UK British News Megathread - aka CWCissey's news thread

Morethanabitfoolish · Apr 7, 2026

Clem Fandango said:
Shouldn't they be increasing the speed limit on the motorways? The limits were set in the sixties, based on sixties car technology, and have never been updated since

Next you're going to suggest increasing tax brands.

Which the overwhelming amount of these so-called anti-capitalist parties never discuss.

Kofi Drinka · Apr 7, 2026

Morethanabitfoolish said:
In Birmingham? I'd joke about the sort of models you would find but I'm tired and have news to post so the mob can make their best jokes instead.

What would the joke be? Make me laugh, life is shite.

Tom Nook's Gloryhole said:
Absolute scenes when the first lad in this forum accidentally ends up in a terror cell because they thought they could buy discount Warhammer.

I'm probably on a watch list already. We all are. But they will just say "We had them on our radar. We didn't expect them to really BUY some warhammer!"

Clem Fandango said:
Shouldn't they be increasing the speed limit on the motorways? The limits were set in the sixties, based on sixties car technology, and have never been updated since. They should increase the limit to reflect improvements in braking and safety technology, or better yet give us a British "Autobahn" with no limit.

Is this in Restore's manifesto? I might write to them and suggest it right now.

80 is still dangerous with half the idiots driving. Technology got better but smart phones and in car tablets started to exist. Attention spans are way lower and it makes for worse drivers.

Chunky Salsa · Apr 7, 2026

Kofi Drinka said:
80 is still dangerous with half the idiots driving. Technology got better but smart phones and in car tablets started to exist. Attention spans are way lower and it makes for worse drivers.

I was driving to a conference a few months back and watched some guy just swerve across all three lanes with zero warning. I was already doing 85, he was zooming away from me, so easily doing +15 on top of that. Real Mad Max hours on these roads.

El Gordo Ramsay Sex Dwarf · Apr 7, 2026

Got some nice Warhammer-adjacent stuff on the resin printer queue, but mostly working on Maschinen Krieger at the moment.

Kofi Drinka · Apr 7, 2026

El Gordo Ramsay Sex Dwarf said:
Got some nice Warhammer-adjacent stuff on the resin printer queue, but mostly working on Maschinen Krieger at the moment.

When I was there last time I had my eye on the monster hunter board game. I just want the models to paint. Maybe I'd play it with my local group but it's more about some retail therapy and having a project. There's some nice autistic shops around the train station. I got some great advice from the thread for when I visited before and managed to avoid any exploding people to tell the tale. Did see one guy who was very clearly off his rocker and seemed dangerous.

BongoMongo · Apr 7, 2026

GratsTheat783 said:
Some American guy told me that he thinks if Restore took power and deported all the Muslims, they'd start doing some purity spiral thing and would start deporting people of Irish descent as well. Will this happen? Is resolving the Irish question once and for all the true end goal of Restore?

I would be happy if they did. Send the sectarian cunts on the West Coast of Scotland back to the hole they rhapsodize so much about.

If you're not of British descent, GTFO, unless you're, as per Restores mini manifesto, insanely talented and invited here, without your family,to contribute your exceptional knowledge because we genuinely have nobody equal. I would even favour these people getting a % back of their tax when they leave if they have trained people and shared their knowledge but that's just me.

cancelmysubscription · Apr 7, 2026

Amin Yasister said:
Joey Barton charged with GBH With Intent. Remanded in Custody until his trial is scheduled to start in FIVE months time.

Whereas Hollie Dance (and her thug son Tom Summers) both get convicted of GBH with intent on 1st April, and both let loose on society until their sentencing on 31st May.

Note both Hollie and Tom have been convicted of GBH in the past (Hollie twice) so like Barton, it's not their first rodeo.

Was really weird that.

I’m sure the report I read just said ‘As an act of mercy’ as to why they were going to be allowed to remain free until sentencing.

How the fuck does that work then? Is that purely discretionary on the judges part? ‘Mercy’ for violent, lunatic behaviour and ceaseless lying? Fucking joke of a system.

BongoMongo · Apr 7, 2026

cancelmysubscription said:
Was really weird that.

I’m sure the report I read just said ‘As an act of mercy’ as to why they were going to be allowed to remain free until sentencing.

