Historical Lolcow General

  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
Richard Lawrence, hands down
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Lawrence_(failed_assassin)
He made the first presidential assassination attempt (Against Andrew Jackson) and believed himself to be the rightful king. He was a house painter, and much like Chris, was from Virginia. He also attempted to kill a maid who looked at him funny. He would often stare out from his porch menacingly for hours on end, and children would constantly tease him about it.
 
Steve Jobs.

- Inveterate liar, stole all the credit for Steve Wozniak's actual engineering work.
- His chimpout at Microsoft when Windows first appeared was the stuff of legends. Unable to accept that both he and Bill Gates had independently plagiarised Digital Research's GEM, he engaged in endless lolsuits about it - a tradition Apple maintains to this day.
- Preferred alternative medicine until it was too late for stuff that works to prevent his death of cancer.
- Questionable personal hygiene skills
- Chimped out at his employees on a regular basis. By all accounts was a horrible person to work for.
 
One of his stories (which one exactly escapes me) contains the "horrifying twist" that the villains are black people, or something along those lines.

Edit: It was "Medusa's Coils," and it was actually treating an interracial marriage as something horrific. This is the final part of it:

I question what exactly Marceline was. I get that she was "a negress" but was she just that? Or was she actually something inhuman?

Because, during the story when Marceline is attacked by her jealous husband (for context, a friend of her husband, Frank Marsh, is so enraptured by Marceline's otherworldly beauty, he feels he MUST paint her). But her husband gets jealous when he discovers them together (not sleeping together mind you...but Frank PAINTING A PORTRAIT OF HER and she...er...just sitting there, being painted?)

Anyway, during the fight, her hair is described as "striking Marsh" and coiling around him like a python...and literally killing him. Also, the painting of Marceline nearly drives the unnamed narrator of the story mad.

Now, to me, that doesn't sound like a normal human being. Maybe I'm being too literal, or I'm really underestimating Lovecraft's racism toward blacks, but when I read the story, based on what I had read, I pictured Marceline as an African Gorgon (as in, same thing as the greek medusa, but with black skin)
 
I have a horrible and entirely unfounded suspicion that had Dennis Nilsen been born 30-35 years later, he would have claimed to be trans in order to get himself off the hook, and he would have become a horrorcow partly due to this, and also because he would have had a loyal squad of leftist fanatics, e.g. Guardian writers, who would have embraced his newfound transsexual status and whiteknighted him to hell and back because of his claimed status as part of a protected minority, even when all the evidence pointed towards him being a serial killer

and let's be honest, he would have fit right in with the rat king; by all accounts he was a creepy cunt, and he had a personality that made your skin crawl
 
That's the dude who got caught because he kept flushing fucking bones and shit down the drain at his house, causing pipe blockages and eventually people started wondering "why the fuck do you have so many bones in your drainpipes?"

What a tard.

yep, and he stank out the whole building with decomposing bodies

he was a genuinely repulsive individual, and it's a very good thing for society that he will never be released from jail
 
yep, and he stank out the whole building with decomposing bodies

he was a genuinely repulsive individual, and it's a very good thing for society that he will never be released from jail

"Nilsen was sentenced to life imprisonment on 4 November 1983, with a recommendation that he serve a minimum of 25 years." (later "replaced by a whole life tariff" in 1994, because apparently you can get explicitly reverse-pardoned in Europe)
"Victims 12–15" (latter # based on his confession)

So, at the time he was arrested, he could serve a minimum of 1 year 8 months for every murder victim if we use the confessed body count. When the "Public Order Act of 1986" was passed, "a person who uses threatening, abusive or insulting words or behaviour, or displays any written material which is threatening, abusive or insulting, is guilty of an offence if— (a) they intends thereby to stir up racial hatred, or (b) having regard to all the circumstances racial hatred is likely to be stirred up thereby" you can receive "maximum sentence of seven years imprisonment or a fine or both". So for being convicted as a racist in the UK between 1986 and 1994, if my math is right, you could get a sentence to the effect of 7/1.666 = 4.2 corpses down the drain (not sure if you have to round up).
 
Richard Lawrence, hands down
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Lawrence_(failed_assassin)
He made the first presidential assassination attempt (Against Andrew Jackson) and believed himself to be the rightful king. He was a house painter, and much like Chris, was from Virginia. He also attempted to kill a maid who looked at him funny. He would often stare out from his porch menacingly for hours on end, and children would constantly tease him about it.
I'm trying to decide if being saved by the historical Chris-chan would have been worse than this. I'm not 100% determined. -__-
 
Wasn't he let go from Apple for years because of bad business decisions?

I heard the Apple II line was better than the early Macintosh line, yet the latter was promoted anyway.

The Apple II line was not "better" than the Macintosh, far from it. The Apple II was just a lot cheaper and, when you look at how things turned out with the Macs, arguably more successful. The Apple II undercut the competition and ate their lunch, while the Macintosh line started a lot of new great things *cough*Xerox*cough* which were then in turn undercut by Microsoft et al.
 
Steve Jobs.

