User Sub Fun Chris conversation, dropped July 25, 2014

[TaterBot]

" ask her what her favorite things are and why she likes them and she'll blab for ages." The kid's got some keen insight on female mentality.
Was he the one who failed

Spoiler: The Pickup Artist

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pickup_Artist_(TV_series)

Hi, Spoon.

unsolicited advice to Chris: Avoid talking like Hyacinth.

 

[Descent]

" ask her what her favorite things are and why she likes them and she'll blab for ages." The kid's got some keen insight on female mentality.

I know not a lot of people have actually listened to all the Kacey calls so you'll have to trust me when I say there's some irony in that sentence.

In his own words, his greatest achievement is paying a woman to lie back and let him stick his crooked penis in her.

I'm willing to bet 10 Olivia's house Lego sets that Chris was the one laying down and letting the prostitue and mother of two do all the work.

 

[Firesharpie]

Is the transcript from a video, a chat room, a phone call, etc?

A series of text messages, I believe.

 

[A-№1]

>hooker
>caring mother of two

k chris.

I wouldn't be too judgemental on the poor prostitute. Two children and having to have sex with Chris for money speaks to me of limitless desperation, especially as it's apparent she had to go back a second time, knowing full well the horror in store for her. I feel sorry for her.

I love how once OPL finds out the guy is not a total ladies man, he reverts to the "teacher" tone. "Dump your virginity, kid." MY SKIN CRAWLS.

It's the way he flips 180° from pathetic: "I can't talk to girls - do it for me," to Alpha Pimp: "Get yoself a ho, kid," that gives me the brain whiplash. It retroactively changes the whole tone of the prior conversation: Chris wasn't asking for help meeting women. He was asking someone to go fishing for sex for him (also legos and vidya).

(No discussion thread so posting this here, brother). Brother, Chris's OKCupid game needs some work. The Hulkster never had a problem; just mentioning the 24 inch pythons along the training, the prayers and the vitamins seems to attract women quite easily.

I have to believe it's actually your charming smile, easy wit, and true American patriotism that wins the ladies, Mr. Hogan. The 24 inch pythons are just icing on the beefcake.

Meanwhile Chris would be hopeless at any upper arm circumference. Of course, after reading this thread, if by some miracle he did manage to get himself some manly 24 inch biceps, it's likely he'd have just borrowed them off someone else.

In his own words, his greatest achievement is paying a woman to REDACTED

Another slightly graphic description of Chris having sex. Which is still too much. Because Chris.

In know neither of you intended to be squicky, but any description of the sex act involving Chris can't help but be. When in doubt, please use spoiler tags.

 

[Alien]

With how much Chris brags about hiring a prostitute I'm hoping he at least got himself tested for STDs...

 

[Lefty's Revenge]

I am drawing Mazarea in a "Flight Over Cwcville" with Angelica now.

Shortly after this is done, Bananasaur plays Scrabble with Punchy.

Sometimes I sit back and look at the shit I'm reading and just wonder...

 

[RequiredName]

what kind of groceries does your mom need $200 for??!!

Does he think groceries in America are cheap?

 

[Lefty's Revenge]

Does he think groceries in America are cheap?

Groceries in the US aren't exactly cheap but anyone with any modicum of sense could buy groceries for two people and not spend 200 fucking dollars. I've shopped for a 3 person household before without ever cracking 100. Chris and Barb are probably buying a bunch of microwaveable shit and if Chris is doing the shopping they're probably getting a kids shit too like fruit roll ups and what not. Even if thats not the case, we all know Chris is lazy and would put no effort into finding sales, avoiding high costs, and calculating how much he should spend.


Plus, groceries are usually a lot cheaper at walmart but lets not bring up old history here.

 

[Tomboy]

Connecticut in Canada?

I'm from Connecticut....and now live in Canada.

I swear it ain't me buying the violin.

 

[Good Soothing Coffee]

I'm willing to bet 10 Olivia's house Lego sets that Chris was the one laying down and letting the prostitue and mother of two do all the work.

That is most certainly a weighted bet I admit my mind goes where it shouldn't and I wonder, how did it all work? There is no way, no matter how physically loose this poor girl was, that a 45 degree bent duck could get terribly far, literally. Sadly that's probably not the weirdest challenge she's had to deal with in her career.

 

[RequiredName]

I wouldn't wish Wally World on my worst enemies. Well, I would, but Christian is just some emotionally self-harming internet celebrity, like an emo kid except that instead of razor blades he uses irrevocable humiliation.

