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Dead child rapist Jeffrey Epstein’s longtime best friend was invited to give a speech to Congress last night for some reason.
Nothing about anything he said was new or interesting, so we’re not going to spend time on it. It was just the same old Nazi white supremacist sundowning pedophile-protecting shit, babble babble babble, lie lie lie, burn cross, burn cross, burn cross, rinse, repeat. Despite the servile performances from members of the MAGA cult, there probably wasn’t a genuinely hard dick in the room, considering how Donald Trump’s “strong support” is circling the drain at 19 percent.
Many Democrats opted not to show up, choosing to do alternate events or just stay home.
But some did show up.
Hakeem Jeffries, Democratic leader in the House, warned members beforehand not to make any “unforced errors,” during Dear Leader Shitler’s 100-year-long speech. Axios reported that they really weren’t supposed to bring signs.
Jeffries didn’t want it to be like last year, when Democrats were just very un-decorum-like, oh my stars.
Maybe he would have been cool with some little teeny tiny pins, like The Onion suggested here:
Texas Democratic Rep. Al Green brought a sign, though. It said “BLACK PEOPLE AREN’T APES,” directly referring to one of Shitler’s latest white supremacist outbursts, the one where he reposted a video on Truth Social depicting the Obamas as apes. If you’d like to see the most epic picture of it, Getty got one that’s even better than the screengrab above.
Know what Al Green got? All the fuckin’ headlines. He also got thrown out of the SOTU, as white racists like GOP Rep. Troy Nehls tried to yank the sign out of his hand — guess he disagreed with the statement? (That was after Nehls started slobbering with his lipstick protruding, begging Trump to sign his Trump tie.)
We reposted this skeet from Oliver Willis, which explains that “This is why you do stunts. This is why you do stunts. This is why you do stunts,” and demonstrates how Al Green got all the headlines.
Sure beats sitting politely with your hands in your lap trying to make sure you don’t do an “unforced error” and embarrass Leader Jeffries.
Sure beats being decorous little boys and girls while Trump sneers and calls you crazy and his Cabinet of (alleged!) rapists, alcoholics, and traitors stands up and hoots and hollers and armpit farts in response.
Would hate to disrupt the genteel nature of those proceedings, well I never.
If you’re familiar with Green, you know he is always doing stunts. Last year, the House voted to censure him after he shouted that Trump had no mandate to cut Medicaid, and 10 Democrats joined the Republicans in doing so. (You may look them up and hiss at their names individually here.) Swear to fucking God, if we hear of one Democrat even thinking about doing the same to Green this year, we will start personally making phone calls on behalf of whoever is primarying their bitch ass in their district in November.
Same goes for anybody who whines about Reps. Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib, who have more courage than upwards of 90 percent of the Democrats on either side, and who spent much of the speech counter-narrating and yelling back at the Nazi-In-Chief.
They were yelling everything, including“RELEASE THE EPSTEIN FILES!” Tlaib was wearing a “FUCK ICE” pin, and also a “release the Epstein files” pin.
Tlaib and Omar, screaming “You’re killing Americans!” and “You’re the most corrupt president!” They weren’t the only ones, either. Rep. Mark Takano screamed “How about you first!” when Trump laughably called for a ban on insider trading by members of Congress, one of the few moments where Democrats actually applauded him.
We’re sure all of that was very unforced error, very grievous sins against Hakeem Jeffries’s delicate sense of decorum.
And if so, he needs to get a grip.
There is no decorum in this, there is no dignity, nothing worth preserving in the tradition of a State of the Union address.
Get a fucking grip, losers. That America is over. It’s BEEN over. It is not coming back.
Sorry not sorry.
This is one of those things where, you know, we get it when people say Dems have no institutional power, we have to take power back in elections, yadda yadda, etc. And yes, that is one technically correct way of looking at things.
But when people say FIGHT, one way they mean that is literally. They mean yell. They mean make a scene. They mean fuck shit up. They mean make good trouble and throw sand in every gear of fascism you can find.
They mean be fucking obnoxious, decorum-free dicks about it. They mean cease showing any and all respect to hallowed institutions that do not exist anymore.
