<2022-08-30T10:50:38.000Z> nachtrabe: night raven ( scary childrens story ) 
<2022-08-30T10:51:47.000Z> nachtrabe: yeah 
<2022-08-30T10:52:22.000Z> nachtrabe: i'm fond of strayans myself :) 
<2022-08-30T10:53:40.000Z> nachtrabe: i see 
<2022-08-30T10:53:43.000Z> nachtrabe: i guess XD 
<2022-08-30T10:55:01.000Z> nachtrabe: yeah i know what you mean 
<2022-08-30T10:55:43.000Z> nachtrabe: no XDi do know exactly what you mean
<2022-08-30T10:56:57.000Z> nachtrabe: have to google 
<2022-08-30T10:58:28.000Z> nachtrabe: not their prettiest car imo what about it?
<2022-08-30T11:00:10.000Z> nachtrabe: i dunno, get one from before 2000 things have deteriorating pretty bad here too :) 
<2022-08-30T11:00:51.000Z> nachtrabe: i'm fond of italian cars i'm just a sucker for design :) 
<2022-08-30T11:05:35.000Z> nachtrabe: it's not even that expensive just sexy as fuck  https://bae.st/media/c5089a05abe1808ae60a6d3301a6a60302e7e2f6a1c0508f813188de7874be9e.png?name=image.png
<2022-08-30T11:06:23.000Z> nachtrabe: :) 
<2022-08-30T13:42:35.000Z> nachtrabe: i know
<2022-08-30T13:42:44.000Z> nachtrabe: i just didn't unfollow all of them 
<2022-08-30T13:43:25.000Z> nachtrabe: with an avi you look a lot less like a troll >_< 
<2022-08-30T15:36:41.000Z> nachtrabe: i'm fine that image is just how i often feel when working at a computer hence why i don't do it anymore :) 
<2022-08-31T04:14:20.000Z> nachtrabe: do you do this with all the anime girls you meet on the net?
<2022-08-31T04:21:07.000Z> nachtrabe: of course not 
<2022-08-31T04:22:28.000Z> nachtrabe: i was wondering why you are so inquisitive this account should look pretty boring on the outside 
<2022-08-31T04:24:46.000Z> nachtrabe: hehe :) 
<2022-08-31T04:25:36.000Z> nachtrabe: i have no idea who you are, but why not 
<2022-08-31T04:26:48.000Z> nachtrabe: city or outback?
<2022-08-31T04:28:04.000Z> nachtrabe: sounds cozy 
<2022-08-31T04:29:13.000Z> nachtrabe: 100k old university town in what counts as backwater here 
<2022-08-31T04:32:10.000Z> nachtrabe: i'm 40, used to be a programmer, got sick of it and began drifting around, i did all kinds of stuff, currently i'm working on boats 
<2022-08-31T04:41:22.000Z> nachtrabe: eh maturity is a hazy concept and overrated a.f. 
<2022-08-31T04:42:01.000Z> nachtrabe: there are places for snowboarding in aus?
<2022-08-31T04:45:10.000Z> nachtrabe: whoa, that looks like a dream 
<2022-08-31T04:45:30.000Z> nachtrabe: i help building them :) 
<2022-08-31T04:45:57.000Z> nachtrabe: carpentry and stuff 
<2022-08-31T04:48:01.000Z> nachtrabe: all the demotivation? 
