Hey guys, how has everyone been?

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@Broseph Stalin - oh man i feel for you. not exactly the same situation, but pretty similar.

anyway

well, i've been sick for a bit and very uncomfortable. i've also really, really...not enough reallys, been reevaluating my life and having some gargantuan inner changes. changes for the better, but oh man. i can't even begin to type it all out. so much of it. maybe i can shorten it to saying i've always struggled with dishonesty (extremely), procrastination, anger and grudges (especially grudges), and just doing my own thing and that's not how it should be. i'm genuinely shocked that i can just tell you this now, because you know how inclined we are to hide our own flaws. our big, glaring, disgusting flaws.

and of course depression and getting hung up over weird, stupid stuff. really stupid stuff. not to mention all the massive worrying over real serious issues about loved ones.

i'm feeling extremely weird. part being sick, part being a bit hungover again (i seriously need to quit that), and this big huge realization that...let's just say some shit's really serious. really, really serious. and soul-crushing. but what can you do. i got a BIG realization that my life has to change completely, for the better. i thought it would be hard and i guess it will be because i only just now realized what i'll need to do with my life and i only just begun. but after feeling utterly bizarre for a few hours, i came to realize it's really not going to be so hard. it's easy to cross bridges when you get to them.

i'll talk to whoever wants to talk to me about it.
 
OH MY GOD WHY DO COMPUTERS HATE ME?

So on Black Friday I bought spergmate an EVGA Nvidia 970 graphics card and the cunting thing is faulty. ITS BEEN 5 WEEKS. IT COST ME OVER £250.

EDIT: okay it may not be faulty. The wiring in our flat appears to be faulty and not enough to sustain two gaming rigs.

Spergmate unplugged his PC to open it up and clean it, see if that helped, and when he plugged it back in it caused a proper power outage. It was really bizarre, The lights dimmed, my monitor turned off, the microwave turned off (and lost the clock settings on it, SIGH :lol: ) and we both really panicked because we thought we'd managed to blow his PC up.

But nope, it works fine as long as my PC is off, which is bullshit :c.

What's weird is this is the first time we've ever heard the GPU fan running. It said on the box it was very quiet and only kicked in once it hit 30 degrees, so I thought it was running fine :oops:
I'm not an expert on electricity but it seems like my PC stops spergmates graphics card getting 100% of the power it needs to run really pretty games, so it crashes. The GPU boasts about how it doesn't use any energy it doesn't need, so it's been running fine on less graphically intensive things because it's got enough power, but when it tries to draw into more it can't.

What I don't understand is how this hasn't tripped any of my fuses... Or how to solve this.

Edit 2: nvm (:_( it crashed again.
 
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I wore one of these at work all day because it was cold and a bit snowy. Now the inside of it smells like shampoo. :)
 
I got my pants cuff caught on the seat height adjuster in my car. Because I drive a li'l sport hybrid I'm really low to the ground. Consequently I got out and managed to propel my head into the body panel of the truck next to me. I also forgot to refill my meds so now I'm acting like a bit of a cokehead.

Gonna go eat my feelings with some soul food tonight from a restaurant three generations of my family has been going to. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, collards, and mac n' cheese here I come. Hopefully that will slow me down for a bit tonight.

EDIT: MOTHER OF FUCK THEY MOVED (which is not a problem because the new location is closer) BUT THEY CLOSE AT 7 AND I MISUNDERSTOOD. I didn't think that the new location could even open that early. :heart-empty:
 
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Oh fuck. I just learned that my brother's dog Carl has Lyme Disease. I know there's medication to it, but I scared. I feel that I failed him. I did my best on making sure I'm there for him, but that happened.
 
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LordDarkrai said:
Oh fuck. I just learned that my brother's dog Carl has Lyme Disease. I know there's medication to it, but I scared. I feel that I failed him. I did my best on making sure I'm there for him, but that happened.
Click to expand...

Lyme disease among dogs was actually a major issue where I used to live because we had an overabundance of deer (hate those fucking things) and they'd rub themselves on trees, which would spread ticks and so and and so forth, until eventually one neighbor's dog died from it. But I was always scared of that happening with my dogs.
 
I've kinda been wanting to come on and rant out my grueling experience over Christmas holiday time, but I partly haven't done it yet because I already vented it all out on Facebook, now I don't feel like it doing it here. But here in the Bahamas, the weather has finally turned "cold" and its raining right this moment, and I return to my apartment in the small island tomorrow night, so my time is short.

For the last few days of what was really just 7 days, I was telling all my coworkers "I am so ready to write the book on this." and later on, I started joking that the title is going to be called "How I washed 30,000 cups in around five hours total." At the same time, Lenny and Ben were singing "I aint got no life, I aint got no life." It was me laughing at how ridiculous that sounded coming from their mouths. When I'm done with my job of washing those 30,000 cups (though truthfully, it was like 1,200 cups or so for that night shift. And FYI, I am not exaggerating this. I wish I was) its midnight and all I want to do is *yawn* and play Star Fox 64, shooting down those ships and taking my anger out. But everyone else wants to party it out, going off to the secret parties. The next day, Lenny and the big bartender were talking about it, and the big bartender gloated to me "That would have been the most titties you've seen in your life" my response to him was "You're not telling me where! Thats the problem!" but I get it, thats why I called them "secret parties." I was invited out to party it up at the houses many times though but shit… Its midnight when I get off work after doing doubles every day. I'm out of energy and I just want to go home, *yawn*, and watch on my Tv my Sheena Easton concert recordings, Madonna music videos, game shows, 80s commercials, all this shit I have around me because it cheers me up. Its what I have to do so. I watch my Stephen Kings It tape during my breaks because that movie gets me very emotional. Somehow, I have to cry to control how emotional I can get during this time of pure pain and anger. Most people don't even get it, and I've accepted they never will. Thats why I want to write an autobiography when all is said and done. These people don't have any idea how much I wish I could go up to their house to party it up. But I am not like that. I just don't go from "work to out" like that. And I'm getting off work at midnight, starving to death, wanting my *yawn* and video games, and sleep, and iceboxed' room. Those guys are tourists, who have all the energy. I don't, when I work 12-12 every day, with a 2-hour max break before 6.

