UK British News Megathread - aka CWCissey's news thread

Otterly · Apr 13, 2026

Picked my youngest up from school today and there were two obvious illegals sat on the bench with a view into the grounds, just watching the kids.
Uh oh. …

Kofi Drinka · Apr 13, 2026

Chunky Salsa said:
There are women in the reviews of the park ranting that the police need to clean up the men 'materialising out of the woods looking for sex'.

I'm picturing a doctor who episode where men just appear like the TARDIS but less moaning.

If they're homos why are they going for women? Am I missing something? I'm into talking my dog for a walk, but it sounds like I might be signing up for something far worse..

Chunky Salsa · Apr 13, 2026

Kofi Drinka said:
I'm picturing a doctor who episode where men just appear like the TARDIS but less moaning.

If they're homos why are they going for women? Am I missing something? I'm into talking my dog for a walk, but it sounds like I might be signing up for something far worse..

I assume what they wanted to write was 'YEAH A BUNCH OF FUCKING HOMOS AND WEIRDOS ARE IN THE PARK AVOID!! AVOIIIDDDD!!!' But held back out of politeness. When my mother came to visit though, she went to a drive through McDonalds; and a man did apparently emerge from the bushes when she wound down the window. So maybe my area just has ghillie faggots.

Kofi Drinka · Apr 13, 2026

Chunky Salsa said:
I assume what they wanted to write was 'YEAH A BUNCH OF FUCKING HOMOS AND WEIRDOS ARE IN THE PARK AVOID!! AVOIIIDDDD!!!' But held back out of politeness. When my mother came to visit though, she went to a drive through McDonalds; and a man did apparently emerge from the bushes when she wound down the window. So maybe my area just has ghillie faggots.

I can't help but picture someone winding down the window. Some bloke slowly emerges from the bushes and goes "Fancy giving me a wank love?" She recoils in horror and he says sorry and disappears back into the bushes like Homer Simpson..

What is the world cumming to?

Chunky Salsa · Apr 13, 2026

Kofi Drinka said:
cumming

Ha, nice.

femboy fart huffer · Apr 13, 2026

SirCliveSinclairdabbing said:
You are not a Muslim.
You weren’t raised to believe it’s okay to rape and kill those who don’t convert to your religion.

No but I am a human, something that these things are also meant to be. I can understand a lot of things. I can understand the mindset and position that would lead someone to theft or drugs or killing. I cannot at all understand the mindset of someone that would rape someone. I can empathise with the fucking jap salaryman having a tranny shove shit up his nose and anything from me to there. I just do not understand rape. I just cannot fathom how you could do something so anti human in nature. I know it's because they're fucking subhumans conditioned to be like that. I know that there isn't a reason or anything underlying, that it's just 'me see white woman me grope white woman unga bunga' and nothing more than that. I just don't get how you can live life with a brain so fucking flawed as that.

I can empathise with the Christians believing in god or the Buddhists or the fucking ganeshu shit, I can empathise with the autist that's too fucked up to eat food without drooling all over himself or the fucking schizophrenic actively having hallucinations, I can empathise with the people who murdered someone. I just cannot even begin to empathise or understand rapists and paedophiles. It's just such a fucking inhuman thing to do that I just have no choice but to assume that they must also be not human.

I guess what I'm trying to say is not so much that I can't understand the reason people would rape someone. Moreso that I know there is no reason most of the time and more that I cannot understand how someone's brain can be that fucked up to not have any sort of reasoning or thought.

⋖ cørdion ⋗ said:
Anyway - parents would love to go but always doom about driving in the left lane.

Depends. If you get a right side driver seat car then it's fine. But if you're swapping from driving on the left to the right and staying in the same car then it gets fucky.

Heinrich Maneuver said:
In a huge blow to British culture, FISH FRIDAY is now VERBOTEN. Schools will no longer be able to serve fried food, to reduce obesity, sausage rolls will be 'limited', and desserts must contain 50% fruit.