How the fuck does that work then? Is that purely discretionary on the judges part? ‘Mercy’ for violent, lunatic behaviour and ceaseless lying? Fucking joke of a system.

It's called the Pussy Pass. Recognized legal phenomena in which women get lesser sentences for the same crimes as men. First time I heard the expression was from an Advocate (the Scottish version of a KC) but it's also directly referred to if you study an LLB.

Morethanabitfoolish · Apr 8, 2026

Kofi Drinka said:
What would the joke be?

Birmingham.

To avoid one-word post have some news

We're stealing from American culture now

https://archive.ph/w0bf6

A chicken shop customer threatened a staff member with a fake gun after he was given the wrong sauces.
Marwan Khadir, 18, carried out the armed attack on the south London take away on Christmas Eve after he was given the wrong number of garlic sauce dips in his order.
He threatened to shoot and kill the victim using a realistic imitation gun, assaulting him multiple times in an attack that lasted more than two minutes.
On Tuesday, he was sentenced to three years in prison at Woolwich Crown Court.
CCTV footage released by the Metropolitan Police showed Khadir ordering three chicken legs, chips and a drink from the shop shortly before 9pm on Dec 24, 2025.
He could be heard asking for dips of garlic sauce and dips of mayonnaise.
Khadir then returned to his flat, where footage showed him rummaging through the bag of food and counting the number of dips he had been given.

After discovering he had been given the wrong number, he was seen pacing around the flat while on the phone.
He made his way back to the shop and shouted at the staff member: “I asked for three garlics and three mayos!”
Khadir yelled “open the door”, leapt onto the counter, then cocked the weapon before grabbing the worker’s wrist and pointing the gun at his head.
He then said: “I’m going to kill you now, are you mad?”

Police said the victim reported the assault on Christmas Day.
Officers identified Khadir through intensive CCTV and financial tracking, as well as resident checks, which took place between Christmas and New Year’s Day.
They also conducted large-scale phone work to identify his address and worked with firearms command to obtain warrants for his arrest on Jan 2.
After the arrest, officers seized the replica gun used in the attack, fake ammunition, and matching clothing to that worn in the CCTV footage.

On Jan 30, Khadir pleaded guilty at Woolwich Crown Court to possessing an imitation gun with intent to cause fear of violence, making threats to kill and assault occasioning actual bodily harm.
Scotland Yard said his sentencing came as it cracked down on the use and illicit sale of both real and imitation firearms. It said 676 guns were taken off London’s streets last year.
Det Sgt Amy Cross, who led the investigation, said: “The tireless work by officers on this case over the Christmas and New Year period is further evidence that policing never stops, and their efforts ultimately led to a conviction.
“All our thoughts continue to remain with the victim of this terrifying ordeal, something no one should ever have to go through, let alone at their place of work. The strength he has shown since the attack has been remarkable.
“On top of this, the courage he demonstrated in coming forward and reporting the assault was incredibly brave. He was then able to subsequently identify the perpetrator, a crucial moment in allowing us to move the investigation forward.”

While there's a lot in this article to anger you what's really telling, aside from more money being funnelled into organisations incentivised not to deliver results, is that of some 32,000 schools in the country 90% of knife crime in the UK is located in certain hot spots. Which they won't name publicly, restricting the info to the police.

