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Perhaps they do that just to be on the safe-side.
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Then there's Joyce's story. What a mess. To be honest, I was shocked when they showed her mother because I thought Joyce looked a good 15 years older than her mother. I had a feeling that once she left the hospital, she'd go back to stuffing her face and fail her weight loss goals set by Dr. Now. Lets hope next week will be a success story.
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Two words: GUNT WARTS
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2019
It's that time of the week, fam. Alas, no Slaton sisters to amuse us after the episode is over, and it looks like they won't be coming back for another season. Bummer.
This week, we have Joyce, who is - holy shit, right off the bat we get a gigantic, fleshy blob struggling to sit up, HFC, TLC - who is 44 years old and lives in Gardner, KS.
Goddamn, this ep may break me, seriously. She literally looks like a giant molted and left a pile of skin, or the giant melted like a candle. It looks like she has warts on her fupa. Her legs are purple - beetus!. Joyce uses O2, and has a helper to help her get up and move two steps to the bariatric toilet, then the two steps back to bed when she's done. Then she gets a sponge bath several times a week, Dawn, the helper, says by the end of the bathing, they're both exhausted. I bet.
Three cartons of takeout something or other is what's for breakfast. FFS, how do these people not choke, the way they cram food down their pieholes?
Obligatory childhood traumatizing incident; her parents divorced, and her mom sent her to live with grandma instead of moving in with stepdad and his kids. Grandma started feeding her, and moms was shocked - SHOCKED, I SAY - that her mother had fed the kid she abandoned so much food. Moms tried putting her on a diet. Joyce got a job at a fast food place. 350 pounds when she graduated at 18. By the time she was 20, she was in the mid-400s. She eventually started a daycare.
Back to childhood trauma - stepbrother molested her or something - she can't recall exactly. By the time she was 25, she was getting into the 500s. Pops died. Joyce hired Dawn to help in the daycare. Eventually, Joyce got so fat, she ended up bedbound at 38, and hired Dawn to be her caretaker. She's 44 and hasn't been out of the house in years.
She says her family is worried about her. No, Joyce, they are not. If they were, they wouldn't feed you giant piles of food. I will never understand why the fuck these people serve the 600 pounders all this food instead of plopping down a chicken breast and some broccoli in front of them. What ae they gonna do? Get up, come after you, and beat your ass?
"I'm at the point now that I don't know what to do," says Joyce. STOP EATING SO FUCKING MUCH. That's what you can do.
Cut to ads as Joyce shovels lasagna into her face. Ugh, is this one going to piss me off?
An we're back. Joyce is lying like a blob in her recliner. Dr Gnome is trying to coordinate a medical transport to get her to Houston. Dawn, of course, is doing all the packing of the house. Dawn, Dr Gnome is going to have some words for you about what Joyce eats, you know. Joyce figures this is a one way trip right now for her to go to Houston, and I'd have to agree with that.
The usual "this is your last chance" - well, y'all frittered away all the other chances you could have taken to help her get healthy, or at least less fat so one of the local docs could take her on. Medical transport is arriving at 5 AM to haul her down to Houston. OMG, I don't know that this gurney's gonna hold her, my dudes. The three transport dudes and Dawn get her on the gurney, and they manage to get her out the front door. Damn, everyone should have a friend like Dawn. She goes from working for Joyce in a daycare, to wiping Joyce's ass and cleaning her folds, to moving to Houston to continue to care for her. Joyce is whining that Dawn is not right behind the transport, and they've only been on the road for about an hour. Ad break.
Dr Gnome walks through the receiving doors like a gunslinger. Joyce's upper arms are huge. (Side note: a lizard is stalking small bugs attracted to the light through the window here in my office. Always cool to see.) Joyce's face looks like a smashed basketball when she's lying flat. She says she's in pain (they all do), a little short of breath (from all the rearranging from the transport gurney to the hospital bariatric seat, no doubt), and she has to pee. The folks at this hospital are used to dealing with that, I'm sure. Time for a weight! I'm gonna say 730 pounds. Cool, this bariatric chair has a little remote thingie to change its position (bring the back up, etc.). I guess that makes sense, since the 600 pounders can't really move on their own, and the staff won't throw out their backs that way. Six people to move her from the chair to the bed. The bed says: 758 pounds. Holy shit.
I can't even imagine being slowly suffocated to death by my own body. Ad break.
Month 2. Joyce is in the hospital, and Dawn is there, helping out. Joyce has been on a controlled diet (that she hasn't liked very much, according to Dr Gnome), and isn't cooperating with PT, either. You know, why the fuck do you people do this? Stop shitting all over people tyring to save your fucking life. I hate that. Time for a weighin. OMG, Joyce is spreadeagled on the bed so Dr Gnome can feel all over her gut. Good lord, her fupa. We can thank our lucky stars for blurring. Dr Gnome puts her shoes on her, and helps her out of the bed, freeing her fupa because it got stuck under her. Ewwwww. She shuffles along with the walker a bit, and then into the wheelchair. Shelf ass sighting. The scale said 388, which naturally is not correct. She wants to skip trying the weight again right now. Hey, you gotta push yourself. Nobody is going to do it for you. Fucking hell.
Dr Gnome takes Joyce back to her room so she can rest. She's wheezing like a dying furnace. Which, I suppose, she is.
Joyce wants to go home; thinks she can make progress on her own. Sure, Joyce.
Month 3. Time to move into the apartment Dawn got for them. Dr Gnome doesn't think Joyce needs her O2 teddy tank security blanket. He's happy about some of the progress she's made, but thinks she could do more. She was down to 637 after one month on a controlled diet, and now is 553 pounds after two months on the controlled diet. Amazing. Dr Gnome says they're going to send PT to her house three times a week. He wants to see her at the clinic in one month, and he wants her to lose 50 pounds during that month. She says she'll try. Wrong answer. Dr Gnome says he wants her off this O2, and she says he's asking a lot. No, he is not. Transport is here. They load her up, O2 and all.
End of the first hour. We will pick up hour two in the next post.
This week, we have Joyce, who is - holy shit, right off the bat we get a gigantic, fleshy blob struggling to sit up, HFC, TLC - who is 44 years old and lives in Gardner, KS.
Goddamn, this ep may break me, seriously. She literally looks like a giant molted and left a pile of skin, or the giant melted like a candle. It looks like she has warts on her fupa. Her legs are purple - beetus!. Joyce uses O2, and has a helper to help her get up and move two steps to the bariatric toilet, then the two steps back to bed when she's done. Then she gets a sponge bath several times a week, Dawn, the helper, says by the end of the bathing, they're both exhausted. I bet.
Three cartons of takeout something or other is what's for breakfast. FFS, how do these people not choke, the way they cram food down their pieholes?
Obligatory childhood traumatizing incident; her parents divorced, and her mom sent her to live with grandma instead of moving in with stepdad and his kids. Grandma started feeding her, and moms was shocked - SHOCKED, I SAY - that her mother had fed the kid she abandoned so much food. Moms tried putting her on a diet. Joyce got a job at a fast food place. 350 pounds when she graduated at 18. By the time she was 20, she was in the mid-400s. She eventually started a daycare.
Back to childhood trauma - stepbrother molested her or something - she can't recall exactly. By the time she was 25, she was getting into the 500s. Pops died. Joyce hired Dawn to help in the daycare. Eventually, Joyce got so fat, she ended up bedbound at 38, and hired Dawn to be her caretaker. She's 44 and hasn't been out of the house in years.
She says her family is worried about her. No, Joyce, they are not. If they were, they wouldn't feed you giant piles of food. I will never understand why the fuck these people serve the 600 pounders all this food instead of plopping down a chicken breast and some broccoli in front of them. What ae they gonna do? Get up, come after you, and beat your ass?
"I'm at the point now that I don't know what to do," says Joyce. STOP EATING SO FUCKING MUCH. That's what you can do.
Cut to ads as Joyce shovels lasagna into her face. Ugh, is this one going to piss me off?
An we're back. Joyce is lying like a blob in her recliner. Dr Gnome is trying to coordinate a medical transport to get her to Houston. Dawn, of course, is doing all the packing of the house. Dawn, Dr Gnome is going to have some words for you about what Joyce eats, you know. Joyce figures this is a one way trip right now for her to go to Houston, and I'd have to agree with that.
The usual "this is your last chance" - well, y'all frittered away all the other chances you could have taken to help her get healthy, or at least less fat so one of the local docs could take her on. Medical transport is arriving at 5 AM to haul her down to Houston. OMG, I don't know that this gurney's gonna hold her, my dudes. The three transport dudes and Dawn get her on the gurney, and they manage to get her out the front door. Damn, everyone should have a friend like Dawn. She goes from working for Joyce in a daycare, to wiping Joyce's ass and cleaning her folds, to moving to Houston to continue to care for her. Joyce is whining that Dawn is not right behind the transport, and they've only been on the road for about an hour. Ad break.
Dr Gnome walks through the receiving doors like a gunslinger. Joyce's upper arms are huge. (Side note: a lizard is stalking small bugs attracted to the light through the window here in my office. Always cool to see.) Joyce's face looks like a smashed basketball when she's lying flat. She says she's in pain (they all do), a little short of breath (from all the rearranging from the transport gurney to the hospital bariatric seat, no doubt), and she has to pee. The folks at this hospital are used to dealing with that, I'm sure. Time for a weight! I'm gonna say 730 pounds. Cool, this bariatric chair has a little remote thingie to change its position (bring the back up, etc.). I guess that makes sense, since the 600 pounders can't really move on their own, and the staff won't throw out their backs that way. Six people to move her from the chair to the bed. The bed says: 758 pounds. Holy shit.
I can't even imagine being slowly suffocated to death by my own body. Ad break.
Month 2. Joyce is in the hospital, and Dawn is there, helping out. Joyce has been on a controlled diet (that she hasn't liked very much, according to Dr Gnome), and isn't cooperating with PT, either. You know, why the fuck do you people do this? Stop shitting all over people tyring to save your fucking life. I hate that. Time for a weighin. OMG, Joyce is spreadeagled on the bed so Dr Gnome can feel all over her gut. Good lord, her fupa. We can thank our lucky stars for blurring. Dr Gnome puts her shoes on her, and helps her out of the bed, freeing her fupa because it got stuck under her. Ewwwww. She shuffles along with the walker a bit, and then into the wheelchair. Shelf ass sighting. The scale said 388, which naturally is not correct. She wants to skip trying the weight again right now. Hey, you gotta push yourself. Nobody is going to do it for you. Fucking hell.