If we may quote ourselves, and we may, because we are goddamned awesome:
And look, for once we’re not going to jump on the “ALL CHUCK SCHUMERS AND HAKEEM JEFFRIESES MUST GO” bandwagon. We follow Congress closely enough to know that those two do have significant talents when it comes to whipping votes and keeping their caucuses together, in a way the Republicans very much do not.
But they absolutely do need to recognize that, if they do not have being leaders of TEAM FIGHT in their personalities, then it is their responsibility, as the Democratic leaders in Congress, to deputize whichever members are that person, and let them be front and center.
And you know what? That might mean letting those people be the ones who give the press conference every week. Let those people — Chris Murphy, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ruben Gallego, Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tlaib, Jasmine Crockett, LaMonica McIver, others! — be the ones who go on Meet The Press every week, who take every interview, who are the face of the operation.
As we said, nothing important happened in Trump’s speech.
No new initiatives, and even if there had been, it wouldn’t have been anything but an attempt to trick the media into giving Trump good headlines. Otherwise, he’s an almost-80-year-old man, he’s senile, he’s a loser, he’s boring, everything he says is just the same recycled white supremacist ass dementia Hitler violence porn shit, while JD Vance and Mike Johnson sit behind him and hold his buttcheeks open so the mics don’t pick up the sounds of whatever is coming out of his cacophonous asshole that night.
And spoiler, Beltway media! That’s how every Trump speech is now! They’re all the same! And they’ve been that way for a long time! (Remember on the campaign trail when he couldn’t get away from Hannibal Lecter for five seconds?)
Therefore, here’s another spoiler, Democrats: Everything you can do to make the story about you is a win! And every time you sit on your hands because you’re scared of “unforced error” is a loss, total malpractice, and a real dipshit move!
That is the state of the damned union.
By the way, this idea from Ben Collins would also have been a perfectly fine way for Democrats to handle the speech:
Would have been hilarious. (Omar and Tlaib eventually got the fuck out of there.)
Anyway, Jimmy Kimmel summed up everything we didn’t cover about Trump’s speech in his monologue last night, so watch that, laugh at OldHitler McSadBalls some more, this post is over now, the end.
It’s Not ‘Unforced Errors,’ Hakeem Jeffries. It’s Called Stealing All Trump's Headlines.
Dead child rapist Jeffrey Epstein’s longtime best friend was invited to give a speech to Congress last night for some reason.
Nothing about anything he said was new or interesting, so we’re not going to spend time on it. It was just the same old Nazi white supremacist sundowning pedophile-protecting shit, babble babble babble, lie lie lie, burn cross, burn cross, burn cross, rinse, repeat. Despite the servile performances from members of the MAGA cult, there probably wasn’t a genuinely hard dick in the room, considering how Donald Trump’s “strong support” is circling the drain at 19 percent.
Many Democrats opted not to show up, choosing to do alternate events or just stay home.
But some did show up.
Hakeem Jeffries, Democratic leader in the House, warned members beforehand not to make any “unforced errors,” during Dear Leader Shitler’s 100-year-long speech. Axios reported that they really weren’t supposed to bring signs.
Jeffries didn’t want it to be like last year, when Democrats were just very un-decorum-like, oh my stars.
Maybe he would have been cool with some little teeny tiny pins, like The Onion suggested here:
Texas Democratic Rep. Al Green brought a sign, though. It said “BLACK PEOPLE AREN’T APES,” directly referring to one of Shitler’s latest white supremacist outbursts, the one where he reposted a video on Truth Social depicting the Obamas as apes. If you’d like to see the most epic picture of it, Getty got one that’s even better than the screengrab above.
Know what Al Green got? All the fuckin’ headlines. He also got thrown out of the SOTU, as white racists like GOP Rep. Troy Nehls tried to yank the sign out of his hand — guess he disagreed with the statement? (That was after Nehls started slobbering with his lipstick protruding, begging Trump to sign his Trump tie.)
We reposted this skeet from Oliver Willis, which explains that “This is why you do stunts. This is why you do stunts. This is why you do stunts,” and demonstrates how Al Green got all the headlines.
Sure beats sitting politely with your hands in your lap trying to make sure you don’t do an “unforced error” and embarrass Leader Jeffries.
Sure beats being decorous little boys and girls while Trump sneers and calls you crazy and his Cabinet of (alleged!) rapists, alcoholics, and traitors stands up and hoots and hollers and armpit farts in response.