https://archive.ph/4ovc9

Up to 250 schools in knife crime hotspots will receive specialist training in a bid to divert children from serious violence, the government has announced.
It said a £1.2m investment will help fund the measures, which could include mentoring for high-risk students and chaperones on school routes.
It comes as the government is expected to set out more details of how it plans to meet its ambition to halve knife crime within a decade.
The Conservatives accused the government of "massive cheek", saying it had "created this mess in the first place with their police cuts". The Liberal Democrats said "these measures alone won't be enough to end the plight" of knife crime.
Reform UK said children were effectively being told "it's down to them to protect themselves".
Knife crime continued a downward trend in 2025, with offences down by 9% on the year prior and pre-Covid levels, according to data published by the Office for National Statistics, external in January.
While urban areas have long seen more instances of knife crime, some research, external suggests it has become more widespread over time.
The Safety In and Around Schools Partnership will train school leaders on the risk of knife crime and develop "local solutions to improve pupil safety and prevent serious violence".
More intensive and tailored support will be provided to around 50 of the 250 schools, the government said.
Separately, the government announced on Tuesday that it had shared mapping technology with 27 police forces, able to pinpoint knife crime hotspots down to the nearest 10 sqm (107.6 sq ft).
The areas - which it said account for 90% of knife crime in England and Wales - will see a "dramatic surge" in police activity, including increased police patrols and new CCTV cameras.
It also said it was investing more than £26m into the Knife Crime Concentrations Fund to support the steps.
The schools partnership is being run by charity the Youth Endowment Fund (YEF), which works to prevent violence among young people, and is supported by the Department for Education, the Ministry of Justice and Home Office.
YEF told the BBC it will be delivered in phases beginning with "early engagement" this school year, before "more intensive support" in the coming academic year.
Children and their experiences will be at the core of the work, YEF said, with the view of helping schools to understand where and when pupils feel safe.
A specialist school self-assessment tool, external will also be used as part of the training programme, it added.

Jon Yates, YEF CEO and member of the government's Coalition to Tackle Knife Crime, said: "We know what works to prevent knife crime - a trusted adult, someone to talk to, social and emotional support, [and also] opportunities like sport.
"This programme - backed by the government - aims to bring that support to more of our school children, giving them the chance to live a life free from violence and keeping more young people safe from harm."
Justice Secretary David Lammy said the funding will help protect children and build "the safer streets every community deserves".
Shadow home secretary Chris Philp accused Labour of having "a massive cheek" making its announcement while cutting total police numbers.
He said: "In London, they even scrapped dedicated police officers in schools completely - and now they claim to be worried about the resulting school crime. They created this mess in the first place with their police cuts."
Philp said the Conservatives would "go further and be tougher" with "zero tolerance" for violence or serious disruption in schools.
Liberal Democrat justice spokeswoman Jess Brown-Fuller said: "Too many young lives have been lost to knife crime and schools have been crying out for further support to tackle it, but these measures alone won't be enough to end the plight.
"The government needs to focus on returning to proper community policing where people know their local officer, and ensure that right across the country young people have access to youth services."
Reform UK home affairs spokesperson Zia Yusuf said it was "tragic that knife crime is so out of control that children are being effectively told it's down to them to protect themselves".
"Reform would crush knife crime by ensuring the police use stop and search to get all deadly weapons off our streets."
The announcement comes as the first wave of youth clubs aimed at giving young people support with jobs and wellbeing are set to open across England.
Eight young futures hubs will open in areas with high anti-social behaviour, including Bristol, Nottingham and Leeds.
Areas of high anti-social behaviour have been targeted for the first wave of the hubs, but they will be among 50 that will open across the country.

"No-one's lying about their age to get into the country!"

https://archive.ph/8hBOn

The Home Office has been forced to prove in court that an asylum seeker with a thick beard, moustache and receding hairline was not a child.
In a case that highlights the extent some migrants will go to try to be classified as a minor to obtain asylum, the Ethiopian man demanded a judicial review to challenge the suggestion he was an adult.
But Judge Sarah Grey, of the Upper Tribunal (Immigration and Asylum Chamber), found the 23-year-old man had repeatedly lied about his age, his family and had doctored or deleted social media accounts that showed he was a grown man.
Shabana Mahmood, the Home Secretary, will now decide his asylum application.
The man, who has been granted anonymity, arrived in the UK on a small boat from France in March last year, claiming he was only 17 but had no documents to prove his date of birth.
He told immigration officers he was born in February 2008 and at the age of 12, he left his home city of Shire Inda Selassie for Calais, where he paid people smugglers to cross the English Channel last year.
Notes made by immigration officials who interviewed him in Kent said he had “thick facial hair around the upper lip... evidence of longer term shaving down... lines on his forehead... his Adam’s Apple was prominent...[and he had a] visible beard and moustache.”
They also recorded how “his hair was beginning to show evidence of receding” and that he had dyed the roots, concluding he was therefore an adult.
Other documents state that “when challenged on his age, he did have a smirk” and then “needed time to write down his date of birth, and appeared to be working it out”.
His lawyers rejected the suggestion that he was in his 20s and obtained permission for a judicial review.