<2022-08-31T04:51:39.000Z> nachtrabe: not much to tellwe build house boats for people with way too much money 
<2022-08-31T04:53:05.000Z> nachtrabe: construction work is easy to get into someone shows you how to do it, and then you do it clumsily for half a day, and then you are good at it :) 
<2022-08-31T04:53:18.000Z> nachtrabe: i hope not 
<2022-08-31T04:56:20.000Z> nachtrabe: it's quite chaotic in general  but i can't think of any rn
<2022-08-31T04:57:14.000Z> nachtrabe: help desks must suck everyone you talk to is already in a bad mood
<2022-08-31T05:14:23.000Z> nachtrabe: hmm .... i actually can't complain too much about the work itself although it wasn't exactly fun or interesting i stopped doing it because the pointlessness of it all kinda kafka'd me towards tall bridges 
<2022-08-31T05:23:56.000Z> nachtrabe: i mean the particular flavor of depression that's in all his works 
<2022-08-31T05:24:49.000Z> nachtrabe: floristry you said?now that's an unusual hobby :) 
<2022-08-31T05:28:31.000Z> nachtrabe: well, i asked :) 
<2022-08-31T05:28:47.000Z> nachtrabe: yeah i will 
<2022-08-31T05:35:03.000Z> nachtrabe: i think it does these words are also very beautiful 
<2022-08-31T05:36:11.000Z> nachtrabe: (check .avi)? 
<2022-08-31T05:37:23.000Z> nachtrabe: no, never heard of it 
<2022-08-31T05:37:53.000Z> nachtrabe: i'm freshly out of things to watch :) 
<2022-08-31T05:39:00.000Z> nachtrabe: thx 
<2022-08-31T05:52:00.000Z> nachtrabe: what holds you back growing flowers?( i have no idea, the most complicated thing i grew were tomatoes ) 
<2022-08-31T05:56:14.000Z> nachtrabe: ok 
<2022-08-31T05:56:21.000Z> nachtrabe: don't hold back :) 
<2022-08-31T05:57:52.000Z> nachtrabe: > well, I need some peace.be careful with that, you can waste a lot of your life waiting to start it ( don't ask how i know this :) ) 
<2022-08-31T05:57:59.000Z> nachtrabe: oh cool 
<2022-08-31T05:59:53.000Z> nachtrabe: i basically have a new passion every half year 
<2022-08-31T06:00:14.000Z> nachtrabe: what i've been doing for longer is figure drawing 
<2022-08-31T06:00:50.000Z> nachtrabe: you know, like a naked person sits in the middle and a circle of drawers around them 
<2022-08-31T06:01:13.000Z> nachtrabe: yeah 
<2022-08-31T06:02:32.000Z> nachtrabe: it's really niceyou get to meet all kinds of weird ppl they also all move between different circles and all know each other 
<2022-08-31T06:03:20.000Z> nachtrabe: moved to a different city 100km away hit up the local drawing circle and the model was someone i already knew ^____^ 
<2022-08-31T06:06:01.000Z> nachtrabe: at first, it was awkward as fuck being a very nerdy guy and terrified around girls but you get used to it the people around all are, and behave as if nothing noteworthy is going on, everybody is relaxed, often there is a bottle of wine as well 
<2022-08-31T06:06:38.000Z> nachtrabe: 100% recommend :) 
<2022-08-31T06:07:30.000Z> nachtrabe: *blush*
<2022-08-31T06:07:45.000Z> nachtrabe: i'm working on it 
<2022-08-31T06:13:12.000Z> nachtrabe: oh how i got into it i was always dabbling a bit into drawing one day a friend dragged me into an evening school where they did that 
<2022-08-31T06:13:57.000Z> nachtrabe: https://www.instagram.com/l00leby/
<2022-08-31T06:16:03.000Z> nachtrabe: c'mon no need to flatter i already agreed to be your friend :) 
<2022-08-31T06:16:52.000Z> nachtrabe: lol
<2022-08-31T06:17:03.000Z> nachtrabe: please do 
<2022-08-31T06:18:23.000Z> nachtrabe: i've met so many people, including myself who spend their entire lives with excuses for why they don't just start doing the things they want to be doing 
<2022-08-31T06:19:45.000Z> nachtrabe: i believe you if i see a picture of a flower you grew :P 
<2022-08-31T06:21:56.000Z> nachtrabe: aight, so i'll be off fixing the computer with tons of reference pictures and get back to my head sculpt 
<2022-08-31T06:22:01.000Z> nachtrabe: shoot 
<2022-08-31T06:22:36.000Z> nachtrabe: shoot 
<2022-08-31T06:24:36.000Z> nachtrabe: unfortunately it's not rare these days 
<2022-08-31T06:25:34.000Z> nachtrabe: ... fashion what can you do at the very least my own generation has finally been outdone with terrible haircuts :) 
<2022-08-31T06:27:22.000Z> nachtrabe: nah i mean in the mainstream i don't know what it's called in the 90s every other idiot had all his hair trimmed to a few milimeters and bangs it looked incredibly retarded 
<2022-08-31T06:28:58.000Z> nachtrabe: like the skinhead girl haircut, but on guys 
<2022-08-31T06:29:44.000Z> nachtrabe: i blame burgers of course :) 
<2022-08-31T06:30:49.000Z> nachtrabe: no need :) 
<2022-08-31T06:31:15.000Z> nachtrabe: wat?