Jamie Oliver will fucking burn in hell for what he did to our pasta pots the cunt. Yea mate thanks going from 600calories of pasta and sauce down to 200calories of fucking veg is much healthier aside from the fact I now need to pay 3x the cost to have an actually filling meal. You didn't make the food 3x healthier you just cut the portion size down to a third and expected no one to be hungry. The idea of reducing calorie intake being healthier is just fucking retarded when it comes to those sorts of things for the same reasons that closing our steel mills for 'environmental' reasons was. Replacing an 'unhealthy' but actually filling meal with something unfilling doesn't magically make the kid healthier it just means they're going to look for other foods.

Have we instead tried to idk educate these kids on what is healthy and help them make better choices in this building that is supposedly for learning and education? Or are we just telling them to shut the fuck up and eat the shit that is going to also be ultra processed slop but now less filling? Like it's a school, admittedly I never had school dinners I always took a sandwich with me instead, but last I checked the dinner ladies do the serving. Simply just serve them less food if the problem is actually with portion sizes? The child cannot overfeed themselves, they have someone else doing the portion sizes. If the portion sizes are normal but still result in weight gain then it's something going on at home. Changing portion sizes in a school will not fix what happens at home and will probably just increase what the parents give the kid.

You can't ban things and then expect people to simply be ok with it in any context. Children will come across fried and unhealthy food. If you have banned and demonised it then they are only ever going to want that more. What happened to a healthy and balanced diet? Fried fish might not be the healthiest thing going but it's far from the worst. Sausage rolls too. What is a sausage roll if not a slightly differently arranged sandwich? A diet of exclusively fruit is not any more balanced or healthy than a diet of exclusively sausage rolls. Obesity isn't a food problem. The chocolate did not put itself in my mouth. It is entirely a self restraint problem. If a child never has to exercise self restraint because the government does it for them then the second the government stops the kid will not know what to do.

What I'm saying is food hasn't changed. Calories in food hasn't changed. The only thing that has changed are people, the amount of food they eat and the type of food they eat. We have been eating the same things for a century and only recently has obesity rates gone up. Trying to fix a people problem without trying to fix the people is as retarded as banning knives but also refusing to punish the people who carry them in public.

EddyRooney · Apr 13, 2026

femboy fart huffer said:
What I'm saying is food hasn't changed. Calories in food hasn't changed. The only thing that has changed are people, the amount of food they eat and the type of food they eat. We have been eating the same things for a century and only recently has obesity rates gone up. Trying to fix a people problem without trying to fix the people is as retarded as banning knives but also refusing to punish the people who carry them in public.

You are arguing an unbalanced equation.

The other side is that the fat little fucks do next to nothing physically now.

No P.E. at school. no football out of school, hell most even get driven to school by Mummy Dearest.

If you do fuck all during the day, you don't need the calorie intake. The flip side of this is, if you aren't getting calories, you aren't growing either, you might be lean, but with no exercise, there will be no cardiovascular health and males won't be putting on muscle mass.

I do secretly wonder if there isn't a conspiracy to breed a race of docile fat fucks for servitude that are physically incapable of rebelling.
I doubt the government fear an army of fatties that can be coerced back onto their sofa with the threat of their next bucket of KFC being taken away. A group of fit angry young men that are pissed off at the lack of opportunity being provided them that have grown up playing athletic team sports might be a different matter.

I'd also argue some food habits have changed. There were no energy drinks when I grew up. When I went to school, my Mum made me a breakfast ( and once I was a teenager, even I normally managed to get four slices of bread in the toaster ) and a packed lunch ( with a couple of pieces of fruit ) or school dinner. In the evening there was always a home cooked meal - vegetables or salad and a lean source of protein. She did this whilst running the household and also doing a job. I didn't actually grow up in a rugby training camp, so there was pudding and some snacks too, but just a normal healthy diet that gave me the energy to study and play sport for a couple of hours a day with my mates.

Do parents prepare meals like this any more ? My Mum and Dad made sure that we sat down every evening and ate a meal as a family - does this happen any more ? This is the key for my money - one of the parents has to take the time to prepare a meal for each evening and get everyone to sit down together and eat it.

As I get older, I increasingly realise I have a massive amount to be grateful for. Clearly not all parents and generations are alike.

