<2022-11-17T23:17:52.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I feel dumb. Sorry if I've disappointed you. 
<2022-11-18T03:57:02.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh?
<2022-11-18T03:58:00.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'm not lying when I say that I generally think you're fun to have around. I don't know what you could've done to make you think you've disappointed me.
<2022-11-18T04:01:46.000Z> CentaurBreeder: Me masturbating 12 times in one day..... But thanks man that makes me really happy. I enjoy talking to you too! 
<2022-11-18T04:02:05.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: lmao that?
<2022-11-18T04:02:16.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I said that I went up to 7 myself, right?
<2022-11-18T04:02:24.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Nah, I'm impressed that your body held out for that.
<2022-11-18T04:02:47.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah. I dunno its a embarrassing. T 
<2022-11-18T04:03:09.000Z> CentaurBreeder: thank you! I guess my body is used to it now
<2022-11-18T04:03:12.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: ^^; And we are on fedi, where nobody knows our identities
<2022-11-18T04:03:36.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's OK to say embarrassing things. You get made fun of a little, then you move on.
<2022-11-18T04:05:33.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah. thanks man. 
<2022-11-18T04:06:34.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I always appreciate seeing and talking to you on here mono! 
<2022-11-18T04:07:50.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: np man
<2022-11-18T04:07:51.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: oh
<2022-11-18T04:07:56.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Also, generally just call me CMD
<2022-11-18T04:08:37.000Z> CentaurBreeder: ok CMD got it 
<2022-11-18T04:08:49.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Thanks
<2022-11-18T04:08:51.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: o7
<2022-11-18T04:09:12.000Z> CentaurBreeder: O7 no problem. call me whatever really.
<2022-11-18T04:10:29.000Z> CentaurBreeder: Well I'm gonna go head to sleep Good night CMD! 
<2022-11-18T04:11:16.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: gn man
<2022-11-18T10:55:48.000Z> CentaurBreeder: Good morning!
<2022-11-18T10:55:54.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: o7
<2022-11-18T10:55:56.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: morning
<2022-11-18T10:56:13.000Z> CentaurBreeder: 07 hell yeah 
<2022-11-18T10:56:52.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I keep not realizing that some instances block bae.st
<2022-11-18T10:57:14.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: So I head off to the federated timeline and I post at an account which has the entire domain blocked.
<2022-11-18T10:57:51.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's kinda sad to do that, so I started blocking domains which I noticed defederate from us.
<2022-11-18T10:58:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I think there's a list of those instances, but I haven't bothered looking it up
<2022-11-18T11:01:03.000Z> CentaurBreeder: There is but I don't remember it right now
<2022-11-18T11:01:03.000Z> CentaurBreeder: There is but I don't remember it right now
<2022-11-18T11:01:48.000Z> CentaurBreeder: It is sad defederation is really fucking gay
<2022-11-18T11:02:03.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The roundabout way of "post at a dude, check to see if he saw it" works for the most case.
<2022-11-18T11:02:16.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's pretty gay, but there's good reasons that it has to be  a thing
<2022-11-18T11:02:54.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: We *really should* defederate from instances that post CP (actual CP, not like varis)
<2022-11-18T11:03:22.000Z> CentaurBreeder: Yeah but 92% of the time it's gay 
<2022-11-18T11:03:26.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yes
<2022-11-18T11:03:31.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I agree with the CP thing 
<2022-11-18T11:04:10.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: OK
<2022-11-18T11:04:26.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The donut shop should be open soon
<2022-11-18T11:04:53.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's run by lazy people who don't want to work so it always opens late
<2022-11-18T11:05:15.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Which is fair because nobody goes in to the donut shop at open time anyway except homeless people.
<2022-11-18T11:05:32.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But I'm up early and I want donuts
<2022-11-18T11:05:35.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'm gonna head ou t
<2022-11-18T11:05:39.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Enjoy your day man.
<2022-11-18T11:09:14.000Z> CentaurBreeder: You too! Enjoy your donuts man!
<2022-12-13T12:12:00.000Z> CentaurBreeder: Hey CMD!! Brother can I tell you some shocking and amazing news!!!! 
<2022-12-13T16:26:20.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Hey, what's up?
<2022-12-13T16:40:02.000Z> CentaurBreeder: Bro I got a girlfriend!!!!
<2022-12-13T16:40:51.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: :o
<2022-12-13T16:40:56.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Bro that's pretty good!
<2022-12-13T16:41:45.000Z> CentaurBreeder: Yeah thank you!!! Sorry im just so excited. Never thought I would get one!! I consider you a great friend so I wanted to tell you
<2022-12-13T16:42:32.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, I'm in the same camp
<2022-12-13T16:42:44.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I noticed you posting a bit less, and that's honestly a good reason for it
<2022-12-13T16:43:27.000Z> CentaurBreeder: Oh congratulations!!! Yeah me and here have been talking a lot the past week. So I've just not been able to post 
<2022-12-13T16:43:33.000Z> CentaurBreeder: Her*
<2022-12-13T16:43:41.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh, I mean
<2022-12-13T16:43:54.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'm in the camp of "not thinking I'll get a girlfriend," not "having a girlfriend"
<2022-12-13T16:43:54.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: >_>;
<2022-12-13T16:45:41.000Z> CentaurBreeder: Oh my bad I misunderstood! Listen bro ive my weird ass can get a girl. You can definitely find a fujoshi gf. I believe in you!!!! I know you can do it brother 
<2022-12-13T16:51:15.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: ^^; Yeah. For the time being I'm stuck, but maybe it can happen
<2022-12-13T16:51:27.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: [actively trying to leave the place I live, etc.]
<2022-12-13T16:54:11.000Z> CentaurBreeder: Yeah I want to leave where I live too
<2022-12-13T16:54:11.000Z> CentaurBreeder: Yeah I want to leave where I live too
<2022-12-13T17:14:55.000Z> CentaurBreeder: But we are all gonna make it my one eye'd friend
<2022-12-13T17:15:08.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: o7 Thanks for your confidence bro
<2022-12-13T17:15:21.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'm pretty sure I'll get out of where I live, then I can begin all of that stuff.
<2022-12-13T17:15:28.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Literally just need a job
<2022-12-13T17:16:17.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's a little annoying because I haven't been getting interviews, but it's also the time of year where hiring slows down across the board so it's sort of RIP until the new year
<2022-12-13T17:40:53.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >o7 Thanks for your confidence broOf course brother! o7
<2022-12-13T17:42:18.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >It's a little annoying because I haven't been getting interviews, but it's also the time of year where hiring slows down across the board so it's sort of RIP until the new yearIm sorry to hear that man. But here's to a good new year! I know you can do it man. But I suppose now all we can do it wait. No need to stress about it
<2022-12-15T21:05:21.000Z> CentaurBreeder: dude my gf was talking to another man and selling nudes its so fucking over I cant believe it 
<2022-12-15T21:05:25.000Z> CentaurBreeder: fuck my life!!!!
<2022-12-15T21:05:34.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: ...That was fast
<2022-12-15T21:06:23.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You at least got through it rapidly
<2022-12-15T21:06:30.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Didn't waste so much time
<2022-12-15T21:08:37.000Z> CentaurBreeder: well me and her were talking for 3-4 weeks. 
<2022-12-15T21:08:46.000Z> CentaurBreeder: but damn man. 
<2022-12-15T21:08:50.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, a month is not really that bad
<2022-12-15T21:09:07.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah it could have been worse
<2023-01-09T02:21:35.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I know for a fact that you've seen the guy I'm bitching about
<2023-01-09T02:21:51.000Z> CentaurBreeder: moomin?
<2023-01-09T02:22:20.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I think moomin's in that crowd, but none of my mutuals reposts his stuff.
<2023-01-09T02:23:19.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I might have meet the guy. I dont remember names only pfps. he sounds retarded though 
<2023-01-09T02:23:58.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, it'd be different if the guy posted *fucking anything else*
<2023-01-09T02:24:10.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But he just doesn't. Every time he's on my TL, it's the same shit
<2023-01-09T02:25:31.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah fuck it at that point I'd just mute him. hes not funny nor interesting whats he point. 
<2023-01-09T02:26:08.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, I mean, a mix of everything is important
<2023-01-09T02:26:40.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's why people in September were really upset about the KF crew, they wouldn't talk about things other than drama.
<2023-01-09T02:27:02.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Chudbuds type people still absolutely talk about it a lot, but they'll talk about other things too and it's great.
<2023-01-09T02:28:45.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Yeah, I mean, a mix of everything is importantyeah. I suppose so. >It's why people in September were really upset about the KF crew, they wouldn't talk about things other than drama.yeah kc crew is really annoying. I like a few of them. no one likes a one trick pony
<2023-01-09T02:29:31.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Chudbuds type people still absolutely talk about it a lot, but they'll talk about other things too and it's great.I dont like them at all. they defeded more over loli and have been annoying and pedo-obsessed. 
<2023-01-09T02:30:11.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Aye, they absolutely get a little too worked up over loli, I'll agree.
<2023-01-09T02:30:37.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I think that you can like people without agreeing with everything about them though, and that's one of those things I'm willing to let slide.
<2023-01-09T02:30:43.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah but whatever. not like I can interact with them. 
<2023-01-09T02:30:53.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh yeah, that's true
<2023-01-09T02:31:20.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: That'd definitely cause friction, for sure.
<2023-01-09T02:31:28.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I think that you can like people without agreeing with everything about them though, and that's one of those things I'm willing to let slide.I agree with this. its like supporting a artist not the work nor the meaning behind ones work. 
<2023-01-09T02:31:47.000Z> CentaurBreeder: oh what would cause friction? 
<2023-01-09T02:31:55.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Ah, them blocking you
<2023-01-09T02:31:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Would make you upset
<2023-01-09T02:32:00.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Entirely reasonable
<2023-01-09T02:36:00.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah. my only issue was the fact no one told me. so for a week I was trying to talk with chudbud users and I was wondering what happened. till I joined a thread and someone was asking why they cant see my posts and claire joined and she she defeded more over posting loli's buttholes. but I marked it 18+ and everything. so I am still a little salty it took them so fucking long to tell me. least when I got defeded from Posting loli rocks s8n told me before hand. 
<2023-01-09T02:38:06.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I can understand defederating someone over a instance rules. but at least tell the person. speaking of which. nicecrew may have defederated me. I hate this gay federation shit. I just want to be silly. drama is boring 
<2023-01-09T03:04:41.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: ...Yeah, definitely you should tell the person you're blocking if it's a single-user block
<2023-01-09T03:04:58.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I don't see why NCD would defed you
<2023-01-09T03:06:40.000Z> CentaurBreeder: ehh things happened in a hellthread with me and a few of there users, and some guy I talk too randomly pm'd about how I might be getting defederated from them. but it seems to be false I can interact with people from NCD
<2023-01-09T03:07:15.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah unless it's a mod or admin then there's no way
<2023-01-09T03:07:23.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >...Yeah, definitely you should tell the person you're blocking if it's a single-user blockmany such cases. people cant handle the centaur style. aka "schizo-autism
<2023-01-09T03:07:30.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: pfff
<2023-01-09T03:07:38.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Anyway, I'm signing off
<2023-01-09T03:07:39.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: gn
<2023-01-09T03:07:45.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah that guy might have just been fucking with me 
<2023-01-09T03:07:54.000Z> CentaurBreeder: oh good night brother! sleep well man
<2023-01-09T03:08:01.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: yeah, absolutely that dude was just fucking with you
<2023-01-09T03:08:10.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Like elfie when he says he's gonna ban someone
<2023-01-09T03:08:33.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah. I am just slightly retarded. 
