<2021-08-24T15:27:24.000Z> tengumatingpress: am I getting too neurotic re religious/philosophical crap?
<2021-08-24T15:28:20.000Z> tengumatingpress: not sure I'd say I'm going through a crisis of faith, but I've been thinking more about what I believe, why I believe it, what grounds I have to say one is truer than other 
<2021-08-24T15:37:05.000Z> tengumatingpress: I should probably stop getting caught up in dumb conceptual quibbles and meditate more, seems nobody has come up with a satisfying answer in thousands of years
<2021-08-24T15:40:05.000Z> tengumatingpress: I think the appeal of crude physicalism & nihilism is how it's impossible to have epistemic certainty and they're smart enough to realize this, but not smart enough to commit to something that's helpful regardless
<2021-08-24T15:45:17.000Z> tengumatingpress: sorry for bothering you about this 
<2021-08-24T22:32:59.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Sorry Husky doesn't ding about chats so I didn't see this
<2021-08-24T22:34:43.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: From the POV of the TL quality I'd say you're not getting too neurotic. Having stuff like that to talk about is always interesting.
<2021-08-24T22:35:52.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: From the POV of your own well being? I have found that chasing down answers and justifications and explanations in my head often tends to lead nowhere and I typically have better results with a prayer on it and sleep.
<2021-08-24T22:36:32.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Nowhere isn't really accurate, it tends to lead to an infinite loop or self serving justifications (maybe) and then neuroticism about if those (maybe) self serving justifications are actually self serving
<2021-08-24T22:36:38.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: At least for me
<2021-08-24T22:37:04.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: That said, again, I can really only see your TL and not your inner thoughts so I cannot judge too much where your thoughts are taking you.
<2021-08-24T23:24:34.000Z> tengumatingpress: I guess I never feel confident in anything I'm professing or doing 
<2021-08-24T23:24:53.000Z> tengumatingpress: there's a certain point where you just have to commit
<2021-08-24T23:53:26.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Well it's not like you can experimentally prove most of it. If you get wrong online someone can always correct you, and you get more knowledge that way. I've kept learning more and more stuff that it feels like the me of two years ago was always a dumb wrong retard but I always just kinda keep working off the one baseline point of Christ and everything just unfolds from there, but beyond that I'm so used to seeing new takes and reading new things into old stories that I'm just used to being wrong about something at all times.
<2021-08-24T23:53:38.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Dunno if any of that tracks with you though
<2021-08-25T00:56:07.000Z> tengumatingpress: nah, it makes sense
<2021-08-25T00:57:34.000Z> tengumatingpress: if Buddhism's general arguments and worldview didn't make more sense to be, I'd probably be Eastern Orthodox
<2021-08-25T00:58:22.000Z> tengumatingpress: *me
<2021-08-25T02:37:40.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: That's pretty much why I'm Christian. The world view has proven explanatory and predictive power and makes sense.
<2021-08-25T10:52:53.000Z> tengumatingpress: it probably teaches the best ethics out of any religion
<2021-09-01T18:39:27.000Z> tengumatingpress: I spend too much time thinking about dumb things
<2021-09-01T18:39:30.000Z> tengumatingpress: unless it's not dumb
<2021-09-01T18:45:39.000Z> tengumatingpress: water:fish::air:bird::ambiguity:neurotics
<2021-09-01T18:45:42.000Z> tengumatingpress: fug
<2021-09-01T18:46:04.000Z> tengumatingpress: water:fish :: air:birds :: ambiguity:neurotics
<2021-09-02T00:09:13.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Yeeeep.
<2021-09-02T00:57:03.000Z> tengumatingpress: I will retvrn to deliberately inducing manic states and riding the high
<2021-09-02T00:57:37.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: You cannot change your spots
<2021-09-02T00:58:47.000Z> tengumatingpress: I'll be what I'll be lol
<2021-09-02T00:59:10.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Just be like water and go where the flow takes you
<2021-09-02T00:59:22.000Z> tengumatingpress: based
<2021-09-02T00:59:33.000Z> tengumatingpress: Lao Tzu and Shakyamuni Buddha/Siddhartha Gautama were literally the same man btw
<2021-09-02T01:00:03.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: woah
<2021-09-02T01:00:30.000Z> tengumatingpress: no joke, there are credible reasons to believe the Tao Te Ching originated in India and came north to China
<2021-09-02T01:00:44.000Z> tengumatingpress: and they're traditionally held to have lived at the same time
<2021-09-02T01:00:46.000Z> tengumatingpress: curious!