Kofi Drinka · Apr 13, 2026

EddyRooney said:
I'd also argue some food habits have changed. There were no energy drinks when I grew up. When I went to school, my Mum made me a breakfast ( and once I was a teenager, even I normally managed to get four slices of bread in the toaster ) and a packed lunch ( with a couple of pieces of fruit ) or school dinner. In the evening there was always a home cooked meal - vegetables or salad and a lean source of protein. She did this whilst running the household and also doing a job. I didn't actually grow up in a rugby training camp, so there was pudding and some snacks too, but just a normal healthy diet that gave me the energy to study and play sport for a couple of hours a day with my mates.

School guide lines will take things out of a packed lunch and throw it in the bin now. The classic packed lunch is Sandwich, Chocolate bar, Piece of fruit. Drink. I think we all agree on that right? Take that to schools today and they will throw the chocolate bar and maybe the drink if it's too sugary in the bin. Then you will get a snotty letter from the school saying the lunch was unacceptable and you kid should be eating kale and soylent.

femboy fart huffer · Apr 13, 2026

EddyRooney said:
The other side is that the fat little fucks do next to nothing physically now.

No that's what I'm saying. The food hasn't changed. The only thing that has changed is the amount/type of food and the amount of exercise. The idea that you need to reduce calorie intake if you are sessile should be something that children learn, not have done for them. If you do less then you should lower your intake as a result, if you don't learn that as a kid then it's going to be much harder to learn as an adult. The government shouldn't be doing that. They should be educating the kids how to do it themselves.

EddyRooney said:
There were no energy drinks when I grew up.

Kinda the same. Yea kids being borderline addicted to energy drinks is a problem. But energy drinks are always going to be there. The kids should be learning how to control those impulses. I don't want the government to come in and ban this and force this and bla bla bla. I want kids to have an environment to learn healthy lifestyles and habits through education and supervised independence instead of forcing someone into a certain lifestyle in a time when they are the most likely to rebel against anything you say to them in that period of growth.

I know I'm arguing from an unbalanced side and all that. That's just how my mind works. I'm not running with the idea that it is balanced but going with it kinda proof by contradiction type shit.

Mound Dweller · Apr 13, 2026

EddyRooney said:
Clearly not all parents and generations are alike.

They all make the same mistakes but in different ways, you rightly look back forlornly on the days of hearty meals and family bonding, but I bet you tune out the unpalatable side of things, wasn't that long ago we had people lamenting the good old workhouse days.

Kofi Drinka said:
The classic packed lunch is Sandwich, Chocolate bar, Piece of fruit. Drink. I think we all agree on that right?

You've gotta have some combination of salami sticks/crisps grab-bag (god I miss those)/random bags of nuts for the GROWING BONES too.

femboy fart huffer · Apr 13, 2026

Mound Dweller said:
salami sticks

I used to have those pepperami things that came in a little condom and they would stink out the entire room when you ate one and everyone would complain.

Snekposter · Apr 13, 2026

Chunky Salsa said:
So maybe my area just has ghillie faggots.

Those SAS types do love going hard and going fast...

Miriam Margoyles · Apr 14, 2026

Swerf'n'Terf said:
Anna Aroma

What an unpleasant soubriquet.

AssignedEva · Apr 14, 2026

Pret’s in a little pickle

We received a tip from a member of the public that a crisis is brewing in London commuter sandwich favourite Pret A Manger. Their buttery ham and pickle sandwich – or, to adopt its official name, the Jambon Beurre – has vanished from chilled cabinets across the city.

An official Pret photo of the Jambon Beurre

After visiting eleven of their branches across London, we were met with apologies and various bizarre excuses.

Now, we’ve been able to get the truth: a previously unreported pickle shortage has hit the capital’s leading sandwich chain.

Our photoshop of how a Jambon Beurre would look without pickles, which explains why it has been pulled from the shelves.

A Pret spokesperson confirmed to London Centric that they’d had to stop producing the sandwich until further notice due to the ongoing supply issue: “Customers may have noticed that our Jambon Beurre is currently missing from shelves. This is due to a temporary shortage of cornichons. We’re sorry for any disappointment caused and are working hard to get this Pret favourite back in shops as soon as possible.”

