🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

And fwiw, I was on the student paper and yearbook at my college and wasn't paid anything for either of them, but maybe it varies from college to college.

Yes. It varies a lot from school to school. Some papers are staffed entirely by unpaid volunteers and slave labor from journalism classes. Others pay all staffers and contributors for their work. And still others have a combination of paid staffers and contributors working alongside unpaid serfs from journalism courses.

At ASU during Sweet's brief tenure on The Herald, the pay for a beginning columnist was about $40 for an entire semester's work, paid at the end of the semester. The pay did go up the longer you were at the paper, but would never amount to more than a couple of hundred bucks, which wouldn't cover a semester's worth of pizza and beer for most students.

 

[Holdek]

You know who Sweet reminds me of?

Francis E. Dec.

They're both guys who completely lost their fucking minds after being kicked out of a position of responsiblity.

They're both racist in nonsensical ways

They're both obsessed with a bizarre, sweeping conspiracy to ruin them

At least Dec completed his graduate school education and even had a real job before he succumbed to madness. Plus he has a cult following, while Sweet is only followed by lulzdairy farm hands.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

I wasn't aware of Mama Sweet having a heart attack.

I don't mean to nitpick, but honestly, given the fact that our subject is a dishonest coward with apparently really bad memory issues, I'd like to point out that Jon had specifically used the term "heart attack scare":

I've helped her through two failed businesses and a heart attack scare.

Two failed businesses, huh, Jonny? I wonder what the single point of failure was between the two of them.

Anyhow, the reason I point it out is because, knowing Jon, he's either too inept to understand what he implied, or he's being dishonest. A health scare of any kind is defined by the Oxford dictionary as "A situation characterized by alarm or anxiety about the risk of developing or being diagnosed with a particular illness or condition." In short, it is concern, or worry, not an actual heart attack. Mama Sweet would not need Thumbles around to help her with a "heart attack scare."

Either Jon doesn't know what a health "scare" means, or he's merely dressing up the "I moved in with her" angle to hide the fact that he never went anywhere after college and cannot be expected to live on his own.

That raises an interesting point: assuming Jonnyboy was allowed to return to AS(S)U, how does he intend to pay for it?

I'll never forget this quote from Jon:

Because it wasn't my fault. I wasn't perfect, sure, but there comes a point when they have to say, "You know, we've punished him enough. Let's let him come back for a visit, have a nice meal, talk to a few nice girls."

Couple things about this. One, Jon simply will not let go of the ludicrous notion of parity here, i.e. he thinks that his opinion of his behavior and resulting punishment carries as much weight as the people who handed down the punishment. This couldn't be further from the truth; Jon's opinion carries about as much weight as a cow's in an slaughterhouse. He has no grasp of how bad his behavior was, or, if he does, is trying to brush it aside, thereby absolving himself and pinning ASU with the obligation of letting him back on campus (for a "visit"), eating, and talking to a few "nice girls." How could the school possibly grant him any kind of romantic success with "a few nice girls"? That is something that ASU cannot actually do.

Reality doesn't matter to Jon. Practicality doesn't mean a thing to him. Remember, he thought that he'd get big settlements from his lawsuits, or maybe defeat the faculty at ASU by getting "the people" on his side, despite the fact that the actual plans for his victory weren't even substantial enough to be labeled as 'sketchy'.

When your thinking is magical, resources are unlimited.

 

[MarineTrainedTard]

Let's let him come back for a visit, have a nice meal, talk to a few nice girls.

It's not a fucking restaurant, Jon, it's a fucking school. Are you student? Staff? Faculty? A potential student interested in attending (no, you aren't one of those, not since you graduated high school)? Then why would they let you "have a nice meal"?

Won't even bother to address "talk to a few nice girls", it's ludicrous on its face. What, is the school gonna round up some students and be like "Hey, ladies, we need you to chat with this middle-aged mental defective, you have to do it"? LOL

 

[The I Scream Man]

It's not a fucking restaurant, Jon, it's a fucking school. Are you student? Staff? Faculty? A potential student interested in attending (no, you aren't one of those, not since you graduated high school)? Then why would they let you "have a nice meal"?

Won't even bother to address "talk to a few nice girls", it's ludicrous on its face. What, is the school gonna round up some students and be like "Hey, ladies, we need you to chat with this middle-aged mental defective, you have to do it"? LOL

The best part is the unwritten implication that he would receive this academic largesse at no charge. He deserves it, after all, since he has suffered so terribly all these years.

Really I envy his ability to completely deny reality. Not often, but sometimes. It must be nice to live in a world of your own design, at least for a little while.

 

[MrsFrizzle]

If Sweet wasn't b& from campus, he could at least go to his class reunions. If he could get his mum to drive him, that is.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

It's not a fucking restaurant, Jon, it's a fucking school. Are you student? Staff? Faculty? A potential student interested in attending (no, you aren't one of those, not since you graduated high school)? Then why would they let you "have a nice meal"?

Won't even bother to address "talk to a few nice girls", it's ludicrous on its face. What, is the school gonna round up some students and be like "Hey, ladies, we need you to chat with this middle-aged mental defective, you have to do it"? LOL

To Sweets, this is exactly how he sees his return to ASU going down. He also thinks there was a massive conspiracy amongst a school newspaper staff and SNL to discredit him.