Dr Gnome takes Joyce back to her room so she can rest. She's wheezing like a dying furnace. Which, I suppose, she is.
Joyce wants to go home; thinks she can make progress on her own. Sure, Joyce.
Month 3. Time to move into the apartment Dawn got for them. Dr Gnome doesn't think Joyce needs her O2 teddy tank security blanket. He's happy about some of the progress she's made, but thinks she could do more. She was down to 637 after one month on a controlled diet, and now is 553 pounds after two months on the controlled diet. Amazing. Dr Gnome says they're going to send PT to her house three times a week. He wants to see her at the clinic in one month, and he wants her to lose 50 pounds during that month. She says she'll try. Wrong answer. Dr Gnome says he wants her off this O2, and she says he's asking a lot. No, he is not. Transport is here. They load her up, O2 and all.
End of the first hour. We will pick up hour two in the next post.
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- Sep 28, 2019
Hour two. Will Joyce comply with the diet? (Probably not.) Will she lose the 50 pounds Dr Gnome wants her to lose in the next month? (Probably not.) Will he approve her for WLS before the hour is up? (Probably not.)
PT is there, and of course Joyce says she is pushing herself as hard as she can. That's almost always untrue. The PT dude got her to pull the O2 out of her face, so that's good. She's scurrying around with her walker, since Dr Gnome says he wants her to get to the office without medical transport and that means getting up and walking to a car.
Month 5. Joyce is struggling to get up and walk. No, you're just resisting it, because it's difficult and probably hurts. FFS. "The only thing I can figure is that for my body, I can't lose weight on 1200 calories."
Fuuuuuuuuck you.
She whines about needing medical transport because she can't walk, and told Dr Gnome's office about it. They set up a video call between her and Dr Gnome. He's not buying her bullshit, and she does the usual "Oh no, I am losing weight, I can feel it." Dr Gnome says he can look at her and know she has gained weight. HAHA. Dr Gnome says she is delusional. He tells her to get her shelf ass to the clinic within the next 48 hours if she wants to continue with the program. She whines at him that 1200 calories is too much. Look, Joyce, you're a fatass who ate yourself to over 700 pounds and immobility. You're probably not the best person to be lecturing anyone about calories. Dr Gnome is signing off, and she says she needs medical transport. Dr Gnome says NOPE. Get yourself to the clinic. She whines that it's unfair - just how fucking entitled are you, bitch? Goddamn. Ad break.
I've never looked at Guy Fieri and thought, you know what my life needs? More of him. No thank you, Food Network.
Joyce is on a scooter, riding out of her apartment. She looks at a taxi - one specifically meant to let you drive your damn scooter right into it, and says "This is not safe." She's whining that riding the scooter is painful, and she's "at her limit". Too bad no weight loss fairies exist to just take off all that poundage you put on, eh? She's trying to drive the scooter into the clinic, but can't get over the hump at the door, so has to use the walker to get through the door, and then sit in the wheelchair. I had to rewind so I could get this verbatim:
"This is taking so much out of me. I wish Dr Now would just listen to me and see that the fact that I can't walk yet isn't my fault and so having to do this is abusive and not right."
Weigh in. I'm gonna say she's gained, because Dr Gnome said so in the video call. What do you know? He's right: 610, a gain of 58 pounds.
JFC, what a fucking whiny giant bitch. She says the scale must be wrong (of course), and whines at Dr Gnome that she's doing all the things she's supposed to be doing. Whines about her hips, and her fupa, and her knees, and and and. Whatever, Joyce. Hilariously, she starts with the water weight bullshit, and Dr Gnome asks her if she's seriously claiming she put on 60 pounds of water weight on the taxi drive over because her legs weren't up. She has also stuck the O2 back on her fat face. Oh, here we go: she sys she's short of breath, and thinks she's having a heart attack. This is all just a ploy to get medical transport back to the apartment instead of getting your fat ass back in the taxi. Dr Gnome calls for an ambulance, so two more people have to be involved in moving her around.
Ad break.
Back. We're at the hospital. Dawn is sitting in the room with Joyce. Jesus, Dawn, escape while you can, girl. Joyce's test results are fine. No news there, we knew she was just trying to manipulate everyone so she doesn't have to make any effort. Dr Gnome says right out that he's lying about what she's eating. He wants her to go to therapy. She says right off, I had therapy when I was younger. He says, you need more.. Lulz.
WTF? Joyce says she's exhausted, and shouldn't have had to put her body through this. Bitch, how the fuck do you think you're going to lose weight if you don't bother trying to do a single goddamned thing? She says it's too dangerous, and she can't do it again.
Therapy time with Dr Lola! Joyce sys this is a waste of time, and seems to think the therapists should come to her instead of the other way around. Dr Lola wants Joyce and her mom to come in for the next session. Amazing! Joyce says it might have helped a little after talking about her mother. So you don't actually know everything, isn't that remarkable? Maybe you should STFU and do what Dr Gnome tells you to.
Ad break. Only fifteen minutes remain. Somehow, I don't see Joyce getting surgery until she gets over her fucking "I'm so special!" mindset. Poor Dawn.
Back! Has Joyce had an attitude replacement as we go into Month 6? VO from Joyce about how hard she's working, and how it hasn't been easy for her. Yeah, bitch, you're 600+ pounds and don't exercise at all. She hasn't asked her mother to go to therapy with her. So, not doing therapy for now, I guess. She says she wants to make some egg whites with peppers and a little sausage. So instead of hauling her ass to the kitchen to do it, Dawn brings a skillet and all the stuff to her, and she sits in her recliner and makes the eggs, then eats them all. Of course. Reminds me of Penny. Joyce's voice is getting on my nerves. And she seems to have this little smirk on her face all the time.
Mom has agreed to go to therapy, and we're back with Dr Lola. Mom was raised in a violent family, has worked on herself. Mom and Joyce are both crying. So Joyce didn't say boo to her mother about the stepbrother thing, and instead of speaking up, she didn't. You know, that isn't going to help, one, and two, life is not designed for passive people.
Ad break. We'll have just a couple minutes left after this. Not looking good for Joyce getting approved for WLS.
Aaaaand we're back. We have just a few minutes left.
Month 9. Transport is hauling Joyce out in a wheelchair to take her over to the clinic. Joyce's motto should be "It's too hard." Too hard to walk, too hard to talk to her mom, too hard blah blah blah. Last weigh in was 611, and she thinks the scale was malfunctioning. Tonight's weigh in: 623 pounds. Gained another 12 pounds. She says now she just knows the scale is malfunctioning.
Dr Gnome reads her the riot act, telling her for every month between appointments, he wants to see a 50 pound weight loss. She says he just doesn't understaaaaaand, it's just sooooo hard for her. He says she isn't serious about losing weight.
Joyce whines that Dr Gnome is not being fair or reasonable, and that she has not failed the program, the program has failed her. She says she's not even sure she wants to do this any more, and she doesn't want to live in Houston any more, she wants to go home.
Month 12. It's been three months since the last appointment. She and mom and Dawn all agree that Dr Gnome was just being a big ol' meaniehead and the goals he set for her were not reasonable. And he won't send a medical transport for her, gosh what a dick. She managed to get out the door with the walker and sit outside for two minutes, and they're giving her high fives. She claims she's just going to keep working and that physical movement seems to be the key to making progress. Gee, bitch, you don't say. You just wasted everyone's fucking time for a year.
And that's how it ends, with Joyce sittingin her recliner, staring out the window.
Episode rating: FAIL (and not a ton of fucking sympathy from me)
On to....a repeat of My Feet Are Killing Me.
PT is there, and of course Joyce says she is pushing herself as hard as she can. That's almost always untrue. The PT dude got her to pull the O2 out of her face, so that's good. She's scurrying around with her walker, since Dr Gnome says he wants her to get to the office without medical transport and that means getting up and walking to a car.
Month 5. Joyce is struggling to get up and walk. No, you're just resisting it, because it's difficult and probably hurts. FFS. "The only thing I can figure is that for my body, I can't lose weight on 1200 calories."
Fuuuuuuuuck you.
She whines about needing medical transport because she can't walk, and told Dr Gnome's office about it. They set up a video call between her and Dr Gnome. He's not buying her bullshit, and she does the usual "Oh no, I am losing weight, I can feel it." Dr Gnome says he can look at her and know she has gained weight. HAHA. Dr Gnome says she is delusional. He tells her to get her shelf ass to the clinic within the next 48 hours if she wants to continue with the program. She whines at him that 1200 calories is too much. Look, Joyce, you're a fatass who ate yourself to over 700 pounds and immobility. You're probably not the best person to be lecturing anyone about calories. Dr Gnome is signing off, and she says she needs medical transport. Dr Gnome says NOPE. Get yourself to the clinic. She whines that it's unfair - just how fucking entitled are you, bitch? Goddamn. Ad break.
I've never looked at Guy Fieri and thought, you know what my life needs? More of him. No thank you, Food Network.
Joyce is on a scooter, riding out of her apartment. She looks at a taxi - one specifically meant to let you drive your damn scooter right into it, and says "This is not safe." She's whining that riding the scooter is painful, and she's "at her limit". Too bad no weight loss fairies exist to just take off all that poundage you put on, eh? She's trying to drive the scooter into the clinic, but can't get over the hump at the door, so has to use the walker to get through the door, and then sit in the wheelchair. I had to rewind so I could get this verbatim:
"This is taking so much out of me. I wish Dr Now would just listen to me and see that the fact that I can't walk yet isn't my fault and so having to do this is abusive and not right."
Weigh in. I'm gonna say she's gained, because Dr Gnome said so in the video call. What do you know? He's right: 610, a gain of 58 pounds.
JFC, what a fucking whiny giant bitch. She says the scale must be wrong (of course), and whines at Dr Gnome that she's doing all the things she's supposed to be doing. Whines about her hips, and her fupa, and her knees, and and and. Whatever, Joyce. Hilariously, she starts with the water weight bullshit, and Dr Gnome asks her if she's seriously claiming she put on 60 pounds of water weight on the taxi drive over because her legs weren't up. She has also stuck the O2 back on her fat face. Oh, here we go: she sys she's short of breath, and thinks she's having a heart attack. This is all just a ploy to get medical transport back to the apartment instead of getting your fat ass back in the taxi. Dr Gnome calls for an ambulance, so two more people have to be involved in moving her around.
