Science Jonathan the blind, gay, sex-crazed giant tortoise is now the oldest to have ever lived

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Jonathan the blind, gay, sex-crazed giant tortoise is now the oldest to have ever lived​

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Jonathan, a world-famous 190-year-old gay giant tortoise in St Helena, has officially become the oldest tortoise to have ever lived.

According to the Guinness World Records, this year Jonathan will take the title of “oldest chelonian” – a category which encompasses turtles, terrapins and tortoises.

Before Jonathan, the oldest chelonian was Tu’i Malila, a radiated tortoise in Tonga who died at the age of 188.

According to Jonathan’s personal vet, despite his old age and the fact that he is both blind and without a sense of smell, Jonathan still enjoys his three favourite activities: eating, sleeping and sex.

Jonathan, who roams free on the grounds of the official residence of St Helena’s governor with three other giant tortoises, made headlines around the world in 2017 when he was accidentally outed.

When his partner, then known as Frederika, went for a check-up for a shell lesion, the vet discovered that the tortoise was in fact male.

Jonathan and the 31-year-old tortoise now known as Frederik, have been together for three decades, and vets say Jonathan’s libido shows no signs of slowing down.

However, Jonathan isn’t strictly monogamous, and will also have sex with Emma, another tortoise that roams the grounds.

David, the fourth tortoise, appears to be the only one rejected by Jonathan.

Jonathan the giant tortoise’s exact birthday is unknown​

The official website of St Helena contains an encyclopaedic amount of information on Jonathan, and clarifies that the tortoise’s date of birth cannot actually be determined.

The giant tortoise was brought to the island in 1882, when he was already around 50-years-old. There is no record of the date he hatched and he could even be up to 200-years-old.

However, due to some misreporting in the media, Wikipedia lists Jonathan’s date of birth as 7 February 1832, which some have accepted as his de facto birthday.

According to St Helena’s website, in 2015 St Helena Independent editor Mike Olsson said he “rather liked the idea”.

“If Wikipedia says it’s his birthday, then we’ll give him a birthday,” he said. Olsson then explained have a word with Joe Hollins, the vet who hand-feeds Jonathan once a week, and rubs his neck to help the food go down.

“We’ll give him a piece of lettuce, with a candle.”

Olsson added that Jonathan would only be given a single candle, because “183 candles on a piece of lettuce would look ridiculous”.
 
Its an animal you stupid fucks. It being blind means it has no way of knowing if its fucking a male or female, a hole is just a hole to it retards.
 
Homosexual behaviour in animals is not that rare, but it's not the same as being gay, stupid coomers.
 
I was watching a show about zoos not too long ago and one episode was about a species of tortoises they kept. Apparently, male turtles will will fight and do a dominance display with each other that looks like sex, but ends with one turtle being overturned. In the zoo show they had to seperate two male tortoises because they were so stressed out by constantly fighting during mating season that they both lost weight.

If the tortoise in question in this story exhibits homosexual behavior, there's no way that it isn't harmful to the other tortoise, or at least stressful. These people sound like negligent keepers.
 
I guess it's time I had "the talk" with my girl about sexual preferences, gender identity, and pronouns. She's a teenager at about 40 years old and needs to know these things.

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The official website of St Helena contains an encyclopaedic amount of information on Jonathan, and clarifies that the tortoise’s date of birth cannot actually be determined.

The giant tortoise was brought to the island in 1882, when he was already around 50-years-old. There is no record of the date he hatched and he could even be up to 200-years-old.
So turtle/tortoise shells don't have "rings" or anything to give a good indication of when they might've hatched? They can legit figure out the actual birthdate of my adopted cat through her teeth, but terrapins are a complete mystery. 'Mazing.

Anyway, hump on, Jonathan.
 
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Some Limey governor brings a youngin’ Jonathan to St Helena in 1832, he gets photographed 50+ years later, and he’s still rocking to this day.
 
Are we sure the turtle is gay because he likes turtle ass or he is gay because he is blind and a horny fuck? These fuckers will have sex with crocs if they're sex crazed enough.

They need to introduce a turtle shaped rock. If he humps it, then we know he will literally fuck anything (except David the tortoise).
 
Slow and steady won you the race but the future belongs to those who show up faggot.
 
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