Something Awful and Friends - The roller-coaster train-wreck embarrassing downfall of a Web 1.0 giant and its tick offspring like from Cloverfield

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northstar747 said:
But who is/was patient zero it wasnt lowtax
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It was Fistgrrl, the admin who paid lowtax like $3 grand for the position. She worked for a marketing research firm who was interested in the goon demographic. She appointed Ozma (fat) who begat the rest of them. All this shit started in the pets subforum where all the girls posted, lol.
 
I never heard of that but if it's actually true and lowtax ruined his golden goose for a measly 3k (measly compared to what he used to make with the forum) then that would make it extra hilarious. Is there anything to confirm this?
 
AmpleApricots said:
I never heard of that but if it's actually true and lowtax ruined his golden goose for a measly 3k (measly compared to what he used to make with the forum) then that would make it extra hilarious. Is there anything to confirm this?
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To be fair, though, that was back in 2001 when there was no goose to ruin, and LowT still thought he could make money off Jeff K and Cliff Yablonski updates.

Harbinger of Kali Yuga said:
Wasn't Fistgrrl EPG's gf?
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Hell, I think they're married. I think they live in the suburbs of Chiraq.
 
Bees said:
It was Fistgrrl, the admin who paid lowtax like $3 grand for the position. She worked for a marketing research firm who was interested in the goon demographic. She appointed Ozma (fat) who begat the rest of them. All this shit started in the pets subforum where all the girls posted, lol.
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Are you sure she didn't just pay EPG in blowjobs instead? I'd single out EPG as a great frontpage writer but bad mod who helped lead the forums down the way to shittiness. There was also this one obnoxious far left Australian (cioxx?) in D&D who ended up being very influential in a negative way.
 
I think she met EPG (who is a horrible writer you nerd) through the forums. All the receipts went down with SASS but as I recall this was all well known and Fistgrrl would occasionaly catch shit for paying for her position.
 
The SA frontpage is not funny. Maybe it was when we were 14 or 15 years old, but if you think it's funny now there's something wrong with you. Dooooom houuuseee.
 
Harbinger of Kali Yuga said:
The SA frontpage is not funny. Maybe it was when we were 14 or 15 years old, but if you think it's funny now there's something wrong with you. Dooooom houuuseee.
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It's been a real, real long time since anything on the front page approached funny. Though admittedly Cliff Yablowski and Jeff K haven't aged well they were pretty funny for the time in the early 00's. Jeff was a pretty decent satire of gamers in the early 2000's for sure.

Aside from the early stuff that Lowtax did the writing was pretty bad most the time even if I did have a soft spot for Horrors of Porn.
 
Ebonic Tutor said:
It's been a real, real long time since anything on the front page approached funny. Though admittedly Cliff Yablowski and Jeff K haven't aged well they were pretty funny for the time in the early 00's. Jeff was a pretty decent satire of gamers in the early 2000's for sure.

Aside from the early stuff that Lowtax did the writing was pretty bad most the time even if I did have a soft spot for Horrors of Porn.
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When I think back on the SA front page, I remember a vague blur of humorous and disposable articles, and then I remember that time Zach Parsons wrote an angry update excoriated the creators of South Park for not taking a definite stand on the Iraq War :story:

In my memory, it was the day SA started to die. Though I am sure the G.R.I.D.S. had set in much earlier than that. Thank goodness I never got into the forums.
 
"Fortunately" for awhile they had reviews of movies in theaters, as written by Ian "Read My Thesis Masquerading as A Film Review" Maddison and some random other freaks, like these hot takes from 2013. I was inspired to scan the archives after getting into a discussion over what exactly the hell happened to SA and was reminded that these reviews were published.

https://www.somethingawful.com/current-movie-reviews/retrospective-2013-review/6/

To sum up: "White House Down was brave enough to have the smartest character be a precocious 11 year old girl, much like Lost World was brave enough to have a little girl fend off raptors with gymnastics where trained, heavily armed MALE mercenaries failed; only women are victims of violence in horror movies, and only they are killed for having sex. Gravity has been lauded for its compelling script. It was great because it was an extremely relateble situation about floating in orbit starring the most common of everyman: an astronaut-slash-medical technology innovator. Women are also portrayed as victims in movies, but this was totally different because it was about the universal human experience through the eyes of a woman instead of a man! Anyways, thanks to movies like White House Down, the future of cinema is looking bright!"