Pret did not elaborate any further on what has caused this ongoing crisis. If any readers in the pickled vegetable industry have any insight, get in touch. In the name of campaigning journalism, we’ll stay on the case.

Cornichon shortage leaves British sandwich shops in a pickle

Shortage of pickled mini-cucumbers has caused Pret a Manger to pull its jambon beurre from shelves

With their sharp flavour and crunch, pickled cucumbers are an essential component of any sandwich worth its salt. But an unexpected shortage of cornichons has caused consternation in sandwich shops across the country as cafes scramble to get their hands on jars of the small green pickles. A favourite sandwich of hungry office workers is the simple jambon beurre. A staple across the Channel, the French sandwich contains ham, a generous amount of butter, and, crucially, a sharp, crunchy cornichon to cut through the fat.

Sandwich chain Pret a Manger brought it to popularity in the UK, and a jambon beurre retails for about £4 in its shops. But the sandwiches have disappeared from shelves in recent weeks as the pickles cannot be sourced by the chain, which has 500 branches in the UK.

A Pret spokesperson said the sandwiches would be missing from “most of” their shops due to an issue with their supplier. They said in a statement: “Customers may have noticed that our jambon beurre is currently missing from shelves. This is due to a temporary shortage of cornichons. We’re sorry for any disappointment caused and are working hard to get this Pret favourite back in shops as soon as possible.” The sandwich chain declined to comment or give any further information on the reason for the shortage, simply citing “supplier issues”.

The news, first reported in the London Centric newsletter, has caused cornichon mania in the sandwich shops of London. Max Halley, who owns Max’s Sandwich Shop in Finsbury Park, north London, said he had heard of the problem and would be contacting his supplier to place a huge order. He said: “I’m going to order a metric tonne of them today just in case! In a rich, fatty sandwich, such as the jambon beurre, nothing brings a bit of fun to the party like the acidic, crunchy bite of our dear friend the cornichon We blend them up to make a tarragon salsa in our chicken sandwich called Et Tu Brute? Murdering the Caesar.”

Pickles are an incredibly important component of his doorstep sandwiches to cut through the richness in creations such as the ham egg ’n’ chips sandwich, which contains ham hock, egg and shoestring fries.

The price of pickled cucumbers is likely to shoot up in coming months due to the closure of the strait of Hormuz caused by the US-Israel war on Iran. This is because it has hiked fertiliser and energy costs, meaning the greenhouses in which they are grown are more expensive to run. Wholesale prices for some fruits and vegetables, including cucumbers, have already risen sharply.

Jimmy Russo, the president of the Lea Valley Growers’ Association, said the price of gas to heat the greenhouses had surged by 90%. Supermarkets have not noticed supply problems of cornichons yet. A Waitrose spokesperson said they were still fully stocked. But retailers are keeping a close eye on the cucumber supply chain. Producers have said they may have to cut back production if gas prices remain elevated.

This is Pret’s darkest day

In addition to the prospect of World War Three, 2026 has seen global oil shortages and mass flight cancellations. But there’s one shortage which has hit me and other office workers a little harder than any of those.

Pret A Manger’s “jambon beurre” sandwich, a small French–style “losange” bread roll with butter, ham and cornichons inside, has disappeared from most of the chain’s shelves in recent weeks. Like many, I pop into Pret when I’m in a hurry – on my work lunch break, on my way to the pub or a tennis match – because it has healthy, on-the-go food that is only mildly overpriced. Pret A Manger has become a utility of sorts for commuters. And the jambon beurre its trademark offering.

Pret has confessed the disappearance is due to the “temporary shortage” of cornichons (which are immature gherkin cucumbers). I can confirm that it’s those cornichons that do the heavy lifting. They add a tart, acidic zing which offsets the richness of the ham and butter. To bite and feel the subsequent soft crunch is the closest to heaven I’ve gotten while on my 8am commute.

I’m not the only one who thinks this. You can read panicked social media posts about the jambon beurre’s disappearance: “Thank God someone has investigated the missing Jambon Beurres. I’ve been wondering where they were.” You see, the jambon beurre’s speciality is its simplicity. It won’t leave you with smelly breath, like, say, the chain’s Tuna Mayo Baguette. It’s fine for a sensitive palate, unlike Pret’s new chilli-laden Thai Style Chicken Baguette.

