That looks like a charging adapter for a Blackberry.
12:45
It used to be that charging cables for phones and PDA's each had their own proprietary connector and that using a thrd party adapter would void your warranty.
12:46
At Radio Shack you could get these massive racks of various adapter tips and a charger that had different switches for wattage and volts.
12:46
They were very expensive.
12:46
But then the EU government put into effect a law that required all mobile phones to use the same connector for charging and also for data transfer, and the industry settled on USB.
12:47
In that time when all the connectors were different, data transfer from your phone was considered forbidden.
H
12:47
Hijinx
Huh. I had no idea.
Mɹ
12:47
Majik ɹɐǝq
You couldn't copy pictures or other data off your phone. Once it was in there, it was just in there. Every time you got a new phone you had to manually type in every one of your contacts to the new phone.
12:48
Phones didn't have onscren keyboards then. You had to use T9, which was a method of putting in letters using a numeric keypad.
12:49
Press 1 once for A, twice for B, thrice for C, etc.
12:49
And there was no word prediction so you had to type the whole word every time.
12:50
Later, carriers came up with services that would transer your contacts from one phone to another but they would charge either a large fee of around $50 for the service, or you had to pay a monthly fee of about $5/month in case you ever needed the service.
H
12:51
Hijinx
Hehe I got pretty good at T9
Mɹ
12:51
Majik ɹɐǝq
My first camera phone had a maximum resolution of 320x240 pixels.
12:51
I found a Java app that would upload my photos to my Livejounral (blog), and I was ecstatic.
12:52
I was photo blogging when nobody had even considered that to be a thing yet.
T
12:53
That_One_Wofie
I succeeded at calming myself down.
H
12:53
Hijinx
Nice. I had a live journal. Never posted much though
Mɹ
12:56
Majik ɹɐǝq
Photo
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360x270, 8.4 KB
12:56
Here's one of the first pictures I ever took with a digital camera, of my best friend at the Portland Zoo.
Not included, change data exporting settings to download.
🤗, 38.3 KB
TL
15:20
Trader Lenny, the forgetful scholar. Leader of the biscuit Brigade in service of the Church of Dadbod
It's everything I shame myself over. I can't fill out a employment application without becoming a nervous wreck about how under qualified I am for everything.
I am going to save you the 100 excuses why I can't right now. My hopelessness has a pretty tight grip right now and the harder it squeezes the more I feel trapped in my own body.
I know that feeling. But you gtg get up and gain that strength
TL
15:24
Trader Lenny, the forgetful scholar. Leader of the biscuit Brigade in service of the Church of Dadbod
For example, I prefer to shave outside with a mirror so I don't have to clean up the hair but it seems like there is always someone in the kitchen or will be walking in the kitchen and will see me.
H
15:27
Hijinx
I shave in the shower. They make some great shaving mirrors that resist fogging up
15:28
The one I use have a reservoir for hot water. It works really well ~
Yeah, paranoia has been part of my life forever but the medications they are prescribing for my bipolar, anxiety, and ADHD seem to be putting my mind in a horror fun house.
H
15:47
Hijinx
Aww thats unfortunate
TL
15:47
Trader Lenny, the forgetful scholar. Leader of the biscuit Brigade in service of the Church of Dadbod
Basically think the movie misery without the physical harm so much x 3 attempts on my life over 15 years and that is sugar coating it.
15:55
Every male father figure has either physically or mentally abused me in my life so not sure I exactly have a good understanding of social interactions.
15:58
More then anything lately I feel like death has a busy schedule so if I just wait it will get to me.
I found that the problems caused by antidepressants, in my twenties when I had severe depression, were worse than the thereaputic benefits; and that if I stopped taking them, I became horribly worse for a while.
16:23
But then I found that when I dug my claws into the dirt and forced my way through the horrible months of withdrawal, and then changed my life so there was more joy and less worrying, that forcing joy down my own throat was better than focing pills.
I'm glad you were able to get through it depression is a real scary beast
Mɹ
16:25
Majik ɹɐǝq
The cure is often that you have to force yourself into moments of joy, as though you were grappling for ropes to secure your sails in a terrible storm on the sea.
D?
16:26
Daze 🇿🇦
I used to enjoy writing back in school. Now everytime I look at the book I'm trying to write with apathy
Mɹ
16:27
Majik ɹɐǝq
For some people, moments of joy and social engagement do not come naturally, nor does productivity for some, or creativity for others.
16:27
At least not as easily, and you see mostly people for whom it comes easily because you see them experiencing the joy of success.
16:27
Some of us have to force it and pretend until the good part comes.
Yeah, definitely this. It's a horrible feedback loop that many are stuck in
Mɹ
16:28
Majik ɹɐǝq
Being comfortable with that forcing part and conciously making good experiences for yourself happen takes time, practice and the acceptance of people who actually care about your wellbeing.