<2022-08-31T06:35:25.000Z> nachtrabe: lol, it kinda sums it up sad enough on it's own, but they also infect the rest of the world with their nihilism 
<2022-08-31T06:43:11.000Z> nachtrabe: fuck, need to get some parts first cu 
<2022-08-31T08:59:19.000Z> nachtrabe: i'm sorry i forgot how much of pain in the ass instagram is if you are not logged in 
<2022-08-31T09:00:22.000Z> nachtrabe: https://inflact.com/profiles/instagram-viewer/
<2022-08-31T09:00:38.000Z> nachtrabe: it works, but you want a *really* good ad blocker 
<2022-08-31T09:01:38.000Z> nachtrabe: it's what i use when i want to show one to my grandma >_< 
<2022-08-31T09:05:22.000Z> nachtrabe: hi sam :) 
<2022-08-31T09:05:39.000Z> nachtrabe: what? 
<2022-08-31T09:05:59.000Z> nachtrabe: are you having a stroke >_< ? 
<2022-08-31T09:07:23.000Z> nachtrabe: ah now i get it 
<2022-08-31T09:07:32.000Z> nachtrabe: anne is the name of the model 
<2022-08-31T09:12:44.000Z> nachtrabe: yeah sometimes it's mostly young girls otherwise been doing this for years - have never seen a fat or an old one 
<2022-08-31T09:13:35.000Z> nachtrabe: you're funny 
<2022-08-31T09:16:49.000Z> nachtrabe: lol 
<2022-08-31T09:18:57.000Z> nachtrabe: it's in a pretty sad state. i pray for collapse, cartharsis in fire 
<2022-08-31T09:21:29.000Z> nachtrabe: oh a lot of thingsi used to try to save people around me, but i stopped caring 
<2022-08-31T09:24:03.000Z> nachtrabe: it's summer here pretty girls everywhere nature is lushsports outside, cooking, building stuff - life is great atm 
<2022-08-31T09:25:58.000Z> nachtrabe: ?
<2022-08-31T09:27:01.000Z> nachtrabe: she's 30 afaik :) 
<2022-08-31T09:28:29.000Z> nachtrabe: but interresting when you first see her, she appears very wallflowerish in the way she dresses and acts and then she undresses, and you think she's a greek statue come to life 
<2022-08-31T09:30:56.000Z> nachtrabe: i'm pretty sure she doesn't she's insanely driven navy seal levels of self discipline most men i know are less hardcore
<2022-08-31T09:32:19.000Z> nachtrabe: become better 
<2022-08-31T09:32:46.000Z> nachtrabe: in her career ( history phd ) in her workout routines 
<2022-08-31T09:38:58.000Z> nachtrabe: santa?
<2022-08-31T09:39:29.000Z> nachtrabe: you can envy and pity someone at the same time life is weird :) 
<2022-08-31T09:41:26.000Z> nachtrabe: from someone in aus?nothing i can think of but thank you 
<2022-08-31T09:42:35.000Z> nachtrabe: yeah hes a good guy 
<2022-08-31T09:43:03.000Z> nachtrabe: grow some flowers before you go to war ^^ 
<2022-08-31T09:44:03.000Z> nachtrabe: *brofist*  
<2022-08-31T09:50:11.000Z> nachtrabe: very pretty 
<2022-08-31T09:50:16.000Z> nachtrabe: did you take them? 
