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Not long ago, I posted an Instagram Story asking cat dads to share their stories, and the mountain of responses that I received finally laid to rest any lingering schoolyard notion that “Cats are for girls and dogs are for boys.” The adult stereotype, of course, is of the “childless cat ladies,” whom vice presidential nominee JD Vance accused (in a recently resurfaced comment from 2021) of being “miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made” and wanting “to make the rest of the country miserable, too.” And when the trope is turned around on men, it’s usually to make a point about their own inadequacy—think of Peter Saarsgard’s spiteful district attorney Tommy Molto cradling his ginger shorthair in the recent Apple+ show Presumed Innocent.
Still, Saarsgard imbues his excellent performance with, if my direct messages are any indication, highly realistic “cat-dad energy”—bad as he may be with people, Molto clearly adores his pet. Meanwhile, the other vice presidential nominee, Tim Walz, is the proud owner of Honey, a cat he adopted in December. My inbox was flooded with cat pics from similarly feline-friendly men, and a common story. Many of them came to love cats the same way: via their girlfriends.
“I had vague notions that I'd be a dog owner one day for reasons that now seem stupid,” says Danny Loedel, a 36-year-old from Brooklyn. But then he started dating Emma, whose two cats, Larry and Betty, were part of the deal. “I sort of do believe in that brain parasite that makes you love cats, because I fell in love with them quickly.”
When Danny and Emma later broke up, Loedel was doubly heartbroken: He had lost his relationship and his cats. He soon adopted two of his own, Ricardo and Mozart. A similar hole was left in 34-year-old Nick Callero’s heart after his own breakup, in which his ex-girlfriend got feline custody. “Oddly enough, I found myself more torn up about losing contact with the two cats than the actual breakup,” he says. Then his brothers got him “the best Christmas gift I've ever gotten”: a three-month-old kitten named Olivia.
In many cases, the men were indifferent to or downright against cats as pets before having to begrudgingly make room for them in their lives. As Loedel says, “Until you experience cats firsthand, you can't really tell what it is to love and be loved by a cat.”
Evan Kalikow, 34, lives in Washington DC with his now wife. When they got together, there was another male in the picture: Artie. “My wife was nervous to introduce me to Artie because Artie historically ‘hated men,’” he recalls. “But she had nothing to worry about. Artie and I became fast friends, and he completely changed my outlook on and relationship with cats.”
Jordan Michelman, a 39-year-old from Portland, Oregon, had to put in several years of work before his wife’s cat, Keekee, came around to him. “It feels like an extension of the relationship I have with my wife, in this very visceral and real way,” he says. “Her soulmate cat has accepted me as basically the only other person she loves, and I had to earn it, and it makes our time with the cat that much sweeter.”
But to paint all cat dads as reluctant would do a disservice to the many men who embrace cat fatherhood with gusto, whether as a single or with a partner. It was 32-year-old Sam Hurly who convinced his girlfriend, Deb, that the four-year-old gray Calico named Sox he adopted would be worth it, even as Sox was regularly peeing on the carpet. Jordan Uhl, a 37-year-old podcaster from Los Angeles, says his cat Thana gleefully “terrorizes my fiancée.”
Sam Burns, now 36, was living with two other male roommates in Brooklyn when they all decided to adopt Klaus, who ended up coming with him when he moved into his own place. Soon he got Klaus a companion and named her Izzy, after modern-dance pioneer Isadora Duncan. Then he met his current girlfriend, who had her own cat. Named Izzy. After modern dance pioneer Isadora Duncan. Klaus, Izzy, and Izzy now live together in Brooklyn.
Loedel now has a mixed-cat family as well: He and Emma got back together, bringing the number of cats in their one-bedroom apartment to four. And while he and Emma had made up, their cats did not get along at first. It took diligent training and a move to a bigger space to find some peace—all worth it for this moment, he says, while surrounded by cats in his home office.