Would the 100 be a slow week? You said three people. Three people don't just need a well-balanced diet (most people aren't college kids subsisting on debt and ramen noodles). They need toiletries as well, and all the things to maintain a household. Sorry, don't answer that. That's too personal.

I'm not sure Toys R Us can be included in $200 like someone mentioned, considering the questionable revelations of how much he's spent there. That expenditure seemed like it far exceeded a couple hundred. Incidentally, the wiki page on his Lego expenses should probably be revised--it comes off far more judgmental than the other pages, and almost seems like it's written with a noticeable A-logging tint. But now that I glance over it again (maybe) a couple days later, it seems it may have already been tweaked to be a smidgeon softer, but they still refer to it as "horrifying." Plus, restating that Cwcki "takes no joy in this" and "What he has is a disease" perhaps comes off as respectively "begging the question" and are a tad reaching with superfluous dialogue.

Michael Snyder did come off as typical proto-fungal management material in his brief representation apart from Christian's inherently biased interpretation. He's essentially milking off of people on welfare. I unfortunately happen to know some people who live in an affluent neighborhood and take long-distance vacations where they steal food from a homeless shelter, and they've been reported as eating the food of hospital patients.

 

[Mogambo]

You know, this conversation reveals some interesting things about Chris...

The first, he apparently has no sex drive, which is something I've suspected for a long time. He claims to have had sex with his prostitute twice, and then that's it. No longer interested in sex. It goes a long way towards bolstering my theory that he's simply a man child who saw getting rid of his virginity as a rite of passage into manhood, but never really cared about it. It also explains why he gets condescending when he thinks his "friend" is still a virgin. Chris views himself as successful in something because he managed to fulfill a simply biological act. One wonders if he feels just as accomplished for breathing or going to the bathroom... actually knowing Chris, that probably is a big achievement for him.

The second thought that crossed my mind is that he seems very hung up on this women being "Cherokee." I do wonder if she actually is though. It's not uncommon for people in the South to claim Cherokee ancestry, and certainly its true for some people. However, I wonder if she might be black or mixed race. In the past, it was very common for people of mixed race to claim Cherokee descent due to the stigma of being black, even amongst other blacks. Of course, Chris wouldn't know ethnicity by looking at someone, but I think it would be freaking hilarious if Chris had sex (or attempted sex) with a woman of African descent, as that's one of the criteria he specifically excluded from his "Love Quest."

 

[A-№1]

The second thought that crossed my mind is that he seems very hung up on this women being "Cherokee."

I suspect that could partly just be Chris' brand loyalty in action.

Of course, Chris wouldn't know ethnicity by looking at someone, but I think it would be freaking hilarious if Chris had sex (or attempted sex) with a woman of African descent, as that's one of the criteria he specifically excluded from his "Love Quest."

The joke's on him. We are ALL descended from Africans.

 

[Henry Bemis]

" do yourself a really big favor: go on Craigslist for your area; find yourself a ho to play with; dump your virginity. For me it was the BEST thing I was ever able to do for myself"

In his own words, his greatest achievement is paying a woman to lie back and let him stick his crooked penis in her. That's the crowning moment of his 32 years on this planet. Christ, he's set the bar so low it's underground.

And he had to get someone to set it all up for him.

 

[WilhelmIIofPrussia]

What I take away from this transcript is that really, in 7 years, Chris has not changed. From watching the videos of him over the years, I gathered the impression that the inexorable and brutal trolling meted out to him had matured him and killed off his most manbabyish characteristics. This email, and the recent video about Catherine have changed that view and in actual fact, all he has done is change his clothes and become a paranoid recluse.

I mean seriously, "average to slender" and "high income with a job for her"? Seriously? Christian is at the rock bottom of the social hierarchy and he expects a partner who is at the top? His pernickety, uncompromising and unrealistic requirements in females are just as autistic as ever. He also sounds like a misogynistic prick with his use of the word "ho" and his push to get this guy to abandon his virginity.

Oddly enough he seems to think that his autistic problems with communication end with the first thing he says to someone. Doesn't he realise all of his interactions with people are going to be beleaguered by his inability to understand others? So what's the use of getting [censored] to help him break the ice with these unlucky women? His situation with love is hopeless and maybe he should settle for just living in a LEGO Fantasia for the rest of his tainted days.