<2022-08-31T09:54:36.000Z> nachtrabe: at the shipyard, in front of our hall there were always white feathers on the ground like a lot of them, too many to be from one bird unless someone plucked it entirely one evening i was staying late and saw why there was a huge airial fight above our hall seagulls <vs> crows must have been 50 or so birds total judging from the feathers the crows must have the upper hand 
<2022-08-31T09:57:57.000Z> nachtrabe: cu 
<2022-08-31T11:04:08.000Z> nachtrabe: 2011? 50% of your humor flies straight over my head >_< 
<2022-08-31T11:07:51.000Z> nachtrabe: wowpewds thing is that old ? 
<2022-08-31T11:11:39.000Z> nachtrabe: oh, if i might ask you for something i enjoy a good hitler meme as much as the next guybut i want to keep it on the down low with this account - pls don't call me for fire support in that case 
<2022-08-31T11:12:15.000Z> nachtrabe: i watched it once to see what all the fuzz is about and decided i'm too old for this ^^ 
<2022-08-31T11:13:25.000Z> nachtrabe: ah glowniggers can go fuck themselves idkbut i want to be able to talk to people that would be scared by windmills 
<2022-08-31T11:14:38.000Z> nachtrabe: thank you :) 
<2022-08-31T11:22:30.000Z> nachtrabe: what do you need?
<2022-08-31T11:25:46.000Z> nachtrabe: you know what's funny boomers seem to be the only generation, that seem to worry about not being hip anymore my parents did this and i always feared i would end like them it didn't happen never occured to me to wonder if the kids think i'm cool what do i care? they are kidsi've never heard my grandparents say anything to that effect either ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
<2022-08-31T11:28:00.000Z> nachtrabe: on the plus side, we can't complain about not having a clear mission fix all that shit again :) 
<2022-08-31T11:28:27.000Z> nachtrabe: i am supposed to fill this out? 
<2022-08-31T11:30:25.000Z> nachtrabe: it's pretty good use of light/dark for communicating volume is better than i could do for sure 
<2022-08-31T11:31:26.000Z> nachtrabe: because boomer me only knows asuka, the scary figure is from dark souls i guess? for the rest i'm completely blanking 
<2022-08-31T11:33:49.000Z> nachtrabe: there is a girl in gorillaz now?!!!
<2022-08-31T11:34:41.000Z> nachtrabe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DlTexEXxLQ
<2022-08-31T11:35:31.000Z> nachtrabe: world = shattered 
<2022-08-31T11:37:51.000Z> nachtrabe: hmm i've been meaning to play that but i'm not going to do it anyway 
<2022-08-31T11:42:01.000Z> nachtrabe: yeah it's pretty cool i'll try it , expect to wait a week or so for results >_< 
<2022-08-31T11:50:18.000Z> nachtrabe: nah, just some random observation i hadn't had the chance to dump on someone yet 
<2022-08-31T11:52:47.000Z> nachtrabe: i guess i just always wanted to tell someone younger, who has this fear of becoming uncool one day and pandering in cringe to younger folks 
<2022-08-31T11:53:04.000Z> nachtrabe: "don't worry. that's just a boomer thing. it won't happen to you" 
<2022-08-31T11:53:49.000Z> nachtrabe: has/might have 
<2022-08-31T11:54:01.000Z> nachtrabe: imma try the dancer 
<2022-08-31T11:55:24.000Z> nachtrabe: i wish i could blacklist fucking pinterest from search results >_< 
<2022-08-31T12:00:24.000Z> nachtrabe: of course there is an ass-mod https://bae.st/media/f16237b3524485ce5fc2a66859420f5e063cb20ec036498fd4f3d20a22cb05f7.png?name=image.png
<2022-08-31T12:02:53.000Z> nachtrabe: :) 
<2022-08-31T12:17:08.000Z> nachtrabe: wait till you see dem tiddies 
<2022-08-31T12:23:14.000Z> nachtrabe: i think i know what they were going for  https://bae.st/media/768b3b6ffa9e1458d2b5de9ef48eb2acef32da7b4509f541e1c5e7620e197152.png?name=image.png
<2022-08-31T13:17:17.000Z> nachtrabe: night ausbro
<2022-08-31T20:22:08.000Z> nachtrabe: only if you are interested in pictures of naked dudes and if it doesn't have to be good :) 
<2022-09-01T05:08:12.000Z> nachtrabe: who are you irl?