And it’s a little better than just getting a ham and butter sandwich. As Pret’s only sandwich which has a French name to match the name of the retailer, it makes you feel – I’m going to say it – a little bit classy. You could imagine yourself eating a jambon beurre while strolling along the banks of the Seine, rather than one–handing it while gripping the handrail on the Northern Line back to Stockwell.

When will the jambon beurre be back? Pret has declined to give more details on the shortage beyond “supplier issues”. It seems not inconceivable that the reclosure of the Strait of Hormuz, and the increasing price of both energy and fertiliser may have played some part: pickled cucumbers are grown in greenhouses. Pret say they “are working hard to get this Pret favourite back in shops as soon as possible”. But then, why is it that – as various social media users point out – cornichons appear to be available in other bakeries, sandwich shops, and Asda and Lidl?

This is not the first time the humble jambon beurre has disappeared from Pret’s shelves. Back in 2021, it was a talking point among myself and friends when we briefly couldn’t find it as we were reeling from the Covid-19 pandemic. And in 2026, we are again depending upon the jambon beurre as our one constant and saving grace, amid a frighteningly unstable world. Get your act together, Pret.

BongoMongo · Apr 14, 2026

Part of the issue with energy drinks is parents. Get little Braxton off his tits on a couple before school, he'll behave like an unconscionable little shit in school hours,gets diagnosed with ADHD and you get all the associated benefits.

It's a known problem. Family member of mine was a school teacher for many years and they knew it was happening. Get the kids away on a residential week away from home and their behavior totally changed.

This is what happens when you let idiots spawn and don't ask any questions about how fit (or indeed,not) the parents might be.

Heinrich Maneuver · Apr 14, 2026

We will name police and social workers unless action taken, Southport families lawyer says.

Chris Walker, Bond Turner solicitor representing the families, is prepared to name and shame workers unless disciplinary measures are taken. He also blames Axel's parents and the 'merry go round' of referrals and blaming autism. Emphasis mine.

Those who failed to take action to try to prevent the Southport attacks will be named unless suitable disciplinary measures are taken, the legal representative for the three murdered girls' families has said.

Bebe King, six, Elsie Dot Stancombe, seven, and Alice da Silva Aguiar, nine, were killed by 17-year-old Axel Rudakubana at a Taylor Swift-themed dance class in June 2024.

On Monday, the public inquiry identified "catastrophic" parental and local authority failings, with a "merry-go-round" of referrals, assessments and "hand-offs" between agencies failing to stop the "predictable and preventable" attack.

Chris Walker said he was prepared to identify key individuals from five agencies.

Walker told BBC Breakfast: "There are five particular state entities which are causing us most concern and we, frankly, find their behaviour unacceptable.

"Prevent, Lancashire Police, Lancashire Social Services, CAMHS, and FCAMHS."

CAMHS is the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service while FCAMHs is the Forensic Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service.

Prevent is a Home Office initiative aimed at stopping individuals from becoming extremists and eventually carrying out attacks.

"I know the names of those individuals," said Walker of the five public bodies.

"If necessary, if we're not satisfied, I will be naming them publicly and I will be bringing out in the public domain once more their individual failings which is totally unacceptable.

"The families, quite frankly, are aghast."

The public inquiry found that "no agency or multi-agency structure accepted responsibility" for assessing and managing the "grave risk" posed by the attacker.

His autism was used as an "excuse" for his past conduct and meant no agency understood the true danger he posed.

Inquiry chairman Sir Adrian Fulford called for the end of what he described as a "culture" of agencies passing responsibility between each other or downgrading their own involvement in such cases.

"Failings were from [the attacker's] parental failures and also the individual state failures," Walker said.

"All of those agencies, the performance of those agencies, failed to a totally unacceptable level.

"The murders were predictable and preventable.

"And we find the systemic failures, the failures of the individuals at those particular five agencies I mentioned, to be wholly unacceptable."

Walker said he had been in contact with them and would be prepared to name the responsible individuals from each should suitable disciplinary action not be taken.

"Several months ago, I wrote to all five of those saying that we find their performance wholly unacceptable, demanding disciplinary proceedings against the individuals.