None of the guys I spoke to see any difference between how men and women relate to cats. Those who say otherwise are “basically trying to convince people that we as humans do not all share the same reaction or relationship with a thing that is cute and fluffy,” says Maurice Aouad, a 35-year-old cat dad from Los Angeles.
But cats do, perhaps, tap into a facet of masculinity that dogs do not. “The neediness and ready submissiveness of dogs doesn't force men to meet them at their level,” says Nick Milanés, a 33-year-old who shares his cat, RiRi, with his wife. Ethan Sawyer, also 33, agrees: “Cats inspire a level of consideration from men that women are encouraged to adopt from a young age.”
As a result, some of these men’s lives have changed. “I don't think I really had that Cat Dad Energy until adopting Andy,” says Matt Inman, 35. “I know cats are famously less work than dogs, but having another living thing actually depend on you for survival and happiness was a new experience that brought up feelings I wasn't quite expecting.”
“I really didn't have any frame of reference of what it was like being a cat dad,” AJ Henning, 42, says. (He has two: Bobby Flay and Stella.) “When I would go to networking events or introduce myself, I oftentimes would describe myself as a ‘crazy cat lady.’”
And as these men grow, the cats grow with them, from reluctant sidekicks to emotional support animals to members of a growing family. “My friends make fun of me, but I regularly say, and 100 percent mean with all my heart, that she was a blessing I never knew I needed,” says Callero, whose loving relationship with Olivia, nicknamed Livvy, got him through years of heartbreak and loneliness. “I used to always say at those times, ‘It's me and you against the world, Livvy.’ Now that I am married with a son, the new saying is: ‘Before you guys came along, it was me and Livvy against the world.’”
Men Can Be Cat Ladies Too
When I adopted my two perfect, mischievous cats, my live-in boyfriend was adamant that they were mine and mine alone. He would never have chosen to get a cat on his own, he said, and so his role would be that of a spectator. He held true to that promise, merely observing the kitties as they ate, played, and curled up together in the cat tree. He viewed them greeting him as he came home from work, and as they snuggled up next to him when he was sad in bed. He began asking me to bring a cat onto the couch with us—for observational purposes only, of course. Now, a year and a half later, he has dropped the façade. He puts treats on his chest for the cats to collect, and gazes lovingly at them for minutes at a time when he thinks I’m not looking. “What have you done to me?” he’ll ask, after he finishes singing them a made-up cat song. “What have you turned me into?”Not long ago, I posted an Instagram Story asking cat dads to share their stories, and the mountain of responses that I received finally laid to rest any lingering schoolyard notion that “Cats are for girls and dogs are for boys.” The adult stereotype, of course, is of the “childless cat ladies,” whom vice presidential nominee JD Vance accused (in a recently resurfaced comment from 2021) of being “miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made” and wanting “to make the rest of the country miserable, too.” And when the trope is turned around on men, it’s usually to make a point about their own inadequacy—think of Peter Saarsgard’s spiteful district attorney Tommy Molto cradling his ginger shorthair in the recent Apple+ show Presumed Innocent.
Still, Saarsgard imbues his excellent performance with, if my direct messages are any indication, highly realistic “cat-dad energy”—bad as he may be with people, Molto clearly adores his pet. Meanwhile, the other vice presidential nominee, Tim Walz, is the proud owner of Honey, a cat he adopted in December. My inbox was flooded with cat pics from similarly feline-friendly men, and a common story. Many of them came to love cats the same way: via their girlfriends.
“I had vague notions that I'd be a dog owner one day for reasons that now seem stupid,” says Danny Loedel, a 36-year-old from Brooklyn. But then he started dating Emma, whose two cats, Larry and Betty, were part of the deal. “I sort of do believe in that brain parasite that makes you love cats, because I fell in love with them quickly.”