<2022-09-01T05:09:19.000Z> nachtrabe: lol @ the hex 
<2022-09-01T05:13:37.000Z> nachtrabe: your fam always presses you into becoming worker drone that always treats his tax reports with utmost seriousness?
<2022-09-01T05:16:23.000Z> nachtrabe: :) 
<2022-09-01T05:16:45.000Z> nachtrabe: i live for enlightenment and pussy both elude me 
<2022-09-01T05:24:47.000Z> nachtrabe: you have a homepage? or did you mean timeline?
<2022-09-01T05:31:00.000Z> nachtrabe: i can see your timeline?how? 
<2022-09-01T05:31:41.000Z> nachtrabe: this is what it looks like for me   https://bae.st/media/0d18ec6311bc50fb0cd2f7d104f9e10bded2e84a8d3ce33bf21c9af4c312e086.png?name=image.png
<2022-09-01T05:37:31.000Z> nachtrabe: oh, i always thought with "timeline" people refer to the mix of posts from all your follows 
<2022-09-01T05:38:30.000Z> nachtrabe: i wouldn't have either 
<2022-09-01T05:38:44.000Z> nachtrabe: yeah :) 
<2022-09-01T05:39:40.000Z> nachtrabe: what does "run goes with everything" mean?
<2022-09-01T05:40:19.000Z> nachtrabe: no i had to go draw some life specimen 
<2022-09-01T05:40:40.000Z> nachtrabe: ahhhh :) 
<2022-09-01T05:41:09.000Z> nachtrabe: if you came over and stripped naked i could draw you as well :) 
<2022-09-01T05:41:39.000Z> nachtrabe: ( as in i went to a drawing circle ) 
<2022-09-01T05:44:39.000Z> nachtrabe: samei want faggotry as far away from me as possible the current zeitgeist where people immediately expect there to be some trauma in you if you express something to that end it's ... it's just so fucking dumb
<2022-09-01T05:45:36.000Z> nachtrabe: maybe it's because you already know that i do stuff like this without any homo undertones 
<2022-09-01T05:49:18.000Z> nachtrabe: from yesterday https://bae.st/media/09073a12e6f6847724284b270f18868a6773af992b8f00f7b0598632f123276a.JPG?name=IMG_0934.JPG
<2022-09-01T05:50:03.000Z> nachtrabe: yeah 
<2022-09-01T05:51:37.000Z> nachtrabe: i have a 10+ year old hand me down iphone just for making photos don't use smart phones either 
<2022-09-01T05:52:36.000Z> nachtrabe: exif told ya?