What I'm saying is dude is pretty dense.

If Sweet wasn't b& from campus, he could at least go to his class reunions. If he could get his mum to drive him, that is.

I think you mean he'd totally let her drive him since he's so obviously supporting her and not the other way around.

 

[Le Bateleur]

While we silently count down the 20 hours until Sweet Bro's current Friday deadline, here's an unexpected present from our hero's dA - eight new photos and pictures!
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/Mooch-in-repose-555420850 - https://archive.is/nmVlf
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/Existentialist-Calvin-555420833 - https://archive.is/t5wcD
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/Bear-in-repose-555420840 - https://archive.is/reQjF
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/Bear-in-repose-2-555420843 - https://archive.is/ELFZA
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/Mooch-and-Bear-redux-555420872 - https://archive.is/Skg8B
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/Oh-you-beautiful-doll-557949845 - https://archive.is/rCwfs
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/My-messy-messy-workspace-557955430 - https://archive.is/DYc63
http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/art/Ceiling-whacks-555420852 - https://archive.is/VoJeu

I've embedded them below the spoiler tag. Brief observations:
* Sweet Bro's camera is seriously low-resolution, compounded by a dirty lens, and probably by some inept post-processing. If I had to guess I'd reckon that Sweet has finally got hold of a first-generation cameraphone. It certainly reminds me of the quality of photos I was taking with my phone circa 2006.
* Sweet proudly points out that his computer runs the "aging but still serviceable Win 98 OS" . I would dearly love to know how many viruses that thing now has. Also, perhaps having to do his "shooping" on a 20th-Century PC explains the ridiculously low resolution of his photos. Maybe he has to convert to the smallest, lossiest of JPEG formats before he can even load a photo into memory?
* "Mooch in repose" (first pic below) features a chilling cameo from an extradimensional alien who trolls Sweet for his own cosmic amusement.
* DAT CEILING. Seriously, if Sweet Bro's is actually for laryngitis and not autism, and he sleeps under that mould resort...I actually feel sorry for the guy. Maybe if he didn't live in a tarpaper shack his lungs would clear up - and if the house actually had working ceiling lights and windows that weren't boarded up, perhaps his eyesight wouldn't be so bad, either.

Spoiler

 

[The I Scream Man]

I was a site foreman for a construction company from 2011-2012. I wouldn't even bid on a job like that. I'm serious, that's a job for the real pros, the guys who are cleared, trained and equipped to do asbestos and similar airborne contaminants. To be honest, we weren't even insured for that kind of work.

Basically what I'm saying is that it's beyond disgusting and that place should probably be condemned. I've seen places in better shape that were just crawling with nasty awful shit behind the drywall, and my contractor sense tells me that a job like that would have tons of unpleasant surprises. I'd tear it down.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

So that's where the Belch Dimension magic happens...

Wow. No wonder Sweet wanted to move back into his former [now torn down] dorm at ASU. At least Sweet was considerate enough to not have pee jars visible in the pics. Also, #hashtags.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

Woah, Sweets needs to start dusting and fix those holes in his wall:

Spoiler

Just because you want to live in half past 1997 doesn't mean you shouldn't have cleaned since then.

 

[John Titor]

I see a cup of ramen on the windowsill.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

I see a cup of ramen on the windowsill.

Optimistic there's ramen in there.

Oh I missed the gaping hole in the wall. I guess I thought it was a shadow.

Calling this a tarpapered shack is an insult to tarpapered shacks.

Spoiler

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

So basically, Jon's one moderate rain shower away from being crushed by debris. While using Windows 98, no less.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Does Sweet live on a 2nd floor of the Sweet house? If so, any falling debris during a storm could cause even more damage.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

Does Sweet live on a 2nd floor of the Sweet house? If so, any falling debris during a storm could cause even more damage.

I believe the Sweet house is one story.

Btw, here's that pic of Sweet's backyard, although it might be out-of-date:

Spoiler: Big, unkempt spot in the middle.

And, while I'm at it, some additional photos of Jon's potential offspring if he mated with Gloria Tesch:

or Brianna Wu:

Enjoy your dinner, folks!

 

[ToroidalBoat]

[aerial pic of Sweet yard]

Hmm... overgrown and trashed yard compared to the houses around it, just like a certain place in Virginia.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

Sweets, you don't have a job! Get off your lazy ass and take care of that yard!
Use some of that and hire a contractor to take of your house. I don't care about your health, but your poor, elderly mother doesn't deserve to live in that shithole and you're putting her life at risk.

 

[wheat pasta]

or Brianna Wu:

View attachment 46792


Enjoy your dinner, folks!

You know something is seriously wrong when Wu/Sweet makes a (comparatively) better-looking baby than Tesch/Sweet.

 

[MarineTrainedTard]

And now I start to feel bad for him again. I figured his house was a mess but I assumed he was exaggerating. Ho. Lee. Shit!

Then I remember that he gets a tugboat and that he should probably save as much of it as humanly possible and try to get that shit fixed.

What DOES he spend his tugboat on?