<2023-01-09T03:08:45.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's OK bro
<2023-01-09T03:08:52.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You have people out here looking out for you, and we like you
<2023-01-09T03:08:56.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Anyway, I'm off to bed
<2023-01-09T03:08:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: gn
<2023-01-09T03:09:57.000Z> CentaurBreeder: Thanks that means a lot to me. I like you too. Sleep well I heading to bed as well. 
<2023-01-09T03:10:20.000Z> CentaurBreeder: sweet dreams 
<2023-01-12T16:41:20.000Z> CentaurBreeder: hey. if you dont mind me asking what is your opinion on suicide? like do you believe people should be allowed to kill themselves? 
<2023-01-12T16:49:59.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I have the standard pro-choice stance on it.
<2023-01-12T16:50:20.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I respect that 
<2023-01-12T16:51:47.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Basically:1) A person who expresses a desire to kill themselves should be questioned, but not stopped2) Efforts to forcibly prevent suicide should be stopped
<2023-01-12T16:52:34.000Z> CentaurBreeder: If I may also ask. whenever you feel suicidal what do you do? like do you try to cheer yourself up or do you just attempt suicide right then and there?  I hope I am not bothering you. you seem to be open to talking about it. 
<2023-01-12T16:53:00.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh, my situation is one which is sort of chronic.
<2023-01-12T16:53:03.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Gimme a sec
<2023-01-12T16:53:28.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: https://emmengard.com/2019/05/07/suicide-scale/
<2023-01-12T16:53:37.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Basically:1) A person who expresses a desire to kill themselves should be questioned, but not stoppedok I see. >2) Efforts to forcibly prevent suicide should be stopped I can agree. 
<2023-01-12T16:53:44.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Basically I'm constantly between 6 and 8.
<2023-01-12T16:55:36.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And the few times that I've been at 9/10 have been prevented by logistical issues (needing to acquire means).
<2023-01-12T16:55:58.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Or hospitalization
<2023-01-12T16:56:47.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I guess If I have to put myself with the numbers at least for the last year I Have been between 6-9 
<2023-01-12T16:56:55.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The upshot is that when I tick up to an 8 on this scale, what ends up happening is I just sort of stare into nothingness for a few hours
<2023-01-12T16:57:15.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And I'm just like, gone.
<2023-01-12T16:57:35.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Well, I guess I should ask then:
<2023-01-12T16:57:42.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Has this been a lifelong situation for you?
<2023-01-12T16:57:47.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >And the few times that I've been at 9/10 have been prevented by logistical issues (needing to acquire means).oh I see. I have held a loaded gun up to my head many times but I just cant pull the trigger. I get lost in thought
<2023-01-12T16:58:16.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, that's how it is
<2023-01-12T16:58:37.000Z> CentaurBreeder: people in my life like to deny it. but when I was really young like 7 i used to draw pictures of me shooting myself or cutting myself. so I guess it could be
<2023-01-12T16:59:09.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh yeah, I'm the same way.
<2023-01-12T16:59:14.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >The upshot is that when I tick up to an 8 on this scale, what ends up happening is I just sort of stare into nothingness for a few hoursyes I've had that! the feeling of just kinda going away
<2023-01-12T16:59:35.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Oh yeah, I'm the same way.oh thank god I am not the only one
<2023-01-12T16:59:42.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, in my case it's absolutely a "CMD has PTSD" thing
<2023-01-12T17:00:03.000Z> CentaurBreeder: thank you for talking to me. you feel like the only person I feel comfortable talking to this stuff about 
<2023-01-12T17:00:20.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: ^^; That's probably not for the best, but that's how it is.
<2023-01-12T17:00:22.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Yeah, in my case it's absolutely a "CMD has PTSD" thingI'm sorry to hear that
<2023-01-12T17:00:43.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I think that suicidality is a thing that has a different root cause for everyone.
<2023-01-12T17:01:01.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And if that root cause is gone, the suicidal desire is gone.
<2023-01-12T17:01:08.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >^^; That's probably not for the best, but that's how it is.yeah I Dont know. better then talking to no one life I have been for many years
<2023-01-12T17:01:27.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >And if that root cause is gone, the suicidal desire is gone.I could see that
<2023-01-12T17:01:43.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I dont really know what my root cause is 
<2023-01-12T17:02:00.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: That's the kind of thing that requires some introspection.
<2023-01-12T17:02:24.000Z> CentaurBreeder: mostly cause I dont know what is considered what and I dont want to falsely claim things 
<2023-01-12T17:02:36.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: That's fair.
<2023-01-12T17:02:44.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >That's the kind of thing that requires some introspection.Yeah but how do I do that? 
<2023-01-12T17:02:48.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Well
<2023-01-12T17:02:54.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The way I did it was something like this
<2023-01-12T17:03:23.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You sit down and ask yourself "is there a situation that I can imagine - however fantastical - that would make me not want to kill myself?"
<2023-01-12T17:03:44.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And then you start taking bits and pieces away from that
<2023-01-12T17:04:03.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And once you're done taking bits and pieces away from it, you probably see the answer.
<2023-01-12T17:04:32.000Z> CentaurBreeder: hmm. I have never thought of doing that. 
<2023-01-12T17:04:33.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: So for example, you might say, "well if I was wealthy and had a wonderful wife and kids I would not be suicidal."
<2023-01-12T17:05:07.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And then you can whittle down - for example, you might decide that you don't want so much wealth, or that you can compromise on how good your wife is, so on and so forth
<2023-01-12T17:05:07.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >So for example, you might say, "well if I was wealthy and had a wonderful wife and kids I would not be suicidal."oh okay I get what you mean now
<2023-01-12T17:05:33.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Mine was a lot easier
<2023-01-12T17:05:35.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >And then you can whittle down - for example, you might decide that you don't want so much wealth, or that you can compromise on how good your wife is, so on and so forthyeah thank you thats a really good Idea
<2023-01-12T17:05:50.000Z> CentaurBreeder: what is yours? if you dont mind telling
<2023-01-12T17:06:07.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh, my mother treated me quite badly when I was growing up
<2023-01-12T17:06:19.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Like I have physical scars that will never heal because of it
<2023-01-12T17:06:37.000Z> CentaurBreeder: jesus. I am sorry. 
<2023-01-12T17:06:50.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: So when I go to bed and dream, sometimes I relive it
<2023-01-12T17:06:53.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I dont remember didnt you make a post about your mother dying? 
<2023-01-12T17:06:53.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And it's bad
<2023-01-12T17:07:01.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, and it's a good thing
<2023-01-12T17:07:10.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: When she dies it will  be good
<2023-01-12T17:07:14.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I Agree 
<2023-01-12T17:07:32.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Basically if I could just stop remembering all the things my mother did to me, I'd not be suicidal
<2023-01-12T17:07:36.000Z> CentaurBreeder: did you see my reply I left? to that post? 
<2023-01-12T17:07:49.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I saw, and it was a lot like, uh
<2023-01-12T17:07:52.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Basically if I could just stop remembering all the things my mother did to me, I'd not be suicidaloh okay. I can get that
<2023-01-12T17:08:17.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: there was someone else who was saying similar things in less words.
<2023-01-12T17:08:21.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: So I feel that.
<2023-01-12T17:08:30.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Anyway, for you
<2023-01-12T17:08:47.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: If you do that thing I said you can probably think of how to fix your problem.
<2023-01-12T17:08:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Mine was easy to diagnose and is fucking impossible to fi x.
<2023-01-12T17:09:07.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Maybe yours will be different and can be fixed
<2023-01-12T17:09:17.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >there was someone else who was saying similar things in less words.sorry I have tendency to monologue 
<2023-01-12T17:09:35.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: We all do
<2023-01-12T17:09:37.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: is fedi
<2023-01-12T17:09:37.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Maybe yours will be different and can be fixedyeah I hope so
<2023-01-12T17:09:49.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah thats good point
<2023-01-12T17:10:09.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I gotta prepare for my interview tomorrow
<2023-01-12T17:10:21.000Z> CentaurBreeder: oh sorry. 
<2023-01-12T17:10:33.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Don't apologize
<2023-01-12T17:10:37.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'm just saying why I'm heading out now
<2023-01-12T17:10:39.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: o/
<2023-01-12T17:10:42.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: See ya bro
<2023-01-12T17:10:53.000Z> CentaurBreeder: okay. have a good one man
<2023-01-12T17:11:06.000Z> CentaurBreeder: wish you luck! get that job! 
<2023-01-12T17:11:25.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'll do my best
<2023-01-12T17:11:47.000Z> CentaurBreeder: thats all I can ask
<2023-01-12T17:11:56.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: ^^; I'm at least getting to tech screens
<2023-01-12T17:12:16.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: So my resume is enough that people look at it
<2023-01-12T17:12:24.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah it thats true. it will help :D 
<2023-01-12T17:12:42.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Really at this point it's just a matter of studying/interviewing enough that I win.
<2023-01-12T17:12:55.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: OK, really I should go
<2023-01-12T17:12:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: see ya bro
<2023-01-12T17:13:13.000Z> CentaurBreeder: alrighty. see you! 
<2023-01-16T04:03:38.000Z> CentaurBreeder: hey whats the best way to kill oneself?
<2023-01-16T04:04:30.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Depends on your goals
<2023-01-16T04:04:39.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And resources
<2023-01-16T04:05:11.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Honestly Sanctioned Suicide has better resources on that
<2023-01-16T04:05:14.000Z> CentaurBreeder: whatever is painless
<2023-01-16T04:05:47.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Generally "one of the methods that induces hypoxia."
<2023-01-16T04:05:47.000Z> CentaurBreeder: how much medicine would it take to overdose? 
<2023-01-16T04:05:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah don't do that
<2023-01-16T04:06:14.000Z> CentaurBreeder: why not? 
<2023-01-16T04:06:33.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: ODing on random pills more likely to cause huge amounts of pain than even shotgun to head
<2023-01-16T04:06:54.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Also very survivable.
<2023-01-16T04:06:57.000Z> CentaurBreeder: oh god. oh okay so not that one then 
<2023-01-16T04:07:14.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: So I'm going to say
<2023-01-16T04:07:27.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: 1) Sanctioned Suicide has good resources for this
<2023-01-16T04:07:39.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: 2) They also have a lot more useful recovery resources than the standard.
<2023-01-16T04:08:22.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's a forum where people are honestly looking for desperate measures, and those desperate measures are discussed - even the ones that aren't suicide.
<2023-01-16T04:08:27.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I forget what is sanctioned suicide 
<2023-01-16T04:08:33.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's the suicide forum
<2023-01-16T04:08:38.000Z> CentaurBreeder: oh thats neat
<2023-01-16T04:08:53.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: So, as an example of a non-suicide thing I found out there
<2023-01-16T04:09:02.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Which I'm actually planning on trying
<2023-01-16T04:09:14.000Z> CentaurBreeder: oh?
<2023-01-16T04:09:26.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Datura is one of those things that may have a positive effect on PTSD
<2023-01-16T04:09:30.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: This is my case
<2023-01-16T04:09:56.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: When I'm in a position where I have a trusted friend who can help me through the trip - which is always horrifying - then I'm going to try it.
<2023-01-16T04:10:00.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I see. well I hope it can help you
<2023-01-16T04:10:19.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: There's a lot of non-standard recovery resources there.