<2022-09-01T05:53:47.000Z> nachtrabe: image meta data 
<2022-09-01T05:54:44.000Z> nachtrabe: because i think it's a 3, dunno for sure 
<2022-09-01T05:55:48.000Z> nachtrabe: i said "a week" i need to do some studies ballet dancers first 
<2022-09-01T05:57:07.000Z> nachtrabe: i think it's the veils that give the "sensualness" the actual model doesn't look feminine or even much human 
<2022-09-01T06:01:26.000Z> nachtrabe: ok imma log off now or i will never get anything done =) see you on the flip side 
<2022-09-01T06:44:09.000Z> nachtrabe: join fedi to kick off the race war stay for fascinating christian people =) 
<2022-09-01T06:49:22.000Z> nachtrabe: hazlin as well no wonder you two are friends 
<2022-09-01T06:50:39.000Z> nachtrabe: or maybei'm just trying to fly beneath your gaydar
<2022-09-01T06:50:56.000Z> nachtrabe: wow 
<2022-09-01T06:51:01.000Z> nachtrabe: =) 
<2022-09-01T06:51:12.000Z> nachtrabe: do it 
<2022-09-01T06:53:25.000Z> nachtrabe: i'm a math major dropout 
<2022-09-01T06:53:38.000Z> nachtrabe: and a compsci dropout :) 
<2022-09-01T06:54:44.000Z> nachtrabe: what i see in it surely is just my own wicked mind 
<2022-09-01T06:55:21.000Z> nachtrabe: venn diagram? 
<2022-09-01T06:59:06.000Z> nachtrabe: %processing% 
<2022-09-01T07:01:38.000Z> nachtrabe: the x axis is a spectrum of personality types
<2022-09-01T07:02:08.000Z> nachtrabe: with leftmost, most dominating competitive people? 
<2022-09-01T07:03:57.000Z> nachtrabe: doesn't make too much sense, that would put hazlin to the far right ...
<2022-09-01T07:03:58.000Z> nachtrabe: hmm 
<2022-09-01T07:06:27.000Z> nachtrabe: i think i'm starting to get it it's an entirely different way of classifying 
<2022-09-01T07:06:43.000Z> nachtrabe: but i think it makes sense 
<2022-09-01T07:07:22.000Z> nachtrabe: me too 
<2022-09-01T07:07:58.000Z> nachtrabe: he seems to outright torture himself to be a good person 
<2022-09-01T07:09:59.000Z> nachtrabe: from talking to him,i think he does have the impulse to say "not 100% agreeable" things he just works really hard to suppress them 
<2022-09-01T07:12:33.000Z> nachtrabe: awww <3thanks 
<2022-09-01T07:13:25.000Z> nachtrabe: when i was drunk i sent my favorite black metal band he didn't even flinch 
<2022-09-01T07:16:11.000Z> nachtrabe: i have an irl friend who keeps reminding me of him i even started talking to hazlin just like i talk to the irl guy and didn't even noticethe irl guy is also really torturing himself in his case though, it's hardcore environmentalism and feminism 
<2022-09-01T07:17:20.000Z> nachtrabe: that's death metal though :) 
<2022-09-01T07:17:49.000Z> nachtrabe: and i too like it a lot very impressive music for a joke 
<2022-09-01T07:19:04.000Z> nachtrabe: why sad? 
<2022-09-01T07:21:27.000Z> nachtrabe: hmm i think they already are good peoplethe fact that they are willing to torture themselves to that end proves it all they need is someone that knows how to say to them "it's ok"in such a way that they can believe it 
<2022-09-01T07:23:54.000Z> nachtrabe: no actually not i mean i will probably be frustrated at the end of the day for not having done anything productive but it feels good to talk about stuff like this 
<2022-09-01T07:25:38.000Z> nachtrabe: also i opened the browser again on my own impulse i could have not done it but i chose otherwise :) 
<2022-09-01T07:27:44.000Z> nachtrabe: >  loves God and fears pain, evil in the same way and this is bad?