Ad break.
Back. We're at the hospital. Dawn is sitting in the room with Joyce. Jesus, Dawn, escape while you can, girl. Joyce's test results are fine. No news there, we knew she was just trying to manipulate everyone so she doesn't have to make any effort. Dr Gnome says right out that he's lying about what she's eating. He wants her to go to therapy. She says right off, I had therapy when I was younger. He says, you need more.. Lulz.
WTF? Joyce says she's exhausted, and shouldn't have had to put her body through this. Bitch, how the fuck do you think you're going to lose weight if you don't bother trying to do a single goddamned thing? She says it's too dangerous, and she can't do it again.
Therapy time with Dr Lola! Joyce sys this is a waste of time, and seems to think the therapists should come to her instead of the other way around. Dr Lola wants Joyce and her mom to come in for the next session. Amazing! Joyce says it might have helped a little after talking about her mother. So you don't actually know everything, isn't that remarkable? Maybe you should STFU and do what Dr Gnome tells you to.
Ad break. Only fifteen minutes remain. Somehow, I don't see Joyce getting surgery until she gets over her fucking "I'm so special!" mindset. Poor Dawn.
Back! Has Joyce had an attitude replacement as we go into Month 6? VO from Joyce about how hard she's working, and how it hasn't been easy for her. Yeah, bitch, you're 600+ pounds and don't exercise at all. She hasn't asked her mother to go to therapy with her. So, not doing therapy for now, I guess. She says she wants to make some egg whites with peppers and a little sausage. So instead of hauling her ass to the kitchen to do it, Dawn brings a skillet and all the stuff to her, and she sits in her recliner and makes the eggs, then eats them all. Of course. Reminds me of Penny. Joyce's voice is getting on my nerves. And she seems to have this little smirk on her face all the time.
Mom has agreed to go to therapy, and we're back with Dr Lola. Mom was raised in a violent family, has worked on herself. Mom and Joyce are both crying. So Joyce didn't say boo to her mother about the stepbrother thing, and instead of speaking up, she didn't. You know, that isn't going to help, one, and two, life is not designed for passive people.
Ad break. We'll have just a couple minutes left after this. Not looking good for Joyce getting approved for WLS.
Aaaaand we're back. We have just a few minutes left.
Month 9. Transport is hauling Joyce out in a wheelchair to take her over to the clinic. Joyce's motto should be "It's too hard." Too hard to walk, too hard to talk to her mom, too hard blah blah blah. Last weigh in was 611, and she thinks the scale was malfunctioning. Tonight's weigh in: 623 pounds. Gained another 12 pounds. She says now she just knows the scale is malfunctioning.
Dr Gnome reads her the riot act, telling her for every month between appointments, he wants to see a 50 pound weight loss. She says he just doesn't understaaaaaand, it's just sooooo hard for her. He says she isn't serious about losing weight.
Joyce whines that Dr Gnome is not being fair or reasonable, and that she has not failed the program, the program has failed her. She says she's not even sure she wants to do this any more, and she doesn't want to live in Houston any more, she wants to go home.
Month 12. It's been three months since the last appointment. She and mom and Dawn all agree that Dr Gnome was just being a big ol' meaniehead and the goals he set for her were not reasonable. And he won't send a medical transport for her, gosh what a dick. She managed to get out the door with the walker and sit outside for two minutes, and they're giving her high fives. She claims she's just going to keep working and that physical movement seems to be the key to making progress. Gee, bitch, you don't say. You just wasted everyone's fucking time for a year.
And that's how it ends, with Joyce sittingin her recliner, staring out the window.
Episode rating: FAIL (and not a ton of fucking sympathy from me)
On to....a repeat of My Feet Are Killing Me.
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- Joined
- May 25, 2018
OMG this Joyce person. I fucking can't.
She gains 60 pounds, claims that it's just water weight, and then pretends to have a heart attack in attempt to absolve herself of any sort of responsibility.
Dr. Now's reaction was priceless though.
"You need therapy."
"I've already had therapy!"
"You need more."
She gains 60 pounds, claims that it's just water weight, and then pretends to have a heart attack in attempt to absolve herself of any sort of responsibility.
Dr. Now's reaction was priceless though.
"You need therapy."
"I've already had therapy!"
"You need more."
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2018
Joyce was a nice morbidly obese delusional munchie with BPD.
First warning sign was
Joyce: "Thank you for helping me Dr. Now!"
Dr. Now: "Well...that's my job."
First warning sign was
Joyce: "Thank you for helping me Dr. Now!"
Dr. Now: "Well...that's my job."
olybinewski
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2019
1 minute into Joyce's episode: Houston, we have a gainer.
Joyce backing out on confronting her mother in therapy because Mom would have smacked the lies out of her mouth on national TV.
The "heart attack" nod out in Dr. Now's office was peak TLC Fatty drama.
Joyce backing out on confronting her mother in therapy because Mom would have smacked the lies out of her mouth on national TV.
The "heart attack" nod out in Dr. Now's office was peak TLC Fatty drama.
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2018
It's delightful that Perdue chose this show to advertise the tendies with 1 serving of veggies. Good luck having to plan every special family event and meal, for the rest of your life, around tendies and your 30 year old obese adult child.
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2017
When I saw how much younger the mom looked I was pretty amused. Joyce looks like she is in her 60s. And the way her gut pagoda jiggles when she talks was nauseating to put it mildly.
She was in such denial about her eating habits. The scale was wrong, the program doesn't work, she needs less than 1200 calories despite it being so obvious she was gorging on thousands more ect...
Her constant moaning for medical transport was hilarious. The reason why it hurts to move is because she won't try to move in the first place.
Gotta love that fake heart attack and Dr. Now's snappy comeback.
Joyce is going to sit in that apartment eating herself to death while her mom and caretaker enable her. Her mom gave her all that lasagna and bread before they went to Houston. She sat there and ate three take out meals by herself. You know those habits never changed once she was out of the hospital.
I don't get these enablers. Joyce won't walk a few steps to get into a cab. Just say no and put a salad on top of her gunt. If she is hungry enough she'll make due.
She does not want to lose weight. She wants to be dependant on others because it gets her the attention she craves. If the diet worked in the hospital but doesn't work at home then somebody is sneaking calories.
Also loved when she tried to claim that the 50+ lbs she gained were lymphedema fluid from a cab ride to the doctor's office.
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2018
You know, it was on a rewatch of the episode that I caught something similar: She mentions that her mother used to put her onto all sorts of "abusive diets" when she was a kid.
Now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely think it's possible to inflict abusive dieting onto kids. Some parents- like this asshole (it's only the first three minutes but trust me, I've seen the full episode, the mother is a fucking freak)- are psychopaths that flip out if their munchkin is a single pound overweight. Hell, Janine the Scootypuff Queen from a few seasons ago said that her mother gave her diet pills when she was, like, four because they were afraid that she'd gain weight (to be fair, this was also the 1960s).
But since we only heard Joyce's side of the story, and we have another more contemporary example of her calling something "abusive" when it's not, I'm going to pick "Mom Tried to Curb Her Weight Problem Like a Responsible Parent When She Was a Kid" for 500, Alex.
Joyce is definitely on my list of hate-watches from now on. There is nothing I love more than when someone who is super-morbidly obese tries to tell a doctor that they "know their body" and lecturing about calories. If you knew any of this shit you would not be that heavy.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2019
JFC, here we are, Wednesday again. Carlton (your doorman) and Shantel, a brother and sister pair. This should be good.
Oh. My. God. I might need booze for this one.
Carlton (your doorman) 24 years old, 700+ pounds
Shantel 31 years old, 600+ pounds
Welcome to the lovely city of...oh, shit. Carlton's bedroom first. Great, little brother Cash has to help Carlton take a dump in his dump. "Get me a tissue, dawg." Dawg, you need more than a fucking tissue to wipe that ass. Cash is clearly the house nigger. Carlton claims to feel disgusted with himself when Cash has to do stuff for him - just not enough to stop pounding twinkies, apparently. Sponge bath out of a little bowl of soapy water, an he's tired and sore. Said bath is while he's on the shitter, too.
Shantel lives upstairs. There are nine of them in this house: her mom, the mom's wife, her husband, their three kids, and her three brothers (including Carton an Cash). She has boobs alone that probably weigh as much as two people. Carlton's boobs would only weigh maybe one person. At least Shantel gets in the shower.
Shantel's takes the kids to school and then stops for food on the way back. Five cheeseburgers, a ton of fries, nuggets - just for Carlton. More of the same crap for everyone else.
Requisite childhood trauma. Pops was in the military, beat the mother. They would hide in a room with music playing and eat while all that shit was happening. Shantel was 200pounds by the time she was 12 and over 350 by the time she was 13. Mom took the kids and ran, Carlton was over 300 pounds by the time he was 11.
Shantel graduated, went to college. Carlron was alone, of course didn't stop eating, was over 400 pounds by the time he was 15. Almost 500 pounds by 18. Got his GED. Shantel got to about 450 pounds, and dropped out of college. She went out one night, met Michael, who is now her husband. He says the same thing they all say, it was her personality that he loved, didn't care about her size. She would eat 2-3 pizzas a day while pregnant. Six months after the first kid, she was preggers again. At 27 she had her third kids. They all moved back home with mom, and Carlton moved back home with mom, too.
Carlton has been talking with someone online - what is it with these fatties and online dating places? HTF do they find someone when they are super morbidly obese and can barely move or leave the house?
Shantel backs down the stairs to visit Carlton, but they hardly ever see each other because they're both so fat and are easily winded. Oh good, just in tim for a foor delivery. Let's all hang out and eat pizza - naturally, a whole one for each of the fatties, plus cinnamon rolls and breadsticks. Michael's giving some kind of woe is me, it would be tragic if they die before our kids grow up, whatever, dude. Carltons's whining about getting a life back before it's too late. Yeah, dude, I've heard it before. WTF have neither of you done jack shit to change even a single thing excet how many cheeseburgers you're shoving in your mouth?
Ad break. Fucking hell.