<2023-01-16T04:10:31.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I like that
<2023-01-16T04:10:32.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: There was a long post on herbal remedies
<2023-01-16T04:10:45.000Z> CentaurBreeder: can you link me the forum?
<2023-01-16T04:10:54.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: sanctioned-suicide.org
<2023-01-16T04:11:20.000Z> CentaurBreeder: thanks I'll give that herbal post a look
<2023-01-16T04:11:21.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: https://sanctioned-suicide.org/threads/a-guide-to-herbs.39433/
<2023-01-16T04:11:27.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Here's the bit on herbs
<2023-01-16T04:11:43.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I like alterative Medicine  
<2023-01-16T04:12:14.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I will say again
<2023-01-16T04:12:24.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The *particular* thing you should take is probably related to the root problem you have
<2023-01-16T04:12:25.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >When I'm in a position where I have a trusted friend who can help me through the trip - which is always horrifying - then I'm going to try it.is this a qoute or did you write this? 
<2023-01-16T04:12:36.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I wrote this, yeah
<2023-01-16T04:12:42.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'm gonna do it myself
<2023-01-16T04:12:54.000Z> CentaurBreeder: oh I see
<2023-01-16T04:12:55.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Datura is a fucked up drug that should never be taken recreationally.
<2023-01-16T04:13:20.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I know one person who has done that, and he swore to never tell anyone about the details.
<2023-01-16T04:13:29.000Z> CentaurBreeder: jesus 
<2023-01-16T04:13:34.000Z> CentaurBreeder: Ill remember not too
<2023-01-16T04:13:38.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Other people have posted about their experiences with it, and all of them were of the form "yeah this is fucked up shit."
<2023-01-16T04:13:41.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: "Don't consume this."
<2023-01-16T04:14:02.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The thing about it is that there is one "side effect" which is actually the thing I'm gunning for.
<2023-01-16T04:14:44.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >The *particular* thing you should take is probably related to the root problem you haveI am still really trying to figure that part out. I think I just keep denying all the fucked up stuff that has happened to me. I go with the never talk about it approch. like women who were raped in the 50s 
<2023-01-16T04:14:48.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: When you're coming off of it, it's apparently really tough to remember things in the pasat.
<2023-01-16T04:14:58.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And this is the desired side effect for CMD
<2023-01-16T04:15:10.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >When you're coming off of it, it's apparently really tough to remember things in the pasat.like a memory blocker? 
<2023-01-16T04:15:16.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Fuzzer
<2023-01-16T04:15:17.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >And this is the desired side effect for CMD
<2023-01-16T04:15:18.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But yeah
<2023-01-16T04:15:25.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I really hope it works out for you
<2023-01-16T04:15:37.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's on the "try before suicide" list
<2023-01-16T04:15:48.000Z> CentaurBreeder: oh okay
<2023-01-16T04:15:59.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: There's a lot of honestly pretty desperate measures that one can take before suicide.
<2023-01-16T04:16:08.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And this forum is a great place to find out what those measures are.
<2023-01-16T04:16:45.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Be very sure to do that introspective thing I told you to do before trying anything  on this list though
<2023-01-16T04:16:46.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I mean
<2023-01-16T04:16:51.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Except maybe St. John's Wort
<2023-01-16T04:16:56.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah I wont lie to you I think I fucked myself over. I just took before messaging you a handful of benadryl. hopefully it will be well. 
<2023-01-16T04:17:00.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: That's pretty harmless, and it's honestly a pretty safe tea.
<2023-01-16T04:17:10.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Depends on the dosage?
<2023-01-16T04:17:16.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Induce vomiting if you're concerned.
<2023-01-16T04:17:22.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Do you know how to induce vomiting?
<2023-01-16T04:17:39.000Z> CentaurBreeder: the throat touch thing?
<2023-01-16T04:17:43.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah
<2023-01-16T04:17:56.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah. ehh I'll skip
<2023-01-16T04:18:01.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Use a clean spoon or a tongue depresser to touch the uvula
<2023-01-16T04:18:15.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's gross but I've done it to myself a few times because I put something bad in me
<2023-01-16T04:18:16.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yea okay I'll think about it 
<2023-01-16T04:18:40.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Be very sure to do that introspective thing I told you to do before trying anything  on this list thoughI will. 
<2023-01-16T04:18:40.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I do strongly recommend making a list of things to try before suicide.
<2023-01-16T04:18:57.000Z> CentaurBreeder: also sorry I am a slow typer. 
<2023-01-16T04:19:06.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I do strongly recommend making a list of things to try before suicide.I think I will
<2023-01-16T04:19:10.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: If nothing else, it gives you a clear idea that there's no other solution
<2023-01-16T04:19:16.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: As in "absolutely"
<2023-01-16T04:19:30.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah exactly 
<2023-01-16T04:19:51.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: If you're sort of confused about the right thing to take, St. John's Wort is the best start honestly.
<2023-01-16T04:20:05.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's basically a healthier SSRI/SNRI
<2023-01-16T04:20:27.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But with the side effect of *weight loss* instead of *weight gain*
<2023-01-16T04:20:38.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And it doesn't tank your motivation
<2023-01-16T04:20:44.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Better than the pills
<2023-01-16T04:20:52.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I'll try it. but I need to lose weight any way 
<2023-01-16T04:21:04.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You can drink it as a tea, too.
<2023-01-16T04:21:10.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: As long as you get the fresh stuff.
<2023-01-16T04:21:17.000Z> CentaurBreeder: oh I do it as a tea then 
<2023-01-16T04:21:27.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You  need to be careful about dosing
<2023-01-16T04:21:32.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Moreso in that way than other ways
<2023-01-16T04:21:41.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And be sure to store the leaves in a *dark* environment
<2023-01-16T04:21:52.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Put it in a cupboard or something and don't leave it on the counter.
<2023-01-16T04:22:11.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah Ill put it in  my cupboard
<2023-01-16T04:22:40.000Z> CentaurBreeder: can I ask does everyone have the right to tramua? does everyone have the right to be suicidal? 
<2023-01-16T04:23:25.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The standard SS opinion to both of those is "yeah, more or less, everyone has the right to feel like they want to die - and they should have that right too."
<2023-01-16T04:23:39.000Z> CentaurBreeder: every time I think about killing myself I feel like I shouldnt be allowed to think about that. like because other people have had things worse I shouldnt have the right too
<2023-01-16T04:24:07.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >The standard SS opinion to both of those is "yeah, more or less, everyone has the right to feel like they want to die - and they should have that right too."thats comforting 
<2023-01-16T04:24:28.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I think it's not just the external experience, but also the internal experience that  matters.
<2023-01-16T04:24:45.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Even if other people's external experiences are worse, the internal experience may be very different.
<2023-01-16T04:25:07.000Z> CentaurBreeder: okay I can agree with that. 
<2023-01-16T04:25:47.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I live a relatively comfortable external life right now, but my internal experiences - that when I go to bed and have horrifying nightmares where I am being tortured - are actually pretty bad.
<2023-01-16T04:25:51.000Z> CentaurBreeder: myself personality I have been more emonitialy abused then physical
<2023-01-16T04:26:25.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I think everyone has a different tolerance for different types of abuse.
<2023-01-16T04:26:28.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I live a relatively comfortable external life right now, but my internal experiences - that when I go to bed and have horrifying nightmares where I am being tortured - are actually pretty bad.oh yeah I only get nightmares nowadays. I sorry you do as well
<2023-01-16T04:26:40.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: My mother enacted the  full silo on me.
<2023-01-16T04:27:00.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The physical left permanent scars, but honestly the sexual abuse was far worse
<2023-01-16T04:27:11.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And the emotional manipulation was  quite bad as well.
<2023-01-16T04:27:17.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah. I feel awful for you. makes me feel like I dont have the right to be sad compared to what you went through
<2023-01-16T04:27:24.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh, well
<2023-01-16T04:27:29.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I am miserable and suicidal, so
<2023-01-16T04:27:59.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah. god sorry you had to go through that CMD
<2023-01-16T04:28:07.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I mean, even if you see it in that way, it's also true that the threshold for "it's OK to be miserable and suicidal" is "not as bad as CMD's experience"
<2023-01-16T04:28:11.000Z> CentaurBreeder: you are a lot stronger then I can be
<2023-01-16T04:28:14.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: ha
<2023-01-16T04:28:15.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: no
<2023-01-16T04:28:30.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'm already on attempt 3 dude
<2023-01-16T04:28:40.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: If you're on attempt 0 still, you're doing better.
<2023-01-16T04:28:42.000Z> CentaurBreeder: aye. I see 
<2023-01-16T04:28:56.000Z> CentaurBreeder: what counts as a attempt? 
<2023-01-16T04:29:13.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: "Preparing the means"
<2023-01-16T04:29:25.000Z> CentaurBreeder: cause I held a loaded gun up to my head. but couldnt fully pull the trigger
<2023-01-16T04:29:33.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, OK, I'd count that.
<2023-01-16T04:29:34.000Z> CentaurBreeder: oh I see now
<2023-01-16T04:30:00.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: If you have a suicide plan and begin enacting it, I count that as an "attempt"
<2023-01-16T04:30:09.000Z> CentaurBreeder: Yeah I am thinking about trying to do something to night
<2023-01-16T04:30:39.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It would be quite bad if you died without even so much as really understanding *why* you want to die.
<2023-01-16T04:32:22.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I dont know. I feel like its my mother. if I'm being honest I think she is manipulating me. of course not the extent you went though. plus I was almost molested by a five year old when I was 5 years old as well. 
<2023-01-16T04:32:41.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh, yeah, that can be a mess.
<2023-01-16T04:32:52.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: To be fair 5 year olds don't know what the fuck they're doing about those things
<2023-01-16T04:33:06.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But even so, that's still not great.
<2023-01-16T04:33:28.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Well, do you go to a church or something?
<2023-01-16T04:34:18.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >To be fair 5 year olds don't know what the fuck they're doing about those thingsno it was different. she told this older kid to hold me while she tried to kiss me. they wrapped my arms around a tree as the other older guy held my arms. it was so fucking weird and afterwards she keep touching me. I told my mother and she laughed in my face and called me a liar
<2023-01-16T04:34:24.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: oh fuck
<2023-01-16T04:34:31.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Well, do you go to a church or something?some times 
<2023-01-16T04:34:38.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah that's a lot more rough
<2023-01-16T04:35:03.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah. i dont know what to do about it 
<2023-01-16T04:35:10.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Well
<2023-01-16T04:35:14.000Z> CentaurBreeder: so I just ignore it and live life 
<2023-01-16T04:35:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: If you go to the preacher and explain what's up to you - WITH ABSOLUTELY NO MENTION OF SUICIDE AT ALL - then he may be able to help you sort out your feelings.
<2023-01-16T04:36:15.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: (If you mention suicidal ideation to a preacher or therapist, they're likely to lock you up.)
<2023-01-16T04:36:18.000Z> CentaurBreeder: thats not a bad idea
<2023-01-16T04:36:35.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >(If you mention suicidal ideation to a preacher or therapist, they're likely to lock you up.)thank you I wont then 
<2023-01-16T04:37:04.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: If you're struggling for the words, when you're about to say something like
<2023-01-16T04:37:12.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: "I want to die" or "It makes me want to die"
<2023-01-16T04:37:13.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Say things like
<2023-01-16T04:37:16.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >If you go to the preacher and explain what's up to you - WITH ABSOLUTELY NO MENTION OF SUICIDE AT ALL - then he may be able to help you sort out your feelings.I really like this idea. thank you. I'll make a list as you suggested 
<2023-01-16T04:37:25.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: "It gets me down" or "It really puts me in a bad funk."