<2022-09-01T07:29:26.000Z> nachtrabe: slow down i cant read this fast XD 
<2022-09-01T07:30:41.000Z> nachtrabe: > he sent me 4 hour-long sermons on this topic, to help just methat sounds like something he would do 
<2022-09-01T07:31:22.000Z> nachtrabe: > he never once mentioned his own painyeah 
<2022-09-01T07:31:44.000Z> nachtrabe: it's between the lines 
<2022-09-01T07:46:38.000Z> nachtrabe: ok 
<2022-09-01T07:47:06.000Z> nachtrabe: i was institutionalized once soft form you could leave any time and didn't stay over night 
<2022-09-01T07:49:02.000Z> nachtrabe: there was this girlshe was actually a completely likeable person and certainly not stupidbut she was also hell bent on "i have to get into an international elite university or i'm worth less then dirt" and that was out of her reach 
<2022-09-01T07:50:45.000Z> nachtrabe: from the outside it was trivially easy to see what her problem was she couldn't and then it dawned on me that i'm a lot like her and even though i did get it i don't i couldn't apply this to myself and 10 years later i still can't funny, huh? ^_______^ 
<2022-09-01T07:52:20.000Z> nachtrabe: i need to do something to justify my existence on this world 
<2022-09-01T07:53:34.000Z> nachtrabe: no my fate is to never take the easy road 
<2022-09-01T07:54:50.000Z> nachtrabe: truebut it's also a challenge posed to you are you a man if shy away from it? 
<2022-09-01T07:55:42.000Z> nachtrabe: to overcome your weaknessto effect the world justly in spite of it 
<2022-09-01T07:56:20.000Z> nachtrabe: how so?
<2022-09-01T07:59:25.000Z> nachtrabe: i understand the message of the picture but it's incompletethe dude is easy prey for people who aren't like him 
<2022-09-01T07:59:34.000Z> nachtrabe: ok 
<2022-09-01T08:16:56.000Z> nachtrabe: thanks man 
<2022-09-01T08:18:53.000Z> nachtrabe: you already told me that in the beginning 
<2022-09-01T08:19:31.000Z> nachtrabe: you said "early 20s" 
<2022-09-01T08:20:20.000Z> nachtrabe: i'm no where near the maturity one would expect from someone my age, so ... 
<2022-09-01T08:21:42.000Z> nachtrabe: and the worries that occupy those peoples attentions are very abstract/ inconsequential to me 
<2022-09-01T08:22:18.000Z> nachtrabe: dude our stories are not so dissimilar :) 
<2022-09-01T08:24:43.000Z> nachtrabe: my parents were 18 when i was born and forced to marry because of it my existing basically crushed all their hopes and dreams before their lives even began they always hated meand they both are pretty fucked up my sister was a wanted child and they destroyed her emotionally too 
<2022-09-01T08:25:33.000Z> nachtrabe: fuck 
<2022-09-01T08:26:27.000Z> nachtrabe: maybe later i still have things to do 
<2022-09-01T08:31:00.000Z> nachtrabe: ok story this is a famous bridge in prague the photo doesn't do it justice when you walk over it you can't help but be inspiredpeople probably died building it there is no reason to build something like this just to cross a riverthis is the other side of the driveness coin it's how beautiful things get to come into this world https://bae.st/media/8a53341960a61e925717b1d5969b1c3329ffd62691580c56194561621d1963bf.png?name=image.png
<2022-09-01T08:34:03.000Z> nachtrabe: they usually only tell you about the driven people who exhausted themselves, but in the end got an result for it and leave the poor suckers out that did it in vain but they too are neccessary for the whole thing to work without people being crazy to exhaust themselves without knowing in advance that there will be a payoff, non of this would come to be 
<2022-09-01T08:36:55.000Z> nachtrabe: > and what if nobody appreciates that beauty, you'd suicide see, i don't believe this if you think what you made was worth making that will give you peace 
<2022-09-01T08:37:55.000Z> nachtrabe: hmm maybe but i find there is beauty in that 
<2022-09-01T08:40:17.000Z> nachtrabe: but it can handle it i didn't off myself mainly out of spite :) 
<2022-09-01T08:44:36.000Z> nachtrabe: chill my man 
<2022-09-01T08:44:48.000Z> nachtrabe: i love you guys just as much 
<2022-09-01T08:47:02.000Z> nachtrabe: what puts me off christianity is ... how shall i put it without offending you is that you guys seem to not be able to see anything outside of it any more everything needs to be viewed through this one lens i find it actually quite scary 
<2022-09-01T08:50:27.000Z> nachtrabe: you know this thing that will give you strength for me that was the realization that no one will ever come and pull me up i'll either do it myself or die here there is a way of realizing this so deeply that it sets you freeand then you do have the strength to get up yourself 
<2022-09-01T08:53:46.000Z> nachtrabe: do i talk to you as if didn't took you seriously ? 