<2021-09-02T01:01:10.000Z> tengumatingpress: I am very esoteric 
<2021-09-02T01:02:59.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Truly
<2021-09-11T18:02:36.000Z> tengumatingpress: still thinking about how a specific, highly effective set of Buddhist teachings was persecuted for centuries by the monastic establishment because it taught against "making merit" or the idea that only monks could attain awakening
<2021-09-11T18:02:53.000Z> tengumatingpress: monastics, man
<2021-09-11T18:03:30.000Z> tengumatingpress: I don't want to hear any Buddhist act like it's totally free of priestly caste abuses in contrast to Hinduism, Catholicism, etc
<2021-09-11T18:04:35.000Z> tengumatingpress: some pretty shocking redpills in this threaddharmawheel.net/viewtopic.php?f=48&t=8565
<2021-09-11T18:04:58.000Z> tengumatingpress: basically I only follow it because I think it's true, not because I think its institutions are flawless
<2021-09-11T18:05:48.000Z> tengumatingpress: > I think it has more to do with the fact that Dzogchen tantras themselves utterly dimisses the cause/result approach to awakening; whereas Buddhism is heavily invested in the cause/result paradigm and has an entire intellectual and institutional edifice dedicated to preserving it at any cost. So therefore, the standard line you often get is "Dzogchen is a practice for Buddhas...." and so on. Dzogchen tantras completely toss out the whole conditioned merit making thing on its ear, for example -- and this is not good for the enterprise of gilding statues. If you tell people they will never attain awakening through making donations to monasteries, they might think twice before giving at the office. Dzogchen goes much further than tathāgatagarbha theory. Vimalamitra states:
<2021-09-11T19:07:32.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: I don't know much about Buddhism but this is some interesting stuff. 
<2021-09-11T19:11:31.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: I don't really see much of how the sausage is made with regard to Buddhism so it's really interesting to see that humans are still the same essentially everywhere with most of the same disagreements 
<2021-09-11T19:14:55.000Z> tengumatingpress: if you think religion alone can purify men, you're delusional
<2021-09-11T19:15:00.000Z> tengumatingpress: idgaf how "based" it is
<2021-09-11T19:15:16.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Aye
<2021-09-11T19:15:37.000Z> tengumatingpress: the bizarre armchair pharisees that hyperfixated on apostolic christianity have done more violence to the concept of religion than any "new atheist"
<2021-09-11T19:16:38.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: "Furthermore, you may realise emptiness by undergoing great difficulties in studying, training, and so forth, or you may realise emptiness without the slightest difficulty. This makes no more difference than, for example, finding gold by experiencing great hardship or without the slightest hardship, right in your own bed, makes a difference to the quality of the gold."I really like this line because I always feel like the only one without a cool story for how horrible I was before I found X religion concept.
<2021-09-11T19:17:16.000Z> tengumatingpress: this might be cringe, but I'm against religious institutions because they always bastardize whatever value the teachings have in favor of boosting the interests of priestly types
<2021-09-11T19:17:31.000Z> tengumatingpress: part of the reason I respect Dzogchen so much
<2021-09-11T19:17:42.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Big agree. What are you going to do with your proud apostolic tradition when you have to sheepishly murmur every time someone quotes your leaders.
<2021-09-11T19:17:45.000Z> tengumatingpress: no metaphysical substance that will magically make you a Buddha if you donate enough money to monasteries, just practice
<2021-09-11T19:19:32.000Z> tengumatingpress: that's also a theme in Chan/Zen/Thien/Seon btw
<2021-09-11T19:19:42.000Z> tengumatingpress: Bodhidharma's encounter with the emperor of China
<2021-09-11T19:20:12.000Z> tengumatingpress: Bodhidharma's talk with Emperor Wu is recorded as the first kōan of the Blue Cliff Record.Emperor Wu: "How much karmic merit have I earned for ordaining Buddhist monks, building monasteries, having sutras copied, and commissioning Buddha images?"Bodhidharma: "None. Good deeds done with worldly intent bring good karma, but no merit."Emperor Wu: "So what is the highest meaning of noble truth?"Bodhidharma: "There is no noble truth, there is only emptiness."Emperor Wu: "Then, who is standing before me?"Bodhidharma: "I know not, Your Majesty."