Maddison really deep in whatever he was deep in here in his review of Despicable Me 2:
https://www.somethingawful.com/current-movie-reviews/lone-ranger-despicable/2/

One of his main premises in his reviews seemed to be that any movie without a gay main character was practically the patriarchy manning the riot hoses.

Despicable Me 2 is what happens when some executive at Universal looks at Despicable Me and is outraged that these children don't have a mother. "Don't you know what's going on out there!?" he wails, "Gays are getting married! To each other!! We can't have children thinking their lives are normal and okay when they are A TRAVESTY!!! So make a sequel where they get a mother and everything is returned to heteronormativity."
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Also, cartoon violence is unacceptable when used on women which is something Nazis would do. You can just picture the scowl and "like a sack of potatoes!" on the tip of the author's fingers, while making the most moronic point drawing comparisons to Commando and The Simpsons.

In the first Despicable Me, there was an instance in which the film's main villain is crushed into a pulp, says "ouch," then carries on regardless; other than that, it's relatively free of that kind of stuff. This film has a scene in which Gru goes on a date and the young lady who accompanies him ends up drugged, dragged, thrown from cars, clattered into trees, flattened and finally abandoned on a doorstep. Why? Because she was a hypocrite. She called Gru out on being a supposed phoney while her own behaviour suggested that she was the phoney. With the magic of cartoon violence we can enact terrible fury upon her and have her learn from it!

Imagine if Arnold Schwarzenegger had thrown a pipe through Vernon Wells' chest and Wells had just gotten up and said "well, I sure learned my lesson" then went home to eat some cereal? Cartoons do that all the time. After all, how many times was Tom shot directly in the face by Jerry with no injury caused? How many times did Wile E. Coyote get blown up and sent plummeting from ridiculous heights? The trend was so perfectly parodied in The Simpsons with the "Itchy & Scratchy" segments (where the cartoon mouse would commit actual bloody murder on the cartoon cat for the simple crime of wanting to eat) that all modern incarnations can only be viewed with that in mind.

Despicable Me 2, though, is weirdly aggressive with its slapstick violence. Generally, cartoon logic operates in a world without death or prison. The children in the audience become implicit in the narrative; it's their laughter that ultimately waylays the villains, who are then humiliated into changing their ways. The date sequence in Despicable Me 2 takes things way too far. It feels angry, like when an old man is telling a story and suddenly starts shouting because he just remembered that his story has a Jew in it. This onslaught of misdirected rage out of nowhere hangs over the rest of the film like an angry shadow.
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And another outburst of rage over not making the protagonist gay; what kind of girls would possibly want a connection with a mother? Ew, yuck!

Why is Agnes pining for a mother? Because some exec decided these girls needed a female role model in their lives, I presume. I seem to remember there was a grandmother on the scene one film ago, notable by her absence here. Just pretend she doesn't exist. Kids watching these films want to be able to relate their home lives to the characters on screen. How many children will suddenly feel that their lives are abnormal because they don't have two parents (or parents of opposite gender) after this film essentially tells them as much? What stuffy old bollock decided that would be a good idea? Let's take a massive step backward with this sequel and undo all of its positivity and progressiveness while we also remove most of the charm!
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A lot of reviews were like this, so like other finger-waggling moral crusaders before them, it was no surprise the SA movie critics eventually all disappeared up their own assholes. It lead to a Gone Girl review by some problem glasses chick that was less review and more over-the-top anti-MRA screed, so much that posters on the forums finally asked them to tone it down. The response was for her and Ian Madison to announce they were quitting such a woman hating hostile environment and then there was like one more set of reviews after that before the feature stopped being updated.
 
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Harbinger of Kali Yuga said:
Dooooom houuuseee.
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Fuck you, leave my happy house.

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Jesus christ man you were looking at the front page in 2013? Holy fuck. I thought it stopped updating in 2003 or whenever lowtax published that pathetic piece about breaking up with Integral.
 
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