<2022-09-01T08:54:23.000Z> nachtrabe: because i absolutely do take you seriously 
<2022-09-01T08:54:27.000Z> nachtrabe: i can't see you 
<2022-09-01T08:54:43.000Z> nachtrabe: i always forget how far we are apart 
<2022-09-01T08:57:19.000Z> nachtrabe: here's a trick for you move out this is something i learned too late my mom basically blackmailed me with threatening to kill herself it's like a wound that comes from someone scratching the same part of your arm over and over for years without the scratching stopping - it can't ever heal 
<2022-09-01T08:58:45.000Z> nachtrabe: you can keep your faith and still move out :) 
<2022-09-01T08:59:38.000Z> nachtrabe: i guess not 
<2022-09-01T09:01:49.000Z> nachtrabe: dude i do respect you pls chill 
<2022-09-01T09:03:23.000Z> nachtrabe: what i was meaning to say was not : "become a wage slave to be a man worth talking to" but buy yourself some time outside the influences that hurt you so you can heal 
<2022-09-01T09:05:29.000Z> nachtrabe: no i don't think we can 
<2022-09-01T09:07:05.000Z> nachtrabe: doesn't mean you can't try and be a positive example and nudge those around you away from the self destructive path they are on even the teeniest bit 
<2022-09-01T09:07:29.000Z> nachtrabe: and then someone else comes along and gives an other nudge 
<2022-09-01T09:07:32.000Z> nachtrabe: and so on 
<2022-09-01T09:07:49.000Z> nachtrabe: lol :) 
<2022-09-01T09:09:04.000Z> nachtrabe: fatalism 
<2022-09-01T09:09:20.000Z> nachtrabe: and you say i'm depressed XD
<2022-09-01T09:10:12.000Z> nachtrabe: hmm ... :)  
<2022-09-01T09:26:32.000Z> nachtrabe: brrrrip 
<2022-09-01T09:27:35.000Z> nachtrabe: you know when i learned what pantheism is, i was like "yeah, that basically always was my outlook on the world" is that good enough for you? 
<2022-09-01T10:59:14.000Z> nachtrabe: can we not travel on parallel paths for a time? 
<2022-09-01T11:01:13.000Z> nachtrabe: i don't intend to 
<2022-09-01T11:03:17.000Z> nachtrabe: ?
<2022-09-01T11:09:44.000Z> nachtrabe: no i dodge cameras really well >_< 
<2022-09-01T11:11:04.000Z> nachtrabe: and why on earth would you want this?
<2022-09-01T11:14:55.000Z> nachtrabe: dude i'm not remotely as depressed as you think i am that's what hazlin told you 
<2022-09-01T11:16:04.000Z> nachtrabe: because of an image and a name 
<2022-09-01T11:16:24.000Z> nachtrabe: the name is in joke between me and my ex 
<2022-09-01T11:17:06.000Z> nachtrabe: i made her a raven that looks over her from the shadows and protects her 
<2022-09-01T11:28:04.000Z> nachtrabe: > hard on yourself, hard on othersit's a cultural thing russians are like this too chinese, nips ... 
<2022-09-01T11:29:07.000Z> nachtrabe: i haven't hurt anyone in ages 
<2022-09-01T14:54:52.000Z> nachtrabe: you know what? gimme some time with all this self exhausting businessi think i'm really really close i already ate 99% of the pain, i cant give up now and not collect my prize 
<2022-09-01T14:55:39.000Z> nachtrabe: "one last advance - na nanana naaaaone final chance - na nanana naaaait now shall be - na nanana naaaano guts, no glory - nanananannanananannananananannanana na naaaa"  = ) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ny7cTFHcL04