Time to move to Houston before everyone dies. Monica, Carlton's online girlfriend, whom he says he "loves" is there. She says she's happy and his weight doesn't bother her. What the fuck, girl. You're fat, but you're not AS fat, you're actually wearing clothes, and probably have a job. Is a 700+ pound behemoth who can barely move your idea of Mr. Right? Goddamn.
Everybody packs into a couple of minivans to go see Dr Gnome, and I'm sure the trip will be totally uneventful and that no one will be whining after an hour that they have to stop.
Ad break.
They make it to Arkansas. Carlton says they've not been able to go more than four hours at a time without stopping. Time to go. Watching these two squeeze into the passenger seats of the minivans and then lean over and try to suck it in so the doors can be closed is LOL-inducing, I'll say that. Two days until the appointment with Dr Gnome. Shantel's whining about the same shit they always whine about on these trips. They stop for fast food. Michael gets to go in and haul all the crap out for everyone to eat. Fucking hell, they eat like animals. Carlton is chugging from a gallon jug of an orange drink of some kind.
Going through traffic, and either Monica hit someone or someone hit them. Carlton is pissed off because Michael talked to Monica sternly or something. He's texting Shantel that Michael's a meaniehead, Shantel says, that's our car, dude, and it's gonna take money to fix it. Shantel's crying now, Michael says fuck Carlton if he doesn't want to go, we're just going. So, they drive off, and leave Carlton and Monica with the other minivan. Hahaha. Meltdowns all around.
Ad break. Still 15 minutes left in the first hour and no one is in Houston yet.
Yay, Houston. Shantel & co are meeting Dr Gnome at the hospital. Carlton and Monica got back on the road after someone hit them and drove off (so, not their fault). looks like they're all heading to the hospital, really.
Dr Gnome! Time for Shantel and Carlton to get all the tests! Dr Gnome telling s the obvious that neither Carlton nor Shantel look like they're in good condition. Although, I guess him saying that, with the people he's seen, means it's pretty fucking bad. Shantel: "Ow, my legs!" We haven't heard that in awhile! Dr Now rounded up some people, including some EMTs that are just hanging out, to help. Boy, these hospital people got some muscles from pushing all this poundage around. Dr Gnome giving them the business: no snacking, three meals a day only, etc., are you ready for this? They agree they are, but we know how that goes.
Michael says he realizes his part in this, and Dr Gnome points out that HE is fat, too, and it's a bad dynamic in the house.
Weighins and tests coming. Guessing time! I'm going to go with 650 for Shantel and 750 for Carlton. Dr Gnome brings over the porta-scale. Let's see how good I am here at the end of hour one.
Shantel: 638
Carlton: 786
Holy shit, these two should have been on family by the ton. And that's the end of hour one.
Oh. My. God. I might need booze for this one.
Carlton (your doorman) 24 years old, 700+ pounds
Shantel 31 years old, 600+ pounds
Welcome to the lovely city of...oh, shit. Carlton's bedroom first. Great, little brother Cash has to help Carlton take a dump in his dump. "Get me a tissue, dawg." Dawg, you need more than a fucking tissue to wipe that ass. Cash is clearly the house nigger. Carlton claims to feel disgusted with himself when Cash has to do stuff for him - just not enough to stop pounding twinkies, apparently. Sponge bath out of a little bowl of soapy water, an he's tired and sore. Said bath is while he's on the shitter, too.
Shantel lives upstairs. There are nine of them in this house: her mom, the mom's wife, her husband, their three kids, and her three brothers (including Carton an Cash). She has boobs alone that probably weigh as much as two people. Carlton's boobs would only weigh maybe one person. At least Shantel gets in the shower.
Shantel's takes the kids to school and then stops for food on the way back. Five cheeseburgers, a ton of fries, nuggets - just for Carlton. More of the same crap for everyone else.
Requisite childhood trauma. Pops was in the military, beat the mother. They would hide in a room with music playing and eat while all that shit was happening. Shantel was 200pounds by the time she was 12 and over 350 by the time she was 13. Mom took the kids and ran, Carlton was over 300 pounds by the time he was 11.
Shantel graduated, went to college. Carlron was alone, of course didn't stop eating, was over 400 pounds by the time he was 15. Almost 500 pounds by 18. Got his GED. Shantel got to about 450 pounds, and dropped out of college. She went out one night, met Michael, who is now her husband. He says the same thing they all say, it was her personality that he loved, didn't care about her size. She would eat 2-3 pizzas a day while pregnant. Six months after the first kid, she was preggers again. At 27 she had her third kids. They all moved back home with mom, and Carlton moved back home with mom, too.
Carlton has been talking with someone online - what is it with these fatties and online dating places? HTF do they find someone when they are super morbidly obese and can barely move or leave the house?
Shantel backs down the stairs to visit Carlton, but they hardly ever see each other because they're both so fat and are easily winded. Oh good, just in tim for a foor delivery. Let's all hang out and eat pizza - naturally, a whole one for each of the fatties, plus cinnamon rolls and breadsticks. Michael's giving some kind of woe is me, it would be tragic if they die before our kids grow up, whatever, dude. Carltons's whining about getting a life back before it's too late. Yeah, dude, I've heard it before. WTF have neither of you done jack shit to change even a single thing excet how many cheeseburgers you're shoving in your mouth?
Ad break. Fucking hell.
Time to move to Houston before everyone dies. Monica, Carlton's online girlfriend, whom he says he "loves" is there. She says she's happy and his weight doesn't bother her. What the fuck, girl. You're fat, but you're not AS fat, you're actually wearing clothes, and probably have a job. Is a 700+ pound behemoth who can barely move your idea of Mr. Right? Goddamn.
Everybody packs into a couple of minivans to go see Dr Gnome, and I'm sure the trip will be totally uneventful and that no one will be whining after an hour that they have to stop.
Ad break.
They make it to Arkansas. Carlton says they've not been able to go more than four hours at a time without stopping. Time to go. Watching these two squeeze into the passenger seats of the minivans and then lean over and try to suck it in so the doors can be closed is LOL-inducing, I'll say that. Two days until the appointment with Dr Gnome. Shantel's whining about the same shit they always whine about on these trips. They stop for fast food. Michael gets to go in and haul all the crap out for everyone to eat. Fucking hell, they eat like animals. Carlton is chugging from a gallon jug of an orange drink of some kind.
Going through traffic, and either Monica hit someone or someone hit them. Carlton is pissed off because Michael talked to Monica sternly or something. He's texting Shantel that Michael's a meaniehead, Shantel says, that's our car, dude, and it's gonna take money to fix it. Shantel's crying now, Michael says fuck Carlton if he doesn't want to go, we're just going. So, they drive off, and leave Carlton and Monica with the other minivan. Hahaha. Meltdowns all around.
Ad break. Still 15 minutes left in the first hour and no one is in Houston yet.
Yay, Houston. Shantel & co are meeting Dr Gnome at the hospital. Carlton and Monica got back on the road after someone hit them and drove off (so, not their fault). looks like they're all heading to the hospital, really.
Dr Gnome! Time for Shantel and Carlton to get all the tests! Dr Gnome telling s the obvious that neither Carlton nor Shantel look like they're in good condition. Although, I guess him saying that, with the people he's seen, means it's pretty fucking bad. Shantel: "Ow, my legs!" We haven't heard that in awhile! Dr Now rounded up some people, including some EMTs that are just hanging out, to help. Boy, these hospital people got some muscles from pushing all this poundage around. Dr Gnome giving them the business: no snacking, three meals a day only, etc., are you ready for this? They agree they are, but we know how that goes.
Michael says he realizes his part in this, and Dr Gnome points out that HE is fat, too, and it's a bad dynamic in the house.
Weighins and tests coming. Guessing time! I'm going to go with 650 for Shantel and 750 for Carlton. Dr Gnome brings over the porta-scale. Let's see how good I am here at the end of hour one.
Shantel: 638
Carlton: 786
Holy shit, these two should have been on family by the ton. And that's the end of hour one.
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- Joined
- Sep 28, 2019
Hour two, which will no doubt be filled with these people eating normal-sized, low carb, high protein meals under 1200 calories, and losing weight like magic. Fuck no, it's going to be a shitshow, I can tell already with the drama from the fender bender.
No medical emergencies, so they've all moved into a house, It's been two weeks, and they are supposed to lose 60 pounds dis munt, And here we are: they're already taking a day off from the diet. It's thanksgiving, apparently, and Carlton is saying that he's looking forward to it, even if it's just small portions. Spoiler: it is NEVER small portions, that's why you're both fat as fuck.
Religious bullshit, praying before the meal. Pass.
Month 2
Back to Dr Gnome's office for weighins. I can guarantee you there's no weightloss there. We all know this game.
Carlton: 771 (-15)
Shantel: 632 (-6)
Side note: Just got a good look at Shantel's lower legs, and they are like sticks comparatively. They're like her shadow fatty, Chantal, except Shantel's upper body is way larger than Chantal's, but they both look like potatoes on toothpicks.
Dr Gnome is not happy with them. He advises them to split up, but they say no way, Jose, we're sticking together. More of the usual speech, y'all are dying. If you're not losing weight, you are not sticking to the plan. No excuses. I want to see you in two munt, and you should lose 120 pounds each in dis time.
Hallway with Dr Gnome. He's not happy with the dysfunctional dynamic around food they have going on, and he's sending them to therapy. Carlton says again he's ready to do anything to be successful, but they all say that. Shantel says she doesn't want to be separated from Carlton, and they're going to have to talk about how to do better. HOW ABOUT NOT CHEATING ON THE FUCKING DIET? That would count as "doing better".
Ad break. I'm still contemplating a margarita. We'll be back from the ads with about 40 minutes left. If they don't get their shit together, it will be another ep without anyone getting approved for surgery. Note: I want to watch this show Good Girls, because it looks like women being badass thieves. The other ads heavy in rotation are Jazz and 90 day fiance, playing the Jonas Brothers' "Sucker For You" in the background. Gotta admit it's a catchy tune. I like it. Although Randy Rainbow's parody of it is hysterical. Really, if youdon't watch Randy Rainbow on YT, go ye now and binge. Be on the lookout for the "GOP Dropout" series.