The judge’s ruling, published this month, explained how officials recovered his deleted social media accounts where he used nicknames including “the cute devil” and “hustler” and registered his real May 26 birthday and Gemini zodiac sign.
A Facebook account showed people wishing him a happy birthday on May 26, which “undermined his account of his claimed age”.
Asked in court why he had “liked” those messages, he said he “did not think it was appropriate to correct the well-wishers” about his “real” birthday.
At one point during interviews, he accidentally admitted finishing school in Ethiopia aged 17 “before changing his answer to four years younger, 13”.
The judge also questioned his accounts of family life, saying the ages he gave his parents and siblings meant his mother would have given birth twice in her 50s.
The man said he fled Ethiopia after seeing his father and brothers killed “in front of his eyes”. Despite having access to phones during his five years of travelling, he said he only ever made contact with his uncle to get documentary proof of his birth, which he then lost.
Judge Grey said: “Having just witnessed the death of his father and brothers, one would imagine he would be desperate to contact his remaining family to ensure they were safe and to reassure them that he was.”
She said the man then claimed that he had appeared in a hostage video and was “going to be sold by Libyan agents while hiding in the desert”.
He claimed he had shared the video with British authorities but no clip could be found.

The judge concluded she had “no faith” in the man’s evidence, which was “indicative of someone who had something to hide”.
Judge Grey concluded: “After careful consideration, I find it more likely than not that the applicant arrived in the UK as a young adult in his early twenties.
“I find that the applicant has made a conscientious effort to mislead the authorities in order to secure the perceived benefits from being an unaccompanied asylum-seeking child.”
She found that, on the balance of probabilities, he was born on May 26, 2002, “so when he arrived in the UK he was 22 years old”.
The ruling states that the man, now 23, and his legal team could only try to overturn the ruling “on a point of law”.
His legal team failed to respond to a request for comment about whether they would appeal against the ruling.

UselessRubberKeyboard · Apr 8, 2026

Mound Dweller said:
You can apply it to many social ills really, excepting crimes of passion/pure opportunity/mastermind villain bullshit the vast majority of offences happen because it's the same few fuckers doing it everytime. The dude who sells Syrian cigs under the counter is also the guy who has a sideline people smuggling to staff his weed farm which he uses to fund his backroom card games and the like, it's all interlinked in a surprisingly small circle of shit, if the garden of ne'er-do-wells was trimmed a little more diligently it wouldn't be quite so horrible looking.

Absolutely everyone in a community knows who these dickheads are, too. Everyone is sick of them, but no-one can say anything (in case bad things happen) and the police couldn’t give a fuck.

Then I read a couple of days ago that Labour were considering cutting police funding to pay for more military shit. At this rate we’ll be anarchy on the streets and virgins in the sheets. With drug dealers forcibly living in our back rooms.

GratsTheat783 said:
Some American guy told me that he thinks if Restore took power and deported all the Muslims, they'd start doing some purity spiral thing and would start deporting people of Irish descent as well. Will this happen? Is resolving the Irish question once and for all the true end goal of Restore?

Bloody hell, we have to go somewhere! Have you tried surviving in Ireland? No-one wants to buy my spuds, and I can’t afford to train racehorses. At least when we first came over to the U.K. we were builders, bus drivers and nurses. Now we’re apparently racist whites who are responsible for enslaving half of the planet and should die, because we’re pale and ginger.

At least we’re not as foreign as the ones from the boats?

As for Joey Barton, no idea what he’s done this time but the way the media and social media have absolutely ruined that man’s life is fucking horrible. He wasn’t wrong about that terrible commentator lady, and nothing he said was in any way a crime. Calling her the Rose West of commentary was worthy of a jail sentence? Gtfo. I don’t deny that he can be a dickhead, but there’s plenty of them about who don’t get sent down. Hollie Dance is a great example.

Kofi Drinka · Apr 8, 2026

UselessRubberKeyboard said:
At this rate we’ll be anarchy on the streets and virgins in the sheets.

I'm getting new bed sheets? Cool! My He-man ones are getting a bit long in the tooth now..