<2021-09-11T19:20:38.000Z> tengumatingpress: though I prefer an alternative translation of Bodhidharma's response to the meaning
<2021-09-11T19:20:43.000Z> tengumatingpress: >no holiness - vastness!
<2021-09-11T19:20:49.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: I've kinda grown up American generic protestant and always internalized that sort of distrust. I've tried to hang out with a lot of catholics online just to see what the other side is like and I don't think I've ever a single slightly convincing argument against distrusting big religious organizations.
<2021-09-11T19:21:25.000Z> tengumatingpress: their strongest argument is "well public school teachers molest more kids overall and also you go directly to Hell for not having a particular respect for one institution"
<2021-09-11T19:22:23.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: If asked, Nancy Pelosi will call herself a catholic and only "RacistPapist69@twitter.com" will ever correct her.
<2021-09-11T19:22:41.000Z> tengumatingpress: I don't even believe the majority of priests are pedophiles, but you can't deny in good faith the institution doesn't cover up for the ones that do
<2021-09-11T19:23:02.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: If your organization cannot provide even the slightest material benefit of saying "No, Nan, you are not a Catholic" what possible higher order good does it provide?
<2021-09-11T19:23:17.000Z> tengumatingpress: and somehow I'm supposed to believe supporting the chomo enablers unconditionally and seeing them as an innately sacred institution is the only way to not suffer for all eternity
<2021-09-11T19:23:24.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Oh yeah, that's even WORSE. 
<2021-09-11T19:24:13.000Z> tengumatingpress: if I ever decided to become a Christian I'd have to be some weird nondenom pseudo-universalist type like William Blake
<2021-09-11T19:24:25.000Z> tengumatingpress: and at that point it's so alien to it as practiced calling myself one wouldn't feel right
<2021-09-11T19:24:58.000Z> tengumatingpress: read William Blake btw
<2021-09-11T19:25:52.000Z> tengumatingpress: I did attend a traditional latin mass and couldn't really understand it tbh
<2021-09-11T19:26:09.000Z> tengumatingpress: I don't understand why being present for a ritual conducted by someone without being involved is meant as a purifying sacrament
<2021-09-11T19:26:38.000Z> tengumatingpress: I don't really like poasting about these things in public because it upsets people
<2021-09-11T19:30:33.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: I find it fascinating even though I'm very dumb and don't understand much of it. You and the other buddhist dude have posted a lot of interesting buddhist stuff over the past months even if I am temperamentally inclined to say 'lol eastern superstitions' it is still good education for me
<2021-09-11T19:30:59.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: I might need to read this William Blake fellow
<2021-09-11T19:31:05.000Z> tengumatingpress: ironically, part of my attraction to Buddhism comes from the rejection of naive ritualism
<2021-09-11T19:31:23.000Z> tengumatingpress: like, yeah there are liturgies, prayers, etc, but they're understood as practice
<2021-09-11T19:31:55.000Z> tengumatingpress: the visualizations, symbolism, etc is all meant to help learn
<2021-09-11T19:32:05.000Z> tengumatingpress: well, in tantrayana and Dzogchen, anyway
<2021-09-11T19:32:10.000Z> tengumatingpress: did I ever link the Broken Buddha?
<2021-09-11T19:32:32.000Z> tengumatingpress: it was a book written by a former Theravadan monk detailing how degenerate the sect has become
<2021-09-11T19:33:24.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: The Baptist POV of "Just pray to Jesus and you're good forever" has also been a big part of my upbringing. I have never really put too much thought in it beyond that but the catholic arguments against it seem hollow for a lot of the reasons you have brought up against their rituals. I'm kinda a dopey "pick and choose from the buffet table" Christian myself. I've never even tried a Catholic mass.