<2023-01-16T04:37:41.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah okay I'll use one of those 
<2023-01-16T04:37:56.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Definitely style it more in tune with your own personal speech
<2023-01-16T04:38:41.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Once you figure out what's got you in the position you're in, you can start going down the list of herbs and pick out something that might work for your specific problem.
<2023-01-16T04:38:44.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah. I am not active at chruches in my area though. the only one I am is the one my mother goes too. maybe I should visit one I havent been too? 
<2023-01-16T04:38:49.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: oh shit
<2023-01-16T04:38:50.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: yeah
<2023-01-16T04:38:58.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: That'd be a problem
<2023-01-16T04:39:03.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Do you still live with your mother?
<2023-01-16T04:39:11.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I do
<2023-01-16T04:39:14.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: well fuck
<2023-01-16T04:39:17.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: you see
<2023-01-16T04:39:29.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'm gonna be real blunt with you man
<2023-01-16T04:39:44.000Z> CentaurBreeder: okay
<2023-01-16T04:39:47.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The biggest thing you can do to stop being suicidal is to move out.
<2023-01-16T04:39:58.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Honestly probably just ignore the herbs list or anything else I suggested.
<2023-01-16T04:40:17.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And if you're still down after a month of moving out from your mother, then consider those things
<2023-01-16T04:40:51.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You've described her as emotionally abusive already
<2023-01-16T04:41:11.000Z> CentaurBreeder: okay I will. the problem is my mother is super possessive and any time I mention the mere thought of leaving she goes and starts crying and demanding I stay 
<2023-01-16T04:41:21.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: ...Yeah that sounds like *my* mother
<2023-01-16T04:41:22.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Ok
<2023-01-16T04:41:24.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >You've described her as emotionally abusive alreadyyeah. I guess she is 
<2023-01-16T04:41:29.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You have a job or something?
<2023-01-16T04:42:32.000Z> CentaurBreeder: kind off. I help out a guy I know with a small lumber business he is trying to start. so I make a small amount of money helping him load up wood into his trucks 
<2023-01-16T04:42:52.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: OK, would you be able to make enough money to live "on your own" (like with a roommate if necessary)
<2023-01-16T04:43:43.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I think I might be able too. like with a roommate probably. but not this year I'd imagine. 
<2023-01-16T04:43:53.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: OK, that's what you've gotta build up for.
<2023-01-16T04:44:14.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah I will. 
<2023-01-16T04:44:14.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And you have to mitigate the problem - being around your mother - until you have that set up
<2023-01-16T04:44:24.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You have a laptop?
<2023-01-16T04:44:30.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Nearby coffee shop?
<2023-01-16T04:44:35.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I do. 
<2023-01-16T04:44:55.000Z> CentaurBreeder: its a drive away. 
<2023-01-16T04:45:07.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Can it be biking distance? (Do you have a bike)?
<2023-01-16T04:45:22.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I do have a bike. that I might be able to do 
<2023-01-16T04:45:25.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Ok
<2023-01-16T04:45:32.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Here's the idea then
<2023-01-16T04:45:59.000Z> CentaurBreeder: alright
<2023-01-16T04:46:00.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: 0) THIS PLAN IS TO BE KEPT SECRET FROM YOUR MOTHER
<2023-01-16T04:46:05.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: That's number 0
<2023-01-16T04:46:13.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Because it's more important than even number 1
<2023-01-16T04:46:18.000Z> CentaurBreeder: okay
<2023-01-16T04:46:38.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: 1) Your end game is to get full time employment which allows you to live on your own.
<2023-01-16T04:46:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: 2) Your short-term game is to minimize the amount of time you spend around your mother
<2023-01-16T04:47:19.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Here's your tactics
<2023-01-16T04:47:36.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: What you do - whenever weather permits - is you grab your backpack and laptop, and head to the coffee shop.
<2023-01-16T04:48:21.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You can tell your mother that you want a more relaxed environment to study and job hunt.
<2023-01-16T04:48:31.000Z> CentaurBreeder: thats a good idea
<2023-01-16T04:48:46.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You gotta buy espresso or something at least when you go there
<2023-01-16T04:48:52.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But espresso should cost 2 bux
<2023-01-16T04:48:56.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Maybe 3
<2023-01-16T04:49:09.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah I can afford that 
<2023-01-16T04:49:09.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And they won't bat an eye at you if you hang out for hours
<2023-01-16T04:49:29.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Next - you get a secret bank account
<2023-01-16T04:49:36.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And your money from at least one of your jobs goes into it
<2023-01-16T04:49:52.000Z> CentaurBreeder: thats a really good idea
<2023-01-16T04:50:33.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: In addition, your documentation - Social security card, passports, etc. - need to be in your possession.
<2023-01-16T04:51:11.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: At some point - not immediately - you want to get a fire safe with a lock.
<2023-01-16T04:51:34.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And you say "Mom, I wanna put my documents in here so they don't burn in case there's a fire."
<2023-01-16T04:51:45.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Fire box is in your possession, you have the key at all times, your documents are now yours.
<2023-01-16T04:51:53.000Z> CentaurBreeder: ooh thats really smart
<2023-01-16T04:52:02.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I did something similar myself actually. ^^;
<2023-01-16T04:52:09.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'm talking from experience
<2023-01-16T04:52:30.000Z> CentaurBreeder: good idea! thank you so much for sharing! <3
<2023-01-16T04:52:43.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: No problem man. You're living something close to what I lived actually.
<2023-01-16T04:52:45.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Very similar situation
<2023-01-16T04:53:18.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The less you're around your mother the happier you'll feel
<2023-01-16T04:53:39.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Very similar situation oh really. but again thank you 
<2023-01-16T04:53:40.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The time down at the coffee shop will help you, and it'll also put you in the mood to hunt for jobs.
<2023-01-16T04:54:05.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, what I found out is that my mother would never bother me if I told her I was studying
<2023-01-16T04:54:14.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: So in high school I locked myself in my room and studied
<2023-01-16T04:54:27.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Hours a day
<2023-01-16T04:54:27.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Yeah, what I found out is that my mother would never bother me if I told her I was studyingmy mother is the same exact way 
<2023-01-16T04:54:38.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah
<2023-01-16T04:55:02.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Definitely it was a very easy trick to pull
<2023-01-16T04:55:18.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You really do have to have something you're studying for though
<2023-01-16T04:55:31.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yes. thankfully affective as well 
<2023-01-16T04:55:32.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: So I ended up with like 5 AP classes on my plate at all times in high school
<2023-01-16T04:55:51.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >So I ended up with like 5 AP classes on my plate at all times in high schooloh dude nice! 
<2023-01-16T04:56:04.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah it was brutal lmao
<2023-01-16T04:56:17.000Z> CentaurBreeder: god I can imagine 
<2023-01-16T04:56:28.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Definitely better than the alternative.
<2023-01-16T04:56:42.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I mean
<2023-01-16T04:56:50.000Z> CentaurBreeder: oh yeah for sure
<2023-01-16T04:57:03.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You need to come up with a good cover story for going to the coffee shop most days
<2023-01-16T04:57:06.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: No matter what
<2023-01-16T04:57:20.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: If there's a certification you want, then say you're studying for it
<2023-01-16T04:57:46.000Z> CentaurBreeder: hmm I will think of something. >If there's a certification you want, then say you're studying for ityes thats a perfect idea 
<2023-01-16T04:57:51.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Otherwise say you're going to job hunt - and that you just want to save up f or some stuff.
<2023-01-16T04:58:01.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Like video games or some shit
<2023-01-16T04:58:14.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Lots of good ideas
<2023-01-16T04:58:20.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Pick one that fits your personality best
<2023-01-16T04:58:36.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But the key elements of this plan are:
<2023-01-16T04:58:39.000Z> CentaurBreeder: only issue is if I ignore her for too long she might force to me hang out with her. so I'll have to find a balance of when to go and when to hang out with her
<2023-01-16T04:58:47.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: 0) Your mother doesn't know what's going on
<2023-01-16T04:58:52.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: 1) You're getting money stacked
<2023-01-16T04:59:06.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: 2) Your important stuff - like documents - are in your control
<2023-01-16T04:59:18.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I wouldn't worry about that until it comes up
<2023-01-16T04:59:45.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I wouldn't worry about that until it comes upalright then I wont 
<2023-01-16T05:00:19.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: yeah
<2023-01-16T05:00:31.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: OK, do your best man
<2023-01-16T05:01:25.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'm gonna sign off. Just be real sure to keep everything quiet to your mother
<2023-01-16T05:01:47.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You can talk to people here on fedi always
<2023-01-16T05:02:31.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I will. thank you so much CMD. I am really starting to trust you. I wish you luck with Datura. but I am gonna go shower and sleep. thank you man. 
<2023-01-16T05:03:00.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I'm gonna sign off. Just be real sure to keep everything quiet to your motherI wont. I dont like telling her the truth. she'll use it against me 
<2023-01-16T05:03:27.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Be sure to bounce things I say off of other people here
<2023-01-16T05:03:39.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Maybe someone else will be able to improve on an idea I suggested
<2023-01-16T05:03:47.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Don't rely too much on one person, right?
<2023-01-16T05:05:29.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Be sure to bounce things I say off of other people hereI have. I used your retrospective thing with another suicicdal guy. it really helped him. the one where you talked about what to removing things to see what life you would need to not want to commit suicide. it helped him greatly. 
<2023-01-16T05:05:54.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, it's absolutely a big thing. I'm glad it's helpful.
<2023-01-16T05:06:11.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Don't rely too much on one person, right?yeah. I have only a few people. not many people like to talk about suicide. especially my christian friends 
<2023-01-16T05:06:16.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh, yeah
<2023-01-16T05:06:27.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Standard Christian doctrine is very much against that.
<2023-01-16T05:06:57.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Standard Christian doctrine is very much against that.yeah I dont believe its wrong for a christian to kill themselves. 
<2023-01-16T05:07:14.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I agree, but I also have a very different view of Christianity than the mainline.
<2023-01-16T05:07:43.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I remember my mother using my fear of hell against me whenever I told her I felt suicidal as a kid. 
<2023-01-16T05:07:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh yeah, that's definitely a thing.
<2023-01-16T05:08:05.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I agree, but I also have a very different view of Christianity than the mainline.I do as well. but I dont think what all you believe in is wrong 
<2023-01-16T05:08:56.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, honestly that approach - similar to what my mother and stepfather did - is pretty bad.
<2023-01-16T05:09:31.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Basically it's a "yeah your life sucks and we're not going to try to convince you otherwise, but honestly here's what happens if you succeed."
<2023-01-16T05:10:29.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Basically it's a "yeah your life sucks and we're not going to try to convince you otherwise, but honestly here's what happens if you succeed."exactly man. its so frustrating 
<2023-01-16T05:11:45.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Yeah, honestly that approach - similar to what my mother and stepfather did - is pretty bad.yeah I Am sorry man. its the fucking worst. like just let me figure these things out. stop using my own religion agaisnt me. 
<2023-01-16T05:12:02.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, I feel that.
<2023-01-16T05:12:08.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Mine would be like
<2023-01-16T05:12:27.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: "Eh, you know, here's some pictures of people who tried to kill themselves and failed. They ended up in the hospital and miserable until they died."