Its all over though, and I didn't act like a child once. I did end up with a small episode when I had the last straw when I come in at 12PM to find the bar unstocked. By that point, the bar should have its basic needs, people come in at 11:30AM! Why are there like 20 people in the restaurant but there's no ice? All the waitresses do is act like its the breakfast club! I understand they're women and shouldn't be lifting heavy, but you can't serve in a bar without ice, and I can't help that the schedule says I come in at 12PM, but these tourists are out by 11AM. Well… I've just been recuperating at my home on the main island for the past couple days. I'm back at the gym, and that feels great. My goal for now is to get my scale to read 190lbs by March. I love Spring Break! So many Spring Breakers, no parents, and you don't stay at work all night because all it is is Spring Breakers. And damn, those 18 year olds are friendly as hell to the locals. Must be because their parents aren't there. One time, I got picked up by like three girls in a golf cart, even though I had my bicycle and didn't need a ride.

So…. pressing onward!

Oh, as an amendum, I should point out I partied the shit out on New Years Eve, my sister and other sister (but not from the same parents) appeared on the island, and had our own moments of emotional connect. I had heard my other sister had just gotten out of an abusive relationship, and got the official confirmation from her… It had been water under the bridge at that point, and we enjoyed ourselves. All night long, we went to Tahiti beach with my new friends Chelsea and Shan, and the rest of the boys, and had a campfire until sunrise. That was my first New Years All Nighter. I must've had three different people tell me they had LSD. I'm surprised how daring people are in bringing things like that through airplanes. I also saw weed in colors I've never saw in the Bahamas before.
 
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I'm refusing to do much until I get my pills again. This has been one rough ass bitch of a week. My med doctor seemed pretty concerned that I went cold turkey on the skanks, but until I have a ride to my pharmacy, I still have to do without. So it's sleeping throughout the day and staring blankly at this screen until then.
 
i've been calmer.

been hitting the hard stuff.

i'm still sad it makes me into a better person, but i swear i've also been a better person without its help. it just...helps. hey if i get a really big tolerance....something something

anyway so i'll be getting back to work soon, and i've been thinking of taking polish language (because lots of good polish artists so i might as well get to learn that culture) and japanese language sometime (another prominent language you'll hear around here, among english and russian)

my russian needs work

i've really been wanting screwdrivers. as in, orange juice (which everybody else is craving so it's now hard for me to get some) and vodka, of course.

my bro and i obliterated half a 750ml bottle of fireball whiskey watching animoo yesterday. this will probably be a regular thing. which i'm totally fine with.

edit: oh yeah and also for the first time i visited some businesses near my place of work/education, and actually they're really great so i'm going to visit them on occasion from now on.
 
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My ferry is at 2PM, the only reason I was hanging around on the main island for so long was because I had Frozen rehearsal today. I was so bored for the last hour since my part is in the beginning. I just need an iPad like the rest of these kids.
 
Just got back from having to have our new kitten put to sleep. Terminal illness. Fucking hell, life sucks sometimes.
 
I spent the last month working. I get paid minimum wage, which is the equivalent of around 350$ a month in my country.

...I don't know. Not much else happened.

But I need to make something happen. I did not escape NEETdom to have a comfortable, stable existence. I just don't know what to do yet.

I'm doing some programming as a hobby in my free time. I really like doing that. This might be my chance.
 
The Unfuck Your Habitat tumblr has been absolutely instrumental in me getting organized and clean. It's a no-nonsense no cutsey word thing (the word clutter drives me up the wall) and is extremely helpful in showing me how to break everything down, one place at a time. It's not like I'm living amongst fruit flies and crusty plates but christ almighty, it's really nice not to trip over a clog in the middle of the night and break my face.

Downside is that my dust allergies are really bad and I feel like I've been shanked in the chest and rubbed myself all over with sandpaper.
 
So the reason I'm back so soon was, my resort is closed Monday through Wednesdays for renovations. For some reason, these announcements never make it to the restaurant until the last minute.
 
great new thai food place opened up, woooooooooo. awesome.

next to workplace/creepplace, and booze shop.

sweeeettt
 
Things are going better so far. I got a extra hour to work at the pizza place, now its nine hours a week. (three hours a day) Works out since minimum wage went up where I live. With this and my other job, I'm making more then before.

Other then that, I'm looking forward to the math course in February. It's almost here.
 
I'm on a kind of a fast for a couple days and I'm having the strangest phantom smells/tastes. Of course I'm thinking of food, that's not abnormal. But what's weird is tasting things I haven't had for eight years, like fried shrimp. I've never tasted anything so strongly outside of a flashback before. It sucks because I'm deathly allergic to shrimp and miss it and then my body goes and teases me. :heart-empty:
 
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