<2021-09-11T19:33:34.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: I have not seen the link to Broken Buddha
<2021-09-11T19:34:08.000Z> tengumatingpress: it's a good read for disabusing yourself of some romanticized notions https://img.poast.org/7fe6c20bee5a6000e74a6b6a1b052fc63ed8f6801903ad919fb798fa852bf47b.pdf
<2021-09-11T19:35:56.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Thank you kindly
<2021-09-11T19:36:24.000Z> tengumatingpress: catholicism feels like a caricature I would've made if I wanted to mock the concept of monotheism and non-praxis based religions in general
<2021-09-11T19:37:04.000Z> tengumatingpress: the argument is, ultimately, "you aren't holy enough to meaningfully communicate with an omnipotent-omniscient-omnibenevolent being that wants nothing more than your love"
<2021-09-11T19:38:25.000Z> tengumatingpress: I can also rec some books on Dzogchen, if you're interested in what view of Buddhism I take and speak from
<2021-09-11T19:41:32.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: That's exactly it. I kinda "tactically forgot" the chomo and that line of argument to just try to meet Catholics halfway and see what could possibly hold such sway and even spotting them such freebies I do not think I have ever been convinced by them
<2021-09-11T19:42:09.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: I am not a voracious reader so I can't promise those books won't just go directly into the endless backlog but I would save them into there if you provided them
<2021-09-11T19:42:57.000Z> tengumatingpress: the most important one is The Crystal and the Way of Light: Sutra, Tantra and Dzogchen by Chogyal Namkhai Norbu
<2021-09-11T19:43:09.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Well not so much tactically as "politely"
<2021-09-11T19:44:15.000Z> tengumatingpress: here's the pdf, forgot to upload it https://img.poast.org/eee4638d882e35a0a4b1886066afc5c7de3853d9f1f59e0c094f7768cc5f1ab4.pdf
<2021-09-11T19:44:25.000Z> tengumatingpress: unfortunately, CHNN died before I could receive instructions from him
<2021-09-11T19:44:31.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Now I'm still retarded as to all the buddhist terminology so if the book doesn't meet me at the retard level I might need supplemental explanations. 
<2021-09-11T19:44:32.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: F
<2021-09-11T19:44:39.000Z> tengumatingpress: still looking for a full-time teacher, but with the corona it's been difficult to find people
<2021-09-11T19:44:47.000Z> tengumatingpress: sure, I'll explain whatever I can
<2021-09-11T19:45:04.000Z> tengumatingpress: don't let DK know I said this, but I genuinely think most Buddhist philosophy is totally incoherent without tantra and Dzogchen
<2021-09-11T19:45:22.000Z> tengumatingpress: Dzogchen in particular totally refuted yogachara, a school he's big into 
<2021-09-11T19:45:34.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: My lips are sealed
<2021-09-11T19:45:38.000Z> tengumatingpress: his handle is literally the name of one of its earliest exponents, Dharmakirti
<2021-09-11T19:46:26.000Z> tengumatingpress: somebody rightfully pointed out Dharmakirti's argument and proposed mechanism for rebirth is totally incoherent because it assumes a dualism between mental and physical events
<2021-09-11T19:47:06.000Z> tengumatingpress: imo the greatest contribution of pre-tantric Buddhist philosophy was making Hindus have a breakdown, leading them to adopting an increasingly incoherent worldview just to bring Buddhists back into the fold
<2021-09-11T19:47:29.000Z> tengumatingpress: it was, admittedly, a good troll
<2021-09-11T19:49:50.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Very old school
<2021-09-11T19:50:18.000Z> tengumatingpress: not asking you to begome bootisd of course, but I can sperg about this all day lol
<2021-09-11T19:50:45.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Sperging is something I understand, no worries
<2021-09-11T19:52:46.000Z> tengumatingpress: don't even get me started on Tibetan history lol
<2021-09-11T19:52:58.000Z> tengumatingpress: Langdarma did nothing wrong btw, we even have writings confirming he was a faithful Buddhist
<2021-09-11T19:53:22.000Z> tengumatingpress: he was assassinated for wanting to tax monasteries because he realized they were unproductive and generally unhelpful, and later they insisted he was a destroyer of the dharma
<2021-09-11T19:54:21.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: lol wonderful
<2021-09-11T19:54:22.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: >history
<2021-09-11T19:54:35.000Z> tengumatingpress: I really dislike priestly types
<2021-09-11T19:54:45.000Z> tengumatingpress: I don't care if they aren't allowed to have sex, that might actually make them worse
<2021-09-11T19:56:44.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: yeeep
<2021-09-11T19:57:32.000Z> tengumatingpress: "childless authority figures" [scowling soyjak]"childless authority figures plus religion" [le epic soyface]
<2021-09-11T20:02:58.000Z> tengumatingpress: really need to get employed again so I have money to attend the next time a retreat for dzogchen instructions comes up
<2021-09-11T20:03:34.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: >working
<2021-09-11T20:03:34.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: gay
<2021-09-11T20:09:54.000Z> tengumatingpress: unfortunately things aren't free and I can't go out begging for alms
<2021-09-11T20:24:03.000Z> tengumatingpress: also, if yo uonly read one of those books I'd highly recommend CHNN's first, if only for providing a look at the highest form of Buddhism
<2021-09-11T21:22:58.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: noted, thank ytou sir
<2021-12-13T21:23:48.000Z> tengumatingpress: you play fighting games?