<2023-01-16T05:12:54.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Still remember seeing some guy's blown up face
<2023-01-16T05:12:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And he lived through it
<2023-01-16T05:14:03.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >"Eh, you know, here's some pictures of people who tried to kill themselves and failed. They ended up in the hospital and miserable until they died."god yeah. my family is a lot of people in the medicnial field and everyone is very preachy but what could like you and showing the awful effects that can happen. then they give me shit for not being vaxxed 
<2023-01-16T05:14:16.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: lul
<2023-01-16T05:14:17.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: yeah
<2023-01-16T05:14:20.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The whole thing is dumb
<2023-01-16T05:14:40.000Z> CentaurBreeder: hahahaha yeah that is the truth. 
<2023-01-16T05:15:50.000Z> CentaurBreeder: but alright thank you so much man. I will sign up for satniction sucidice and I Will try when best avablie to keep to your advice of job hunting at the coffee shop. good night I am starting to fall alseep. 
<2023-01-16T05:16:01.000Z> CentaurBreeder: so good night CMD 
<2023-01-16T05:17:56.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: gn man
<2023-01-17T23:49:54.000Z> CentaurBreeder: hello! hey I have a question. I dont really know anything about churches, what church or denomination do you think would be one to go to for like advice or some type of counseling? basically all  denominations expect orthodox are fairly close to me.  
<2023-01-18T00:00:07.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I am a Gnostic
<2023-01-18T00:00:26.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I would only ever go to a  Gnostic church
<2023-01-18T00:00:37.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: These are limited in number.
<2023-01-18T00:01:10.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: If you're looking for something else, I can't help you.
<2023-01-18T00:01:13.000Z> CentaurBreeder: damn. I dont really have a denomination. and the only non-denominational one my mother goes too 
<2023-01-18T00:01:28.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh, non-denominational churches are generally bad.
<2023-01-18T00:01:42.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Oh, non-denominational churches are generally bad.oh really? 
<2023-01-18T00:01:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: They tend to preach fag sex a lot
<2023-01-18T00:02:00.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Not always
<2023-01-18T00:02:19.000Z> CentaurBreeder: not mine. the preacher is very anti gay 
<2023-01-18T00:02:46.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh, then maybe
<2023-01-18T00:02:54.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Well
<2023-01-18T00:03:37.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I can't actually help you on this matter.
<2023-01-18T00:03:51.000Z> CentaurBreeder: its all right man 
<2023-01-18T00:03:59.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I thank you for trying 
<2023-01-18T00:04:00.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Just not in my area of knowledge. Sorry mate
<2023-01-18T00:04:26.000Z> CentaurBreeder: its okay. you've helped me too much already
<2023-01-18T00:04:45.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: No sweat man. Best of luck to you.
<2023-01-18T00:04:55.000Z> CentaurBreeder: thanks. 
<2023-01-18T00:04:57.000Z> CentaurBreeder: you too 
<2023-01-22T04:49:38.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Hey
<2023-01-22T04:49:42.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You want to really fucking piss off Owl?
<2023-01-22T04:50:33.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: (He has me blocked because he's constantly nuclear mad at pr0n.)
<2023-01-22T04:51:26.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: What you do is something like this:
<2023-01-22T04:51:53.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Post a serious response to what he posted. BUT
<2023-01-22T04:52:46.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You attach hentai to it, and you use the normal image spoiler for it.
<2023-01-22T04:53:22.000Z> CentaurBreeder: fuck it I'll do it for you 
<2023-01-22T04:53:26.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Over on poast they only have sensitive content tags for "both image and text."
<2023-01-22T04:53:31.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I dont really care about this guy 
<2023-01-22T04:53:41.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Over on poast they only have sensitive content tags for "both image and text."gay af
<2023-01-22T04:54:02.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh yeah, me not understanding this is what pissed Owl off actually.
<2023-01-22T04:54:36.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I was like "bro just don't click the image. This is why  I can post cyclops hentai - like in this post - without pissing everyone off."
<2023-01-22T04:54:44.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Pretty nonchalant.
<2023-01-22T04:55:12.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And it pissed off a few poastbros because they have to click to show sensitive content to see the text
<2023-01-22T04:55:22.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But they they see cyclops pussy, which they *didn't* want to see
<2023-01-22T04:55:27.000Z> CentaurBreeder: ahahaha thats great
<2023-01-22T04:55:41.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I wasn't *trying* to piss them off
<2023-01-22T04:55:53.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Legit misunderstanding
<2023-01-22T04:56:32.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But I mean it'll probably piss off Owl
<2023-01-22T04:56:37.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: If he's on his poast account
<2023-01-22T04:57:46.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah hes on poast 
<2023-01-22T04:57:56.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: He's also on NCD
<2023-01-22T04:58:08.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: So be sure to do this to him when you're talking to him *while he's on his poast account*
<2023-01-22T04:58:11.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah I called him a faggot for joining NCD
<2023-01-22T04:58:23.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: To be fair NCD is a better fit for him than poast
<2023-01-22T04:59:01.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah its filled with really lame annoying people
<2023-01-22T04:59:06.000Z> CentaurBreeder: perfect for owl 
<2023-01-22T04:59:08.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: A few are OK
<2023-01-22T05:00:03.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'm best here on baest because it's a good mixture of everything I like
<2023-01-22T05:00:20.000Z> CentaurBreeder: same for me man
<2023-01-22T05:00:37.000Z> CentaurBreeder: no other instance gives this feel that bae.st does 
<2023-01-22T05:00:54.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, it's great.
<2023-01-22T05:01:17.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'd probably head over to varis or cawfee.club if this place went down though.
<2023-01-22T05:01:34.000Z> CentaurBreeder: varis is interesting me to 
<2023-01-22T05:01:47.000Z> CentaurBreeder: feels like a lot of restrictions 
<2023-01-22T05:02:15.000Z> CentaurBreeder: plus I schizo posted over there and caused a massive hellthread and pissed off like half of the users 
<2023-01-22T05:02:22.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: oh, oof
<2023-01-22T05:02:37.000Z> CentaurBreeder: so I dont really use my alt over there a lot 
<2023-01-22T05:03:06.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, if I was like
<2023-01-22T05:03:18.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Thrown off of baest for whatever reason (like if it went down)
<2023-01-22T05:03:29.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Not sure where else to go immediately
<2023-01-22T05:03:35.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah I get what you mean
<2023-01-22T05:03:41.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I Have a few ideas 
<2023-01-22T05:03:48.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I mean poast is up so I'd be able to regroup
<2023-01-22T05:04:05.000Z> CentaurBreeder: eientei doesnt look bad
<2023-01-22T05:04:17.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I mean poast is up so I'd be able to regroup
<2023-01-22T05:04:22.000Z> CentaurBreeder: that is a option 
<2023-01-22T05:04:28.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I wouldn't want to stay on poast
<2023-01-22T05:04:58.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But I'd absolutely use poast as a temporary spot to find out where I wanna go with my crew.
<2023-01-22T05:06:12.000Z> CentaurBreeder: smart Idea
<2023-01-22T05:06:39.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah trying to think of another instance that would be good 
<2023-01-22T05:08:13.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: eientei is kero's instance?
<2023-01-22T05:09:23.000Z> CentaurBreeder: no kero is on fse
<2023-01-22T05:09:35.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I think eintei is owned by takingiteasy
<2023-01-22T05:10:28.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: That might be good actually
<2023-01-22T05:10:50.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah look at the rules. the only rule is like dont be a nigger
<2023-01-22T05:10:53.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Varis and Eientei as backup alts sound good.
<2023-01-22T05:11:16.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Eientei probably better for me than Varis
<2023-01-22T05:11:32.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Because Varis gets defed by the chudbuds, and I actually enjoy interacting with a few of them.
<2023-01-22T05:11:56.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah. another  I might recommend is shota.house because the admin is cool and he in the about of his instance put bae.st inspired instance or some shit 
<2023-01-22T05:12:03.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh interesting
<2023-01-22T05:12:14.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Because Varis gets defed by the chudbuds, and I actually enjoy interacting with a few of them.blasphemy 
<2023-01-22T05:12:41.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Oh interestingyeah the admin disabled is a really cool guy. I talk to him every now and then
<2023-01-22T05:13:00.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, personally my preferences are something like
<2023-01-22T05:14:06.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Hornyposting > weeb posting >  vidya posting > /pol/posting > Christposting > dramaposting > incelposting > all else
<2023-01-22T05:14:29.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah me posting porn did piss owl off. now he is just talking about pizza lmao
<2023-01-22T05:14:36.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh yeah
<2023-01-22T05:14:38.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Owl hates hornyposting
<2023-01-22T05:14:47.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Hornyposting > weeb posting >  vidya posting > /pol/posting > Christposting > dramaposting > incelposting > all elsea man of culture 
<2023-01-22T05:15:06.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Owl hates hornypostingI told him niggers are hot. that seemed to really sadden him lol 
<2023-01-22T05:15:13.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The thing about poast is that it's an *equal* balance of all those things
<2023-01-22T05:15:16.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Which I don't like
<2023-01-22T05:15:17.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh
<2023-01-22T05:15:31.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Mathposting probably hangs out between christposting and /pol/posting for me too
<2023-01-22T05:15:45.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I actually follow dk for that reason
<2023-01-22T05:16:41.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >The thing about poast is that it's an *equal* balance of all those thingsFeels like a group of hypocrites. I have meet many poasters that are on other alts on different instances where they are as they say what they hate. like mass posting porn and shit. cracks me up. I have meet at least 9 of them now 
<2023-01-22T05:16:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah
<2023-01-22T05:17:04.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Mathposting probably hangs out between christposting and /pol/posting for me toooh cool. I cant understand math
<2023-01-22T05:17:20.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Did you ever have a poast account?
<2023-01-22T05:17:51.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The thing about poast is that graf is *very* present there.
<2023-01-22T05:18:24.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I don't know how to describe it, but when I was on poast I was actually kinda constantly afraid of getting banned, so there's this sort of air of paranoia there.
<2023-01-22T05:18:44.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'd be fine using it as a backup to regroup, but I have absolutely no desire to stay there.
<2023-01-22T05:18:50.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Did you ever have a poast account?nah. thought about it to talk to the chudbud whore ariel. was gonna make an alt on poast to try and talk with her to see if she was a fed
<2023-01-22T05:18:58.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: lol
<2023-01-22T05:19:12.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, I genuinely dislike being on poast
<2023-01-22T05:19:15.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I don't know how to describe it, but when I was on poast I was actually kinda constantly afraid of getting banned, so there's this sort of air of paranoia there.yes! that is the feeling many get on poast. that I have talked wtih 
<2023-01-22T05:19:24.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I like that it's there
<2023-01-22T05:19:26.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Yeah, I genuinely dislike being on poastits a good omen then 
<2023-01-22T05:19:36.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And I think it's a great spot if you like
<2023-01-22T05:19:43.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Have no clue which instance you should go to
<2023-01-22T05:20:00.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But beyond that, it's just not good.