"Now that that inquiry report is concluded, I will be following that up with them to make sure that the disciplinary proceedings have concluded to our satisfaction."

Specifically in relation to Prevent, Walker said: "Prevent have a real issue with understanding the word 'ideology'.

"They've failed to implement the ideological consequences or the ideological understanding in terms of their various gateways.

"The cause of somebody's intention to cause mass murder is immaterial, it is the desire to cause mass murder that has to be prevented."

Following the publication of the 760-page Phase One report, Phase Two of the Southport Inquiry will begin immediately and report back in Spring 2027.

It will focus on the "adequacy of arrangements for identifying and managing the risk posed by individuals who are fixated with extreme violence".

Looking ahead to this, Walker said: "It's pointless having a glossy book sat at the end of somebody's desk gathering dust with recommendations.

"We can't have a situation where we lurch from disaster to disaster, from inquiry to inquiry - there has to be the change."

Walker added: "The families are living in a horror movie - and yesterday brought it all back.

"Every time there's a new report, every time there's a new incident, they are reliving the horror movie once again - and that's exactly where they are now."

Liverpool Echo article, and archive, as the BBC/Yahoo news article isn't archiving correctly.

PandaChai · Apr 14, 2026

Was Fiona Bruce always this scary to look at?

iplayer link to prove I've not edited this pic

teriyakiburns · Apr 14, 2026

PandaChai said:
Was Fiona Bruce always this scary to look at?

She's just spotted someone flashing The One Ring around.

Mound Dweller · Apr 14, 2026

Heinrich Maneuver said:
We will name police and social workers unless action taken, Southport families lawyer says.

Names and addresses: (((they))) all have them :tyceknife:

God forbid they ever have to face any consequences for their actions however.

PandaChai said:
Was Fiona Bruce always this scary to look at?

This is what you get when you're 60 trying to look 40, it's a doomed struggle, there's a fine line between the tipping point of cougar to granny and she's well across it now.

Kofi Drinka · Apr 14, 2026

I am responsible for the southport murders. I shall retire and hang my head in shame.. as I am immediately hired as a labour anti-extremist consultant with an even bigger wage and less responsibility. Heil Starmer, fuck whitey, shame more kids weren't raped and murdered.

How far off do you think I am?

UK British News Megathread - aka CWCissey's news thread

Otterly

Immerse your soul in love

Kofi Drinka

Chunky Salsa

Kofi Drinka

Chunky Salsa

femboy fart huffer

Brapping for Biden since '09

EddyRooney

Kofi Drinka

femboy fart huffer

Brapping for Biden since '09

Mound Dweller

Lost and Gone

femboy fart huffer

Brapping for Biden since '09

Snekposter

Operation: Desert Snek

Miriam Margoyles

With Her Face Like A Gargoyle's

AssignedEva

I throw the quesadilla at the wall.

Pret’s in a little pickle

Cornichon shortage leaves British sandwich shops in a pickle

This is Pret’s darkest day

BongoMongo

Heinrich Maneuver

it's just you, me and this wire

We will name police and social workers unless action taken, Southport families lawyer says.

PandaChai

🧹 fuck jannies & fuck juice 🧃

teriyakiburns

If anyone tried stealing my pot, I'd wrestle them.

Mound Dweller

Lost and Gone

Kofi Drinka

UK British News Megathread - aka CWCissey's news thread

Immerse your soul in love

Brapping for Biden since '09

Brapping for Biden since '09

Lost and Gone

Brapping for Biden since '09

Operation: Desert Snek

With Her Face Like A Gargoyle's

I throw the quesadilla at the wall.

Pret’s in a little pickle​

Cornichon shortage leaves British sandwich shops in a pickle​

This is Pret’s darkest day​

it's just you, me and this wire

We will name police and social workers unless action taken, Southport families lawyer says.​

🧹 fuck jannies & fuck juice 🧃

If anyone tried stealing my pot, I'd wrestle them.

Lost and Gone

Pret’s in a little pickle

Cornichon shortage leaves British sandwich shops in a pickle

This is Pret’s darkest day

We will name police and social workers unless action taken, Southport families lawyer says.