<2021-12-13T23:27:27.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Play is an overstatement for what I do with fightans
<2021-12-13T23:27:49.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: I am autistic and incapable of understanding this whole genre
<2021-12-13T23:27:55.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: But they have cute gorls with big tiddy
<2021-12-14T03:28:51.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: I almost exclusively play them... ... (((vs AI))). 
<2021-12-14T13:07:28.000Z> tengumatingpress: ah
<2021-12-14T13:07:33.000Z> tengumatingpress: see me in melty tho
<2021-12-15T02:24:29.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: i saw ur mom in melty last night
<2021-12-15T02:35:22.000Z> tengumatingpress: ;_;
<2021-12-22T02:46:55.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: >You’re not playing the game properly then. Because later Sengoku Musou’s and Shin Sengoku Musou’s focus more on strategy and less on destroying hoardes.
<2021-12-22T02:47:35.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: This is the wrongest and dumbest thing I have heard since the last time Gear opened his mouth about musou but I really don't want to waste my time going in circles with him again
<2021-12-22T10:53:58.000Z> tengumatingpress: Yeah I don't care to continue the discussion
<2021-12-22T15:58:43.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Only way he knows how to interact with people is this /v/ shit
<2021-12-22T19:43:04.000Z> tengumatingpress: He sometimes seems chill but don't get him started about it 
<2021-12-22T20:36:27.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Aye
<2022-01-01T07:08:16.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: I really suspect people hating on Kiara are just incompatible with her on a personal level. Like they detect in her voice she's a stacy/drama magnet and are repulsed by her. Or they're mad about the nyanners thing. People who say she isn't talented are just plain wrong.
<2022-01-01T12:29:21.000Z> tengumatingpress: I've dated some mentally ill bitches before, they're not all bad
<2022-01-01T12:29:28.000Z> tengumatingpress: she gives more weird trainwreck than bpd case
<2022-01-01T12:29:36.000Z> tengumatingpress: if she was the latter I'd definitely hate her 
<2022-01-01T17:17:27.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Weird trainwreck sounds accurate to what I know about her doxx and not BPD
<2022-01-01T17:18:42.000Z> tengumatingpress: oh?
<2022-01-01T17:18:44.000Z> tengumatingpress: what's up with her?
<2022-01-01T17:40:18.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Well, chuuba doxxx is something I'm opposed to on principle so I've only heard it when other folks bring it up but apparently she used to be in the Japan idol or talent circuit in some fashion and a disagreement with a man, to listen to her tell it, led to him ruining her career by spreading rumors that she was a woman of ill repute. She ended up leaving Japan soon after, that career path in flames. Again, these are all from memory and just random tweets I typically read but have no desire to commit to memory but it is certainly dramatic enough to suggest she is a bit of a trainwreck.
<2022-01-01T17:46:46.000Z> tengumatingpress: huh
<2022-01-01T17:46:58.000Z> tengumatingpress: I mean, I'm obviously not planning on finding her address and harassing her
<2022-01-01T17:48:01.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: Yes but I like to just not know the details of a chuuba's private life especially when they are INTERESTING like this
<2022-01-01T17:50:34.000Z> tengumatingpress: unless I find out they did something heinous it probably won't change my opinion of hteir content
<2022-05-06T17:27:39.000Z> tengumatingpress: starting an AD&D 1e campaign starting tomorrow night over Discord, think you'd be interested?
<2022-05-06T23:06:05.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: No thank you, I have never been one for the OG PNP type stuff
<2022-05-06T23:19:08.000Z> tengumatingpress: ah, alright
<2022-08-10T19:12:01.000Z> tengumatingpress: files.catbox.moe/ouurnv.zip
<2022-08-10T19:12:07.000Z> tengumatingpress: here's Drakuun
<2022-08-10T22:24:58.000Z> DrRyanSkelton: thank you king