When Danny and Emma later broke up, Loedel was doubly heartbroken: He had lost his relationship and his cats. He soon adopted two of his own, Ricardo and Mozart. A similar hole was left in 34-year-old Nick Callero’s heart after his own breakup, in which his ex-girlfriend got feline custody. “Oddly enough, I found myself more torn up about losing contact with the two cats than the actual breakup,” he says. Then his brothers got him “the best Christmas gift I've ever gotten”: a three-month-old kitten named Olivia.
In many cases, the men were indifferent to or downright against cats as pets before having to begrudgingly make room for them in their lives. As Loedel says, “Until you experience cats firsthand, you can't really tell what it is to love and be loved by a cat.”
Evan Kalikow, 34, lives in Washington DC with his now wife. When they got together, there was another male in the picture: Artie. “My wife was nervous to introduce me to Artie because Artie historically ‘hated men,’” he recalls. “But she had nothing to worry about. Artie and I became fast friends, and he completely changed my outlook on and relationship with cats.”
Jordan Michelman, a 39-year-old from Portland, Oregon, had to put in several years of work before his wife’s cat, Keekee, came around to him. “It feels like an extension of the relationship I have with my wife, in this very visceral and real way,” he says. “Her soulmate cat has accepted me as basically the only other person she loves, and I had to earn it, and it makes our time with the cat that much sweeter.”
But to paint all cat dads as reluctant would do a disservice to the many men who embrace cat fatherhood with gusto, whether as a single or with a partner. It was 32-year-old Sam Hurly who convinced his girlfriend, Deb, that the four-year-old gray Calico named Sox he adopted would be worth it, even as Sox was regularly peeing on the carpet. Jordan Uhl, a 37-year-old podcaster from Los Angeles, says his cat Thana gleefully “terrorizes my fiancée.”
Sam Burns, now 36, was living with two other male roommates in Brooklyn when they all decided to adopt Klaus, who ended up coming with him when he moved into his own place. Soon he got Klaus a companion and named her Izzy, after modern-dance pioneer Isadora Duncan. Then he met his current girlfriend, who had her own cat. Named Izzy. After modern dance pioneer Isadora Duncan. Klaus, Izzy, and Izzy now live together in Brooklyn.
Loedel now has a mixed-cat family as well: He and Emma got back together, bringing the number of cats in their one-bedroom apartment to four. And while he and Emma had made up, their cats did not get along at first. It took diligent training and a move to a bigger space to find some peace—all worth it for this moment, he says, while surrounded by cats in his home office.
None of the guys I spoke to see any difference between how men and women relate to cats. Those who say otherwise are “basically trying to convince people that we as humans do not all share the same reaction or relationship with a thing that is cute and fluffy,” says Maurice Aouad, a 35-year-old cat dad from Los Angeles.
But cats do, perhaps, tap into a facet of masculinity that dogs do not. “The neediness and ready submissiveness of dogs doesn't force men to meet them at their level,” says Nick Milanés, a 33-year-old who shares his cat, RiRi, with his wife. Ethan Sawyer, also 33, agrees: “Cats inspire a level of consideration from men that women are encouraged to adopt from a young age.”
As a result, some of these men’s lives have changed. “I don't think I really had that Cat Dad Energy until adopting Andy,” says Matt Inman, 35. “I know cats are famously less work than dogs, but having another living thing actually depend on you for survival and happiness was a new experience that brought up feelings I wasn't quite expecting.”
“I really didn't have any frame of reference of what it was like being a cat dad,” AJ Henning, 42, says. (He has two: Bobby Flay and Stella.) “When I would go to networking events or introduce myself, I oftentimes would describe myself as a ‘crazy cat lady.’”
And as these men grow, the cats grow with them, from reluctant sidekicks to emotional support animals to members of a growing family. “My friends make fun of me, but I regularly say, and 100 percent mean with all my heart, that she was a blessing I never knew I needed,” says Callero, whose loving relationship with Olivia, nicknamed Livvy, got him through years of heartbreak and loneliness. “I used to always say at those times, ‘It's me and you against the world, Livvy.’ Now that I am married with a son, the new saying is: ‘Before you guys came along, it was me and Livvy against the world.’”