<2023-01-22T05:20:18.000Z> CentaurBreeder: i like that many hated instances that are where they are. like keeping those people in one place type deal 
<2023-01-22T05:20:35.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Have no clue which instance you should go tolike a starter instance 
<2023-01-22T05:20:41.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: yeah
<2023-01-22T05:21:32.000Z> CentaurBreeder: but yeah. its always a good idea to have backup instances 
<2023-01-22T05:22:00.000Z> CentaurBreeder: plus to do a little admin boot kissing never harms either. makes getting into some places easier 
<2023-01-22T05:22:08.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Eh
<2023-01-22T05:22:38.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I feel like if you're thinking "I have to kiss this guy's boot" then you're gonna feel that way *more* when you're on their instance.
<2023-01-22T05:22:42.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And that's not a good dynamic.
<2023-01-22T05:23:39.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I'd suppose. meant it as moreso just being friendly if they arent cunts. I should have used a different phrase 
<2023-01-22T05:25:35.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh, yeah, sure.
<2023-01-22T05:25:47.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah. 
<2023-01-22T05:26:13.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I'm sorry I forgot what we were talking about
<2023-01-22T05:26:42.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: We started out by bitching about owl
<2023-01-22T05:26:55.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Which is valid
<2023-01-22T05:26:59.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Hornyposting is great
<2023-01-22T05:27:54.000Z> CentaurBreeder: so true. 
<2023-01-22T05:28:13.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I like owl for the most part but god can the poor guy make some really brain dead takes 
<2023-01-22T05:28:52.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I've been blocked by him more than a few times for hornyposting
<2023-01-22T05:29:03.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I don't know why he blocks *me* and not you.
<2023-01-22T05:29:12.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You hornypost far harder than I ever have.
<2023-01-22T05:29:39.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Like he'll  block me, then he'll  unblock me/follow, then he'll block me...
<2023-01-22T05:29:41.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I don't know why he blocks *me* and not you.I told him not to follow me because I horni post all the time 
<2023-01-22T05:29:49.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah
<2023-01-22T05:29:50.000Z> CentaurBreeder: but he has had me blocked a lot 
<2023-01-22T05:30:00.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's fucking gei
<2023-01-22T05:30:08.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Like he'll  block me, then he'll  unblock me/follow, then he'll block me...dude cant control his anger at all 
<2023-01-22T05:30:14.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Not a shred
<2023-01-22T05:30:29.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I mean I also have anger problems
<2023-01-22T05:30:39.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I've tried to tell him advice. I used to have a ton of anger issues 
<2023-01-22T05:30:40.000Z> CentaurBreeder: same 
<2023-01-22T05:30:56.000Z> CentaurBreeder: but now that he knows he's older he keeps trying to baby me 
<2023-01-22T05:31:04.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But I only have problems with it when I'm under an  extreme amount of stress.
<2023-01-22T05:31:10.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Urgh
<2023-01-22T05:31:27.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah that'd cheese me off too
<2023-01-22T05:33:24.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >But I only have problems with it when I'm under an  extreme amount of stress.same bro
<2023-01-22T05:33:42.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Yeah that'd cheese me off tooits like dude I am trying to help, age doesnt matter right now 
<2023-01-22T06:01:36.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Alright Cent
<2023-01-22T06:01:44.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'm gonna teach you the best trick now
<2023-01-22T06:01:53.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Owl is 100% pissed
<2023-01-22T06:02:02.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Do you know what I'm gonna do?
<2023-01-22T06:02:40.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'm gonna log off, right now, and do anything else, while he spergs
<2023-01-22T06:02:52.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Then I'm gonna come back in a few hours
<2023-01-22T06:03:31.000Z> CentaurBreeder: :thumbs_up: 
<2023-01-22T06:03:34.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yep. 
<2023-01-22T06:03:41.000Z> CentaurBreeder: thats all he has too do 
<2023-01-22T06:03:51.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Imma play beat saber
<2023-01-22T06:03:55.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: ^^; Have fun bro
<2023-01-22T06:03:55.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: also
<2023-01-22T06:04:02.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I guess one last post
<2023-01-22T06:04:07.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: gn after that
<2023-01-22T06:04:08.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: o7
<2023-01-22T06:04:41.000Z> CentaurBreeder: oh nice beat saber sounds like good fun
<2023-01-22T06:04:49.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I gonna go play payday 2
<2023-01-22T06:04:57.000Z> CentaurBreeder: have a great night bro! 
<2023-01-24T00:23:43.000Z> CentaurBreeder: lmao. I think I did get defederated from nicecrew 
<2023-01-24T00:23:56.000Z> CentaurBreeder: none of them are responding to me 
<2023-01-24T00:54:36.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: That wouldn't be a giant disaster
<2023-01-24T00:54:45.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Isn't NCD where plat is?
<2023-01-24T00:59:16.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Unironically I think that's a good thing
<2023-01-24T00:59:40.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: What'd you do to get them to block you?
<2023-01-24T01:46:05.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Unironically I think that's a good thingyeah lmao 
<2023-01-24T01:46:48.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >What'd you do to get them to block you?I think plat was baiting me into responding and sending my responses to the owner of nicecrew 
<2023-01-24T01:47:05.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I tried to DM and reach out to the owner but no response 
<2023-01-24T01:47:25.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'd *like* to think Matty is better than that...
<2023-01-24T01:47:27.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Isn't NCD where plat is?yeah. he has an alt on cuckbuds.loli too 
<2023-01-24T01:47:53.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Where's the thread where this happened?
<2023-01-24T01:48:47.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I'd *like* to think Matty is better than that...think what you will. I am just stating the situation as I understand it. I am at fault as much as anyone else. I got overly emotional and spammed loli which didnt help at all 
<2023-01-24T01:49:08.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: ...OK, yeah, I can see Matty acting like that.
<2023-01-24T01:49:28.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Where's the thread where this happened?I'll link it. there was no out right statements but there is none total silence from nicecrew 
<2023-01-24T01:50:26.000Z> CentaurBreeder: https://bae.st/notice/ARwByy1oMmk4ks4H56
<2023-01-24T01:50:30.000Z> CentaurBreeder: here its all in there
<2023-01-24T01:50:39.000Z> CentaurBreeder: even terry started to get pissed off at plat
<2023-01-24T01:51:10.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Getting upset at Plat is not exactly a hard task
<2023-01-24T01:51:32.000Z> CentaurBreeder: saber made a fool of myself and joined in a fight that wasnt his. I love and respect that man a lot. but he was acting very childish and was trying to patch a fight he should have never joined 
<2023-01-24T01:51:33.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Let me see what's going on here.
<2023-01-24T01:51:47.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah make up your own mind 
<2023-01-24T01:52:05.000Z> CentaurBreeder: but I will openly admit In parts I was at fault
<2023-01-24T01:52:12.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Saber genuinely trying to defuse fights isn't something I'd fault him for
<2023-01-24T01:52:15.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I do that myself too
<2023-01-24T01:53:25.000Z> CentaurBreeder: also one thing. I would never say I wish for plat to die of cancer that was a mistunderstanding and a shitty edgy joke on my part. I wanted eris from kiwifarms to die from cancer not plat. I like plat all things considered. I dont want harm to come to him 
<2023-01-24T01:53:49.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I genuinely dislike plat
<2023-01-24T01:54:18.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: oh, this is a bitch to read in soapbox FE
<2023-01-24T01:55:09.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Saber genuinely trying to defuse fights isn't something I'd fault him forI am not faulting him for it. he just didnt know what was going on. and made rash decisions which upsetted me, and caused me to act wrongfully rude. 
<2023-01-24T01:55:46.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I genuinely dislike platthats fine. I'm not going to tell anyone to like or dislike him. but he is and was doing snaky shit towards me 
<2023-01-24T01:58:34.000Z> CentaurBreeder: but its riduculos all this happened over a question. all I asked was "Is toddlercon allowed to be posted on bae.st" he screencaps only things that make me look bad. he appeases to the crowd of retards that follow him. and the cuckbuds will love anyone who hates me. it was a situation where I was outnumbered and eventually stopped caring for. 
<2023-01-24T01:58:42.000Z> CentaurBreeder: but there is nothing I can do now. 
<2023-01-24T01:59:47.000Z> CentaurBreeder: but after today I am done with this drama as a whole. 
<2023-01-24T02:00:54.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh, hm
<2023-01-24T02:01:02.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, Saber didn't really get what was going on there
<2023-01-24T02:01:13.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You could've treated Saber better tbh
<2023-01-24T02:01:40.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: With him, stating your case calmly and explaining why you're upset with Plat would've won him over.
<2023-01-24T02:01:58.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I know. and I regret that. but at that point I was furious at plat, truth be told 
<2023-01-24T02:02:49.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >With him, stating your case calmly and explaining why you're upset with Plat would've won him over.Again I should have. but I really just  wished he would have kept out of it. 
<2023-01-24T02:03:16.000Z> CentaurBreeder: its not a good position for anyone to be in the position saber was in 
<2023-01-24T02:03:29.000Z> CentaurBreeder: because either side he picks will upset the other side
<2023-01-24T02:03:56.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I still love the man and I will gladly forgive him. but I just wish he ignored it. 
<2023-01-24T02:04:37.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, that's fair
<2023-01-24T02:04:38.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I feel that
<2023-01-24T02:04:44.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And I've been in roughly Saber's position before
<2023-01-24T02:04:46.000Z> CentaurBreeder: sometimes in life people need to let two men just speak things out. I have been trying to do that with plat for the last 2 months. sending DM's and PM'
<2023-01-24T02:04:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh, uh
<2023-01-24T02:04:59.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: That won't work
<2023-01-24T02:05:17.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah I guess 
<2023-01-24T02:05:21.000Z> CentaurBreeder: but I wish
<2023-01-24T02:05:43.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Plat straight up like
<2023-01-24T02:05:49.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Came into a random monstergirl thread
<2023-01-24T02:05:56.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And started trying to stir shit
<2023-01-24T02:06:32.000Z> CentaurBreeder: he's been doing that the last few days. 
<2023-01-24T02:06:37.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And he also likes hanging around the incel-type threads and stirring shit
<2023-01-24T02:08:19.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I pray he stop depending everything on being on fedi. dude really needs a massive break. plat is like trying to isolate himself on fedi till he wants to start shit. he is a male drama queen 
<2023-01-24T02:08:33.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >And he also likes hanging around the incel-type threads and stirring shitGod I expected so much better from plat
<2023-01-24T02:09:08.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The people who interact with him  regularly do not
<2023-01-24T02:09:34.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Mongoose has been around these parts for some time and his *immediate* reaction to "Plat stirring shit" was some form of
<2023-01-24T02:09:37.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: "Yes that is Plat"
<2023-01-24T02:11:27.000Z> CentaurBreeder: but at the end of the day. I recalled you saying that nicecrew wouldn't defederate me. so I just wanted to tell you for a good laugh. but everyone has made there choices. I really could have done better if I controlled my anger more. but I am still willing to forgive both plat and saber. I am done with speaking about this or bringing it up. I will answer any questions you have. but as for now I Wont be mentioning it again of my own will. but if you really want to know anyone elses side, please go talk to them. they have there own sides to tell. I could be in the wrong in all of this. 
<2023-01-24T02:12:13.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Mongoose has been around these parts for some time and his *immediate* reaction to "Plat stirring shit" was some form of>"Yes that is Plat"lmao. yeah he is a like a retard a lot of the time. 
<2023-01-24T02:12:31.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Mongoose is a cool character IMO
<2023-01-24T02:12:34.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Very self aware
<2023-01-24T02:12:44.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I like the guy even if he gets mad at things a lot
<2023-01-24T02:13:10.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah I like mongoose a fair amount. havent really talked with the guy at all
<2023-01-24T02:13:45.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: He's got  a bit of a downer energy and you have an upper energy
<2023-01-24T02:14:07.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I think both of you would like each other in small doses.
