have you ever thought about killing yourself?

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Often, but id never do it since it most selfish thing you can ever do, your not just kill your self you killing your parents son and your siblings brother. You also go straight to an eternity of torture in hell and if religion isn't real your wasting your one opportunity to experience the joy of, you know, existing.
 
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Cat tit bingo said:
Often, but id never do it since it most selfish thing you can ever do, your not just kill your self you killing your parents son and your siblings brother. You also go straight to an eternity of torture in hell and if religion isn't real your wasting your one opportunity to experience the joy of, you know, existing.
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Hell is just standing in your Arcade soul machine looking at the screen of fire waiting for no one to die
 
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When I was 7 the first time I was left home alone while my parents went to pick up dinner, I immediately overwhelmed with autonomy rushed to the counter and pressed a steak knife to my throat. "I'm gonna kill myself the first chance I have, won't they feel silly for trusting me?" For some reason I couldn't do it, like physically couldn't push the blade any closer.

The point is, you'll never know till you try.
 
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I have. Now I think about death and try to future-proof against it. I'm not even halfway done and there's so much left to do. I think if major depression has ever touched you, it doesn't really leave. However, that quote that until you find something to fight for, you fight against things, really is true. I always felt like I had this driving chaos and pain where others had peace. I thought I had something fundamentally wrong with me and that I was broken. I was, but I could make some of that chaos better for other people. I could make sense of it. I made a promise that I would do whatever it took to follow that purpose however it was supposed to happen. It was so hard, but it was also so rewarding.

For anyone who actually is suicidal, I want people to know that. It gets better because you make it better. Depression is manageable.
 
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I remember what it was like back in November when I first tried getting clean, and withdrawal was fucking brutal. There were weeks that I spent loathing every day of my existence, wanting to either get another hit or put a gun to my head. The muscle spasms, cold sweats, paranoia, splitting headaches... Everything felt like it was there to literally grind my life to a halt so I'd give up, and it was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to go through. Even though physically, I might have my shit together, psychologically, it's like a fight to keep going every day. The only things that really keep me holding on are the responsibilities that I have towards my family and my undying love that I have for my chosen love interests. Otherwise, I think I probably would have killed myself by now.
 
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More times than I can count for about the past 15 years. I'm afraid I would mess it up and either become a vegetable or suffer horribly before I eventually died, so I'm stuck here. Oh well. Thanks for the thread, though. It's always nice to have a reminder that we're not alone in this.
 
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