Therapy time! Is it Dr Lola? It IS Dr Lola! Hi, Doc! Loving that wig, girl! Carlton doesn't want to talk about his childhood. They both just lied out their enormous asses about food being comfort in the face of domestic violence, Carlton was treated for depression previously and is on medication for it. He's insisting he's fine, but clearly he is not. He doesn't want to be there, obviously. Shantel doesn't mind talking for them both. Dr Lola wants them to work on their autonomy. Good call, Doc! Doc tells Carlton to work on his romance and figure out what his next move will be, and Shantel to stop focusing on Carlton so much, because he is not one of her kiddos. Another good call, Doc! They're both supposed to hit up the grocery together and buy the healthy foods they need.
Month 3
Let's go shopping! Shantel is on a scootypuff. Carlton did not go in. They're facetiming from inside the store. Carlton VO: have never tried to control himself before, temptations are hard. Shantel VO: same.
Ad break. Must be the bottom of hour two. Yep. We'll have about 25 minutes left when we return. Keep your Tide pods away from your kids, you lazy, negligent bastards. That's the message I glean from the Tide ad. What's other fat girl's name? The big fat fabulous woman? Whatever, it will come to me. She's getting married? Well, I guess she isn't a MSHPL fatty, anyway.
Annnnd we're back. Two munts. What do we weigh, folks?
Shantel: 502 (-130) (-136 total) Daaammmmnn, gorl!
Carlton: 639 (-132) (-148 total) Daaammmmnn, dude!
Overachievers since they got their shit squared away. Good job, you two! You're surprising the fuck out of me, that's for sure. Both get approved for WLS, pending tests. WLS scheduled for one munt from now. Keep losing, y'all, because if you don't, no WLS for you!
Hallway talk with Dr Gnome. Very proud, very happy with their progress. That they lost almost the same amount tells him they still have some codependence, but hopefully they'll keep working on that.
Carlton and Shantel are both excited and proud.
One week later. Two weeks before WLS. They are still doing the diet and exercising. I have to say it really does show on both of them, but I guess if you lose the equivalent of an entire person, it would be. Look at Shantel, going up and down those stairs without having to crawl! And she fits straight on. Michael is being the dutiful husband, cheering her on as he folds laundry.
Ad break. "We go together....I'm a sucker for you." When we return, we'll have about 15 minutes. Assuming no bad test results, I guess we'll have WLS surgery for both. I have to say, this is a nice change of pace from that twat Joyce's miserable ep last week. When Carlton and Shantel didn't lose much that first munt like Dr Gnome wanted, they went back and did the shit they needed to do.
LOL - new "Jake from State Farm" ad, with a different Jake, who leans around a cubicle and asks original Jake if anyone ever asked what he was wearing. "Yeah" New Jake goes beyond "Uh, khakis"" to add "Red sweater, button down shirt..." Good one, State Farm.
Whitney! That's the fat girl's name. It just came to me. Isn't it?
13 minutes left. Month 5
Shantel's on a gurney. Michael is there, kids are in school. Shantel is first. Mask on - breathe deeply. Dr Gnome scrubs in. Lights off! Man, the amount of visceral fat is incredible during these surgeries. Carlton is in pre-op with Monica sitting with him. I'll give her credit, she's stuck with them all through this.
Shantel's surgery went very well - no complications. Carlton's turn. They could be showing the same footage this time, and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the two surgeries. Carlton got down under 600 pounds in the previous munt, so good for him. They have to hold up because his heartbeat was a little slow.
Monica: nervous, worried.
Back in the OR, they are able to continue on Carlton and close him up after removing the portion of the stomach. His surgery went fine after pausing for a few minutes. Both Shantel and Carlton are doing well, and Dr Gnome is happy with their progress to this point.
Ad break. This will be the last one before we wrap things up on this episode in the few minutes left. I'm kind of wondering what their mom and her wife will say about the new, improved them, honestly, since they were all living together up in Ohio.
Month 6
Current weights (weight loss since surgery) (total weight loss)
Carlton: 544 (-42) (-243)
Shantel 424 (-31) (-215)
They're back on solid foods, Carlton is looking to do some work, Michael makes t-shirts and is going to tech him how to do it. He wants to be able to take Monica out on a date.
One week later, Carlton is dressed in real clothes, and is taking Monica out to eat. Monica says she wants to go to college. Carlton says he does too. She says they should go to college together. He sounds like a man on a mission.
Shantell is at the playground with the kids. Kids are having a blast, and Shantel looks like she's enjoying it. They're leaving the playground, and Shantel isn't even using her walker.
Episode rating: GREAT SUCCESS!
No medical emergencies, so they've all moved into a house, It's been two weeks, and they are supposed to lose 60 pounds dis munt, And here we are: they're already taking a day off from the diet. It's thanksgiving, apparently, and Carlton is saying that he's looking forward to it, even if it's just small portions. Spoiler: it is NEVER small portions, that's why you're both fat as fuck.
Religious bullshit, praying before the meal. Pass.
Month 2
Back to Dr Gnome's office for weighins. I can guarantee you there's no weightloss there. We all know this game.
Carlton: 771 (-15)
Shantel: 632 (-6)
Side note: Just got a good look at Shantel's lower legs, and they are like sticks comparatively. They're like her shadow fatty, Chantal, except Shantel's upper body is way larger than Chantal's, but they both look like potatoes on toothpicks.
Dr Gnome is not happy with them. He advises them to split up, but they say no way, Jose, we're sticking together. More of the usual speech, y'all are dying. If you're not losing weight, you are not sticking to the plan. No excuses. I want to see you in two munt, and you should lose 120 pounds each in dis time.
Hallway with Dr Gnome. He's not happy with the dysfunctional dynamic around food they have going on, and he's sending them to therapy. Carlton says again he's ready to do anything to be successful, but they all say that. Shantel says she doesn't want to be separated from Carlton, and they're going to have to talk about how to do better. HOW ABOUT NOT CHEATING ON THE FUCKING DIET? That would count as "doing better".
Ad break. I'm still contemplating a margarita. We'll be back from the ads with about 40 minutes left. If they don't get their shit together, it will be another ep without anyone getting approved for surgery. Note: I want to watch this show Good Girls, because it looks like women being badass thieves. The other ads heavy in rotation are Jazz and 90 day fiance, playing the Jonas Brothers' "Sucker For You" in the background. Gotta admit it's a catchy tune. I like it. Although Randy Rainbow's parody of it is hysterical. Really, if youdon't watch Randy Rainbow on YT, go ye now and binge. Be on the lookout for the "GOP Dropout" series.
Therapy time! Is it Dr Lola? It IS Dr Lola! Hi, Doc! Loving that wig, girl! Carlton doesn't want to talk about his childhood. They both just lied out their enormous asses about food being comfort in the face of domestic violence, Carlton was treated for depression previously and is on medication for it. He's insisting he's fine, but clearly he is not. He doesn't want to be there, obviously. Shantel doesn't mind talking for them both. Dr Lola wants them to work on their autonomy. Good call, Doc! Doc tells Carlton to work on his romance and figure out what his next move will be, and Shantel to stop focusing on Carlton so much, because he is not one of her kiddos. Another good call, Doc! They're both supposed to hit up the grocery together and buy the healthy foods they need.
Month 3
Let's go shopping! Shantel is on a scootypuff. Carlton did not go in. They're facetiming from inside the store. Carlton VO: have never tried to control himself before, temptations are hard. Shantel VO: same.
Ad break. Must be the bottom of hour two. Yep. We'll have about 25 minutes left when we return. Keep your Tide pods away from your kids, you lazy, negligent bastards. That's the message I glean from the Tide ad. What's other fat girl's name? The big fat fabulous woman? Whatever, it will come to me. She's getting married? Well, I guess she isn't a MSHPL fatty, anyway.
Annnnd we're back. Two munts. What do we weigh, folks?
Shantel: 502 (-130) (-136 total) Daaammmmnn, gorl!
Carlton: 639 (-132) (-148 total) Daaammmmnn, dude!
Overachievers since they got their shit squared away. Good job, you two! You're surprising the fuck out of me, that's for sure. Both get approved for WLS, pending tests. WLS scheduled for one munt from now. Keep losing, y'all, because if you don't, no WLS for you!
Hallway talk with Dr Gnome. Very proud, very happy with their progress. That they lost almost the same amount tells him they still have some codependence, but hopefully they'll keep working on that.
Carlton and Shantel are both excited and proud.
One week later. Two weeks before WLS. They are still doing the diet and exercising. I have to say it really does show on both of them, but I guess if you lose the equivalent of an entire person, it would be. Look at Shantel, going up and down those stairs without having to crawl! And she fits straight on. Michael is being the dutiful husband, cheering her on as he folds laundry.
Ad break. "We go together....I'm a sucker for you." When we return, we'll have about 15 minutes. Assuming no bad test results, I guess we'll have WLS surgery for both. I have to say, this is a nice change of pace from that twat Joyce's miserable ep last week. When Carlton and Shantel didn't lose much that first munt like Dr Gnome wanted, they went back and did the shit they needed to do.
LOL - new "Jake from State Farm" ad, with a different Jake, who leans around a cubicle and asks original Jake if anyone ever asked what he was wearing. "Yeah" New Jake goes beyond "Uh, khakis"" to add "Red sweater, button down shirt..." Good one, State Farm.
Whitney! That's the fat girl's name. It just came to me. Isn't it?
13 minutes left. Month 5
Shantel's on a gurney. Michael is there, kids are in school. Shantel is first. Mask on - breathe deeply. Dr Gnome scrubs in. Lights off! Man, the amount of visceral fat is incredible during these surgeries. Carlton is in pre-op with Monica sitting with him. I'll give her credit, she's stuck with them all through this.
Shantel's surgery went very well - no complications. Carlton's turn. They could be showing the same footage this time, and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the two surgeries. Carlton got down under 600 pounds in the previous munt, so good for him. They have to hold up because his heartbeat was a little slow.
Monica: nervous, worried.
Back in the OR, they are able to continue on Carlton and close him up after removing the portion of the stomach. His surgery went fine after pausing for a few minutes. Both Shantel and Carlton are doing well, and Dr Gnome is happy with their progress to this point.
Ad break. This will be the last one before we wrap things up on this episode in the few minutes left. I'm kind of wondering what their mom and her wife will say about the new, improved them, honestly, since they were all living together up in Ohio.
Month 6
Current weights (weight loss since surgery) (total weight loss)
Carlton: 544 (-42) (-243)
Shantel 424 (-31) (-215)
They're back on solid foods, Carlton is looking to do some work, Michael makes t-shirts and is going to tech him how to do it. He wants to be able to take Monica out on a date.