<2023-01-24T02:14:15.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But not like all the time.
<2023-01-24T02:14:16.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I have upper energy? 
<2023-01-24T02:14:30.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I'm saying it in a bit of a weird way
<2023-01-24T02:14:30.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I think both of you would like each other in small doses.oh I see
<2023-01-24T02:14:33.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Not sure how to explain it
<2023-01-24T02:14:54.000Z> CentaurBreeder: nah your fine
<2023-01-24T02:15:35.000Z> CentaurBreeder: well is there anything else? 
<2023-01-24T02:15:53.000Z> CentaurBreeder: not to be rude. I just want to go play vidya and I dont want to ignore you 
<2023-01-24T02:15:53.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Nah, I'm gonna go off and get coffee
<2023-01-24T02:16:02.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I was about to head off
<2023-01-24T02:16:08.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh no, def go play vidya
<2023-01-24T02:16:15.000Z> CentaurBreeder: alright you have a good one man! 
<2023-01-24T02:16:18.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I got workshit I gotta do
<2023-01-24T02:16:19.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: o7
<2023-01-24T02:16:25.000Z> CentaurBreeder: And have fun!!!! 
<2023-01-24T02:16:37.000Z> CentaurBreeder: damn well. I wish you well! 
<2023-01-24T02:16:40.000Z> CentaurBreeder: o7 
<2023-01-24T02:16:51.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: o7
<2023-01-26T19:04:03.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I think I stumbled upon a vid of some guy talking about the sanctioned-suicide forumhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3y6SsGAWks 
<2023-01-26T19:05:43.000Z> CentaurBreeder: it really weirds me out how many people are anti-suicide 
<2023-01-26T19:06:59.000Z> CentaurBreeder: it bothers me a lot. I think people should be allowed to pick how they will die. I dont want to die of decay. I want to pick the time I know is right
<2023-01-26T19:14:25.000Z> CentaurBreeder: lmao the guy in the vid is calling the forum a fucking cult 
<2023-01-26T19:14:56.000Z> CentaurBreeder: this guy is so fucking bias 
<2023-01-27T05:02:09.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, it's sort of the opposite of a cult.
<2023-01-27T05:02:15.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Especially with SS
<2023-01-27T05:02:25.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: They're pretty open about the
<2023-01-27T05:02:48.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: "Look, we have these things that let you not do this, and here's a few of the end-of-the-line measures you might want to take first."
<2023-01-27T14:59:49.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >"Look, we have these things that let you not do this, and here's a few of the end-of-the-line measures you might want to take first." that was the part that got me. the guy never brought up the "Recovery" part of the forum just the suicide focused part. 
<2023-01-27T15:00:15.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: These people never do.
<2023-01-27T15:00:32.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Yeah, it's sort of the opposite of a cult.not gonna lie when he said that in the video I started laughing out loud 
<2023-01-27T15:00:54.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I haven't watched it yet, I'll put it on in the background while I do other things
<2023-01-27T15:01:04.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >These people never do.yeah well in the video he made it clear that he was pro-life 
<2023-01-27T15:01:11.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: My job hunt this week was pretty tiring, so I'm just sorta spent
<2023-01-27T15:01:28.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I haven't watched it yet, I'll put it on in the background while I do other thingsnice. I listened to it while gaming 
<2023-01-27T15:01:57.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >My job hunt this week was pretty tiring, so I'm just sorta spentno worries man. just thought you'd find the video interesting. watch it whenever 
<2023-01-27T15:05:32.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, I feel ya man
<2023-01-27T15:05:40.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It looks good
<2023-01-27T15:06:10.000Z> CentaurBreeder: it was by all means intriguing 
<2023-01-27T15:06:14.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: This one job wanted me to provide a work sample, and it all relied on stuff I didn't know yet
<2023-01-27T15:06:22.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: So I had to do a lot to get it together
<2023-01-27T15:06:49.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Basically I spent a week learning how to do something outside of my skillset, and then doing it.
<2023-01-27T15:06:59.000Z> CentaurBreeder: well how did that go? 
<2023-01-27T15:07:12.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Dunno yet, but I don't think I'm getting the job
<2023-01-27T15:07:26.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I think I'll get the *next* job that interviews me for the same type of thing.
<2023-01-27T15:07:26.000Z> CentaurBreeder: damb
<2023-01-27T15:07:31.000Z> CentaurBreeder: damn*
<2023-01-27T15:07:39.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: This interview process powered me up a lot
<2023-01-27T15:07:45.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: So I don't regret it
<2023-01-27T15:07:56.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But I don't think it results in CMD being employed directly.
<2023-01-27T15:08:01.000Z> CentaurBreeder: thats really good. how many interviews have you done now? 
<2023-01-27T15:08:19.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: This round of applications, I've had 3.
<2023-01-27T15:08:32.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Well
<2023-01-27T15:08:34.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: 3 companies
<2023-01-27T15:08:37.000Z> CentaurBreeder: good job
<2023-01-27T15:08:47.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Eh
<2023-01-27T15:08:53.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's a little bad.
<2023-01-27T15:09:05.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Last time I went for jobs, it was 6 companies for one offer
<2023-01-27T15:09:08.000Z> CentaurBreeder: depends on your field 
<2023-01-27T15:09:27.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Last time I went for jobs, it was 6 companies for one offeroh okay 
<2023-01-27T15:09:49.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Typically there's 6 candidates for a position
<2023-01-27T15:10:00.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: 3 lose the tech screen
<2023-01-27T15:10:07.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And one is picked more or less randomly
<2023-01-27T15:10:40.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: So even if everything goes well, about a 1 in 3 shot of employment.
<2023-01-27T15:11:22.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >So even if everything goes well, about a 1 in 3 shot of employment.tell them your family is poor and black lol. see if that increases your chances 
<2023-01-27T15:11:31.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: LMAO
<2023-01-27T15:11:53.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: To be dead serious I'm trying to get employed for the long haul at this next place
<2023-01-27T15:11:56.000Z> CentaurBreeder: my girlfriends is black HELP US!!!
<2023-01-27T15:12:05.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: So company culture kinda matters
<2023-01-27T15:12:17.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >To be dead serious I'm trying to get employed for the long haul at this next placeyeah sorry for the joke. 
<2023-01-27T15:12:22.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Planning on staying at least 2 years no matter where my next place is
<2023-01-27T15:12:26.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Nah, the joke's fine
<2023-01-27T15:13:39.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Planning on staying at least 2 years no matter where my next place isalways a good idea to look at other job offers while you work at a place. in chance of better chances arriving. but its also a good idea using the first one to plant your boots in the ground  
<2023-01-27T15:14:09.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Depends on the field
<2023-01-27T15:14:13.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: oh shit
<2023-01-27T15:14:15.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: pizza
<2023-01-27T15:14:17.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: gotta head out
<2023-01-27T15:14:19.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: o7
<2023-01-27T15:14:25.000Z> CentaurBreeder: enjoy
<2023-01-27T15:14:30.000Z> CentaurBreeder: o7
<2023-01-27T16:45:10.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I had to pause that more than a few times because I couldn't stop myself from yelling  at the screen.
<2023-01-27T16:48:22.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I had to pause that more than a few times because I couldn't stop myself from yelling  at the screen. me too. this vid fucking sucks 
<2023-01-27T16:49:04.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: One of the worst jabs he made was
<2023-01-27T16:49:31.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: "If you're a woman, you should think about what it means that the only one of these guy's sites you're allowed on is the one that tells you to kys."
<2023-01-27T16:50:19.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Great, thanks for further contributing to the stigma of being a virgin.
<2023-01-27T16:51:29.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Great, thanks for further contributing to the stigma of being a virgin.that part really made me laugh. like come on guy. by saying that shit its not going to help anyone like that not want to commit CTB 
<2023-01-27T16:55:11.000Z> CentaurBreeder: in my opinion the worst thing he did was tell people to go harass google into censoring there search engine so that way SS wouldnt show up for people who use google. when most people do. so he is actively trying to censor ways for people to just view the fucking forum 
<2023-01-27T16:55:32.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: That push has been there for some t ime
<2023-01-27T16:56:00.000Z> CentaurBreeder: still very gay. plus google is known for doing that stuff all the time 
<2023-01-27T16:56:24.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The thing is that deindexing SS is just going to change how people find out about it
<2023-01-27T16:56:53.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's kinda widely known that the incels.is guys ran it for a long time
<2023-01-27T16:57:10.000Z> CentaurBreeder: exactly. 
<2023-01-27T16:58:01.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >It's kinda widely known that the incels.is guys ran it for a long timeI never knew. but then again I didnt know of SS till you told me. thank you by the way. but who knowns the site doesnt really matter for me personally 
<2023-01-27T16:58:02.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: ASH was a big thing back in the day too
<2023-01-27T16:58:41.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: So "this is how to kill yourself" information has been around since long before SS
<2023-01-27T16:59:30.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: ASH very much suggested that shotguns were optimal for US  people, and that exit bags were best for others.
<2023-01-27T16:59:54.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The SN/N bits are very much an SS thing.
<2023-01-27T17:00:33.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >So "this is how to kill yourself" information has been around since long before SSfigures. since the dawn of time people have probably been killing themselves 
<2023-01-27T17:00:57.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >ASH very much suggested that shotguns were optimal for US  people, and that exit bags were best for others.lmao shotguns. reminds of me of bing 
<2023-01-27T17:01:13.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: heh
<2023-01-27T17:01:26.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: bing's fucking crazy as a search engine
<2023-01-27T17:02:09.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >bing's fucking crazy as a search engineit goes insane. like you can find really weird and unique shit on bing I love it 
<2023-01-27T17:02:48.000Z> CentaurBreeder: also I wanted to gardner your opinon. on minors doing CTB  
<2023-01-27T17:02:59.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Oh
<2023-01-27T17:03:36.000Z> CentaurBreeder: like whats your opinion. he brought it up in the video 
<2023-01-27T17:03:45.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: My general opinion on minors doing *anything* is that they're not of sound mind to make any permanent decision about anything.
<2023-01-27T17:03:54.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Extends to this as well.
<2023-01-27T17:03:57.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I agree
<2023-01-27T17:04:15.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I *will* say that I wish I'd killed myself as a child...
<2023-01-27T17:04:21.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: *But* I don't think that's a great argument.
<2023-01-27T17:05:14.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Most people have pretty wild personality changes between the ages of 14 and 18, so I don't think that's right.
<2023-01-27T17:06:05.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I *will* say that I wish I'd killed myself as a child...Same. my still have the drawing of me blowing myself up with one of those like bowling ball bombs with the huge wicks lol. but I 100% agree 
<2023-01-27T17:06:08.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I also always felt skeptical about people on SS with 10k+ posts.
<2023-01-27T17:06:35.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Most people have pretty wild personality changes between the ages of 14 and 18, so I don't think that's right.god thats true. 
<2023-01-27T17:06:52.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I straight up just always ignored them.
<2023-01-27T17:07:01.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I also always felt skeptical about people on SS with 10k+ posts.Yeah why would you post that much on a form for suicide. like just kys already 
<2023-01-27T17:07:24.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I straight up just always ignored them.good. they seem very odd
<2023-01-27T17:07:26.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: There's a very small chunk of people who have a good reason for it
<2023-01-27T17:07:37.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Exit International types
<2023-01-27T17:09:43.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I just wrote them off as "probably psych majors"
<2023-01-27T17:11:41.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I just wrote them off as "probably psych majors"huh weird 
<2023-01-27T17:14:05.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, there's a good chunk of people who are paid to keep the government's work slaves alive.