- Inveterate liar, stole all the credit for Steve Wozniak's actual engineering work.
- His chimpout at Microsoft when Windows first appeared was the stuff of legends. Unable to accept that both he and Bill Gates had independently plagiarised Digital Research's GEM, he engaged in endless lolsuits about it - a tradition Apple maintains to this day.
- Preferred alternative medicine until it was too late for stuff that works to prevent his death of cancer.
- Questionable personal hygiene skills
- Chimped out at his employees on a regular basis. By all accounts was a horrible person to work for.
Didn't he also neglect/abandon his pregnant wife?
 
Charles Mingus was kind of a horrorcow.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Mingus
He would often get into outbursts on stage, he'd often operate only under stress, he'd yell at his audience for not responding well, he punched a fellow bandmate in the mouth and he had depression.

Robert E. Howard could also be considered a horrorcow, as he was dependent on his mother and killed himself when she died. He was also afraid of getting older and would carry his gun wherever he went as self-defense. He most likely had an Oedepus complex.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_E._Howard
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_E._Howard's_health
 
Didn't he also neglect/abandon his pregnant wife?

That as well.

And another historical lolcow. William Topaz McGonagall. Careercow. William Topaz McGonagall's poetry is to poetry as Sonichu is to webcomics. It is giftedly bad. He would also repeatedly perform readings, in the most autismal manner imaginable, of his poems and sell tickets to the populace of his home town of Dundee, who in turn like a bunch of weens would buy them just to troll him, and with the proceeds he could buy the 1870s equivalent of vidya and Lego with it.

William Topaz McGonagall said:
Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

’Twas about seven o’clock at night,
And the wind it blew with all its might,
And the rain came pouring down,
And the dark clouds seem’d to frown,
And the Demon of the air seem’d to say-
“I’ll blow down the Bridge of Tay.”

When the train left Edinburgh
The passengers’ hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
Which made their hearts for to quail,
And many of the passengers with fear did say-
“I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay.”

But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

So the train sped on with all its might,
And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,
And the passengers’ hearts felt light,
Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
With their friends at home they lov’d most dear,
And wish them all a happy New Year.

So the train mov’d slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
Until it was about midway,
Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
Because ninety lives had been taken away,
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
And the cry rang out all o’er the town,
Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
Which fill’d all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
And made them for to turn pale,
Because none of the passengers were sav’d to tell the tale
How the disaster happen’d on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

It must have been an awful sight,
To witness in the dusky moonlight,
While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

Enjoy.
 
King Charles VI of France. Total skitzocow who was prone to chimpouts so bad, he'd sometimes forget who he was. He also had iron rods sewn into his clothes because he believed he was made of glass and was afraid that he'd shatter if other people touched him. There was also an incident where his paranoia about fire actually caused a fire, and a bunch of people ended up dying making sure he didn't get hurt. There were times where he'd run wildly through his palace, causing them to have to take precautions to keep him inside. He'd also go for months at a time without bathing or changing his clothes.
 
Last edited:
Bobby Fischer. He is widely considered to be one of the greatest chess players the world has ever known, but later in his life, he really started hitting the crazy pills.

He essentially believed himself to be a victim of a global conspiracy headed by the Jews (or "jooz" as he'd pronounce it). He was an outspoken antisemite who denied the holocaust but openly advocated for the "top Jews" to be executed while the remaining ones were put into concentration camps to be re-educated. He was ethnically Jewish himself, however, something he vehemently denied. He once even wrote to some Jewish encyclopedia demanding that they remove his name from their thing.

He also hated the United States, if I recall correctly, because they tried to arrest him for not paying his taxes. Because of said hatred for the US, he praised 9/11 when that happened, something which finally got the major chess people to cut ties with him. He spent the rest of his life as a reclusive fugitive whose only means of communication with the public came in the form of occasional calls to radio stations to rant more about the supposed conspiracies he'd been victimized by.

He's been widely speculated to have had everything from :autism: to schizophrenia, but was never formally diagnosed with anything.
 
cryptie.jpg


Cryptie.

I'm talking like 1998 / 1999 here. Back on Gothgoose.net

I'm expecting nobody here to know who this is. This is literally the first ever lolcow I ever seen on the net.
 
View attachment 180537

Cryptie.

I'm talking like 1998 / 1999 here. Back on Gothgoose.net

I'm expecting nobody here to know who this is. This is literally the first ever lolcow I ever seen on the net.
I've never heard of this person but their pictures make me feel like there's an interesting story behind him(?).
 
I've never heard of this person but their pictures make me feel like there's an interesting story behind him(?).

Phew, I need to dig deep, deep in my memory here we're talking almost 20 years ago. There's remarkably still some shit up about him:

http://members.tripod.com/mopey_gawth/cryptie.htm

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.127610290607731.9789.126774147358012

Times where a tad simpler back then I used to go to gothgoose.net to point and laugh at the goth weirdo's, they used to write weird poetry or talk about their often fake bi-sexual love life.

Ahhh memories....
 
"There was also an incident where his paranoia about fire actually caused a fire"

Not really. This event happened but wasn't caused by his paranoia, but simply by recklessness of the nobles on that party.

As for Bobby Fischer, he wasn't indicted for not paying his taxes (though he did admit he didn't pay them) but because he played a chess match in 1992 Yugoslavia despite US sanctions against the country.
 
Back
Top Bottom