his entire existence that he literally can not back down from it in any way.

He rightfully feels he is constantly under attack and constantly has to be on guard and can never show weakness. I mean he just went through something pretty traumatic. He was attacked and savagely beaten, his shit stolen, his trip ruined, and now has a whole heap of other issues. Who can he turn to?

Nobody. Even his fiancee is too retarded to offer a sympathetic ear. He has no actual friends and he cannot show any weakness to his fans because they are also retarded degenerates.

His only option is to continually double down and double down and double down on why everything that happens to him in his miserable life is actually an absolute win when deep down he's hurting. He's lost a lot and cannot unburden himself to anyone or receive any solace because he can never abandon this fake persona he's crafted.
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Ralpha Chud
 
Uberpenguin said:
some small part of me wishes fate would show him mercy and he'd have a heart attack or something so he could go out with what tiny bit of dignity he still has
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Onion headline, Man Loses Last Tiny Bit of Dignity He Didn't Even Know He Still Had.
Capt. Jean Luc Ritard said:
His only option is to continually double down and double down and double down on why everything that happens to him in his miserable life is actually an absolute win when deep down he's hurting. He's lost a lot and cannot unburden himself to anyone or receive any solace because he can never abandon this fake persona he's crafted.
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Shut up! Shut up! You're making me feel sorry for him when I just want to laugh at his fat fuck ass!
 
I love hospital meds just as much as the next person.

However, the meds aren’t even close to what the best thing about having medical procedure/hospital stay. The best part is coming home. I had a medical scare and spent time in the hospital and there is nothing like coming back to my nice mattress, soft sheets, favorite pillows, and blankets. I love to soak up the care from loved ones. Cuddles from my pets, back scratches from my hubby, and good soup from the Kosher Deli… all make things a little better. I am forever grateful for having loved ones help me pick up meds and all the things I needed. I love that I have friends who just came over to watch a movie and help distract me from how awful I was feeling.

Ethan Ralph has none of this right now. He is likely sleeping in a hard bed and has to get his own stuff. I can’t even imagine how excruciating it must be to be stuck somewhere people don’t even speak your language and you feel like shit and super limited at what you can do.

Ethan, if you are reading: where is your boy Sergio ( I think that’s the name of the dude he met up with)? Give him a shout out if he is helping you. I know you earlier tweeted about the support from your fans. What specifically have they done? Hopes and prayers don’t help satisfy an appetite or help you in any way with anything really.

If this whole experience doesn’t humble Ethan, nothing will. His existence is a very sad and lonely one. The only reason I don’t feel sorry for him is that he is a complete piece of shit of a human.
 
I like people pretending they aren't suffering nearly limitless schadenfreudegasms at this shit. I haven't laughed this much in years.
 
Capt. Jean Luc Ritard said:
It's sad, or would be if it wasn't entirely of his own doing. He has alienated so many people and built up this false bravado to be the sole personality trait that defines his entire existence that he literally can not back down from it in any way.

He rightfully feels he is constantly under attack and constantly has to be on guard and can never show weakness. I mean he just went through something pretty traumatic. He was attacked and savagely beaten, his shit stolen, his trip ruined, and now has a whole heap of other issues. Who can he turn to?

Nobody. Even his fiancee is too retarded to offer a sympathetic ear. He has no actual friends and he cannot show any weakness to his fans because they are also retarded degenerates.

His only option is to continually double down and double down and double down on why everything that happens to him in his miserable life is actually an absolute win when deep down he's hurting. He's lost a lot and cannot unburden himself to anyone or receive any solace because he can never abandon this fake persona he's crafted.
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Yet Ironically he's shown weakness 24/7 regardless if he's delusional or just cooping hard. That last thing people like Ralph need and what they fear the most is an utterly brutal and savage beating because then their failure is complete and they looking a boastful weakling. Look at Ralphs face after he got his ass whooped, the man is in utter despair no matter how much he's trying to play mental gymnastics to downplay the damage to his entire being whilst also appearing sympathetic enough for people to pity, he can't hide how fucked up he is in more ways than one.

People gunt guarded for a reason and if he got beaten up in a timeline where he didn't burn bridges with everyone and fuck himself over then people would have made a gofundme to help with his expenses in Portugal but now everybody are laughing at him with the sadistic scorn that he deserves.

Doubling down is the only thing he has left and I doubt it's gonna help for long.
 
AnOminous said:
I like people pretending they aren't suffering nearly limitless schadenfreudegasms at this shit. I haven't laughed this much in years.
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people coming here to sympathize is retarded.

Derpy said:
Chicken noodle soup made fresh from a good Kosher Deli will change your life.
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i'm cool with not torturing animals to death before i eat them.
it's a spiritual path i'm on.
 
Derpy said:
Chicken noodle soup made fresh from a good Kosher Deli will change your life.
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If you're missing half your front teeth, will they shred the chicken enough so you can eat with your gums? Asking for a friend.
 
Uh oh...

These just turned up on an auction site in Lisbon.

If you look closely, you can see something wedged in the top front teeth...I think that's what was left of his pride stuck in there. it's pretty small so you gotta look hard.

Screen Shot 2022-01-31 at 3.54.54 PM.png
 
AnOminous said:
I like people pretending they aren't suffering nearly limitless schadenfreudegasms at this shit. I haven't laughed this much in years.
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How the hell do you pretend not to laugh at Ralph? Even Jim couldn’t pull that off.
 
Uberpenguin said:
That's also why I honestly wouldn't be surprised if we had an Ethan Ralph suicide sometime within the next 5 years.
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As a southerner who's met plenty of idiot southerners I have to doubt it. Memphis Micro is gonna continue to double, triple, and quadruple down. I don't even think having a heart attack would preserve any imaginary dignity he doesn't have left considering he's the size of a barge at this point.
 
AnOminous said:
I like people pretending they aren't suffering nearly limitless schadenfreudegasms at this shit. I haven't laughed this much in years.
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I agree here. Ethan is coming through with top notch content to scratch that itch for some good old schadenfreude.

I would empathize with just about anyone else in his situation. I would feel bad if this happened to someone I only dislike. It can’t be said enough that he is getting exactly what he deserves as he is ROTTEN to the core.

The saga of Ethan Ralph is an excellent case study of how to fail at life and deserve all the bad luck you get. He is past any chance at a redemption arc at this point.
 
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