One week later, Carlton is dressed in real clothes, and is taking Monica out to eat. Monica says she wants to go to college. Carlton says he does too. She says they should go to college together. He sounds like a man on a mission.
Shantell is at the playground with the kids. Kids are having a blast, and Shantel looks like she's enjoying it. They're leaving the playground, and Shantel isn't even using her walker.
Episode rating: GREAT SUCCESS!
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- Joined
- Oct 28, 2015
I was gobsmacked at the 130 pounds they each lost. That’s the most anyone on this show has lost on their own, because they actually stuck to the diet.
The ghetto commode made out of a chair and a trash bin was so gross. Carlton has a Switch, a PlayStation 4, and a newish PC but not briatric commode. That’s some screwed up priorities.
The ghetto commode made out of a chair and a trash bin was so gross. Carlton has a Switch, a PlayStation 4, and a newish PC but not briatric commode. That’s some screwed up priorities.
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2019
Very likeable people in this episode. So I guess this is how the season will run? One crappy weight loss contestant, one nice one, one smelly, unlikable contestant, one likeable. I see where this is going.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2019
You never know. Those TLC people are tricksy, yesss they are my preciousssss.
Whoops, sorry.
Anyhow, on tap for tonight is Seana. And may I say right here that TLC is really stepping up their game on the synopses for episodes this season. They're almost literary in the sense you could envision them on the back of a book.
From the episode description:
S8|E9 "Seana's Story"
Seana is 23 and nearly 700 lbs, living at her mom's house, depressed and anxious, her weight-gain threatening to take her last breath; Dr. Gnome* can give her the tools she needs to live, but until she chooses life, no one can save Seana but herself.
*No, they did not call him Dr. Gnome. But they should.
Minor nit-picking about punctuation aside, well done, TLC. You've made it sound like one of those YA novels. Or a lifetime movie. Either way, good job.
See you assholes later tonight for some live capping.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2019
Well, well - look who has popped up: Gina from MSHPL, the one who had to be forced to bathe. She's filing a lawsuit after DFE!
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2018
Sorry if this has been answered in the thread already, but is there somewhere to watch this show online without having to pay?
I don't watch a lot of TV but this show is a guilty pleasure of mine (along with hoarders) and keeps me motivated ngl
I don't watch a lot of TV but this show is a guilty pleasure of mine (along with hoarders) and keeps me motivated ngl
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2019
Well, here we go. Again. It's the Wednesday night fat fest.
Tonight, we have Seana, from Kansas City, MO (shoutout to most excellent BBQs in both KCs). She is 22 and 600+ pounds, according to the card.
Holy shit, man. We get the usual "waking up" for the day, and she isn't wearing pants (in solidarity, neither am I!). She's trying to pull down her shirt over her gunt to hide her naughty bits, but girl, TLC done did that for you. Her left arm is covered in what look like sores or scabs or something. Whatever, it's gross. Toilet and shower time, and good lord her legs. JFC, the talk from the chair looks like she has a teeny little head atop a gigantic gunt. If anyone wanted to see what Big Al's laaayyyyygs look like, Seana's are probably a fairly good representation, I bet. Walkin shower, so she goes and hoses herself down. So her mother travels most of the year, and hired a caretaker for her named Derrickus. What the fuck? She's in the shower, and her legs from the knees down have turned purple.
Anyway, she hates her body and feels like a monster, her legs and feet disgust her (hey, same, girl, you're horrifying me!) - but all of these things, and no mention of anything that she's doing to try to fucking change, so at least that's consistent in the ep, because none of these people do anything to change on their own.
Derrickus turns out to be a gay black dude who is probably a drag queen. He brings her food and makes it for her. She's having four burritos and six hashbrowns for breakfast. Derrickus feels bad sometimes about her eating, but he's just the hired help. I wonder if Mommy is going to pay for him to go to Houston, too. He says Seana "eat when the sun come up and eat when the sun goes down".
So he leaves and she's on her own. She polished off that food and is now ordering a large stuffed crust pizza and cinnamon bites.
Obligatory childhood trauma!
A rather unfortunate looking child even if she wasn't fat. Pops had a drug problem and was abusive. FFS, her mother's name is Cricket, says she should have walked away from Pops sooner. Seana gets up to get the pizza. Waterworks, eating made me feel ok, whatever.
Age 8 - over 150 pounds. Mom talking about leaving, she packed up everything and moved to KC.
What the hell, she's eating again. Didn't we just finish a large pizza? More microwavable crap from the freezer. Pops got her for the summer, beat her, told her he didn't even want her, etc. Kept eating Over 200 pounds by the time she was 10. Oh, here's the pizza. She just needed something as an appetizer, I guess. She was around 400 pounds by the time she was in high school. Dropped out at 16. "Muh mentals!" Had a stint in the mental hospital. Told her mom, finally, about Pops beating on her during summer visits. You know, if you're gonna eat nonstop, how about not putting fucking metal in your lips. It's even nastier watching you shovel food down your piehole with those piercings.
At 18, she was 500 pounds. At 19, she got cha-ching! sweet disability. Moved out, and in with a methhead. She says she started doing, meth, too, which would account for all the fucking sores all over her, but apparently it didn't do shit for her weight. BF abused her. Mom came to the rescue, told her to pack up. BF stole all her shit. Moved back to mom's, tried to take a bunch of pills, went to the hospital, moved back in with mom, and is now eating herself to death.
WTF is this at the door? Oh, it's her mother. After asking each other how the other is doing, Seana asks mom to cook her a meal. WTF? She's mobile, stock the damn kitchen with healthy foods instead of processed, frozen bullshit, of get a meal service or SOMETHING. What the fuck is she eating? More pizza, and some kind of dessert? More waterworks, woe is me, I wanna change, blah blah, blah.
Ad break, thankfully.
That intro took almost a half hour, so we've only got about 30 minutes left in hour one.
Month 1
Time for the trek to Houston!Mom told her to go, and she said she would go if mom went with her. Mom has a job of some kind that apparently she can just take off from for months. Ah, mom drives a tour bus, so she should be used to hauling people around. This girl walks around with her mouth hanging open, like it's too much fucking effort to close it. She only has two chins, but that's only because the secnod one is as gigantic as her head, it seems. Mom has gone to renta flatbed a vehicle to carry them to TX. She's worried about being in the car for 11 hours. And not being able to eat. So we know she doesn't really want to change. Mom brings her a snack. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FEEDING HER? Seana squeezes into the passenger side of a big al pickup truck. She hopes the fast food places are not too far apart on the road. Like why the fuck are you even going? It wasn't your idea to go, and you clearly are only concerned about how much food you can get on the way. This makes no sense, and is also making me angry. They make it five hours and of course, she's "starving". I can tell you right now that one thing you are NOT is "starving". Naturally, she's barefoot and it's time to waddle to the hotel room so she can rest and eat. "Food always gets me through anything. That's why I can't stop eating." NO IT IS NOT. Her legs and back are killing her. She's just eaten a bag of food, and she's "still hungry".
Back on the road, and she's eating a gigantic round of food as they approach Houston. And here we are, finishing up that meal just in time, fatty. I'm guessing she's closer to 700 pounds than just in "the 600s", because goddamn. Time for the weighin aaannnnnd - ha! you didn't seriously think they were going to show her weight before the :45 mark ad break, di you? No way, man.
Ad break. And then we're back. Houston has mass transit electric trains? Nice. If they don't call it HART, I'm going to be disappointed. Seana's weight is: 659.8. Of course she can't believe it, etc. You're a landwhale and you know it, come on.
Dr Gnome enters the room. "How y'all doin?" "You're only uuuhhhh 22?"
Yeah, Dr Gnome, she's a big 'un. She says she never stays on diets, because she either eats too much r "too little". Dr Gnome: "I don't think eating too little is your problem." Lulz. He tells her shes going to have to change her eating habits. Here's the packet with the diet. If you follow the diet, you should be able to easily lose 80 pound over the next two munt. She's SHOCKED by this, apparently, and Dr Gnome tells her she could lose twice that if she really sticks to the diet. Laaayyyyyyggggs. Nasty. Lymphedema in both laaaayyyyyggs.
She asks Dr Gnome if this all means she is in his program. And he says, if she follows the program, yeah. Tells them she needs to move to Houston and who does she have to help her/look after her when she moves? Nobody. They walk out, and she's standing there like a slack-jawed dumbass waiting for her mom to bring the truck up.
Month 2
She has "asked Derrickus to try to get her better meals and help her with a diet" because she "lost" the papers Dr Gnome gave her and she's "too scared" to tell either her mother or Dr Gnome. This girl ain't 22, she's 12. I knew it! She asked her mother about Derrickus going to Houston with her, and mommy said she pay for him to go. Derrickus, asking the obvious about why she didn't just call Dr Gnome's office and ask for the papers again with the diet and exercise. She was "nervous and scared". The bullshit people tell themselves about this stuff is amazing.
Ad break. When we come back, we'll be into hour two, and we're not even moved to Houston yet. I can tell that this girl is going to piss me off, though. I kinda feel for Derrickus, tbh.
Tonight, we have Seana, from Kansas City, MO (shoutout to most excellent BBQs in both KCs). She is 22 and 600+ pounds, according to the card.
Holy shit, man. We get the usual "waking up" for the day, and she isn't wearing pants (in solidarity, neither am I!). She's trying to pull down her shirt over her gunt to hide her naughty bits, but girl, TLC done did that for you. Her left arm is covered in what look like sores or scabs or something. Whatever, it's gross. Toilet and shower time, and good lord her legs. JFC, the talk from the chair looks like she has a teeny little head atop a gigantic gunt. If anyone wanted to see what Big Al's laaayyyyygs look like, Seana's are probably a fairly good representation, I bet. Walkin shower, so she goes and hoses herself down. So her mother travels most of the year, and hired a caretaker for her named Derrickus. What the fuck? She's in the shower, and her legs from the knees down have turned purple.
Anyway, she hates her body and feels like a monster, her legs and feet disgust her (hey, same, girl, you're horrifying me!) - but all of these things, and no mention of anything that she's doing to try to fucking change, so at least that's consistent in the ep, because none of these people do anything to change on their own.