You know you're old when a wee bit of gardening fucks you up for days. All I did was trim the hedge and today I feel like I've run a marathon.

teriyakiburns · Apr 8, 2026

UselessRubberKeyboard said:
Then I read a couple of days ago that Labour were considering cutting police funding to pay for more military shit. At this rate we’ll be anarchy on the streets and virgins in the sheets. With drug dealers forcibly living in our back rooms.

It would be more effective to drop all the green subsidies (and the levies that don't even remotely fund them) and shunt that into the military instead. But that requires sanity...

DreinMeinVein · Apr 8, 2026

Chunky Salsa said:
What sick fuck does below 80mph on the motorway? Insane.

Cruise control set to 79mph (reading the satnav, not the speedometer). 70 + 10% + 2.=79
If you pass a camera at 80mph you'll get points, but...
Seventy-nine is totally fine.

teriyakiburns · Apr 8, 2026

DreinMeinVein said:
Cruise control set to 79mph (reading the satnav, not the speedometer). 70 + 10% + 2.=79
If you pass a camera at 80mph you'll get points, but...
Seventy-nine is totally fine.

Unfortunately, this isn't a safe assumption. It's common, because speedos have a bit of slop in them, but not every local authority sets the error range so widely. There's a bunch of cameras on the A62 that have almost no breathing room on them at all. You go one mile over, even if your speedo says you're under, and you get a ticket. One spot has three of them within a couple of miles of one another. National Highways isn't consisting on the motorways, either.

Heinrich Maneuver · Apr 8, 2026

They also have that bastard speed trap outside Bristol which catches you every fucking time. I fucking hate it there, nicest bit of motorway afterwards tho.

Schoolgirls handed rape alarms amid fears hotel migrants are stalking them in Scottish town

Males staying at the Mercure Hotel in Dumfries have allegedly been 'leering' at teenage girls with one parent saying children are afraid to walk the street

Teenage girls in a Scottish town have been given rape alarms amid fears they are being stalked by men from a nearby migrant hotel. Parents say schoolgirls in Dumfries are too scared to walk the streets due to unwanted attention from asylum seekers staying at the Mercure.

Males from the facility have been seemingly been spotted "leering" at pupils during break times, according to The Sun. One mother said that asylum seekers turn up "every single day" at lunchtimes to "perv on the kids".

She added: "Some of the girls have stopped going into the town as they feel so unsafe. There have been suggestions the men have made crude comments to some of the kids.

The Mercure, which is believed to have been housing single male migrants since 2023, has been the scene of demonstrations in the past year, with these branded 'far right' by critics. Police confirmed that one Mercure resident was arrested over "child protection" concerns in February but released without charge. A previous probe in January had not found any evidence of criminality.

The worried mum said officers should be doing more: "The police need to get a grip on this and start patrolling the town during these times but they won't. We cannot get to a position where the answer to this issue is to give schoolgirls rape alarms and hope they don't get attacked."
The Sun said its reporter witnessed a group of around 15 men congregate outside a school at lunchtime. When the pupils went back to class, they disappeared but a smaller number returned again later in the day when the pupils were leaving school.

A common (feminist) critique of rape alarms is that they sound similar to car or house alarms, and hardly no one checks out in the street when alarms go off nowadays. It's better to scream 'fire, help' if you are being attacked, as people are more likely to run out and assist in a fire versus generic sounding alarm.

Kofi Drinka · Apr 8, 2026

Heinrich Maneuver said:
Males staying at the Mercure Hotel in Dumfries have allegedly been 'leering' at teenage girls with one parent saying children are afraid to walk the street

There has been problems with men watching and stalking women in that area for years. Every year the same story happens.

Spring/Summer means it's warmer so more boats arrive. They got dumped in places like this. They spend about 6 months there before it gets cold (Scotland cold) and they flee to places like London and Birmingham. The hotel is right next to the train station there and it's about 5 minutes slow walk to the town center. Which has a lot of small side streets. Same story in a lot of Scottish towns.

The leftist women there think the men are staring because they're strange to them. They don't want to admit they're being eyed up as rape meat and make any excuse to avoid it.

In this case they've already had protests outside them and they're heating up the situation if they're giving kids rape alarms.

cancelmysubscription · Apr 8, 2026

teriyakiburns said:
It would be more effective to drop all the green subsidies (and the levies that don't even remotely fund them) and shunt that into the military instead. But that requires sanity...