Would hate to disrupt the genteel nature of those proceedings, well I never.
If you’re familiar with Green, you know he is always doing stunts. Last year, the House voted to censure him after he shouted that Trump had no mandate to cut Medicaid, and 10 Democrats joined the Republicans in doing so. (You may look them up and hiss at their names individually here.) Swear to fucking God, if we hear of one Democrat even thinking about doing the same to Green this year, we will start personally making phone calls on behalf of whoever is primarying their bitch ass in their district in November.
Same goes for anybody who whines about Reps. Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib, who have more courage than upwards of 90 percent of the Democrats on either side, and who spent much of the speech counter-narrating and yelling back at the Nazi-In-Chief.
They were yelling everything, including“RELEASE THE EPSTEIN FILES!” Tlaib was wearing a “FUCK ICE” pin, and also a “release the Epstein files” pin.
Tlaib and Omar, screaming “You’re killing Americans!” and “You’re the most corrupt president!” They weren’t the only ones, either. Rep. Mark Takano screamed “How about you first!” when Trump laughably called for a ban on insider trading by members of Congress, one of the few moments where Democrats actually applauded him.
We’re sure all of that was very unforced error, very grievous sins against Hakeem Jeffries’s delicate sense of decorum.
And if so, he needs to get a grip.
There is no decorum in this, there is no dignity, nothing worth preserving in the tradition of a State of the Union address.
Get a fucking grip, losers. That America is over. It’s BEEN over. It is not coming back.
Sorry not sorry.
This is one of those things where, you know, we get it when people say Dems have no institutional power, we have to take power back in elections, yadda yadda, etc. And yes, that is one technically correct way of looking at things.
But when people say FIGHT, one way they mean that is literally. They mean yell. They mean make a scene. They mean fuck shit up. They mean make good trouble and throw sand in every gear of fascism you can find.
They mean be fucking obnoxious, decorum-free dicks about it. They mean cease showing any and all respect to hallowed institutions that do not exist anymore.
If we may quote ourselves, and we may, because we are goddamned awesome:
That was after the ICE murder of Renee Good in Minneapolis, but it could have been after any evil outrage by this regime.
And look, for once we’re not going to jump on the “ALL CHUCK SCHUMERS AND HAKEEM JEFFRIESES MUST GO” bandwagon. We follow Congress closely enough to know that those two do have significant talents when it comes to whipping votes and keeping their caucuses together, in a way the Republicans very much do not.
But they absolutely do need to recognize that, if they do not have being leaders of TEAM FIGHT in their personalities, then it is their responsibility, as the Democratic leaders in Congress, to deputize whichever members are that person, and let them be front and center.
And you know what? That might mean letting those people be the ones who give the press conference every week. Let those people — Chris Murphy, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ruben Gallego, Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tlaib, Jasmine Crockett, LaMonica McIver, others! — be the ones who go on Meet The Press every week, who take every interview, who are the face of the operation.
As we said, nothing important happened in Trump’s speech.
No new initiatives, and even if there had been, it wouldn’t have been anything but an attempt to trick the media into giving Trump good headlines. Otherwise, he’s an almost-80-year-old man, he’s senile, he’s a loser, he’s boring, everything he says is just the same recycled white supremacist ass dementia Hitler violence porn shit, while JD Vance and Mike Johnson sit behind him and hold his buttcheeks open so the mics don’t pick up the sounds of whatever is coming out of his cacophonous asshole that night.
And spoiler, Beltway media! That’s how every Trump speech is now! They’re all the same! And they’ve been that way for a long time! (Remember on the campaign trail when he couldn’t get away from Hannibal Lecter for five seconds?)
Therefore, here’s another spoiler, Democrats: Everything you can do to make the story about you is a win! And every time you sit on your hands because you’re scared of “unforced error” is a loss, total malpractice, and a real dipshit move!
That is the state of the damned union.
By the way, this idea from Ben Collins would also have been a perfectly fine way for Democrats to handle the speech:
Would have been hilarious. (Omar and Tlaib eventually got the fuck out of there.)
Anyway, Jimmy Kimmel summed up everything we didn’t cover about Trump’s speech in his monologue last night, so watch that, laugh at OldHitler McSadBalls some more, this post is over now, the end.