Derrickus turns out to be a gay black dude who is probably a drag queen. He brings her food and makes it for her. She's having four burritos and six hashbrowns for breakfast. Derrickus feels bad sometimes about her eating, but he's just the hired help. I wonder if Mommy is going to pay for him to go to Houston, too. He says Seana "eat when the sun come up and eat when the sun goes down".
So he leaves and she's on her own. She polished off that food and is now ordering a large stuffed crust pizza and cinnamon bites.
Obligatory childhood trauma!
A rather unfortunate looking child even if she wasn't fat. Pops had a drug problem and was abusive. FFS, her mother's name is Cricket, says she should have walked away from Pops sooner. Seana gets up to get the pizza. Waterworks, eating made me feel ok, whatever.
Age 8 - over 150 pounds. Mom talking about leaving, she packed up everything and moved to KC.
What the hell, she's eating again. Didn't we just finish a large pizza? More microwavable crap from the freezer. Pops got her for the summer, beat her, told her he didn't even want her, etc. Kept eating Over 200 pounds by the time she was 10. Oh, here's the pizza. She just needed something as an appetizer, I guess. She was around 400 pounds by the time she was in high school. Dropped out at 16. "Muh mentals!" Had a stint in the mental hospital. Told her mom, finally, about Pops beating on her during summer visits. You know, if you're gonna eat nonstop, how about not putting fucking metal in your lips. It's even nastier watching you shovel food down your piehole with those piercings.
At 18, she was 500 pounds. At 19, she got cha-ching! sweet disability. Moved out, and in with a methhead. She says she started doing, meth, too, which would account for all the fucking sores all over her, but apparently it didn't do shit for her weight. BF abused her. Mom came to the rescue, told her to pack up. BF stole all her shit. Moved back to mom's, tried to take a bunch of pills, went to the hospital, moved back in with mom, and is now eating herself to death.
WTF is this at the door? Oh, it's her mother. After asking each other how the other is doing, Seana asks mom to cook her a meal. WTF? She's mobile, stock the damn kitchen with healthy foods instead of processed, frozen bullshit, of get a meal service or SOMETHING. What the fuck is she eating? More pizza, and some kind of dessert? More waterworks, woe is me, I wanna change, blah blah, blah.
Ad break, thankfully.
That intro took almost a half hour, so we've only got about 30 minutes left in hour one.
Month 1
Time for the trek to Houston!Mom told her to go, and she said she would go if mom went with her. Mom has a job of some kind that apparently she can just take off from for months. Ah, mom drives a tour bus, so she should be used to hauling people around. This girl walks around with her mouth hanging open, like it's too much fucking effort to close it. She only has two chins, but that's only because the secnod one is as gigantic as her head, it seems. Mom has gone to rent
Back on the road, and she's eating a gigantic round of food as they approach Houston. And here we are, finishing up that meal just in time, fatty. I'm guessing she's closer to 700 pounds than just in "the 600s", because goddamn. Time for the weighin aaannnnnd - ha! you didn't seriously think they were going to show her weight before the :45 mark ad break, di you? No way, man.
Ad break. And then we're back. Houston has mass transit electric trains? Nice. If they don't call it HART, I'm going to be disappointed. Seana's weight is: 659.8. Of course she can't believe it, etc. You're a landwhale and you know it, come on.
Dr Gnome enters the room. "How y'all doin?" "You're only uuuhhhh 22?"
Yeah, Dr Gnome, she's a big 'un. She says she never stays on diets, because she either eats too much r "too little". Dr Gnome: "I don't think eating too little is your problem." Lulz. He tells her shes going to have to change her eating habits. Here's the packet with the diet. If you follow the diet, you should be able to easily lose 80 pound over the next two munt. She's SHOCKED by this, apparently, and Dr Gnome tells her she could lose twice that if she really sticks to the diet. Laaayyyyyyggggs. Nasty. Lymphedema in both laaaayyyyyggs.
She asks Dr Gnome if this all means she is in his program. And he says, if she follows the program, yeah. Tells them she needs to move to Houston and who does she have to help her/look after her when she moves? Nobody. They walk out, and she's standing there like a slack-jawed dumbass waiting for her mom to bring the truck up.
Month 2
She has "asked Derrickus to try to get her better meals and help her with a diet" because she "lost" the papers Dr Gnome gave her and she's "too scared" to tell either her mother or Dr Gnome. This girl ain't 22, she's 12. I knew it! She asked her mother about Derrickus going to Houston with her, and mommy said she pay for him to go. Derrickus, asking the obvious about why she didn't just call Dr Gnome's office and ask for the papers again with the diet and exercise. She was "nervous and scared". The bullshit people tell themselves about this stuff is amazing.
Ad break. When we come back, we'll be into hour two, and we're not even moved to Houston yet. I can tell that this girl is going to piss me off, though. I kinda feel for Derrickus, tbh.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2019
Hour two.
Month 3
Still not in Houston. She was supposed to be back for her appointment, but she didn't go. Lost the papers, and she's "too scared" to call and just get the fucking papers. Now she's calling Dr Gnome. He says the obvious: Why would we get mad if you lost something? She claims she's stil trying, but of course this is total bullshit. He's pointing out she doesn't seem to be very motivated. He's giving her a munt to lose 50 pound. They're sending her a copy of the diet again. no carbs, no high calories, meat and veg only.
Waterworks. Gah. I don't want to disappoint people.
Month 4
Derrickus is driving them to Houston. Time to weigh in, and I'm gonna say probably she hasn't lost shit, because now she's claiming she lost the papers AGAIN and can't find the email. Look, just admit it, FFS. You are just like Big Al. You do not want to lose the weight. You want some magic wad to wave and have all your packed on pounds to vanish. I am already over this bitch, and we still have 50 minutes of this shit left.
Ad break.
Weight: 658 (-1 pound)
"I'm not sure what happened!" We all know what happened. And WTF are you so scared of everything, AmberLynn Seana.?She tells him she's lost it again. He's incredulous, of course, and the way he said "You lost it again??!!?"
Of course, she doesn't know what's happening. He says you know, you could kill yourself with eating food if that's what you want to do. 7-8K calories a day to maintain her weight. She doesn't know the answer to any damn thing. He points out again that she doesn't really seem like she wants to lose the weight, and I agree. This girl needs a fucking personality transplant is what she needs.
You know, I get it. People have shitty childhoods. Loads of people have shitty childhoods, including me. But goddamn, at some point you cannot continue to lean on that crutch.
Lulz. Derrickus spilling the tea, telling Dr Gnome he can't get her to eat veg. I guess Derrickus is going to have to be the bad guy in this because she sure as hell isn't going to do it. She wants to be a tour bus driver like her mom. Guaranteed path to 800 pounds for this girl. Dr Gnome giving her thhe talk: you're gonna die if you do not get your shit together. One more chance: if you miss the next appointment, you're out, nothing more we can do for you. Over next two munts, lose 80 pound (same as the original goal). See you in two munt. If you need anything call us.
Hallway talk with Dr Gnome. Seana doesn't seem to want to do this. All she has to do is show a little effort to demonstrate she wants to. She's walking out, saying she though he "would understand"? WTF. What he understands is that you do not want to lose the weight.
Month 5
Not her mom's house here. What's up? She's sitting inside shoveling fistfuls of something in her piehole. Mom told her to move out. Guess mom got tired of supporting you. No more Derrickus, boo. So she has no one to go to Houston with her. Pretty sure those four pieces of bread in those sandwiches are not on the diet.
The little dog is cute. And does not deserve to be stuck with a 650 pound blob who lives in a dirty house. Get the vacuum out, you fucking pig. FFS.
Grrrrr. Ad break. Thank fuck we'll only have about 20 minutes left when we come back.
Shocker: she's missed her next appointment with Dr Gnome. She's been trying to find a job online, but can't find one. She's gonna facetime/skype and hopes he understands. Mom moved to Arizona for work. Open your fucking mouth to speak like you do to eat, goddammit, instead of mumbling. Dr Gnome says why don't you come down here and we'll figure something out. She's whining about how she doesn't have anyone to help her, whatever. She has the diet packet in some packed box and he says WTF good does it do there? "I dunno."
Dr Gnome says let's get you moved down here as soon as possible. Tells her they'll send her the diet again. Stick to it and come down here. He wants to see her either in one munt or two munt. If one munt, lose 50 pound. If two munt, lose 80 pound. She agrees. Man, that dog is a cutie.
She's whining about how she has no idea how to move to Houston.
Month 7
Mom is taking her to the airport so she fly to Houston. She also is giving her more money to help her out. Once she's in Houston, she's on her own "and that really scares me". Yeah, that's what happens when you don't do a fucking thing on your own or for yourself your whole life. Mom gives her a little final pep talk, telling her to go get it. Is she not wearing shoes in the fucking airport? Oh FFS, she is barefoot. In the fucking airport. In the gangway. On the plane. "I'm really tired." Yeah, walking a few hundred yards will do that when you're 650 fucking pounds.
Ad break. We're in the home stretch.
Month 8
Finally, we're in Houston. She's been here for a month. In a cab to Dr Gnome's office. She's living in a hotel. Claims to be walking her dog, and you know I'm not buying that shit. She's wearing some skirt that looks like something Big Al would wear (because it looks like someone shot some wallpaper and made it into a dress) and fuzzy slippers.
Weigh in: 623 pounds (-35) Holy shit she did it.
Dr Gnome asking her about where she's living, etc. He says she still has a lot to show him. He's going to give her two more munt, and yes, it's time for therapy. Lose 80 pound in two munt. LOL - he says he's going to give her another copy of the packet.
Hallway talk: maybe all the resources they provide can help her. She needs to work at it, etc.
She's "disappointed and sad" because Dr Gnome didn't throw a parade for her.
Therapy time. I'm calling it; Dr Paradise. At least she's wearing shoes this time. She doesn't want to talk about shit, doesn't think she needs to, and even if she does, it upsets her. Yeah, dumbass, that's what happens when you get into the bad stuff in your head. Break out the kleenex, Dr Paradise. He's trying to talk to her about something she could do other than eat a giant pizza when she's bored or upset or whatever. He says keep exercising, keep on the diet.
"Dealing with the hard stuff makes me want to eat even more. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do." Well, you idiot, did you not just sit with Dr Paradise and he went over some things you could do? For fuck's sake.
Ad break. Five fucking minutes more of this shit.