I’m being sarcastic, but yeah it helps me function
16:34
Working and stuff
Mɹ
16:34
Majik ɹɐǝq
I spent some years being drugged out of my mind on marijuana and antipsychotics.
16:35
It was like my body was one of those vinyl inflatable rafts they sold for using in swimming pools at department stores in the 90s, the thin soft ones, that my mind was floating on.
ht
16:35
hal0 t3ddy
antipsych is bad shit
Mɹ
16:36
Majik ɹɐǝq
I have a constant imbalance between anxiety and apathy.
16:36
The problem with reducing my anxiety with medication is that doing so allows me not to care, and so, like a person on a vacation after months of hard labor, I don't care at all.
16:37
I don't care enough to work or love anyone or pursue hobbies.
16:37
I was like that most of my time when I lived with Spottacus and he lovingly dragged me from here to there to make sure I took part in activities that enriched my life, and he was a good person.
If you're looking for a light and fun activity, LA Story is an excellent light-hearted film with some fairly deep moments. Also Steve Martin.
BW
16:48
Brownie Wotter
The negative effect I'm worried about with my antidepressants right now is no feelings of romantic attachment, I just see people as their normal boring selves no matter what
16:48
And since they dull down emotions across the board this seems possible
That's not unusual at your age. Men in their twenties go through a period of self discovery that often includes depression and vassilating between delusions of grandeur with feelings of worthlessness and existential woa.
16:52
You are a normal human. People care about you. You don't have to worry about whether or not you're caring for them enough. They'll let you know one way or another.
You're in a tunnel right now. It seems like it's stupid and goes on forever, but I promise you when you come out the other side we'll be waiting for you.
Might as well be digging to the center of the Earth and still getting disappointed there's nothing there
Mɹ
16:54
Majik ɹɐǝq
Yes, I was there too. I understand the feeling as it's indellibly etched in my memory.
BW
16:55
Brownie Wotter
Either way, I question how much you know about me when you classify me as normal. Most people like to turn off their brain for entertainment and I'm the opposite of that.
Mɹ
16:56
Majik ɹɐǝq
I also realize that claiming to understand someone else's feelings is incredibly pompous but it's how Majik helps.
If you knew what most normal people are hiding they wouldn't be normal at all.
BW
17:00
Brownie Wotter
I don't hide that much, in what I've talked to others here about this problem, but maybe you haven't heard a lot of it?
Mɹ
17:04
Majik ɹɐǝq
I've seen most of it.
17:05
You are not depressed. That would be too small a word to describe it.
17:05
You're in a period of clinical depression.
17:06
When I got over the embarassment of speaking verbal affirmations to myself in the mirror I started to find them incredibly useful because they bypass my thinking brain and go straight into my concious through the hearing part.
BW
17:07
Brownie Wotter
I mean I have a good amount of self confidence.
17:07
It's just the other people thing now.
17:08
In a vacuum I'm a good person but don't function because I'm isolated from others.
Not really. It’s just that people don’t talk about their issues as much as we do in chat. Most people have self esteem problems, but we look at the successful businessman or the engineer or cheerleader and we judge them from the outside without knowing what is going on in their head
17:11
On a side note, I’m on an antidepressant and I like it
17:12
My moods fluctuate sometimes and can spiral into a deep depression. I feel generally ok most of the time and I’m able to control the spiral so I don’t fall so hard.
The doctors would keep telling me to expect a theraputic effect in a few weeks, then a few more weeks, but it never came, but they kept telling me to take the pills because it was all they could do.
17:33
This was before I realized that I simply am what I am, and that acceptance of the hardships that come with being me is better than trying to constantly battle my own nature.
F
17:39
Foxmanrox open for commissions
I meds to help me head towards being better because without something i really can't
Mɹ
17:40
Majik ɹɐǝq
That's what they're supposed to do.
17:41
You're meant to take the meds to give you a fleeting glimpse at happiness, so that you can see what happiness is again, and move toward that.
17:41
Then you stop taking the pills.
17:41
You're not meant to take pills the rest of your life as a substitute for genuine satisfaction with your life situation.
T(
17:45
Tigger (Bad)
That's not true for everyone.
17:45
Some people's brain chemistry literally makes them go "EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE" all the time for no reason.
F?
17:47
FoxTrash 🍞👌
True
KZ
17:48
Kes Zerda
sometimes you need medication for the rest of your life, sometimes you don't. It's like any other sort of chronic medical condition
BW
17:49
Brownie Wotter
Yeah, I wouldn't just assume those things, sometimes brain chemistry is really fucked up
KZ
17:49
Kes Zerda
working towards getting off meds is sometimes a useful goal, but at other times, it's like telling a diabetic that they just need to stop taking insulin
T(
17:49
Tigger (Bad)
Some folks who otherwise wouldn't get to have a life because of the medication.