<2023-01-27T17:14:14.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Shouldn't be shocking that there's such people on SS.
<2023-01-27T17:16:30.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Yeah, there's a good chunk of people who are paid to keep the government's work slaves alive.god that is depressing 
<2023-01-27T17:16:43.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Shouldn't be shocking that there's such people on SS.I'd imagine a few feds as well
<2023-01-27T17:16:52.000Z> CentaurBreeder: gotta get those shooter numbers up 
<2023-01-27T17:18:22.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Eh, I think those ones are on the incel forums more than anything else
<2023-01-27T17:20:34.000Z> CentaurBreeder: also did you know when SS will be allowing people to sign up again? 
<2023-01-27T17:20:44.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Eh, I think those ones are on the incel forums more than anything elseyeah 
<2023-01-27T17:21:33.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The notification says two or so weeks
<2023-01-27T17:21:47.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: They're processing the queue
<2023-01-27T17:21:52.000Z> CentaurBreeder: cool 
<2023-01-27T17:21:58.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >They're processing the queueoh okay 
<2023-01-27T17:24:37.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Probably a good idea to copy/save the herbs thread
<2023-01-27T17:27:07.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah. could you send the link again? if possible? 
<2023-01-27T17:27:26.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/a-guide-to-herbs.39433/
<2023-01-27T17:46:51.000Z> CentaurBreeder: thank you so much I got it 
<2023-01-28T08:14:31.000Z> CentaurBreeder: do you ever feel happy and euphoric thinking about killing yourself?  
<2023-01-28T08:14:36.000Z> CentaurBreeder: i feel great
<2023-01-28T08:15:04.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, that's how I felt every time I was on the way to an attempt
<2023-01-28T08:15:41.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Yeah, that's how I felt every time I was on the way to an attemptfeels great 
<2023-01-28T08:15:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I honestly never felt better than that myself
<2023-01-28T08:16:55.000Z> CentaurBreeder: same 
<2023-01-28T08:17:52.000Z> CentaurBreeder: sadly I have nothing to make an attempt with rn 
<2023-01-28T08:18:04.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Well
<2023-01-28T08:18:23.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: As someone who has been there before, I know that what I'm about to say is likely to fall on deaf ears
<2023-01-28T08:18:46.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But I do urge you to reconsider doing this until you've at least done the introspective exercises I talked about
<2023-01-28T08:19:19.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >But I do urge you to reconsider doing this until you've at least done the introspective exercises I talked aboutI'll try too. I still just dont understand how 
<2023-01-28T08:19:36.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Hm, yeah
<2023-01-28T08:19:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It can be kinda rough, and honestly it's probably impossible when your brain is in that spot
<2023-01-28T08:20:29.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Like the *specific* spot you're in right now. Baseline suicidality is possible, but not when you're almost there.
<2023-01-28T08:20:42.000Z> CentaurBreeder: hmm so like what do I think about? what would have to be in order to want to live? 
<2023-01-28T08:21:05.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah. Think about what would have to be true, however magical and fantastic it would be.
<2023-01-28T08:21:26.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And then you take things away from it.
<2023-01-28T08:21:35.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Yeah. Think about what would have to be true, however magical and fantastic it would be. okay I'll try that 
<2023-01-28T08:21:47.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >And then you take things away from it. I see
<2023-01-28T08:21:50.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And keep taking things away until you think you can't take any more away from it
<2023-01-28T08:22:05.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's what I did, more or less.
<2023-01-28T08:23:42.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I don't know if it's possible when you're close to an attempt like you are now
<2023-01-28T08:24:15.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I did it when I was particularly calm
<2023-01-28T08:24:34.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I don't know if it's possible when you're close to an attempt like you are nowyeah I am trying to stop myself from stabbing myself. I just feel too happy
<2023-01-28T08:24:59.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I did it when I was particularly calmmaybe I'll try once I've calmed down
<2023-01-28T08:26:49.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: That's definitely for the best.
<2023-01-28T08:27:50.000Z> CentaurBreeder: is it?
<2023-01-28T08:31:49.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Well
<2023-01-28T08:32:05.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I think it's best for you to at least try to fix your current situation
<2023-01-28T08:32:26.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Move out from your mother, see if your opinion on everything changes.
<2023-01-28T08:32:48.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I think it's best for you to at least try to fix your current situationyeah I'll try 
<2023-01-28T08:34:16.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I mean, I honestly don't know if it changes your mindset once you fix your problems.
<2023-01-28T08:34:22.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Because I've  not done it myself
<2023-01-28T08:34:32.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: In my case, I want to really see if it's possible first.
<2023-01-28T08:34:42.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Sort of a "cross the ts and dot the is" thing
<2023-01-28T08:35:18.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: People say  that  fixing the underlying problem fixes things, so IDK man.
<2023-01-28T08:38:34.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >In my case, I want to really see if it's possible first.in my case I dont want to live even if I am happy 
<2023-01-28T08:41:35.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, I feel that. It's like, I dunno
<2023-01-28T08:41:56.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: In my case the nightmares and hours when I just freeze up are sort of "more" than the happiness.
<2023-01-28T08:43:00.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I think that if they were gone, my opinion on this would change
<2023-01-28T08:43:22.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And since I know that, I'm trying to fix that.
<2023-01-28T08:44:02.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: That's really the point of the introspective exercise I suggested. If you decide to go after doing that, then you'll at least know there really wasn't anything else you could've done.
<2023-01-28T08:45:03.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >That's really the point of the introspective exercise I suggested. If you decide to go after doing that, then you'll at least know there really wasn't anything else you could've done.good point 
<2023-01-28T08:46:44.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >In my case the nightmares and hours when I just freeze up are sort of "more" than the happiness.thats rough
<2023-01-28T08:46:45.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You start heading off to the coffee shop like I suggested?
<2023-01-28T08:46:47.000Z> CentaurBreeder: sorry 
<2023-01-28T08:47:04.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, it's rough
<2023-01-28T08:47:18.000Z> CentaurBreeder: my brain hurts and I cant thinnk I am going to log off for the night. thnajk yoyu
<2023-01-28T08:47:30.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Hey
<2023-01-28T08:47:35.000Z> CentaurBreeder: habr a good one brother 0-o7
<2023-01-28T08:47:37.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I hope to see you in the morning bro
<2023-01-28T08:47:38.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You too
<2023-01-28T08:47:41.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: o7
<2023-01-28T08:47:55.000Z> CentaurBreeder: thanks a lot! ttats meana a lot ot me 
<2023-01-29T04:22:07.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I live sadly 
<2023-01-29T05:38:18.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: You've got a few things to do before you should go.
<2023-01-29T05:38:34.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Or rather
<2023-01-29T05:38:43.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Before you should feel OK with it.
<2023-01-29T05:39:35.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It is sad to go without knowing that you've given it a real shot
<2023-01-29T05:40:20.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I genuinely think that you should shelve any plans until you're away from your mother.
<2023-01-30T01:51:12.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >It is sad to go without knowing that you've given it a real shotI suppose 
<2023-01-30T01:51:31.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >I genuinely think that you should shelve any plans until you're away from your mother.hmm I'll give it a shot. 
<2023-01-30T01:51:43.000Z> CentaurBreeder: no pun intended lol 
<2023-01-30T01:52:07.000Z> CentaurBreeder: but i feel like you're right. I mean I have nothing to lose by if I keep trying. 
<2023-01-30T01:52:55.000Z> CentaurBreeder: but yeah you are right. I need to exhaust all my opitions before taking my life.  
<2023-02-04T21:27:25.000Z> CentaurBreeder: did you make this? lol  https://bae.st/media/f11dc16bef70fc43a6dce6f3bb9d7b7c898f7404dbb363d97e055c1234320473.png?name=image.png
<2023-02-04T22:05:07.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I can't draw
<2023-02-04T22:05:09.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: But I like that
<2023-02-04T22:11:24.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yeah I thought you would
<2023-02-05T01:24:30.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Thanks for sharing man
<2023-02-05T04:03:47.000Z> CentaurBreeder: oh of course 
<2023-02-06T01:29:32.000Z> CentaurBreeder: hey CMD do you have that website where the book pdf for gnostic materiel you sent me in that one thread?  my bookmarks got all fucked up in the one browser I Was using for it 
<2023-02-06T01:30:41.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: I don't know about pdfs, but I do know that http://www.gnosis.org/naghamm/nhl.html has a lot of the texts
<2023-02-06T01:30:47.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Which specific thing are you about to read?
<2023-02-06T01:34:10.000Z> CentaurBreeder: I think it was that website. and a book titled with an apostles name. perhaps it was john or james something? I have been wanting to read the specific one you linked for some time now.  
<2023-02-06T01:34:23.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The Apocryphon of John?
<2023-02-06T01:34:42.000Z> CentaurBreeder: yes that one! 
<2023-02-06T01:34:45.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: http://www.gnosis.org/naghamm/nhl_sbj.htm
<2023-02-06T01:34:53.000Z> CentaurBreeder: ahh thank you 
<2023-02-06T01:40:07.000Z> CentaurBreeder: if I may ask you? why isnt this book more talked about? 
<2023-02-06T12:43:31.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Hm, that's a good question.
<2023-02-06T12:43:41.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The Dead Sea Scrolls get talked about a lot
<2023-02-06T12:43:58.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: And looking into it leads one to think about these things
<2023-02-06T12:44:47.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Part of it is that Gnosticism is a little bit harder to dig into, simply because a lot of the texts are scattered/missing.
<2023-02-06T12:45:35.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Another part of it is that the Catholic/Orthodox churches did a whole lot of killing and burning of books, especially related to this.
<2023-02-06T12:46:09.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: The most famous instance of this was Montsegur, where the Cathars were killed.
<2023-02-06T12:46:45.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: (Cathars are generally considered "Gnostic," but their books have a very different explanation of where humanity comes from.)
<2023-02-06T12:48:01.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Gnostics over history have tended to hide and make their texts secret, so esotericism is sort of a tradition among them.
<2023-02-06T12:48:23.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Esoteric texts don't get talked about because that's basically what the word means: "it's kept secret."
<2023-02-06T12:48:57.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: It's basically historians who have made these texts open knowledge, rather than Gnostics themselves.
<2023-02-06T15:34:32.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >The Dead Sea Scrolls get talked about a lotyeah. and those have shined a lot of new light on everything
<2023-02-06T15:40:52.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Another part of it is that the Catholic/Orthodox churches did a whole lot of killing and burning of books, especially related to this.yeah. its sad to see what they have done. I think Protestantism has both been a curse and a blessing. in the ways of allowing new teachings and discovery. only for them to make retarded decisions like removing the apocrypha from all modern bibles. 
<2023-02-06T15:41:33.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Part of it is that Gnosticism is a little bit harder to dig into, simply because a lot of the texts are scattered/missingThats the case for so many interesting denominations  
<2023-02-06T15:42:50.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Yeah, it's definitely a big thing. I think a lot of the earliest denominations had various problems, so it's kinda, uh
<2023-02-06T15:43:10.000Z> ceo_of_monoeye_dating: Probably more than a few that are just lost forever.
<2023-02-06T15:43:29.000Z> CentaurBreeder: >Probably more than a few that are just lost forever.yeah that part really makes me sad