Month 9
Still living in a hotel. That poor dog. Has cravings, the snack station at the hotel lets you buy junk and charge it to the room. And of course, she does.
Month 10
Back to Dr Gnome's, hoping she's done as well as she did last time. I'm gonna say NOPE. Not eating ice cream and junk food you're not.
Weight: 636 (+13) (-24 total)
She "knew this would happen" and "is frustrated". Go back to KC. Dr Gnome asks her how her diet is coming along, she starts talking about tuna wrapped in lettuce. This is not what he's asking. She lost ANOTHER fucking copy of the diet and exercises. She's "walked in the hallways a little" at the hotel. He asks what she does all goddamned day. Hangs out in the hotel room, eating, clearly.
One more time. Look, this is not going anywhere. Someone take that cute little dog from her and give it a decent home.
Hallway talk with Dr Gnome: she doesn't want to do this. points out how immature she is (yes!). She needs to take responsibility, and he hopes she gets her mind right.
STOP FUCKING MUMBLING. She doesn't think this is her fault? What the fuck? She thinks "therapy messed me up some".
Ad break
Month 11
She had another appointment with Dr Paradise and told him she doesn't want to talk about a lot of stuff. Then what the fuck is the point? She's been "cleaning a lot". It's a fucking hotel. You're not doing that much.
Month 12
Back to Dr Gnome's office. Weigh in: 661 (+25) (+2 overall)
She's in shock of course, because they are all always in shock when they've gained weight. Dr Gnome says it looks like you gained almost double the weight you gained last time. He asks her what's happening, and of course "I dunno." He asks her if she's overeating, and she says "Probably."
Dr Gnome says she is not making any progress, and she needs to take care of her issues. And make a fucking decision to either live or continue like you are. He says there are some group home situations they can look into and she would have to go to therapy.
Hallway talk with Dr Gnome. She's had multiple tries, done a lot for her, but she hasn't done anything and - music to my ears, because this is the thing I point out about Big Al all the time - she doesn't want to lose the weight. If she ever gets her shit together, we'll help her.
Dr Gnome told her if she went to therapy twice a month for six months, she could try again. She found a financially-assisted group home living thing and she's starting water aerobics. Her laaaayyyygggs underwater look like someone wearing a fat suit. She does the usual "I'm not gonna stop or let anything discourage me" until she gets what she wants. Sure, Jan.
OK, I am done with this stupid bitch.
Episode rating: FAILURE ON A GRAND SCALE IN EVERY ASPECT
Month 3
Still not in Houston. She was supposed to be back for her appointment, but she didn't go. Lost the papers, and she's "too scared" to call and just get the fucking papers. Now she's calling Dr Gnome. He says the obvious: Why would we get mad if you lost something? She claims she's stil trying, but of course this is total bullshit. He's pointing out she doesn't seem to be very motivated. He's giving her a munt to lose 50 pound. They're sending her a copy of the diet again. no carbs, no high calories, meat and veg only.
Waterworks. Gah. I don't want to disappoint people.
Month 4
Derrickus is driving them to Houston. Time to weigh in, and I'm gonna say probably she hasn't lost shit, because now she's claiming she lost the papers AGAIN and can't find the email. Look, just admit it, FFS. You are just like Big Al. You do not want to lose the weight. You want some magic wad to wave and have all your packed on pounds to vanish. I am already over this bitch, and we still have 50 minutes of this shit left.
Ad break.
Weight: 658 (-1 pound)
"I'm not sure what happened!" We all know what happened. And WTF are you so scared of everything,
Of course, she doesn't know what's happening. He says you know, you could kill yourself with eating food if that's what you want to do. 7-8K calories a day to maintain her weight. She doesn't know the answer to any damn thing. He points out again that she doesn't really seem like she wants to lose the weight, and I agree. This girl needs a fucking personality transplant is what she needs.
You know, I get it. People have shitty childhoods. Loads of people have shitty childhoods, including me. But goddamn, at some point you cannot continue to lean on that crutch.
Lulz. Derrickus spilling the tea, telling Dr Gnome he can't get her to eat veg. I guess Derrickus is going to have to be the bad guy in this because she sure as hell isn't going to do it. She wants to be a tour bus driver like her mom. Guaranteed path to 800 pounds for this girl. Dr Gnome giving her thhe talk: you're gonna die if you do not get your shit together. One more chance: if you miss the next appointment, you're out, nothing more we can do for you. Over next two munts, lose 80 pound (same as the original goal). See you in two munt. If you need anything call us.
Hallway talk with Dr Gnome. Seana doesn't seem to want to do this. All she has to do is show a little effort to demonstrate she wants to. She's walking out, saying she though he "would understand"? WTF. What he understands is that you do not want to lose the weight.
Month 5
Not her mom's house here. What's up? She's sitting inside shoveling fistfuls of something in her piehole. Mom told her to move out. Guess mom got tired of supporting you. No more Derrickus, boo. So she has no one to go to Houston with her. Pretty sure those four pieces of bread in those sandwiches are not on the diet.
The little dog is cute. And does not deserve to be stuck with a 650 pound blob who lives in a dirty house. Get the vacuum out, you fucking pig. FFS.
Grrrrr. Ad break. Thank fuck we'll only have about 20 minutes left when we come back.
Shocker: she's missed her next appointment with Dr Gnome. She's been trying to find a job online, but can't find one. She's gonna facetime/skype and hopes he understands. Mom moved to Arizona for work. Open your fucking mouth to speak like you do to eat, goddammit, instead of mumbling. Dr Gnome says why don't you come down here and we'll figure something out. She's whining about how she doesn't have anyone to help her, whatever. She has the diet packet in some packed box and he says WTF good does it do there? "I dunno."
Dr Gnome says let's get you moved down here as soon as possible. Tells her they'll send her the diet again. Stick to it and come down here. He wants to see her either in one munt or two munt. If one munt, lose 50 pound. If two munt, lose 80 pound. She agrees. Man, that dog is a cutie.
She's whining about how she has no idea how to move to Houston.
Month 7
Mom is taking her to the airport so she fly to Houston. She also is giving her more money to help her out. Once she's in Houston, she's on her own "and that really scares me". Yeah, that's what happens when you don't do a fucking thing on your own or for yourself your whole life. Mom gives her a little final pep talk, telling her to go get it. Is she not wearing shoes in the fucking airport? Oh FFS, she is barefoot. In the fucking airport. In the gangway. On the plane. "I'm really tired." Yeah, walking a few hundred yards will do that when you're 650 fucking pounds.
Ad break. We're in the home stretch.
Month 8
Finally, we're in Houston. She's been here for a month. In a cab to Dr Gnome's office. She's living in a hotel. Claims to be walking her dog, and you know I'm not buying that shit. She's wearing some skirt that looks like something Big Al would wear (because it looks like someone shot some wallpaper and made it into a dress) and fuzzy slippers.
Weigh in: 623 pounds (-35) Holy shit she did it.
Dr Gnome asking her about where she's living, etc. He says she still has a lot to show him. He's going to give her two more munt, and yes, it's time for therapy. Lose 80 pound in two munt. LOL - he says he's going to give her another copy of the packet.
Hallway talk: maybe all the resources they provide can help her. She needs to work at it, etc.
She's "disappointed and sad" because Dr Gnome didn't throw a parade for her.
Therapy time. I'm calling it; Dr Paradise. At least she's wearing shoes this time. She doesn't want to talk about shit, doesn't think she needs to, and even if she does, it upsets her. Yeah, dumbass, that's what happens when you get into the bad stuff in your head. Break out the kleenex, Dr Paradise. He's trying to talk to her about something she could do other than eat a giant pizza when she's bored or upset or whatever. He says keep exercising, keep on the diet.
"Dealing with the hard stuff makes me want to eat even more. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do." Well, you idiot, did you not just sit with Dr Paradise and he went over some things you could do? For fuck's sake.
Ad break. Five fucking minutes more of this shit.
Month 9
Still living in a hotel. That poor dog. Has cravings, the snack station at the hotel lets you buy junk and charge it to the room. And of course, she does.
Month 10
Back to Dr Gnome's, hoping she's done as well as she did last time. I'm gonna say NOPE. Not eating ice cream and junk food you're not.
Weight: 636 (+13) (-24 total)
She "knew this would happen" and "is frustrated". Go back to KC. Dr Gnome asks her how her diet is coming along, she starts talking about tuna wrapped in lettuce. This is not what he's asking. She lost ANOTHER fucking copy of the diet and exercises. She's "walked in the hallways a little" at the hotel. He asks what she does all goddamned day. Hangs out in the hotel room, eating, clearly.
One more time. Look, this is not going anywhere. Someone take that cute little dog from her and give it a decent home.
Hallway talk with Dr Gnome: she doesn't want to do this. points out how immature she is (yes!). She needs to take responsibility, and he hopes she gets her mind right.
STOP FUCKING MUMBLING. She doesn't think this is her fault? What the fuck? She thinks "therapy messed me up some".
Ad break
Month 11
She had another appointment with Dr Paradise and told him she doesn't want to talk about a lot of stuff. Then what the fuck is the point? She's been "cleaning a lot". It's a fucking hotel. You're not doing that much.
Month 12
Back to Dr Gnome's office. Weigh in: 661 (+25) (+2 overall)
She's in shock of course, because they are all always in shock when they've gained weight. Dr Gnome says it looks like you gained almost double the weight you gained last time. He asks her what's happening, and of course "I dunno." He asks her if she's overeating, and she says "Probably."
Dr Gnome says she is not making any progress, and she needs to take care of her issues. And make a fucking decision to either live or continue like you are. He says there are some group home situations they can look into and she would have to go to therapy.
Hallway talk with Dr Gnome. She's had multiple tries, done a lot for her, but she hasn't done anything and - music to my ears, because this is the thing I point out about Big Al all the time - she doesn't want to lose the weight. If she ever gets her shit together, we'll help her.
Dr Gnome told her if she went to therapy twice a month for six months, she could try again. She found a financially-assisted group home living thing and she's starting water aerobics. Her laaaayyyygggs underwater look like someone wearing a fat suit. She does the usual "I'm not gonna stop or let anything discourage me" until she gets what she wants. Sure, Jan.
OK, I am done with this stupid bitch.
Episode rating: FAILURE ON A GRAND SCALE IN EVERY ASPECT
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