In theory I’d be well up for bolstering the military. A lot of white working class men could be brought into the fold, given a good wage, good discipline and training, and help with border security, homeland security and hopefully the mass deportations that must occur if this country is to be saved.

The problems are, what are their white working class women peers going to be doing while they’re off doing that? And what is the point when the upper echelons of the army/MoD are so thoroughly captured…

https://news.sky.com/story/raf-recruiters-were-advised-against-selecting-useless-white-male-pilots-to-hit-diversity-targets-12893684

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/02/12/armed-forces-spending-diversity-staff-doubles-grant-shapps/

https://www.gg2.net/air-chief-marshal-sir-mike-wigston-diversity-in-the-raf-is-mission-critical/

https://news.sky.com/story/raf-recruitment-chief-refused-unlawful-order-to-prioritise-women-and-ethnic-minorities-over-white-men-leaked-email-reveals-12678612

A root-and-branch cleaning of house needs to occur before any more funds or resources are given to it.

teriyakiburns · Apr 8, 2026

Morethanabitfoolish said:
"No-one's lying about their age to get into the country!"
https://archive.ph/8hBOn

What this highlights to me, apart from how human rights lawyers insist the bare-faced truth is a lie, is just how long it takes for a single case to get decided. It's taken a year just to get this one man thrown out. In the meantime, tens of thousands more have waltzed in, each with the business card of a human rights lawyer tucked in the brand new socks he was given on the beach.

Clem Fandango · Apr 8, 2026

teriyakiburns said:
What this highlights to me, apart from how human rights lawyers insist the bare-faced truth is a lie, is just how long it takes for a single case to get decided. It's taken a year just to get this one man thrown out. In the meantime, tens of thousands more have waltzed in, each with the business card of a human rights lawyer tucked in the brand new socks he was given on the beach.

The article refers to this dullard's "legal team". A whole team! These people need to be named a and shamed (even if shame is a foreign concept to lawyers).

Chunky Salsa · Apr 8, 2026

The application of a universal legal framework to literal subhumans was a real error on the part of humans. The casting of lawyers as impartial mechanisms of legal apparatus rather than the ideologically driven vermin that they actually are has also been a real fucking problem.

UK British News Megathread - aka CWCissey's news thread

Morethanabitfoolish

Sick of politics, time to join the anime posters.

Kofi Drinka

Chunky Salsa

El Gordo Ramsay Sex Dwarf

Eaten by a badger (allegedly)

Kofi Drinka

BongoMongo

cancelmysubscription

BongoMongo

Morethanabitfoolish

Sick of politics, time to join the anime posters.

UselessRubberKeyboard

Jet Set Neowilly

Kofi Drinka

teriyakiburns

If anyone tried stealing my pot, I'd wrestle them.

DreinMeinVein

teriyakiburns

If anyone tried stealing my pot, I'd wrestle them.

Heinrich Maneuver

it's just you, me and this wire

Schoolgirls handed rape alarms amid fears hotel migrants are stalking them in Scottish town

Males staying at the Mercure Hotel in Dumfries have allegedly been 'leering' at teenage girls with one parent saying children are afraid to walk the street

Kofi Drinka

cancelmysubscription

teriyakiburns

If anyone tried stealing my pot, I'd wrestle them.

Clem Fandango

Can you hear me?

Chunky Salsa

UK British News Megathread - aka CWCissey's news thread

Sick of politics, time to join the anime posters.

Eaten by a badger (allegedly)

Sick of politics, time to join the anime posters.

​

​

Jet Set Neowilly

If anyone tried stealing my pot, I'd wrestle them.

If anyone tried stealing my pot, I'd wrestle them.

it's just you, me and this wire

Schoolgirls handed rape alarms amid fears hotel migrants are stalking them in Scottish town​

Males staying at the Mercure Hotel in Dumfries have allegedly been 'leering' at teenage girls with one parent saying children are afraid to walk the street​

If anyone tried stealing my pot, I'd wrestle them.

Can you hear me?

Schoolgirls handed rape alarms amid fears hotel migrants are stalking them in Scottish town

Males staying at the Mercure Hotel in Dumfries have allegedly been 'leering' at teenage girls with one parent saying children are afraid to walk the street