I would have to. Ive been depressed since i was a kid. I need it for the rest of my life just to feel happy if i can find any that work for more than a week
Mɹ
18:10
Majik ɹɐǝq
That's the problem with the pills.
18:10
They were never designed to be taken for years.
18:11
They're only designed for, and capable of, working for a few months at the most.
18:11
After a while, and varying by person, the theraputic effects stop but the side effects continue.
18:11
That's why many psychiatrists switch people around between antidepressants, ever fearing that day when their patient will walk into their office with that look of defeat that says they've been through all the prescribable drugs and have hit a dead end.
Yeah and i even had one doctor literally tell me there was nothing else she could do. Even though it was one doctor she was right. Theres nothing else that could be done for me
Mɹ
18:16
Majik ɹɐǝq
Many people reach that point.
18:17
Some doctors never get there. Instead they just keep cycling through medications that don't work anymore.
18:17
It's a problem because they can't do anything more for you, but they can't tell you to stop coming to their office.
F
18:19
Foxmanrox open for commissions
It hurts and even if im able to go back i know theres nothing that can be done
Mɹ
18:21
Majik ɹɐǝq
You and I are in the same boat, my friend.
18:23
As I insinuated earlier, you're at the point where you pick up the remaining pieces of your life and plod through the serious and painful mud up to your ankles that is finding out what your life is in the face of accepting what you are.
BW
18:27
Brownie Wotter
I mean meds are never meant to be the only solution to depression, they're always best coupled with therapy
18:27
They're basically equivalent to stopping the bleeding enough to work with a therapist
Yeah but what i am is not good. I cant be happy except for a reason everyone has told me is silly or will never happen because how i am now. Ill never be a better person because i cant be happy
Mɹ
18:27
Majik ɹɐǝq
I agree that therapy is half of the solution.
BW
18:28
Brownie Wotter
And there are the more extreme treatment measures out there like ketamine and electroshock, though I wouldn't advise going that route without REALLY going through all the options
Well, I have heard relatively good things about ketamine
Mɹ
18:28
Majik ɹɐǝq
Therapists listen, they can't help you organize your life into something meaningful. You have to do that yourself, and it's shity, scarey and it's never predictable.
BW
18:28
Brownie Wotter
I think it's just expensive-ish? And not recognized (yet) by the FDA
Mɹ
18:29
Majik ɹɐǝq
Experimental mental health treatments are just that.
18:29
They're like fad diets.
BW
18:29
Brownie Wotter
I guess just like fad diets then, the test is how well you retain your mental health after being off of those
18:30
The problem with fad diets is you usually gain all the weight back after being off them, if you can even stick with them all the way
I waited 5 years in between getting the idea for mine and actually getting it done. I feel that within five years I still want it, it won't be a bad decision long run, eh
D?
21:03
Daze 🇿🇦
Well, as long as you know exactly what you want, since you only get one shot
So here's the thing you just said "people should stop partying and smoking shit" it was in reply of my message about my school You didint specify who the subject really was so it defaulted to my school
But you seem to have that issue. Where you are trying to fit in.
21:54
And force yourself
BW
21:54
Brownie Wotter
I am me, and unfortunately I am someone that is defined by neverending emptiness and replies on constant stimulation to stay happy. Which people don't provide.
I guess I cant really blame you cause an example of a grammatically correct sentence is Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo (yes I use this sentence all the time to point one of the flaws of english)
T
09:15
That_One_Wofie
So?
09:15
Not my problem
09:16
Sticker
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🤔, 38.3 KB
HT
09:16
H̵a̴r̷u̸d̵o̷ The Otteryeen
No it's not you cant really fix english because it's pretty set in place
09:16
But you are needed to work around it
09:16
and understand it
09:17
class starts soon
T
09:23
That_One_Wofie
Okie for everyone here.
09:23
I needed to be corrected only once
09:23
And I will remember.
09:23
Please stop constantly reminding me.
09:23
Please
09:23
No one wants that.
09:24
Unless you want me to nag. Then sure. But you all will find it annoying.
M
09:24
Maksim
Sticker
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Initially I'm interested in getting to know people, hoping they'll save me from my emptiness. And then eventually I still feel empty and then my desire to get to know them and spend time with them drops off a cliff. It's why I don't keep friends.
But it's not like that fear is stopping me from doing anything. Because if I do nothing the result is the same as the worst possible outcome.
10:36
I'm just basically out of options.
10:37
I've tried finding every which person out there and seeing if they want to do the things I'd find fulfilling. The answer is basically no. I quit my job earlier this year for a fulfilling one. I've tried exploring hobbies myself but I get way off track without someone else to do them with me.
A therapist is someone who can help show you what tools to use when depressed. You can also look them up yourself, but I admit, it’s easier if someone helps you