Disaster Fearless seagull injures diner in hash brown attack

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https://www.metro.news/mcburglar-fearless-seagull-injures-diner-in-hash-brown-attack/1168524/

A SHOPPER had her lip torn open by a hungry seagull as she tucked into a McDonald’s hash brown.

The food-crazed bird swooped as Laura Morgan, 32, took a bite out of the piping hot breakfast snack.

It struck her across the head with its huge wing before making a dive for the hash brown, sinking its beak into Laura’s lip.

Luckily she managed to cling on to her breakfast but was left bruised with a bloody mouth.

Laura said: ‘It must have been large, I thought someone had just assaulted me.

‘I had no idea it was a gull at first, I thought I had been punched.

‘I didn’t actually even get to see the bird. It was all over so fast.

‘I was in shock, it actually went into my mouth.’

Laura, from Clacton-on-Sea, Essex, had just bought the 79p hash brown when the bird seized its moment to strike on Tuesday morning.

The nursery practitioner grabs breakfast from the fast food chain every Tuesday, before going to meet her 82-year-old grandmother to help her with shopping.

Laura had spotted gulls eyeing her up before but said this is the first time she had been attacked.

She said: ‘My nan couldn’t quite believe it when she saw me.

‘I am laughing about it now but what if it had got me in the eye?

‘People need to be aware they are about and can do this sort of thing.

‘Whenever I’m getting a McDonald’s, I can see them following me.’

Following the attack, Laura visited a nearby pharmacist who advised her to go to her doctors.

She was treated with antibiotics and mouthwash at the minor injuries unit at Clacton Hospital, where she says she caused quite a stir with the doctors.

She said: ‘It got a lot of interest, the doctors were discussing it amongst themselves.

‘Of course, my friends were all laughing at me.’

In 2015, four-year-old James Bryce suffered a badly gashed finger when a seagull swooped down and swiped the sausage roll he was eating.

It followed an attack on Rebecca Harrison, 13, who was mobbed by seagulls for her Greggs steak bake.

The Royal Society for the Protection of Birds advises the best defence against seagulls is to raise your arms to protect your head and then move away.

They say people should keep food hidden or covered as much as possible and take it out only to eat it.
 
Last time I told the cashier that my hash brown was limp. They gave me a replacement.
 
blunt force with anything less than a vehicle is ineffective on waterfowl. You could drop-kick a seagull or geese and only stun it in surprise, their feathers are too powerful as armor. Regarding the sharpness, I know ducks have toothy ridges in their bills, so it wouldn't surprise me if seagull beaks are micro-serrated as well.
 
It’s the fact she didn’t drop the food that cracks me up. She fought a seagull for a 79p McDonalds potato product.

I have also been relieved of my bag of chips as a young’un by a seagull in Morecambe Bay. It was quite hilarious. Airborne mugging.
It wasn’t a potato product. It was hash browns.
 
I do wildlife rehab and I can confirm that seagulls are assholes that can fuck you up. I've got scars from trying to force the little bastards to swallow pills.

They're so aggressive where I live. I've seen unsuspecting tourists leave their food on a table for just a moment and in seconds it gets swarmed by six of these feathery freeloaders. They stole an entire soup-filled breadbowl!
 
Dave_Seagull.jpg
 
Of course the U.K would be crowded with thieving, violent animals and do nothing about them.
 
Hey does anyone want anything from Mickey Dee’s?
I only got money for BIG, BLACK DICK & for SWALL JAPANESE WANG.
 
Only thing worse than seagulls are Canadian geese.

Canadian Geese in the USA are actually raised as guard animals in some areas, and are actually really good at it since they're good at recognizing people (they won't attack those familiar with them). Many fertilizer makers in the USA also use goose shit as a primary ingredient (alongside other poultry shit) as a primary ingredient, so geese definitely have some value.

The reason Gulls keep getting bigger and more aggressive is through extensive crossbreeding, much as how Pigeons keep getting smarter due to the same. Smaller local species, such as common gulls and ring-beak gulls, have been gradually breeding with larger Herring Gulls and Great Blackwing Gulls - species that are extremely aggressive and violent. In most areas, these fucking things are actually protected under migratory species laws despite the fact that they cause tons of property damage and have been known to murder pets. Also their shit is so acidic that it lowers the lifespan of your average building rooftop by around 50%.

Basically, they moved in, fucked the locals, brought their degenerate ways with them, and now they're a problem that isn't allowed to be solved because every conventional way of dealing with them is currently against the law due to a laws on the books specifically to protect migratory birds that actually have value - and the law is horrifyingly aggressive about pursuing those who would kill seagulls, because of so many animal rights groups aggressively pushing to punish anyone who tries to harm the fucking things. Seriously, type "seagull killed" into the search engine of your choice and then look how often those demanding answers aren't law enforcement, but some fucking SPCA agency demanding to know who shot a fucking gull with an arrow.
 
Canadian Geese in the USA are actually raised as guard animals in some areas, and are actually really good at it since they're good at recognizing people (they won't attack those familiar with them). Many fertilizer makers in the USA also use goose shit as a primary ingredient (alongside other poultry shit) as a primary ingredient, so geese definitely have some value.

The reason Gulls keep getting bigger and more aggressive is through extensive crossbreeding, much as how Pigeons keep getting smarter due to the same. Smaller local species, such as common gulls and ring-beak gulls, have been gradually breeding with larger Herring Gulls and Great Blackwing Gulls - species that are extremely aggressive and violent. In most areas, these fucking things are actually protected under migratory species laws despite the fact that they cause tons of property damage and have been known to murder pets. Also their shit is so acidic that it lowers the lifespan of your average building rooftop by around 50%.

Basically, they moved in, fucked the locals, brought their degenerate ways with them, and now they're a problem that isn't allowed to be solved because every conventional way of dealing with them is currently against the law due to a laws on the books specifically to protect migratory birds that actually have value - and the law is horrifyingly aggressive about pursuing those who would kill seagulls, because of so many animal rights groups aggressively pushing to punish anyone who tries to harm the fucking things. Seriously, type "seagull killed" into the search engine of your choice and then look how often those demanding answers aren't law enforcement, but some fucking SPCA agency demanding to know who shot a fucking gull with an arrow.
Might be time to start revising some of those laws then.

And seeing if there's any good recipes for seagull.
 
I fucking hate seagulls. I don't live far from the sea, so these bastards are literally outside my house. I can hear them right now. My neighbor likes to feed the birds - but the birds get fuck all because the gulls storm the front garden the moment she throws the bread out.

Sometimes I hear them running along my roof and worry that they're going to dislodge a tile.

Cull the bastards. Lance their eggs. Apparently councils have been adding birth control to food and putting it out but there's still too many of them - and it still feeds them!
 
Hey now there is a good use for McDonalds coffee. If Seagull attacks, drench it in the coffee. Instant bird soup!
 
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